PDA

View Full Version : In the Name of Odin (Graphic, 170 words)



Pidgeon84
December 4th, 2013, 05:37 AM
It's really short cause at the time I was kind of trying to unclog the creative chute. Maybe would've been better in poem form.

What does it mean to take another man's life? To me it meant one thing, honor. And as I swung my mighty axe back I felt Odin's rage coursing through my veins. I looked deep into the eyes of the puny mortal in front me. Bloody and feeble. I let out a godly roar and brought forth my axe and split his fucking head in half as though it were made of sheep's wool. The warm blood now on my face. I pulled my monstrous weapon out of his head, brains gurgling, and bone crunching. I looked around me at the bloodied field. Bodies littered the land. The stench of death pungent in the air. I closed my eyes and took in the sweet scent of rotting corpse. I looked at my axe dulled and stained. You could no longer see the carving of Sutr's name on the blade. I rose my weapon and gave praise to my god of war. Thousands of lives taken in the name of Odin.

ravenrage07
December 4th, 2013, 08:59 AM
Very nice. Reminds me a lot of folk metal songs from bands like Amon Amarth. I think the overall style is perfect.

Theglasshouse
December 4th, 2013, 09:51 AM
Odin is a fun myth. Maybe you can explore the subject more. It could with research lead to interesting ideas. I don't know from what country this myth is from.

Pidgeon84
December 4th, 2013, 10:27 AM
Very nice. Reminds me a lot of folk metal songs from bands like Amon Amarth. I think the overall style is perfect.

That's kind of what inspired it really. I was aching to churn something out and Amon's "Surtur Rising" had just come out. So I kind of rolled with that a bit.


Odin is a fun myth. Maybe you can explore the subject more. It could with research lead to interesting ideas. I don't know from what country this myth is from.

You're not the first person to tell me I could go farther with this. Clearly I'll have to do some more with it. As well the Odin (or Nordic rather) mythology comes northern germanic/scandinavian tribes.

Theglasshouse
December 5th, 2013, 04:18 AM
I have a link I can share for free that might have some material on it that is free. It's a research website for myth. It's a pity. I'd like to see a draft.

Pidgeon84
December 5th, 2013, 05:20 AM
I have a link I can share for free that might have some material on it that is free. It's a research website for myth. It's a pity. I'd like to see a draft.

Great can you send it, I'd love to have it :)

Theglasshouse
December 5th, 2013, 05:25 AM
http://www.pantheon.org/

I haven't tried it out yet. It's a link I found, researching how to write fantasy.

Pidgeon84
December 5th, 2013, 05:56 AM
Looks good to me, though I'm not able to review it's use as an actual writing tool right at this moment.

Tyler Danann
December 7th, 2013, 05:43 AM
Brutally honest writing. Have you got a book planned for this?

In my own work I often lean towards the ancestral ways of Heathenism etc.

Pidgeon84
December 7th, 2013, 06:02 AM
Brutally honest writing. Have you got a book planned for this?

Not a the moment but you're like the thousandth person to ask so I'm really considering doing more with it! XD

Jesse
December 9th, 2013, 08:39 PM
Keep considering doing more with this! Fun read, awesome attention to description. This actually immediately reminded me of Skyrim and the other Elder Scrolls games. "I used to be an adventurer like you until I took an arrow to the knee."

Olly Buckle
December 9th, 2013, 09:04 PM
That looks a good site, I tried 'Tiamat' in their search engine and they have her to a T "Huge bloated dragon representative of chaos" :) . I will add it to 'Piglet's picks' in the lounge stickies.

Elvenswordsman
December 9th, 2013, 09:08 PM
"I raised" not "I rose" in the last bit there.

I enjoy the use of positive imagery towards war, in the head of a war monger.

Cheers,

Olly Buckle
December 9th, 2013, 09:32 PM
The stench of death pungent in the air. I closed my eyes and took in the sweet scent of rotting corpseThis does not seem quite right, the smell of death on a battlefield is the iron like smell of fresh blood, people often comment on it, the rotting corpses come later.

The bit of the Odin story I liked was that he had a chariot drawn by a goat and when he was feeling a bit wild he would race it through the streets of Asgard, lightning bolts are the sparks from its iron wheels.

stew1426
December 11th, 2013, 04:54 AM
I generally have no issue with profanity, but I do think it needs to serve the story. Obviously the narrator is brutal, what with the gurgling brains. The f-bomb took me out of the story. It seemed out of place. It may have been because it's a short excerpt and so it stood out all the more. I think you did a good enough job portraying the narrator as ruthless and violent that it isn't needed.

Pidgeon84
December 11th, 2013, 05:44 AM
I generally have no issue with profanity, but I do think it needs to serve the story. Obviously the narrator is brutal, what with the gurgling brains. The f-bomb took me out of the story. It seemed out of place. It may have been because it's a short excerpt and so it stood out all the more. I think you did a good enough job portraying the narrator as ruthless and violent that it isn't needed.

I think you have a valid point with the f bomb, I'll probably take it out when I extend it.

MyloAyjack
December 20th, 2013, 10:39 PM
"Godly roar. Sheep's wool." These were nice touches, I think, weaving in a delicate thread of "old Norse saga" without actually having to throw in descriptions of cold, rocky wastelands and icy seas. It's not enough to describe sometimes. Sometimes, you show your mastery of your craft with efficiency, and I think you've done that well in this piece. I think your "unclogging" could grow into something more, someday!