View Full Version : Chapter 1 of my Fantasy Novel - Part 2

January 10th, 2014, 09:10 PM
Link to Part 1 http://www.writingforums.com/threads/144143-The-First-Few-Chapters-of-my-Story I messed up the title, sorry.

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‘That bloody crow still hasn’t moved, huh?’ he heard him say, his footsteps growing more frequent as he caught up with him. He looked up to the blackening skies and sighed. ‘You ought to take your dad’s revolver to that thing. You don’t want a murder of them swarming here, do you?’
‘No, but I don’t want to have to pay five silver to him for wasting one of his bullets. They’re expensive, you know. Besides, I don’t mind crows. I’ve always liked birds.’ He smiled and gave a playful nudge to Will’s shoulder. ‘You’re just scared of them since that time we went to the park.’
‘I am not!’ he yelled back, rousing a laugh from Aidan. ‘We were ten years old! And you just threw that food at me!’
The memory made him smile. He and Will had met at three years old – in the absence of his father, Thomas – and they had been inseparable from the start. They had lost track of the amount of journeys they had been on in the ten years since, but Aidan fondly remembered the time he and Will had walked through the factory-strewn cobble of Coalurn Lane, holding their breath against the fumes… but they had only done such a thing once, and had promised never to do so again after their mothers had spoken to them. His father had agreed with them, but only in voice. He remembered being taken aside by Thomas, how he had chuckled and leaned into his eleven year-old face, and asked ‘How far did you get?’ Aidan laughed to himself as he pictured his shaggy brown hair, his green eyes, and his laughing smile. His mother, Carly, went on and on about how her son looked nothing like her, even sounding upset at times. But Aidan knew she was joking. He had her thin build, and her pointed nose. People knew he was his mother’s son.
They stepped into the house just as the clouds touched the sun, and darkness began to creep over the surface of Lichenforre. It was a modest old thing. The first floor was nought but a single room – a kitchen, dining room and living room combined into one. Up the stairs sat the bathroom, and around the corner, his bedroom. And higher still sat his parents’ room, overlooking the shimmering lake.
He threw some wood into the fireplace – which stood in the centre of the room – before realising that he had no means to light it. He was silently grateful for the mishap, not wanting to add to the smell that already hung in the air. His father had burned their breakfast yesterday, and the aroma of charred bread refused to leave the room. Once, the pair of them might have spluttered, but no longer, thanks to nights by a smoking fire, coupled with days on Coalurn Lane. Ignoring the stench, they took a seat at an old lumber table, situated next to a window by the staircase. The position gave them a perfect view of Lichenmark, the towering smokestacks, and the road that snaked from its walls to their homes. They often chose this spot. The prominence of the city combined with the lack of trees or hills made it easy to notice anybody returning on the main road – his parents included.
‘You should go to the doctor’s about that fever,’ Will advised, producing a tattered deck of cards from his pocket. ‘You’ve had it for how long now?’
‘Too long,’ Aidan replied, ‘and you should stop worrying about me. Look after yourself for once.’ He smiled. ‘I’ve already got people to take care of me.’
‘So do I,’ said Will, dealing them both a pair of cards and setting the deck back down, ‘but I’m not ill with what could easily be Pitchblood.’
Aidan gave him a discerning look. He hadn’t been anywhere near the factories for over a year. For the taint of their fumes to invade his heart, he would have to have been exposed within the past month, at the very least. Still, the thought of the disease made him nervous, and he instinctively remembered the blurred photographs he had seen in their biology class. The blackened spit over the victim’s chest, the dark veins bulging against the skin… it had looked like something out of a nightmare. Aidan reassured himself with his lack of symptoms, however, and picked up his hand. A King of Diamonds, and a Five of Spades. ‘Will, come on. I don’t think I’d be up and about right now if that’s what it is. It’s probably just a bit of a cold. It’ll pass.’ He set his cards down and wiped sweat from around his eyes. ‘Hit me.’
Will tossed him the Jack of Clubs and peeked at his own hand. ‘I still think you should see someone about it, though.’ He stood from the table and walked over to the sink, snatching up a glass and running the tap. ‘You want one?’
Aidan nodded, feeling his throat grow dry and scratchy. ‘Maybe you’re right,’ he replied, moving over to Will and accepting a glass of water. ‘Thanks.’ He drank until it was empty, and the roof of his mouth and tongue were soothed by a cooling veil of liquid as he gulped it down. A cat mewed somewhere outside, and a splash reached his ears as something fell in the lake.
‘Go tomorrow,’ Will said, pouring himself a drink and taking a sip. ‘I’ll go with you. I think Jessica Myers is going into Lichenmark tomorrow…’
‘Is that what all this is about?’ Aidan asked, setting down the glass and snorting. ‘Why don’t you just ask her out at school? We’re in her history class aren’t we?’
‘I never said I wanted to ask her out!’ Will retorted, trying to put up a tough front. But Aidan knew him too well.
‘You know, that would have been much more convincing if you weren’t blushing.’

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Any and all opinions are appreciated. Thanks!