View Full Version : The First and Last Soul - fantasy short story, 1400 words, possibly sacrilegious

January 7th, 2014, 03:26 AM

January 7th, 2014, 04:32 AM
Hello! I am new to these forums, but not new to editing and formatting for new (and experienced) authors. I really like your concept, and think that is makes a great stand-alone short story, or a great beginning to a longer novel or series.

I went ahead and edited it, adding grammar and aesthetic themes that no one cares about except readers and editors. :tongue2:

Let me know what you think about the reboot. Thanks for the story!

I am Death. I might as well begin with , considering it is a big part of my personality.
“In fact, it might be the only one,” Satan jokingly used to say, before I cut him apart with my scythe.
Why did I kill him, you might be asking yourself, or perhaps even, how? I'll get to the why later, and as for the how, well, with my scythe.

I called him Lucerne. It is still embedded in Lucifer's corpse. Once I jammed it into his skull, and the blood and brains spurted out, it simply couldn't be removed. Contrary to popular belief, he didn't have three faces or heads or horns or a tail, nor was he chewing anyone. I had snuck into hell and there he was, ice skating on an frozen lake with some demon friends. When he was done frolicking, he went with his mates to drink some lava at a local bar. His back was turned towards the entrance and I managed to stand right behind him for a good minute or so before any of his chums noticed. They were gambling, which is sin; no wonder they were in hell.

I had put my bony hand on his shoulder and leaned to whisper in his ear, using all my willpower to restrain myself from erotically nibbling on it.
“You are all alone here.” He looked up from his cards and he saw that the entire populace of the bar was dead, their souls in my pocket. In fact, I had emptied out the entirety of hell before entering the bar, minus the demons and the sinners in the bar, of course, those I had reaped with one of my super powers. Dozens of flaming chains had then burst from body and strangled everyone in the bar, except for Satan, who was too busy looking at his cards to have noticed. The ability served me greatly later, unfortunately, it's cooldown is very long.

I had held out my hand and from a dark cloud, Lucerne had appeared in it.
“Are you afraid? ” I’d asked him. He had still been sitting on the chair, the cards in his hands. Lousy cards, if I might add, not only was he an idiot, but it seems an unlucky idiot, as well.

“Are you going to kill me?” Satan had asked.

“No,” I’d said. “I don't do that.”

He had let out a sigh of relief. Then I’d jammed Lucerne into Satan’s skull and he’d hit the table with his head, making a dull boink sound. I had been puzzled when I’d seen that I couldn't draw Lucerne from him, no matter how hard I’d tried. So I had left it there.

Anyway, that's how I had lost my first scythe, the one that had been with me since the beginning of time. I am as old as Lucerne and Lucerne is as old as God. He is actually my next target. Earth is done. All humans are dead. There had been a catastrophic tsunami followed by all the volcanoes erupting at once. It didn't help them that the day before that, zombie robot aliens had invaded and seven asteroids all the size of Texas had hit the planet.

You see, when a human dies, he goes to hell. As for animals, I don't know, maybe there is a dog version of me somewhere. The Heaven thing is a scam, Hell is actually a pretty nice place with varied environments. It had always confused me when a human told another human to go to Hell and the receiver of the sentiment got offended. Would you be offended if someone told you to go to Florida? All right, bad example, moving on.

All human souls go to Hell. A human dies on Earth, I give them a visit, they sign a contract that states they can't sue me if I don't drop them at their dead relatives. I prefer dropping them on trampolines, but regardless, off they go to Hell. Heaven is entirely God's domain and I don't see how anyone hopes to enter. Even angels live in the luxurious part of Hell. Even I, The Grim Reaper, need an invitation to get into Heaven. Also, there is no purgatory, what a silly concept.

If someone gets reaped in Hell, no matter if it's an angel or a demon or a human, they go to me. They are mine, forever held inside my own soul, unable to escape or scream or even dream. Mine forever.

I am currently sitting on the cheap wooden floor of Heaven, about to reap the first and last soul. But first, I'll tell you how I got my second scythe. Why am I telling you all of this? You see, the reason I'm telling you this is because I got my second scythe by combining a particularly large soul with some metal chunks and shards. Now that that is out of the way, and I got my weapon with which to kill God, I knocked on the doors of Heaven.

The bony knuckles against the small wooden door sounded like you'd expect. Heaven is in fact a shack, like I told you, it's just God there. Why would such a petit bloke need a massive area?

“Who is it?” he asked.

“Pizza delivery,” I said.

“I didn't order any.”

“Are you sure? Isn't this God's Shack, Heavenville, Heaven?”

“It is.”

“Look, mister, the pizza is getting cold and my boss said that if I don't carry eleven thousand pizzas today that he would kill my family, which he holds hostage, so could you please just open the door and take this delicious pizza with your favorite toppings? It is so hot and tasty.”

“Fine, fine. Let me just get my wallet.”

“Thank you.” He sure isn't very bright, we don't even deliver to Heavenville.

I held out my hand and my new scythe appeared, I named it Deicide, or Dey, for short. I heard a key enter a keyhole and turn. The door opened, revealing God. I won't describe what he looks like for the same reason I wouldn't describe the color of an orange. You've seen him in paintings, though he looks nothing like that.

He gasped and in slow motion, his wallet fell to the floor. He tried to shut the door, but I was quicker, empowered by all the souls I’d had to reap in Hell and on the day humans died.

“Are you afraid?” I asked.

“No,” he said.

“You should be. I made this scythe for you.”

“I won't go down without a fight.”

“You can't escape the inevitable, God.”

“Bring it!”

Suddenly, we found ourselves floating over the mouth of a spewing volcano, with lightning in the sky and a barrage of flaming meteors crashing down. The waves pounded loudly into the island of the volcano and our fight began.

He pulled a massive greatsword and shotgun out of the air and fired at me with his left and slashed with his right. I deftly dodged it all as I waited for my flaming chains to finish their overly long cooldown. I decided that taunting might work.

“Hey, God! Your momma is so fat you don't even have her!”

“What?” he asked, obviously distracted, but still cleaving and shooting. “That makes no sense.”

I sidestepped a strike that could have been a decapitation. In my bones, and I'm all bones, so everywhere, I felt my superpower ready to be unleashed.

Flaming chains burst out of me. They yanked his weapons and bound his limbs.
“What!?” he cried. “But that's impossible!”

He was in front of me, defenseless, and Dey was in my hands.
“It is done.” I struck his heart and I could feel his soul flow through the scythe into me.

His lifeless body fell into the volcano, and I found myself back in his shack.

And here I am. Sitting on the floor. Everybody is dead. Everybody's soul is inside of me. My job is done. The only thing that remains is for the first and last soul to be reaped. I take off my garb, and I plunge the scythe into my skull. All souls are inside of me, part of my own. They are flowing into the scythe. I am now just a skeleton, the soul of Death and all the souls I had taken inside Dey. I break Dey and all souls are gone, erased, deleted, no more.
Everything is reaped. All that remains is emptiness and a broken skeleton on a wooden floor.

January 8th, 2014, 02:20 PM
I like some of the changes, but were the past perfects necessary? They read kind of awkward.