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daltonj
December 10th, 2013, 08:07 AM
PROLOGUE
I’d been fiddling and making games of a rat for past two hours – mayhap ‘twas a sheer two minutes, but what does it matter? – besides I stopped caring about time awhile back – and at no point did it occur to me, ‘till then, for my tummy was a-rumbling, that that emaciated wee feller promised a meal (I would specifyt he meal if I only knowed what the damn time was!) – I thot he’d sure make for a nice stew all rite! Thus I prepped the stove.

Meanwhile my wife’s corpse set idle and ragdoll-like in the corner whilst her dead, white eyes cursed upon me. I couldn’t help mineself but to sneer her: “I dun it for ye own and my own good, bitch, and besides if you do a-ster a’ me like dat some mo’ I’ll cook you up, I swear on it, and methinks you’ll be a-mitey good eatin’!” and subsequently I shunned her presence altogether.

The water was bout boiling by then, and my rat companion, who I came to kno as Mr. Rat, was a-scurrying and squeaking about. I reckoned I’d cook Mr. Rat up alive like they done in those fancy restaurants up top to them lobsters before we got stuck down here. I remembered when my wife and me went to them restaurants and ate them delicious lobsters – boy was they some good eating! – I sure hoped Mr. Rat tasted that good when he was all done cooked for me. Thus I fetched Mr. Rat and throwed him in the bathtub (I told him it was a bathtub so he wouldn’t give no trouble bout getting in there for me). But methinked he knowed it wasn’t a bathtub all too quick and he started a-spazzing in that water and I could hear his terrible screams even tho ‘twas thru the damned water. But ‘twas over quick enough and he stopped screeching at me like that. I felt sad for my friend because he was my only person to play with and he don’t deserve no death like he got.

I twiddled him round and round in the pot for a while ‘till I reckoned h’was finally done cooked. So then I turned off the stove and waited some time ‘till I reckoned h’was done all nice and cooled off – there warn’t no sense in me going to get him then and burning my skin in that hot water like the buggah I am sometimes. So then I went and grabbed lil’ Mr. Rat by the tail and got him out of that bathtub. Out of respect I said a prayer with teardrops in my eyes and gave him a few kissies because he don’t deserve no death like he got. And finally I go rite ahead and bite off Mr. Rat’s head first – that way he couldn’t think about no pain when I’m done crushing up the rest of his body. I seen like them cats done in those cartoons, when I was back up top, where they slurp up them rats’ tails like a strand of pascetti and I tried to have fun of Mr. Rat like so and slurped his tail up like if I was a cat. Mr. Rat wasn’t near good as them lobsters I done talked about, but that’s okay because he gave me something them blamed lobbies could not, and that was a friend.

THE ABODE
Since this place is the only place that all this writing taken place, and people mite be reading all this, I think I’ll provide a nice ’n’ detailed wee bit about what it looked like on the first days, because I done spent a lot of time preparing down here back in the past and I really thot ‘twas a dainty little fallout shelter and what not. I truly am kind of happy that my wife and me get to put it to some serious use, actually.

So basically it’s just nothing more special than a basement at first – with wood stairs and all nasty-looking with one of them little lite bulbs that you pull on and it works. I reckon ‘tis about 30x30ft, which ain’t much but ‘tis enough for survival, methinks. The first couple weeks we moved into the house I done spent at least a good week just cleaning things up and tidying around. When it was all done nice and pretty-looking I put some metal shelves and took up about the whole backside of the wall with them shelves, and generally just put canned food up there, and maybe some other simple basics like vitamins, toilet paper, shampoo, soap, a liter, blankets, flashlites, lanterns, batteries for the flashlites, gasoline, a gun, paper, books, and heaps of drinking water. On the most left side I had a kind of toilet installed where it’s just a square hole in the cement ground that you can squat over and any shit and piss will land ten feet down in ten feet of water. To the most rite side was the kitchen quarters where there was a stove, a sink, and bunch of other shit you’d typical find in a kitchen that’s necessary. In the middle of the shelter I done put two twin-sized mattresses on the ground rite next to one another for my wife and me’s slumbering. And basically round about under the stairs I threw down there a ton of firewood, just in case, which was a good call, actually. I replaced the basement door with a hefty metal hatch that looked all cool-like and totally apocalyptic. I meant to put up more electric lites than just the one shitty one ‘twas already down here, cause I done expected ‘twould more than likely break when the bombs hit if this situation ever came up, but I didn’t think too much of it at the time because I honest warn’t expecting no apocalypse to actually happen – honest I think it was all just kind of a fantasy and a hobby I did by actually putting this shelter together like I done; I didn’t think in the back of my mind it would ever be real. I wish I done prepped better.

THE MEMOIRS
So basically I been writing and drawing a heap since I done got stuck in here, and now my paper is dwindling. I want to recount what happened down here just in case anyone happens upon this place and my body when I’m all dead-like and wondering bout it, I think. So basically I’m just going to tell my story and wish I don’t run out of paper before ‘tis all done finished.



~ ~ ~


My wife and me was just a-eating on some mitey-good breakfast – bacon and eggs, I remember – and all sudden-like ‘twas this loud emergency siren noise. A bunch of military men was down parading the streets with these big bus kinds of things telling everyone to get on in them because there’s expecting “imminent danger” with bombs or something, and the army guys was taking everyone to shelters to try to save them. But the thing is I had my own bomb shelter, so I done told them: “I got my own bomb shelter.” They was in a hurry so they didn’t bother with me much and instead just says: “Okay.” So then I told my wife to go get everything she wants to save and bring it all on down here while I prep down here. And so I go down just to check if everything is in place and dandy and we have enough food for a few months, and I reckoned there was enough cans for about two months for the two of us. So while I was going over in my mind thinking we got all the necessities down there my wife comes a-running and crying down in the basement with a bunch of stuff including out cat. I thinked including the cat was a bad idea because of a gut feeling in my stomach, so I done told her that, and she just crying and screaming hysterical so I just figured I will ignore it and figure some more things out while she just sets down on the floor and violently strokes the damn feline.

Finally I decided everything ‘twas in place and we was ready for to survive and finally my wife calms down a little – altho she was still breathing real heavy and petting the cat so hard and she just stared all scared and worried-like. I was a wee scared, but to tell the truth I always looked forward for something apocalyptic like this to happen. We just set and listen to all that damn commotion outside. I done heard heaps of women screaming hysterical like I explained my wife just done, and lots of childs and babies a-crying like they do, and all them loud siren things while all the damn army men is just yelling at everyone and giving them orders like they do – why didn’t they give me no enforcements like that way? To tell the truth, now, I regret them military men not enforcing me and us not going with them. Anyways all that shit noise was giving me a headache so I decided I’d go up the stairs and shut the hatch so we can prep our minds for what’s going to hit soon enough.

Now I focused on just calming my wife down a little more and stop being so hysterical else she’ll kill the damned feline and give me more of a headache. She just yelled bunch of gibberish bout bunch of nonsense, and then I reckoned I’ll let her cool down on her own and give her her space. I didn’t even care about no headache no more cause I was anticipating imminence for a boom or something. She fell into slumber awhile, and while she was a-nightmaring about I triple-checked things by making a list cause there warn’t much else to do. Eventually I growed hunger and made some soup for both my wife and me for when she waked up.

She never waked up for a while so I decided I’d go rite head and hit the hay as well rite beside her, that way we can embrace each other and wake up besides one another. The cat done walk all round me and meow a bunch like them felines tend to do, but I didn’t mind much. I do remember, on that first nite down here, having the weirdest dream I ever did have in my whole life all rite. Normally people don’t remember their dreams, methinks, and I still remember that dream clear as a crystal.

I was floating all god and surreal-like in this abyss thing, and there was flames a-whizzing all around me like a tornado and I was the heart of it. There warn’t a single noise or nothing – just silence like when you’re in space and there ain’t no noise cause of there not being a atmosphere or something. Anyways I was floating, getting higher and higher. And then bunch of transcendent lite was glowing off me. I remember looking at my hands and seeing the whole universe in flashes. Euphoria was the only thing that I feeled when I seen the pictures that I seen in my hands, and then I started crying real good. And my tears a-flew into the flame-tornado and turned it all into water, and thru the water I could see something but I couldn’t tell what cause it was blurred a bunch, but I knowed it would be the prettiest thing I ever saw just by feeling so. So I floated to the water and parted it with both hands like you’d part a curtain, slowly, but I should of done it fast-like cause then there was the boom and it done waked me up and gave me and my wife quite a scare.

Boy, if that ain’t the biggest boom you ever heard in your life – First it was just deafening and I seen my wife panicking and moving her mouth like she was a-screaming her lungs off, but no words came out. Then, after what seemed an eternity, I could steady-like start hearing her voice better and better but she warn’t saying nothing important – just a bunch of jibber. It felt damned hot all of a sudden, like we was being cooked a little bit, but ‘twas bearable I think. And then everything moved and shaked and I know that the house done crushed above us because that’s how I’m fucking stuck down here rite now, I reckon. The concrete ceiling cracked a lot and a bunch of little chunks fell, but the chunks warn’t near big enough to kill either me or my wife, methinks. But they was big enough to kill the cat if it hit him, and it did – and boy am I a-fucking thankful fort hat shit. The shaking settled after a little and after it stopped there was occasional rumbling up above that was probably from the house’s debris shifting around. I thot that the whole thing went really well – cat died, no real injuries, – other than we was in a sweat and our ears was bleeding a wee – and nothing much was damaged. I was pretty optimistic, but I didn’t yet kno that we was trapped and barricaded inside forever.