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View Full Version : Dead End Street (a snippet)



Carlton
December 3rd, 2013, 01:59 AM
Forget the bad grammar, countless typos, and ugly punctuation, and tell me what you think of how this snippet flows - what does it make your think about and/or remember from your past (if anything). Thanks!




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How many people do you know who live on a dead end street? I sometimes wonder if the person who coined that phrase “Dead End Street” actually lived on a dead end street. Our house, if you could see it through all the trees, rested on such a block. Visiting a dead end street would be like visiting the buried at a cemetery. For those unaware, such houses cast their own entity, like a foul stench. Some days I feel that house alive as if the walls were collapsing upon themselves or moving inward on me like a vice. Sometimes I would feel that I was born to die in that dreadful place. It was drab, gloomy and stunk of mildew in the mornings.

That house was a dump. Normal folks never live in a dump. Normal folks have gardens in their back yards, friendly neighbors, and fine plate settings. Normal folks have brightly colored walls, a pool in their back yard and an embroidered framed cloth with the words, “Home Sweet Home” near a sunlit window. But oh no, nothing like that in my dump. In my dump we did not have a single picture frame on the walls. Not one lousy frame! “Dump Bitter Dump” would be the words defining that house.

Now If a solicitor would come calling, our listless Fred – our brave mutt – would hardly bring alarm to such a daring cretin. Fred would simply amble up to the fence, give you a long, lazy look-over before retreating back into the shadows.

(this is just a snippet so it ends where it ends)

:scratch:

escorial
December 3rd, 2013, 02:32 AM
Two angles for me...if you make your way out of humble beginnings you either champion the fact or embarassed by it but this piece seems detached and has an air of why me.

Carlton
December 3rd, 2013, 02:43 AM
In truth it just a brain fart and nothing else. I want to see if anyone can see anything in reading it. Odd I know.

Kevin
December 3rd, 2013, 02:57 AM
It's a setting: Home. It describes the place and the mood of those who lived there. It could be an opening.

Jesse
December 12th, 2013, 02:11 AM
I enjoyed "Dump bitter dump." There's not much here to work with yet though. Keep at it.

MyloAyjack
December 20th, 2013, 10:35 PM
This snippet feels a great deal like the little "aside" that appears in small-town newspapers, written by the one staff member who is under the age of eighty, and who still has a sense of humor. I can say that, because I live in such a town--where there IS only one member of the newspaper staff who can laugh. It's a charming little piece, very endearing. The edge of sarcasm is very cute. I like this piece.

Badhorses Mare
January 3rd, 2014, 08:10 PM
It's a very intriguing intro! I was captivated at first by the cadence of question and explanation. (I've always been fond of the style.) It's a bit choppy and that is quite understandable. I would like to read more if you come up with a plot.

(Side note: I thought cadence was spelled with a 'Y'. That could be only in name form though, now I think about it.)

- - - Updated - - -

It's a very intriguing intro! I was captivated at first by the cadence of question and explanation. (I've always been fond of the style.) It's a bit choppy and that is quite understandable. I would like to read more if you come up with a plot.

(Side note: I thought cadence was spelled with a 'Y'. That could be only in name form though, now I think about it.)