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cassie30
December 1st, 2013, 09:04 PM
I was driving home from work, when I swerved to avoid hitting a deer; I narrowly missed the huge pothole to my right. I thought boy is Susan going to be mad. I had yet another car accident. But somehow this one was different; the world around me was going from gray to color and from color to gray. The color world was abstract and sort of cartoony. Confused, I pulled to the side of the road to examine my surroundings.

I tried to stand but my knees were weak and I fell back into the driver’s seat. My minivan from 2011 started looking like a truck from the 1930’s. As I regained composure, I decided to examine the outside of the car as well. On the outside of the pickup truck the tires were white walled and black. On the inside gone was the radio and air conditioner. The pickup was totaled so I couldn’t drive it even if I wanted to plus I was a little dizzy from the crash.

Even with the dizziness I decided to walk to the local food store. In the local food store I pick up the local paper and see it’s 1936. As I walk around to buy some food I bump into a woman.

“I’m sorry miss I didn’t see you there,” I said.

“It’s okay I’m fine,” she replied.

“What is your name I’m Michael,”

“Nice meet you Michael I’m Maria,”

“I’m completely lost as I’m not from here. Is there a place I can stay?” Michael asked

“Yes there’s a charming little hotel called El Rey Court not far from here,” she answered

“Sounds great I’ll head there now. But my car broke down is there a cab that comes around here,”

“Yes, there’s one that stop by here every fifteen minutes. You’d better hurry the cab will be here in two minutes,”

In attempt to make the cab I rushed to buy my food. Then it hit me what if my money looked like it did in 2011. As I pulled it out I quickly realized that my money had changed too. I sighed in relief.

The cab ride was ride fast and I arrived at the El Rey Court around seven p.m. even though I didn’t have a reservation I asked for a room at the front desk. They only had one room available and they were kind of enough to give to me.

In 2011 I wore a red shirt, blue tie, and gray suit. However, because I teach history I recognized that my simple suit from 2011 was now a drape cut suit and tie; because of this the drape cut suit looked like it overlapped at points because of its many folds.

I’m in 1936 and I have no way getting back to my time period of 2011. I can’t seem to figure out where I know Maria from. I keep getting this feeling that I’ve seen before. And because of this feeling I felt some deep connection to. Even more so she reminds me of my Grandma Maria. I really loved her smile plus she had an hour glass figure.

Unbeknownst to me she followed me to the hotel. Next thing I knew there was a rap on my hotel room door. Surprised I let her in.

“So what do want Maria,” I asked


“I just wanted to make sure you were safe and sound,

“Why do you keep looking over your shoulder like that for?”

“Oh no reason nervous habit I guess,”

“Is there someplace more public that you would feel more comfortable talking then?”

“Yes there is a park not too far from here can we meet there tomorrow at nine a.m.,”

“That’s fine by me,” So the next day we meet at the park to talk.

As we sit on the park bench the silence seems endless. Michael burst out laughing.

“Why are you laughing Michael?”

“We came here to talk and were just sitting here in silence. So Maria what do you do for a living,”

“I’m a school teacher but I want to be a writer. I hate teaching it’s so boring. So what do you do for a living?”

“For right now I am unemployed. I need a job do you know if anyone is hiring,”

“Of course I do the local grocery store is hiring right now, they are hiring for cashier,” she said.

“Thank you, for the advice, I think I will go apply for the job,”

“You’re welcome,”

The next day I headed for the local grocery store Smith’s Food and Drug to apply for the job. As I found from Maria the job they were hiring for was cashier, which I used do while going to college to get my degree. Even though, I had some experience I filled out the application with trepidation because I had never worked a manual cash register before and my math skills were horrible.

From the hotel room I saw Maria walking down the street. I rushed outside.

“Do you want to join me for dinner?”

“Sure I’ll join you.”

So that night I met Maria for dinner in the hotel dining room and we talked about my day.

“So what did you today Michael,”

“I applied the job at Smith’s Food and Drug today. I hope I get the job,”

“I know you’ll get the job because you’re smart and I bet you’re a fast learner,”

“I may be a fast learner but my math skills are awful,”

“I bet you pick it up so fast your head will hurt,”

“I don’t think so Maria but, thanks for the vote of confidence,”

The more time I spent with Maria the more I began feel that Maria was grandmotherly. Yet I was falling in love with her in the short period I’ve known her. She couldn’t possibly be my grandma, my grandma Maria died on February 22, 1995. I was eighteen. Then I remember I’m not 2011 anymore but I’m in 1936. So I decided to ask Maria some questions.

“How old are you Maria?”

“Don’t you know you’re being rude by asking my age?”

“I’m wondering because you remind me of someone I knew,”

“Well I’m genuinely surprised. In that case I am 30 years old. Also I’m married to great man,”

“Really who are you married to?”

“I am married to Charles Katko why do you ask,”

“Just wondering, you remind me so much of my Grandma Maria Katko,”

“Wow my name is Maria Katko too are we related by chance,”

“No I don’t think so maybe she’s a niece or cousin. How long have you and Charles been married?”

“We just got married three days ago. We’ve been saving up for the big day,”

Oh crap, she is my grandma Maria. Now what the hell am I going to do? It can’t be I’m in love with my own grandma never mind the fact that she’s married. Oh crap, I’m doomed.

Then I thought about Susan and my kids in 2011. I wondered how I get back to 2011. The more I thought about Susan and the kids in 2011 the more I began to realize that needed to go back to that time period.

Then I thought I may never get back to 2011. What would happen to my wife Susan and my kids in that time period. Then I began to wonder what will happen to me. As I thought about all that, I wondered what would happen if I married another woman here in 1936. I just had to get back to 2011 but how.
So after some thought I called Maria from hotel phone and asked some hypothetical questions.

“Maria say you weren’t already married what kind of guy you would date,”

“I like the rugged handsome type sort of like yourself, why do you ask,”

“Um I’m just curious. What would you do on first date?”

“Wow you sure are curious. However my ideal first date would be a picnic on the beach with my best man why,”

“I may be stuck here a while and I wondered if things were different here from where I was from,”

“Ah I see. So at this time you’re somewhat single and looking to date someone. Do you have a lady friend in mind?”

“Yes and no. the person I have in mind is already married so that complicate things. However I still think about making love to this woman,”

“Yeah well what if person or woman also thought about making love to that man,”

“What are you saying Maria that you want to make love to me as well,”

“Yes Michael that’s exactly I’m saying,”

“Just a minute you’re married! Why are you thinking about sleeping with me?”

“My husband Charles slapped me yesterday for no reason. I guess he thought that I was cheating on him even though I didn’t,”

“Maria I haven’t been totally honest with you. I’m not exactly single. I’m married in another time period and I came from the year 2011,”

“Yeah I could tell you weren’t from 1936. So I went to the local library and did research on you. Because of this of research I didn’t find any record of you yet so figured you were from distance future. However I have no idea how to get you back to your time. So I decided to make love to Michael. Plus I’ve fallen in love with you too Michael,”

Nevertheless I wasn’t surprised. I mean ever since arrived she’s the one who’s been there for me from the start. So I went house hunting cause I feeling I was going to be stuck in 1936 for a while. I’m still in New Mexico but where exactly I’m not sure. However I was surprised that Maria wasn’t surprised I was from the year 2011. Something just wasn’t right there. I wonder what kind of research she could have done. I needed to know what she knew. To keep it casual I will start out friendly.

“Hi Maria, how are you doing today,”

“I am doing okay thank you. How are you doing today? Why are you being so formal today Michael,”

“I’m doing good thank you so much. What makes you think I’m being so formal today?”

“Oh nothing much it’s just the way you’re talking and looking around,”

“I just need to know what you about me because it seems surreal to me. Like the fact you knew I was married and I was from the year 2011 and not 1936,”

“As I’ve told you before I did some research on you,”

“Yes, you did tell me that you did some research. But I am wondering how because some of the resources that are available in 2011 aren’t available in 1936,”

“Yes I know that. Yet somehow I able to get files on you in our 1936 library; there I was sitting in a corner trying to find some information on you, when this guy came out of nowhere and handed me a file with your name on it. Why didn’t you tell me that you were related to me and Charles, Michael Katko?”

“I didn’t tell you, you were my grandmother because it can cause a ripple in time. But yes you are my grandmother Maria. And I guess the file told you my full name is Michael Kristopher Katko. I also bet that file says that my parents wanted to spell Christopher with a C but you said spell it with a K it sounds much better. What don’t make sense to me is how this guy got to you and what time period did he came from,”

“He told me that he came from 2011 in a wormhole. The wormhole was open long enough for him to bring me the file and leave. But before he left he did say there was a way for you to get back to your time is through another wormhole,”

“You mean there is a way for me to get back to 2011 through a wormhole. Wow that’s wonderful news! But what would happen to us,”

“Well I would still be your grandmother in the future till I die in 1995. Before you ask yes that file contained that too; but I don’t know how to create a wormhole or how you got here in the first place. But I might know someone who knows about wormholes even in 1936,”

“What is this person’s name and occupation? I mean I was going to pick up my pickup truck from the crash site,”

“His name is Robert James and he professor of science. And your pickup truck was towed to the local gas station,”

“Okay we’ll meet him once I get my pickup truck from the local gas station,”

So we walk from my house to the gas station. From there we drive to professors James’ house on the other side of town. Once we arrive I rang the doorbell.

“Hello who is there,” Robert said

“It’s me Maria and I brought a friend with me,” Maria said

“Come in,” replied Robert still refusing to open the door.

“Who is he and what do want I’m a busy man. Can’t you see I’m working on an experiment,” Robert said.

“He is Michael and he is from the future and he needs a wormhole to get him back to that time period,” Maria replied.

“Well, well that’s exactly my experiment a wormhole that is. It’s not ready yet. It won’t be ready for at least three days come back then,”

“Okay we’ll return then Robert,”

Three days later we drive up to Robert’s house again this time he meets us outside.

“Is that your pickup Michael?”

“In a sense yes; it was a minivan when I was in 2011,”

“Fine, fine that’s more information then I need,” he replies and then disappears into the house with wave of his hands.

We just stood dumbfounded. We had no idea what we supposed do.

“Are you guys coming or what,” Robert called.

We followed Robert into the house and were surprised to see what looked like a big hole in the wall in far left.

“That is the wormhole in case you haven’t guessed. Unfortunately there is no way to transport your pickup truck at this time. But all you have to do is walk through the wormhole and you should be in the year 2011,” Robert said.

“I hope so I miss my wife and kids,” Michael said.

As I head for the wormhole Maria pulls me back and gives me a kiss on the cheek for luck.

“Don’t go,” she whispers

“I have go Maria I can’t stay here,” I whisper back.

I head for the wormhole and step in before it closes around me no time for sad goodbyes. As I look back I see tears flowing down Maria’s cheeks.

I feel dizzy as the wormhole spins me around and around. I finally land with a thud on the ground with a thud. Ouch I think. When I finally land I wonder what year I am in. I don’t have wonder long. I pass by this man and I strike up a conversation with him.

“Hi I’m lost can you tell me what year this is,”

“You speak funny mate. Where ye from? Did ye say what year this is? This be 1860 mate,”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told ye. Where is this place? What country is this?

“Don’t ye know that ye are jolly ole London, England mate?”

London, England 1860 now what was I going to do. Then I passed a mirror and saw what I wearing, an overcoat with black velvet on trim, wide lapels, deep cuffs over a frock coat and waistcoat. Also I’m carrying a top hat. All I want to do is get back to my time and live in relative peace with my wife and kids. I’m getting dizzy with all these time jumps. Before the man walks away I ask him a few more questions.

“Is there a place around here were one might spend the night,”

“What mate? Do you need a place to sleep huh mate,”

“Yes mate I do”

“Ah mate there’s a nice little Inn around thy corner here,”

“Ah thank ye mate. I think I will go check it out mate,”

“No problem mate,”

The man walks away and I go on my way to the Inn. The Inn happily named The Jolly London. It made me laugh. I walked into the Inn and approached the front of the Inn.

“Hi a kind man told me about your lovely Inn and I was wondering if you had a room to rent,”

“Yes mate we have a room to rent. It will cost ye 3 pound 1 shilling a night mate,”

“Okay no problem,”

Thankfully my 1936 money changed yet again to 1860 England money so I no longer have USA dollars but 1860 pounds, shillings etc. I need. I was shown my room by the local wench. I slept soundly on the bed. The bed however is smaller then I’m used to.

When I woke up the next morning the sun was shining through the window in my room. Then there was a knock on the door. It was the wench from the night before.

“I’m a here to take your breakfast order sir. The master of house wants everyone’s breakfast order,”


“I’ll have porridge, eggs and milk,”

“We don’t have eggs sir. So just porridge and milk then sir,”

“Yes ma’am,”

“By the way no one calls me ma’am so thank ye sir,”

“Ye welcome,”

After breakfast I again decided I need a job.

“Hi I enjoyed my stay here last night. But I was wondering if you knew anyone needing a hired hand,” Michael asked?

“A hired hand huh mate sure I knows someone. They’re names are John and Mary Cartwright. They need someone to milk the cows. Are you game? They pay 2 pounds five shillings,” replied the inn keeper.

“I’ll take it,” Michael replied.

I’ll admit I don’t know a thing about milking cows but I need money. I’m also they’ll provide a little training on the job. Now my problem was how to get to the farm. It wasn’t as if I could go around the corner.

With the money I had left I rent a carriage to take me to the farm. The driver is a lively old chap and he loved to talk.

“So where are ye from mate?”

“I don’t think you’d believe me if I’d tell you. But I will tell you I’m not from here,”

“Yeah I can tell mate by the way ye talk. Ye sure do talk funny but I don’t minds. We are here mate,”

I get out of the carriage and John and Mary meet me with all their kids. Their kids make me miss my kids.

“Hi first things first do you have any experience with milking cows,” John asked?

“Hi no I don’t but I’m willing to learn and I will work hard,” Michael replied

“Good god man ye got some balls. I like you, ye hired,” John replied

So John and family showed me around the farm. It was huge; they had chickens, cows, pigs and horses. My job however was to take care of the cows. That job entailed milking, feeding, washing and so forth.

After the tour it was time for dinner and I was famished. Dinner was simple we ate what grew on the farm. The farm grew corn, potatoes, beets, carrots, and cabbage plus we ate some of the animals on the farm. Dinner tasted great Mary was a great cook. I was surprised to eat with the family. For the first night I was honored guest instead of hired hand. Tomorrow I would eat with the other hired hands. John then showed me to the servants’ quarters.

The next morning before the other hired hands were awake John woke up me to talk to me and ask me some questions.
“What year are you from? You can trust me as I am from the year 1999. I have no idea how I ended up in 1860 but now I’m stuck here with no way back to my time, “John said.

“I’m from the year 2011,” Michael answered.

“I originally landed in 1924 fell in love with my great-grandmother. Then the next thing I knew I fell through this wormhole in time and landed here in 1860.

When I realized I wasn’t getting back to 1999 I saved the money I made and bought this land you’re working on now. Married Mary and had six kids. And I think my oldest Alma would be perfect for you,”

“Thanks John but in 2011 I’m married with kids,”

“Never mind her she probably declared you dead by now. Oh by the way did Y2K happen in 2000,”

“No Y2K never happened in 2000. But a lot of other things happen before I was transported back to the year 1936 were I fell in love with my grandmother. Why would you say my wife would have me declared dead by now?”

“Cause my wife had done the same thing after a few weeks. And what seems like a few weeks to you is actually years in reality. So in reality you’ve been missing for years at time by now,”

“That can’t possibly be true. This was only my second time jump. How many time jumps did you make before you settled in 1860?”

“I made exactly two time jumps. One from 1999 to 1924 and one from 1924 to 1860 then I settled down here because I failed to find another wormhole. And I doubt you find one yourself,”

“I have to try John. I must try,”

“Try if you must. Time for breakfast,”

The servants’ breakfast consisted of eggs, milk, toast, and bacon. The Cartwright’s believe in a hearty breakfast and healthy worker. They also believe that a well fed worker is a hard worker. My training began with John early that morning with that talk. But from now on it would begin at 5 am with the rest of the servants.

During my break in the barn I saw a gap in the wall in the far left corner. I began to wonder if there was a wormhole there originally. How else would John know about his 1999 wife declaring him dead? Someone from that time period would have had to time jump to tell him the news.

In my mind’s eye I see a flash of memory a memory that seems to be mine. No way could I have been the guy who came from 1999 to John his wife declared him dead; maybe that’s why I’m time jumping now.

Meanwhile back in 2011 Susan is worried about Michael he’s been missing for almost two months now and his body has yet to be found. The kids miss their dad terribly and the way he laughed. She is beginning to wonder if she should bury the past and move on. They haven’t even found his car.
She went to the police station to stop the investigation of her missing husband Michael. In her mind he’s dead already. But there’s no way of proving it without the body. But she decided to go ahead with the funeral anyway. On the grave it read here lays Michael Kristopher Katko born October 1974 died 2011.

It was the saddest day of her young life to bury her young husband of f
ifteen years. Susan always thought that she would die first.
After the funeral Susan decided to sell the house and remarry her two boys needed a father. But before she got remarried she needed to settle some things legally. The reason she decided to sell the house is because it’s where she Michael made a family and she needed a fresh start with the boys. The house had too many painful memories for Susan memories she like to forget.

Back in 1860 Michael didn’t waste any time investigating the gap there was work to be done on farm. But he was itching to find out more about the gap. He just knew somehow he was connected to some secret society that promoted time travel. But he taught history in New Mexico. His love of teaching came from his grandmother Maria because she was teacher. However he just found out his grandmother Maria hated teaching. But he still loved teaching. He missed the students and the jokes. This nagging feeling that he belonged to the time travel society just wouldn’t leave him. He needed to talk to John again. After dinner that night Michael approached John.

“John did I come through a wormhole in your barn,”

“Yes you did and you said you came from 1999 to tell me that my wife declared me dead. So I closed the wormhole and gave up hope ever going back. I suggest you forget ever getting back to your time,”

“I knew it John I was a part of some secret society back home. Now I must say I’m sorry that I did that to you,”
Deep down inside I knew there was a way to reopen the wormhole in the barn and I wasn’t going to give up; but how was going to do that without alienating John and Mary. Plus I didn’t want to marry Alma. Why in the world John wants me to marry Alma is beyond me.
Every day on break I examine the gap in the barn. The hole is huge and oddly round. I wished I had measuring tape. Then it me he didn’t close the wormhole it was still open the wormhole was just covered over. I wondered why John did that, but I didn’t dare ask him. My job was to keep the barn clean not inspect it.

One day I woke up in a cold sweat I had a bad dream I dreamt that Susan declared me dead in the year 2011. Then later that day someone tapped me on the shoulder while I was in the barn.

“Are you Michael,” the stranger said.

“Yes I am why,” Michael replied

“I am here to tell you that your wife has declared you dead; I come from the year 2011. Here is a file of your life back in 2011. That’s all I can tell you,” the stranger said.

My worse fear has come true my wife has given up on me but I still can’t give up on ever getting back to that time period. I just want to break down and cry. But there is work to be done so there is no time to cry. The stranger disappears through the wormhole again.

In 2011 Susan is suffering from severe depression. She’s been suicidal. And she’s been crying a lot. Her two boys James and Michael Junior were scared for her. Susan’s mom Sarah was worried about her. Sarah was so worried she even offered to take the kids for a while.

Susan can’t help but think she made a mistake in declaring Michael dead but now that was done there was no going back. Now she was dating a colleague of Michael’s a guy named Christopher Lancaster.

The kids are starting to get upset over the fact that their mom misses their dad so much. Plus they don’t like her new guy so much. They feel he tries too hard to be nice and include them. Christopher doesn’t even like the same baseball team as them. Oh hell he doesn’t even like baseball.
Back in 1860 Michael has decided to walk through the wormhole in the barn. But first I have talk to John.

“John I know the wormhole isn’t closed. I plan on walking through it in hopes of getting back to my time. I have to try,”

“Do what you feel must. But how did you know that wormhole was still open,”

“Well for one thing someone walked through it to give me a message. And secondly on my breaks I would examine the gap. I’m sorry I did that behind your back,”

“You did what you felt necessary. But if you walk through that wormhole you may not end up back in 2011. You might end further back in time or you might end up in a future time,” john said.

“I’m well aware of that John. But it’s a risk I’m willing to take. One of these damn wormholes will lead me back to the right time. If it doesn’t I’m going to die trying either way,” Michael replied.

So after dark that night I went to barn pulled off the covering that hid the wormhole. No tearful goodbyes tonight I was in the barn by myself so I thought. As I approached the wormhole I heard a gasp from behind me. I turned around in time to see Alma following me. I nearly jumped out my skin.

“What are you doing here Alma,” Michael asked.

“I want to go with you Michael. I love you,” Alma said

Great now what am I going to do. “You can’t go with me Alma. I’m married in the future. Just forget you’ve ever met me,” Michael replied.

“Doesn’t it matter to you that I love you and I want to be with you despite the fact your married. Plus the last time you were here you got me with child. Yes we had a child together but I to give it up,”

“When did we have sex I wasn’t here long enough to make love to you or anyone for that matter?”

“Okay you caught me I lied it’s not your child. But I did have a child. I just bring myself to admit I was raped by one of my dad’s hired hands Charles. And if my dad found out Charles raped me he would fire Charles in heart beat,”

“Do you love this Charles as much as you claim to love me?”

“Yes I do but since daddy forced me to give up the baby Charles doesn’t want anything to do with me,”

“So you figured if you left with me Charles would miss you and tell your dad he was the dad of your child,”

“Yes I hoped he would come forward without me here to hinder him,”

“You still can’t come with me it’s dangerous even for me,”

“But, but I have to come with you,”

“No you don’t and you won’t that final,”

“Okay bye Michael,”

Now there were tears as I walked into my second wormhole in the past. Maybe just maybe I’ll land in 2011 here’s hoping. Again I spin around like clothes in washing machine. When I finally land I land on a beach in the summer time, right in the middle of a beach volley ball game. As I land I hear slang words being thrown around like crazy.

“Hey man are you blitzed or something? You crashed right into our game man,” the teenager said.

“No I’m not blitzed as you put it. What year is this man,” Michael replied.

“You don’t have to answer him Richard,” teenager two said

“Shut up Pete. You seem like a cool Cat so I’ll tell ya it’s 1960, replied Richard
.
“Where am I,” Michael asked

“Well you’re in California you dig my man,” Richard said
.
“Yeah I dig. Oh sorry for crashing into your game,” Michael said.

“Come on let’s get out here,” Pete said.

They left me standing there with my jaw dropped and wondering where to go next. Then this cool chick walked by and blew me a kiss. She looked familiar to me; I decided to follow her and ask her some questions.

“Hi my name is Michael. What is your name?”

“Hi my name is Karen nice to meet you Michael. How can I help you?”

“I’m lost and I need a place to stay. I have some bread to pay my way if need be,”

“You can speak normal with me I’m not like other chicks,”

“Oh thank goodness. Do you know of a place where I can stay?”

“Yes you can stay with me and my dad. I’ll him that you’re the new foreign exchange student from school even though you look out of place here,”

“And what foreign country am I supposed to be from,”

“Well let’s see you look like you could pass for Spanish so let’s say Spain. I mean you have dark brown hair, brown eyes, you’re like a beanstalk and you have dark olive skin. You have lose the wedding ring for it to be believable,”

“Yes I suppose your right about that but my wedding ring is special to me,”

“You still have to lose it. Or at least put it in your pocket,”

“Okay you win I’ll put in my pocket,”

So I followed her to hip 1960’s car. She drove with style and grace. The more time I spent with Karen the more I began realize she was my mom. First my grandmother now my mom; at least I wasn’t in love with my mom oy vey.

We arrived at her house and her dad Patrick greeted us.

“Hi Karen who is this,” Patrick said

“This is Michael and he needs a place to stay,” Karen replied.

“Let me guess this is the foreign exchange student you’ve been talking about that is rotating places. Hold that thought there is the doorbell,”

“Oh this is bad Michael,” Karen whispered.

“How so,” Michael asked.

“I forgot the school was going to drop off the foreign exchange student today. My dad is going to flip his lid when he realizes you’re the foreign exchange student,” Karen replied.

“Karen what’s going here I thought you told me the foreign exchange student was from Spain not China. Clearly he’s from China. His name is Jin Sun,”

“Um dad I knew this guy was from the past. And I knew he’d need a place to stay so I changed the details of foreign exchange student and kind of forgot that the school would drop off Jin Sun today sorry dad,” Karen answered.

“This totally unacceptable Karen; There is no way they both can stay here Michael is going to have to stay at hotel or somewhere else dear,” Patrick said.

With that said Michael was sent on his way. Because he felt bad Patrick gave Michael some money for the room and food for thought.

“When the foreign exchange student leaves in the summer he’s welcome to stay with us,” Patrick said.

“Thank you,” Michael replied.

Karen called a cab for Michael. The cab arrived in about ten minutes. Twenty minutes later we were at the 1880 Union Hotel. With its only 13 rooms it kind of had an eerie presence. To have American money again is so nice. Everything was already taken care of when I got to front desk. Apparently Karen and Patrick called ahead and made reservation for me all I do was pay for the room.

I bumped into another person on my way to my room.

“Oh sorry my man I didn’t see you there,” Michael said.

“Its okay man,” replied the man.

“I’m new in town do you know if anyone is hiring,” Michael asked.

“And you are? But yes I know someone who’s hiring. I’m hiring right now,”

“Forgive my manners my name is Michael and you are,”

“And I am Mark Michelson,”

“Nice to meet you Mark; What are you hiring for?”

“I am hiring for a manager’s position you look like you have manger’s skills,”

“I’m a quick learner and I have many skills I didn’t know I had,”

“Good you’re my new manager and your first job will be to give the speech I was sent here to give,”

“Um okay but I don’t know what to say,”

“That’s okay I’m going to give the speech I’ve already written,”

The speech was riddle with misspellings and bad jokes so how could deliver it. Then I thought of a way to improve it. So I went to the conference room and delivered the speech.

“Welcome to the how manage your money wisely seminar. There many different ways to manage your money. One way is to put in a bank account called a checking account. Another way to invest your money in something called a savings bond. These and many more opportunities are available to you now. Is there any questions,”

“What is a checking account,” member of the audience asked

“Good question a checking account is an account in which you deposit some money to pay your bills each month,” Michael answered.

“What is a savings bond? How does it work,” man in red hat asked.

“A savings bond is like a check you get from the government and it builds value over a period of time. At the time of issue it has no value. Once it has value it can be cashed in for that value say in ten years’ time,” Michael replied.

“What are some of the other opportunities that you are talking about,” lady holding purple bag.

“Some of the other opportunities that I’m talking about are savings accounts, certificate of deposit and so forth available at your local bank,” Michael answered.

The crowd began to murmur among themselves. Then one thing lead to another. Michael was losing control of the crowd fast. He knew he needed to regain control of the crowd and fast.

“Ladies and gentlemen I know all of this sound too good to be true but I’m telling you these things will happen and can happen now. Please be seated and I’ll do my best to answer your questions,”

With his new boss looking on he got the nod of approval. With that the seminar ended on a positive note. That night Michael and his new boss Mark left the hotel and headed to Mark’s house some 300 miles away. Since Michael needed a place to stay and Mark needed a roommate he let Michael move in with him.

“Where’s your luggage my man? Do you only have the clothes you are wearing,” Mark asked.

“I don’t have any luggage and yes I only have the clothes I’m wearing,” Michael replied.

“Well then we’ll have to take you shopping my man. Don’t worry about money I’ll pay for this time and you can pay me back when you get your first pay check okay,”

“Um okay but I have some money left from last job,”

“No worries it’s on me I insist,”

“Okay since you insist,”

They arrive at Mark’s house around 2 a.m. that morning. After some beer and talking some more they both go to bed. Mark gave Michael the guest bedroom. The guest bedroom had a California King bed in it. It was the second biggest bed he slept in. In 2011 he has King size bed with his wife Susan. God he was missing Susan.

Despite the late night Mark woke up bright and early the next morning and got Michael up as well. First, before work he lent Michael some clothes since they were about the same size. This is ironic because Mark is only about twenty-two years old and Michael is thirty-seven years old. Second, after work they went clothes shopping.

During work however the other employees were jealous of Michael as they all expected to be manager. Why did Mark go and hire a new manager from the outside?

“What’s with all this murmuring about? I hired a new manager because I am boss and I can,” ?Mark said.

“We all expected to be the new manager Mark,” Steve replied.

“Well I saw him at the conference and I decided to hire him on the spot,”

“Other words Steve replied.

“Yeah so what if I did,” Mark said.

Later that night at home Mark asked Michael some questions.

‘Where are you from?”

“I am from all around. It’s kind of hard to explain,”
“Try me,” mark said.
“Well do you want the long version or the short version?”

“Start from the beginning. So basically the long version,”

“Okay here it goes. One day I was driving home from work when I turned to miss a deer. Next thing I knew I was in the year 1936. I was falling in with my grandmother. After spending sometime in 1936 I stepped into this wormhole. After I came out the wormhole I found myself in the year 1860. While in 1860 I worked on a farm. Also I found another wormhole inside the barn. After a few weeks I walked through that wormhole and I ended up here in 1960. Plus while here I think I’ve met my future mom,”

“Wow that’s some tale is true,”

“Yeah it’s true,”

“So what year are you from,”

“So sorry I am from the year 2011,”

“Wow you’ve come pretty far from the year 2011,”

“Yes I am. And I’m trying to get back to my time,”

“Hold that thought doorbell,”

“Hi I wasn’t expecting you tonight Karen," Mark said

“Hi I’m here for Michael not you,” Karen replied

“Who’s there Mark,” Michael said.

“It’s my girlfriend Karen. But she’s looking for you,” Mark said.

“Okay let me talk to her then,” Michael replied. “Hi Karen how can I help you,” he added.

“I just wanted to let know I know what you need,” Karen said

“Yeah like what,” Michael asked.

“I know you need a wormhole. I happen to have wormhole in my room. That’s why I wanted you stay with me. My dad said you can come back now,”

“Where does that leave me,” Mark asked

“That leaves here alone yet again,” replied Karen.

“But you know I’ve been having trouble paying my rent Karen,” Mark said.

“That’s your problem,” she answered.

So after all that Michael went with Karen back to her place. Patrick greeted Karen and Michael with open arms.

“Karen tells me you’ve been staying with Mark. How was that,” Patrick asked.

“It was good. Mark got me a job,” Michael replied. “Karen can we talk in private,” he added.

“Sure we can go to my room,” Karen said.

Once in Karen’s room he seeks out the wormhole.

”what are you looking for Michael,” Karen asked.

“I’m looking for the wormhole,” he replied.

“The wormhole is in my closet,” she said.

“What are you going to do Michael,” she asked.

“I’m going to step into the wormhole and leave this year behind me,”

So Karen opened her closet and cleared the way to wormhole. She didn’t want to keep her future son from fulfilling his dream.

So Michael steps into the closet slowly and hoped for no tears this time. Then he slowly approached the wormhole; as he approached the wormhole he looked back and saw his mom crying. He stepped in the wormhole and disappeared in time.

This time when I landed I didn’t land on the ground but on a car floating in midair. Now I knew I went past the year 2011 but how much past it I didn’t know. I scared myself, the driver, and the passengers in the vehicle. Even though I’ve dreamt of a flying car I never thought the cartoon the Jetsons would come true. All of this was surreal to me. I crawled into the car on the left passenger side.

“Hi sorry to crash onto your car like that; But can you tell me what year this is? And my name is Michael by the way,” Michael said.

“Hi it’s okay and it’s the year 2036,” the driver replied.

“I can’t believe I came that far from 1960. But I’m closer to my time,” Michael said

“You say something stranger,” passenger up front said.

“Yeah sorry I was thinking out loud. I was saying that I can’t believe I came 76 years into the future from 1960. But I’m only 25 years away from 2011 which is the year I am from,” Michael answered.

“Hey buddy we’ll drop you off at the nearest hotel,” the driver said.

“No problem buddy,” Michael replied.

They drove for about a mile and then came across a hotel. The hotel looked empty but it was open for business. Michael got out and thanked the driver for the ride.

“Do you want some money for the gas buddy,” Michael asked.

“Gas you’re sure are funny buddy. Cars today run on helium. How do think they float,” the driver said.

“You do know helium is a gas right,” Michael said.

“Yeah buddy I know but not the type of gas you were referring to. Got to jet now,” the driver said.

With that the driver and crew drove away. Michael walked into the front office of the hotel.

“Do you have a room for rent,” Michael asked.

“Yes we have a room for rent,” the hotel clerk replied.

“I’ll take it. Do you know of anyone who’s hiring. Don’t worry I have money to pay for the room,”

“Your room is room 216. Yes we are hiring for a new concierge,”

“Is there an application I have to fill out?”

“Yes here you go,”

Michael filled out the application slowly some of the questions made his hand shake in fear. Questions like what planet are you from, what year did you come from and so forth. After filling out the application and breaking out in a cold sweat Michael went back to the front office and handed in the application.

After handing in my application Michael heads to his room to get some rest. While in his room the manager decided to pay him a visit.

“Hello I’m here about the job application you filled out,” the manager said.

“Hello that was fast I only just filled it out,” Michael replied

“Yes this isn’t normal protocol but I would like to hire you,” the manager said.

“Okay when do I start,” Michael asked.

“You start tomorrow at 8 a.m. so get some rest,”

Shortly after the manager left Michael went to bed. He woke up at 6 a.m. to get ready for work. Unfortunately the hotel restaurant didn’t open till 8 a.m. when Michael was supposed to start work so he had to go to the fast food joint.

Later that morning he got his concierge uniform from Stewart the day manager. He was to tail the head concierge Fred. Fred was retiring at the end of week. With Fred retiring and Michael being hired things at the Transylvania Hotel was turning upside down.

The workers didn’t take to Michael right away. Every chance they got they did anything possible to razz him. For one thing they put gum in his hair. Next they kept telling him to go to wrong room at the wrong time. In a word they were trying to get him fired. But he did such a good job the day manager Stewart never got a complaint about him.

The day was rough and Michael had to cut his beautiful dark brown hair. Now he looked like he just came out of the Army. Oh well if he wanted to keep this job he needed to keep his cool.

So when he went to bed that night for the first time in longtime Michael prayed to Jehovah God. He hasn’t prayed to Jehovah since he was kid. He kind of gave on God. Now that he was trapped in time he felt the need to pray. When he woke the next morning he was resolved not to let the day’s be fore’s events deter him. He resolved to live for today and let yesterday be bygone and forgotten. With that thought in mind he got up and got ready for breakfast at the local restaurant near the hotel. What was great about this restaurant is the hotel employees got a 5% discount whenever they ate there.

After breakfast it was time to start his second day of work; Michael expected much of the same as yesterday. But to his surprise the other workers seemed a lot nicer today. Something was definitely up with Ginger and her gang. How they hate him one day and like him the next.
“Ginger why did you and your gang decide to stop razzing on me,” Michael asked.

“The day manager Stewart dug into us last night before we left. And this morning the night manager Jim also gave us hell,” Ginger replied.
“So what did Stewart and Jim have to say,” Michael asked.

“Well here it goes. Stewart said that why did razz Michael like for you guys never razzed a new employee before. You never had new employee indignation before so why start now. Ginger you’re from the year 3030. So Michael is from the past a past you never knew but it’s his past and now he’s trying to get back to it. Ginger you once tried getting back to your time didn’t you. And Fred you’re from the year 2020 which the way isn’t too far away from the year 2011. Jim pretty much said the same thing expect thing if we tried that again the whole lot of us would be fired,” Ginger answered.

“I see so basically everyone here is from another time period,” Michael said.

“Yes that’s true,” Ginger answered.

They quickly resume work and without further interruption Michael is no longer the object of hate. He is quite thankful that he is no longer a target. It’s not easy living with a target on your back per say.

That night while he getting ready for bed a man came through a wormhole and gave him a file on his kids and wife.

“Before I leave one final note, if you don’t make it back to 2011 soon your wife is going to marry again,” the man said.

“Wait before you go can’t you tell me who you are,” Michael asked.

“It’s all in the file,” the man answered.

With that the man disappeared into the wormhole the wormhole closed and Michael was left with the file. Michael sits on the bed and opens the file and he surprised to see that the man in the file and man that visited him was his son Michael Junior. Has his son joined the same secret society he joined at twenty?

As Michael read the file he felt sad that he was missing so much in 2011. He began to cry with thought that kids were growing up without him. Then there was Susan and how she was coping with the “loss” of her husband.

The file was an eye opener. He just had to get back to his time. The file had photos of him, the kids and his wife Susan. The photos made him even more determined to back to his time. Deep in thought the knock on his room door startled him.

“You can’t stay in the hotel anymore Michael. No you’re not fired. But you need a place to live outside the hotel,” Jim said.

“Okay I’ll look for a place tomorrow after work,” Michael answered.

“No you’ll look for a place all day tomorrow I’m giving you the day off,” Jim said.

“Okay no problem Jim,” Michael said.

Again Michael went house hunting in a time that wasn’t his. He was surprised to see that the houses were in the air instead of on the ground. It really was just like the Jetsons. He didn’t even have a vehicle so he had to take a cab. The one place that caught his eye looked exactly like the house from the Jetsons cartoon complete with Rosie the robot. Cause his of love of the Jetsons he went with that house.

In his new house he decided to do something he’s never done before decorate. The robots name however wasn’t Rosie but Roger. Roger was designed to cook, clean and well do everything around the house. Since Michael worked at the hotel a few blocks away, he had to get up twice as early but now he had food in the house.

As Michael explored the house after work the next day he found what he needed to get home yet another wormhole in time. He wondered where in time he would end up now. Michael stepped into what he hoped was his last wormhole. He was tossed around yet again.
When he landed he landed on the ground with a thud. Michael had a hard time standing the sidewalk was moving in every direction. When he was finally able to stand he saw a bulletin board that read welcome to the year 2056 in sunny California.

Michael didn’t know what he was going to do. He had to find some way to get back to 2011 not pull away from it. He’s in California again but it’s not 1960 anymore. His future mom is long dead. His only hope in this time period is finding a job like before.

Michael finally figured out the sidewalk and let him guide him to the nearest hotel. The hotel was shaped liked a crab. Michael entered the front claw of the hotel. He was surprised to see chairs floating in mid-air. How was anyone supposed to sit in those? Then he saw someone walk over to a chair and take a seat. The chairs came down when you walked over to them.
Michael interest however was in finding a room and job yet again. Some strange force was keeping him trapped in time. He has tried wormhole after wormhole. He was also beginning to sense a change in himself. It was as if his insides were being scrambled with each time jump. It was as if he aging faster than necessary.

He approached the front desk and Michael was surprised to see a wolf man at reception desk. The wolf man was wearing a suit that looked it belonged in the year 2011. It looked like an Armani suit. But Michael doubted it was Armani since it 2056. The name tag read Ralph.

“Hi Ralph I’m Michael and I need a room,” Michael said.


“Yeah we have a room for you. Did you say your name was Michael? Michael what if don’t mind me asking,” Ralph replied

“My full name is Michael Kristopher Katko. That’s Kristopher with a k. why do you ask,” Michael answered.

“Your presence was foretold to me,” Ralph replied.

“That’s kind of freaky. Anyway I think I need a doctor and job. Who foretold my presence to you,” Michael said.

“Yes it freaky. Okay I’ll call you a doctor Mr. Katko. As for a job I know a mechanic who is hiring. And last but not least I have no idea who foretold your presence to me. But the young man handed me this file folder and told me to give to you when you showed up,” Ralph said.
Michael took the file with shaking hands. He hated to see what this file contained.

“Your room number is 1616 on the 3rd floor. Yes I know the numbering is odd. I’ll send the doctor up as soon as he arrives,” Ralph said.

“Okay but how do I get to the third floor I don’t see no sign that says stairs or elevator,” Michael asked.

“Oh silly me I forgot that you come from a time period of stairs and elevators. Go to the right and you’ll see a tube marked third floor it will shoot to the third floor. Oh if you any luggage keep it handy,”

“Thank you,”

Michael headed down the winding corridor to his right and came across the tube marked third floor. It looked like it was open for business so he stepped in and in an instant he was on the third floor. Now that he was on the appropriate floor he looked for room 1616. After a few steps he found the desired room. In order to get into the room you had to provide voice recognition. Having had registered his voice at the desk the door opened immediately.

Once in the room Michael decided to open the file and in the file was a letter addressed to him. It was written in his wife’s neat hand writing.

Dear Michael,

I don’t know where or when you are but deep down inside I know you are alive. Even though I got remarried I feel like I’m cheating on you. I miss you terribly. The kids don’t understand what is going on. It’s as if you’re trapped in time. I wish I knew what happened to you on January 31, 2011 which is the day you disappeared. You’ve gone for about a year now. I miss your touch and your kisses. I just want to hold you again in my arms. I don’t if you’ll ever see this letter. Well if you do I hope you are well. Please come back to me Michael.

Love,

Susan

The letter was twice tear stained. Next thing he knew he heard a whoosh, whoosh at the door. The doctor had arrived. When Michael opened the door he was surprised to see a bear as the doctor.

“Ah what are you doing here,” Michael asked.

“Ah you’re a human,” the doctor replied.

“I was expecting a human doctor,” Michael said.

“And I was expecting a bear client,” the doctor answered.

“Can you examine me or not doc,” Michael asked.

“No but my partner can he’s a human,” the doctor replied. “I’ll send him right away,” he added.

“Thank you,”

After about ten minutes the other doctor arrived and again Michael heard a whoosh, whoosh of his door.

“Hi at last an doctor who can examine me,” Michael said. “Sorry for being rude,” he added
.
“Hi I’m Doctor Peter Pembroke. What seems to be wrong young man? And I forgive your rudeness,” Peter said.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. All I know is I don’t feel right,” Michael replied.

“Have you done any time traveling lately,” Peter asked.

“Yes several times in the last few months,” Michael answered.

“Ah I see. Even though it’s only been a few months to you it’s been years to your body. Basically every time you jump you add a year or two onto your body. So in a sense every time you time jump you age a little more. So eventually you’re going to have stop time jumping and settle in the time you land or make it back to your time before you die,” Peter said.

“So basically I’m doomed if I don’t stop time jumping,”

“Basically yes but I would have to do a full examination in the office first,” Peter said.

“Okay where is your office,” Michael asked.

“A few blocks from here. But it’s closed for the night. We just make house calls at night. So sorry for the inconvenience; you can come in tomorrow morning at 10 a.m.,” Peter said.

“Okay see you then,” Michael replied.

Michael arrived at the office the next morning at 9:30 a.m.

“Your early that’s good because there is paper work to fill out first,” the receptionist said.

After he filled out the paper work Michael went in to the examination room. After waiting for about twenty minutes Peter came into the room to explain how the exam was going to work.

“Okay first you’re going to take of all your clothes including undergarments. Then you’re going to put on this gown. Then we are going to wheel to exam room four. From there we are going to put you to sleep. Once you are asleep we will begin our examination to see why you are feeling like you are okay,” Peter said. “I just need you to sign this consent form,” he added.

“Okay here goes nothing,” Michael said.

They began by sticking a probe inside him. The probe showed that Michael’s insides were all jumbled up and in order to fix him they were going to have to operate. During the exam Peter found that small intestines and large intestines were intertwined. Now Peter had to break the bad news to Michael.

A few hours later after Michael woke up Peter broke the bad news to him.

“Well you’re small and large intestines are intertwined and to fix that plus the other problems you need an operation,” Peter said.

“Is the operation complicated? Plus my money is limited in time period without a job. How would I pay for the operation,” Michael asked.

“Well yes the operation can be complicated. As for payment we will work out a payment with you once you recover and find a job. You might be stuck in 2056 my friend,” Peter replied.

“I see so you think I should give up on getting back to my time period. Am I the only to one to try to get back his or her time,” Michael said.

“No your cause I’ve tried getting back to my time as well before I ended up here in 2056. But like you if I time jumped one more time I would have died. Plus I also needed the same operation you have to have,” Peter said.

“Okay let’s do the operation. But first I have to write a letter to my wife in 2011. I don’t know if she’ll get or not but I need to do any way. Is it a deal,” Michael said.

“You can write your letter while you still recover from the exam,” Peter replied.

Dear Susan,

I just wanted to let you know I am fine. I am in the 2056 and I may be stuck here for the rest of my life. I miss you and kids oh much. I wish I could be there for you now. I have to undergo an operation to save my life. I wish you all the best in your life. Please feel free to marry again and don’t feel like you’re cheating on me. I might not make it back to our time period. I love you always.

Love,

Michael

After he wrote his note Michael handed it to the nurse so she could put in an envelope for him. Shortly after that they prepped him for surgery. Then they put Michael asleep again. It took nearly four hours to straighten out the mess on the inside of him. After the operation again they took Michael to a recovery room. While he was sleeping his son Michael Junior came through a wormhole to take the letter he wrote to his mom. But before he could step back into the wormhole he doubled over in pain.

One of the nurses saw him and grabbed him just before he fell to the ground.

“Can you speak sir,” Nurse Betty asked.

“Yes but barely,” Michael Junior said.

“What is your name sir,” asked Nurse Betty.

“Michael Kristopher Katko Junior,” he replied.

“Are you in pain Michael,” she asked.

“Yes ma’am,” he answered.

“Have you been traveling through wormholes sir,” she asked.

“Yes I have. Why do you ask?”

“Cause you may have the same problem as that man there,”

“That man is my father I’ve been traveling through wormholes in an effort to help him get back to 2011. Now I fear I may not get back to my time,”

“No it looks like you may join him in the year 2056 young man. We’ll probably have to operate on you as well,”

“Great just what I needed an operation in a time that wasn’t mine. Now I have to leave my wife and kids as well. I came here to take the letter my dad wrote to my mom so she could read it. Now it’s up to my brother James to pick up where I left off,”

“So it’s a family tradition to travel through time. In time your brother will end up like you and your father,”

“Yes I know but James just started down this road. So it will be awhile before he has to stay in a time period other than his own. I’m prepared to have an operation if necessary. I’m also prepared to stay here in this time period,”

“That’s good to know. Wait here while I fetch the doctor,”

While he waited he found some paper by his dad’s bed and he wrote a note to his wife Sally.

Dear Sally,

Well it looks like I’m stuck in the year 2056 with my dad. I know I said I never let that happen and I’m sorry it has come to this. But as I stepped out of the wormhole today I doubled over in pain. I also nearly fell to the ground. I may need an operation. Because of this I can’t travel back home to you and our kids. Whatever you do don’t let Kristopher and Peter join the time travel society I joined to find my father. If they join it will lead to nothing but trouble in the future. Just let them believe I am dead. Don’t go on rambling like my mom he’s alive out there somewhere then they’ll want to find me. I don’t need them to suffer as I have. I love you and I will miss you.

Love,

Michael Katko

“I see you’ve also written a letter,” Peter said.

“Yes I have. And you are,” Michael Junior asked.

“I am Doctor Peter Pembroke,” Peter said.

“Nice to meet you doctor Pembroke,” he said.

“Okay now I’m going to examine you. Let me know if you feel any pain,”

So Peter began to press on Michael’s stomach. Michael groaned in pain when he pressed on the lower part of the stomach.

“Okay I’m going to send you to x-ray to see what is wrong with your stomach,” Peter said.

“Okay I hope it’s nothing to serious,” Michael Junior said.

Five minutes later they wheeled him to the x-ray department to x-ray his stomach. The x-ray showed that the stomach, small and large intestines were entwined in each other. They were going to have to perform surgery to keep him from dying. But there was no way he could return to his time period. After reviewing the x-rays doctor Peter Pembroke went to talk to Michael Katko Jr.

“Okay the x-rays show that your stomach, small, and large intestines are intertwined in each other. The only way to help you is operate. But the catch is you will have to stay here in the year 2056,” Peter said.

“Okay let’s do it. I don’t do pain well,” Michael Jr. said.

Just before Michael Jr. was to go have Michael woke up from his operation. He was shocked to see his son Michael by his bed side.

“What are you doing here my son,” Michael asked.

“I came to take your letter to mom,” Michael Jr. replied.

“So what happened that you didn’t leave,” he asked.

“I collapsed in pain I now have to have surgery dad,” Jr. replied

“I see I hope all goes well here they come to prep you,” Michael said.

“Nice to see you dad I also hope all goes well,” Jr. said.

Just as Michael Senior said they prepped him for the operation. Then they stuck this huge needle in his right arm to put him to sleep. In two minutes he was out. They took out the organs in order to separate them. Once they were separated they put them back in. Even though it complicated the operation was a success. They took Michael Junior to the same recovery room that his father had been in.
While he slept in the recovery room James stepped through a wormhole a grabbed both letters and quickly stepped back into the wormhole before he could collapse. He may not have been doing this long but he’s been feeling ill lately and the more he did it the weaker he felt. He hoped this was the last time had to travel through time.

When James got back to his time period he reported to his superiors.

“Did you get the letters,” Fritz said.

“Yes I did,” James replied.

“How do you feel now?”

“I feel awful like I’m being torn in two,”

“Okay so you still want to leave the society don’t you James,”

“Yes I don’t want to end up trapped in time like my father and brother,”

“You know you signed a contract that clearly states that you can’t leave the time travel society till such time you become like your father and brother or die. You do remember your contract James don’t you,” Dagmar asked.

“Yes I remember the contract I signed. Have your doctors examine me then because I nearly fell to the ground before reentering the wormhole,” James replied.

With that Fritz and Dagmar summoned the doctors to examine James.

After they examined him they decided they needed x-rays and blood work to confirm their suspicions.

“Well James the doctors want you go for x-rays and blood work,” Fritz and Dagmar said.

“Is blood work necessary I’m scared of needles,” James asked.

“Yes it’s necessary,” they replied. “Just don’t look at the needle,” they added.

So James went down the hall to the lab to have his blood drawn. He didn’t look because if he looked he would have passed out. Next James went three doors down to the x-ray room. Once he had taken all the necessary x-rays he went back to exam room two. After two grueling hours the test results were in.

“The blood test shows that you have high levels thermal radiation in your blood. The x-rays show that insides are twisted up inside of you. Basically none of your organs are where they should be. An operation will correct this problem and force you to leave the time travel society for good. So basically you’re getting your wish James,” Fritz said.

“Is the operation hard to do? Plus what will I be able to do work wise now,” James asked.

“The operation is complex and hard to explain. As for your job situation you’re on your own. We can’t give you a recommendation as we are a secret society. But your only twenty-four you should be able to find a job,” Dagmar said.

“Okay I need some time to think about,” James said.

“Don’t think too long because if we don’t do the operation today you’ll die,” Fritz said.

After about five minutes James had made his decision.

“I’ve decided to have the operation,” James said.

“Good decision my good man,” they replied.

With that information in mind Fritz and Dagmar prepared James for the operation. Then they gave him a needle with anesthesia to put him to sleep. Once he was asleep they wheeled James to the operating room. In the operating room there was a hiccup that almost cost him his life. Once they got past the hiccup the operation went smoothly.

After a three hour grueling operation Fritz and Dagmar wheeled him back to examine room two to recover; James slept for what seemed like hours and in fact he slept for two hours straight after the operation.

When James awoke they transferred him to the local hospital to continue to recover. Then called Florete to her where her husband was.

Meanwhile back in 2056 both father and son have recovered from their operations. Michael Senior married again in the year 2056. The woman he married was named Magnhilda and she reminded him of his 2011 wife Susan. The day after the wedding Michael landed a job as a mechanic. Which was a far cry from his career as history professor in 2011; he wondered if there was even a need for history professors in 2056. He would have to go back to school of course things have changed a lot in the forty-five years since he taught per say.

His son Michael Junior had it harder. The only job he had was that of time traveler and you couldn’t exactly put that on a resume. Plus he fell into a deep depression. All he wanted to do now was die. He came twenty-eight years into the future and at twenty-six he had to have a major operation. He had to leave the love of his life behind in 2028 and now no woman would look at him. Plus living with his father was no picnic either.

While Michael Senior didn’t mind living with his son he hoped one day that Michael Junior would stop moping around the house and get a job. It wasn’t healthy for a young man to stay inside all the time.

Three days later Michael Junior decided to look for a job. But first he wanted to go back to school or more specific college. But the catch was he didn’t know of any colleges in California in 2056. Then there was how he was going to pay for college if he found one and got in. he decided to talk thing through with his dad.

“Dad I’m thinking of going to college,” Michael Junior said.

“Me too, but how are we going to pay for college. My job as a mechanic isn’t enough to pay for two tuitions let alone one,” Michael Senior replied.

“Dad why are you thinking about going back to college,”

“I’m thinking of going back to teaching I miss it. But I’m sure things have changed since 2011 Michael son,”

“Dad do you think they have student loans in this time period,”

“Yes I do but I think there may be a better way to pay for college for the two of us,”

“Like what dad,”

“Like grants and federal student aid,”

“Grants and federal student aid that might work dad if we can get them; I mean we are out of our time periods. So in a sense we are like aliens,”

“I never thought about that fact. There’s got be someone we could ask about this in this time period,”

“The mayor,” they said in unison.

After they about the mayor of California the question was how to contact her. You just didn’t walk into the mayor’s office and ask to speak to the mayor; after some thought they decided to write the mayor a letter.

Dear Mayor Chavez,

We are writing you because we would like to go back to college. However, we are new in town and aren’t sure if we qualify for grants or federal student aid. We both come to year 2056 from 2011 and 2028 respectfully. And as such we hope you can help.
Sincerely,

Michael and Michael K. Katko

Dear Michael and Michael K. Katko,

I would gladly help the two of any way I can. Being that the two of you come from two different time periods I don’t foresee the two being able to get grants or federal student aid. However, since the two of you seem genuinely interested in our college program I might be able to get the two of you in on a trial basis. That being said the two of you would have to work hard and get good grades in order to remain in the college of your choice.

Sincerely,

Mayor Diane Chavez

Being both hopeful and disappointed both of them put their heads together to come with a plan to pay for college.

“Well with my job as mechanic I might be able to swing two tuitions for a while. But you’re going have to get a job my son,” Michael said.

“Sure is your place still hiring,” Michael Junior asked.

“I don’t know but all you can is fill out a job application and see what happens,” Michael replied.

The next day Michael Junior went with Michael to his job. Paul was surprised to see father and son walking into shop together.

“Hi Michael who is this and how can I help him,” Paul said.

“This is my son Michael K. Katko. He’s here to apply for a job,” Michael answered.

“I’m not hiring anymore but the local Safe Way is hiring its right down the road from here. Tell your son to go there and fill out an application,” Paul said.

“Thank you I will tell him,” Michael said. “Michael son Paul said he’s not hiring right now. However, there is a local Safe Way Grocery Store is hiring now,” he added
.
“Thanks dad, I think I will apply there,” Michael Junior replied.

With that he went down the road to the Safe Way to apply for a job. They were hiring for several positions but the position he felt he could learn quickly was cashier. There are no paper applications anymore so he had go to the Safe Way website to apply or apply at the Safe Way kiosk near the customer service desk.

So since he was already in the store he decided to use the kiosk. It was no easy task to use the roller ball mouse built into the kiosk. He managed to get it eventually and he slowly filled out the application. He checked each question to make sure he clicked the right answer before clicking on the next. Michael Junior took so long a line formed around waiting to use the job application kiosk. The crowd was growing angry.

“I’m sorry I took so long I’m done now,” Michael Junior said.

The very next day his cell phone buzzed.

“Hi are you Michael K. Katko Junior,” the manager asked.

“Hi yes I am why,” Michael Junior replied.

“I’m the manager of the Safe Way, we want to interview you,” the manager said.

“Okay when did you want to interview me,” Michael Junior asked.

“Today at one p.m. is that good for you,” the manager asked.

“Yes that fine who should I ask for,” Michael Junior said.

“Ask for the store manager Christopher Jenkins,” Christopher said.

“Okay see you then,” he said.

Promptly at 12 Michael left the house and headed to the Safe Way. He arrived at the Safe Way exactly at 12:30 p.m. he went to the customer service desk.

“Hi excuse me my name is Michael K. Katko and I have interview with the store manager Christopher Jenkins at one,” Michael said.

“Hi okay I’ll page him and let him know you’re here,” Sarah said. “Chris your one o’clock is here,” she added.

“Okay I’ll be right down. He’s early that’s good,” Christopher said.

“Hi I’m Christopher Jenkins and you must be Michael K. Katko. I must say your application looks impressive,” Christopher said.

“Hi yes I’m Michael K. Katko and thank you,” Michael said.

They shook hands and then Michael took a seat. Then the interview began.

“Do you have any job experience,” Christopher asked.

“No this will be my first job,” Michael said.

“But it says here your twenty-eight,” Christopher said.

“I am twenty-eight I come from the year 2028. I guess you can call me a time traveler,” Michael answered.

“You’re not the first time traveler we hired here. I myself come from a different time period. And so does Sarah,” Christopher said.

“Does that mean I have the job,” Michael asked.

“Just one more question. Are you willing to learn,” Christopher asked.

“Yes I’m willing to learn,”

“Then your hired,” Christopher said. “Report here tomorrow at 8 a.m.,” he added.

“Okay see you then,” Michael said.

Michael Junior arrived at the Safe Way promptly at 7:30 a.m. so he could get his uniform and his locker early. Plus he was nervous he was hoping by arriving early he would calm his nerves. Promptly at eight he punched in using his personal identification number assigned to him yesterday. Then he placed his right index finger on the scanner. He was all punched in and ready to go so he went down to the sales floor to begin his training.

“Hi how are you? I am Michael and I just started here. Are you the one who is going to train me,” Michael asked.

“Hi I am fine. I am Gina and I am going to show you how to run the cash register,” Gina said.

“Okay what do I do first,” Michael asked.

“First, you need to sign into the register. In order to do that you need to put your left thumb in the right pocket of the register. Then the register will read your id and sign on from there,” Gina said.

“Okay so like this as he slowly pressed his thumb into right pocket,” he said.

“Yes like that,” she said.


“Now once the register is signed on, you can turn on your light to indicate you’re open and remove the closed sign from off the conveyer belt,” Gina said.

“Why doesn’t the conveyer belt have an on/off switch,” Michael asked.

“The conveyer belt will move automatically when someone places food on the belt. What planet are you from,” Gina said.

“I’m from planet earth but not this time period,” Michael answered.

“Oh that explains a lot,” Gina replied.

The day progressed much in the same way for Michael and Gina. The more questions Michael asked the more disgusted Gina got. Gina hated training new employees yet it seemed like she always got stuck with the duty. Once he was back home he told his dad of his day.

“Well dad my first day was a living hell,” Michael Junior said.

“How so son,” Michael asked.

“Well it seemed everything I said and did was wrong. I seemed to have frustrated Gina beyond belief,” Michael Junior said.

“Stop who is Gina and how do you know you frustrated her,” Michael said.

“Gina is the girl who trained me today. And I could I tell I frustrated her by the way she answered my questions,” Michael Junior said.

“Ah I see. Its first day jitters my son. You’ll get the hang of it soon enough kid,” Michael said. “I wonder what your mom and brother are doing in their time periods,” he added.

“Yeah me too I miss them and my family back in 2028 dad,” Michael Junior said.

Back in the 2012 Susan and her mom are sitting on front porch talking.

“It’s been a year dear you need to let go of Michael he’s not coming back in this life time,” Sarah said.

“I know mom but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. Sometimes I wish I could join him wherever he is,” Susan replied.

“Didn’t you say you found some time travel documents that lead you to believe Michael is trapped in time somewhere,” Sarah said.

“Yes mom I say that and I still wish there was some way I could join him in his present. Although I’m sure he’s married again and there is no room for me in this possible future. I just want to die mom,” Susan said.

“Now Susan we’ve been through this before you’ve got to be there for your boys Michael Junior who is 12 and James who is 8. They need their mother even if Michael Junior won’t admit it,” Sarah said.

“I heard that grandma,” young Michael Junior said.

“Get back to your homework young man,” Sarah said.

“Awe grandma your no fun,” young Michael Junior said.

“Winter break is almost upon us Michael so stop whining,” Susan said.

“But I miss dad. When I’m old enough I’m going to look for him. I think I can find him and bring home,” young Michael replied.

“Did you feed that idea to him Susan,” Sarah asked.

“No mom I have no idea where he got that idea from. He might have overheard us talking earlier,” Susan answered.

“I found the file you tried hide to from me mom,” young Michael Junior said.

“I thought I hid that well,” Susan said.

“You told me you hid that file in the attic Susan,” Sarah said.

“I did mom,” Susan replied.

“How did you find the file Michael,” Susan asked.

“I searched high and low till found it,” young Michael Junior said.

“Why did you search for the file any way,” Sarah asked.

“I searched for the file grandma because I needed to know what happened to my dad. Plus I hate my stepdad. He tries too hard like us when we know he doesn’t really like us,” young Michael said.

“Why do you feel Christopher doesn’t like you or your brother,” Susan asked?

“I feel that because he doesn’t even know our names. He calls us big kiddo and little kiddo. Plus he ruffles our hair,” young Michael replied.

“So you feel he hates you because he ruffles your hair. That has to be the most ridiculous thing I ever heard,” Susan said.

“Don’t you dare mock me,” young Michael said.

“I’m not mocking you Michael,” Susan replied.

“Yes you are mom,”

“Okay you caught me I am mocking you Michael,” Susan said as she exchanged a glance with her mom Sarah.

“I saw that. The two of you think it’s funny that Christopher ruffles our hair. Well I got news for you it isn’t funny,” young Michael said.

Back in 2056 Michael and Michael Junior are sitting outside talking about the past.

“Dad did I ever tell how mom and Grandma Sarah mocked me when I was twelve,” Michael Junior said.

“No you didn’t,” Michael replied.

“Dad how did you meet mom,” Michael Junior asked.

“Wow that’s a hard question to answer. But your mom and I met in high school. We dated all through high school. Then we went our separate ways during college. But one day we saw each other at a bar and knew we were meant for each other,” Michael answered.

“Wow dad it sounds like you really loved mom. But fate had other plans for you huh dad,” Michael Junior said.

“Yes I loved your mother very much and I miss her dearly. Sometimes I wish I never joined the time travel society,” Michael said.

“Dad tell me what was mom like as a teenager,” Michael Junior asked.

“Well Susan your mom had braces as a teenager so kissing was a challenge. Back in 1988 when we were fourteen it then we met. It was that first day of high school and then awkward days to come. We both had to fight some serious zits back then,” Michael said.

“Dad sounds like you and mom had a lot of fun together. Did I ever tell you how I met my wife Sally,” Michael Junior asked.

“No Michael you didn’t my son,” Michael said.

“I met Sally in a bar in Albuquerque, New Mexico. Since I’m only twenty-eight it was pretty recently. We met at a single’s night bash the bar was throwing that night. We’ve been married now for four years. I can’t believe I’m not going to be there for the birth of my second child. Sally says it’s a girl,” Michael Junior said.

Just as Michael was about to say something the mailperson delivers the mail. Oddly enough there was a letter from James.

Dear Dad and Michael,

I hope this letter finds the two of you doing well. I have no good news I’m afraid. I’m afraid I can’t travel through time anymore. In the year 2028 I nearly fell to my death even though I’ve only been time traveling a few days. I guess that’s because I was sick a lot as a child. Either way once I made it back to the year 2028 I needed a serious operation. So I buried this letter in a time capsule in hopes it will reach you in time. Oh by the way dad did I ever tell you about how I met my wife Florete. No I guess not. Florete and I met at pep rally in high school they were mandatory for our school and we’ve both hated going to them. But one day she sat next to me in the bleachers and that was it we were a couple. We got married at the age of twenty-two. Now she’s mad at me because I tried to help the family cause. Oh well. I love and miss the two of you.

Love,

James

“I wonder who dug this up” Michael said.

“Me too; Why give it to the mailperson” Michael Junior replied.

“I agree young man why give the letter to the mailperson,” Michael said.

“I wonder if James is still alive and if he lives around here,” Michael and Michael Junior said.

“Wow I can’t believe we said that at the same time,” Michael said.

“Neither can I,” Michael Junior replied.

Then they decided to go inside and see if they can find some information on James Daniel Katko. They search his birthday because the initial search brings up one million men by that name. The use of birthday narrowed it down a little. So to narrow the search down even further they input his last known address.

Just when they were about to give up the doorbell rang. The ringing of doorbell surprised them both. The two of them ran to get the door.
“Who are you and can we help you sir,”

“I am your son and your brother James Daniel Katko. I grew up and I am fifty-two years old,” James said.

“You’ve aged well James my son,” Michael said.

“Yes you’ve definitely aged well little brother,” Michael Junior said.

“Yes well you two haven’t aged at all. You still look like I remember dad and Michael when saw the two of you last,” James said.

“That’s because we are frozen in time son,” Michael said.

“You’ve got to be kidding dad right,” James replied.

“No he’s serious James we are stuck in time,” Michael Junior said.

“I had the same operation you guys had and I aged. Why can’t the two of age,” James asked.

“It’s called the Peter Pan effect. Essentially because we had our operations out of our time periods we don’t age outwardly but we age inwardly,” Michael said.

“So the two of you still grow old and die,” James said.

“Yes we do,” they said.

“But let’s go inside its cold standing in the doorway. Any way James how did you find us. Oh by the way my wife Magnhilda should be home soon,” Michael said.

They went inside and then Michael’s wife Magnhilda came home.

“This is my wife Magnhilda,” Michael said. “And this is my son James from 2011,” he added.

“Nice to meet you Magnhilda,” James said.

“Nice to finally meet you James,” Magnhilda said.

“Finally dad what did you tell her,” James asked. “And Michael do you have a new wife,” he added.

“I told all about you from your birth to the last time I saw you before I time jumped and stuck in time,” Michael said.

“And no I have a new wife that’s why I live with dad and his new wife,” Michael Junior replied.

“Wow Michael we’ve got find you a girl because you look awesome man,” James said.

“Did you ever think I don’t want to marry again in this time period,” Michael Junior said.

“No cause I would think as much you love dad you wouldn’t want to spend the rest of your life with him and his new wife,” James said.

“Your right I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with dad. That is why I am going back to college with dad’s help of course,” Michael Junior replied.

“You’re going back to college that’s great big brother,” James said.

They talked for what seemed like hours. After about an hour James left and went home. The next day was a big day for father and son it was their first day of college. They were in for a big surprise as James was one of their professors. When they walked into English Composition 1 they were surprised to see James at the head of the class as professor.

“Good morning class,” James said. “What are the two of you doing in my class,” he added.

“We told you last night we were going back to college but it never occurred to us that you might be the teacher James,” they said.

“In here I’m professor Katko to you got that,”

“Yes but you don’t have to be so huffy about it,” they said.

“Okay but in here you aren’t my father and brother,” “time for class to begin so everyone please take your seats,” he said.

The class took their seats and the lecture began. As the class progressed James couldn’t help thinking about his father and brother sitting at the desk and taking notes from him. He wonders what their next class was. After class he asked his father and brother to stay.

“Why did you want us to stay,” they asked.

“I wanted you to stay because I wanted to see your schedules,” James replied.

After he spent a few minutes looking at their schedules he came to one conclusion. They were in more than one of his classes.
“Guys you are killing me. The two of you have a lot of the same classes I teach,” James said.

“We are how that is possible that you teach in multiple classes,” they asked

“After I recovered my operation I went to college and majored in education with a minor in English, history, and Spanish. Three of the classes of which I teach here in the year 2056,” James said.

“Well I can’t change my classes James I’ve worked out my work schedule around going to school,” Michael said.

“And I can’t change my class schedule because I have rely on dad for transportation,” Michael Junior said.

“I never said anything about changing classes. But it would be nice if the two of you could. However I won’t force you,” James said.

“We’ve already told you we can’t change classes. You’re just going have to teach us,” they said.

“Okay you give me no choice then but to teach you guys. However you’re going to have treat me like any other professor here on campus,”
James said.
“Sorry to make you late for your next class here’s a note for your next professor,” he added.

“Don’t worry we will,” they said as they accepted the note.

Later that night father and son talked their first day of college.

“Well have you decided on your major yet Michael, “Michael Senior said?

“Yes I have. I have decided to major in technology,” Michael Junior replied.

“We have to talk about your brother James,” Michael said.

“Yes we do dad. What are going to do about him being our teacher,” Michael Junior said.

“We are going to treat him like any other teacher should be treated,” Michael said.

With that resolve in mind they went to bed. Once asleep Michael Junior had a dream about his mom. In his dream he is five years old again and his dad off on one of business trips. His baby brother James is a newborn. Then he flashes forward to that faithful day he sees his mom crying when his dad doesn’t come home. In his dream he is running after his dad to keep from leaving him and mom and James. Next thing he knew he was flying without aid of an airplane. Once he was airborne he could see his house disappearing before his eyes. He awoke with a start.

“What just happened here that was no dream it was a nightmare,” “I’m awake now, now what do I do,”

“Dad wake up I had a nightmare,” Michael Junior said.

“What time is it,” Michael said.

“It’s 2 a.m. dad and I can’t sleep because I had a nightmare,”

“Go back to bed Michael it will pass,”

“Yes please go back to bed Michael,” Magnhilda said.

“But dad I need to tell you about my nightmare,”

“What is so important that it can’t wait till morning Michael my son?”

“It’s because my dream felt so real like it happening now,”

“Okay let’s hear about your dream or nightmare,” Michael said.

“Well I’m at home with mom waiting for you to come home but you never walk through the door. Mom is holding baby James in her arms and he is fussy and mom doesn’t know what to do she’s at the end of her rope with him. You’re nowhere to be found and neither is your car. Mom is worried. Then I start running like I’m chasing after you to keep you from leaving us. From that run I start to fly and I see our house in the distance and then it disappears from sight as if we are a forgotten memory,” Michael Junior said. “So what do you think dad,” he added.
“Well son I think maybe you felt forgotten by me when I got trapped in time. But you weren’t I kept saying I have to get back to my wife and kids,” Michael said.

“I think your right dad. But I didn’t know you missed us as much as we missed you,”

“Do you feel better now Michael my son,”

“Yes I do dad have a good night,”

“Good night son,”

The next morning at breakfast the night before was forgotten. None of them even brought it up. Then the phone rang.

“Hello oh hi James,” Michael said. “What can I do for you,” he added.

“I need to speak to my brother Michael,” James replied.

“Um okay what is this about,” Michael asked.

“I just need to talk to my brother okay,”

“Michael phone for you son,” Michael said. “It’s your brother James” he added.

“Okay I’ll take it in the living room,” Michael Junior said.

“Hello how can I help you James,”

“Did you have the same dream I had?”

“That depends on whether or not you felt yourself chasing after dad and flying in your James,”

“Yes I dreamt about chasing dad and flying. So I guess we had the same dream huh,”

“What do you want about it James,”

“I think we should get together and talk about the dream and its meaning,” “so where do you want to meet and when,” Michael asked.

“I want to meet after school when you’re done with your classes and I’m done teaching for the day. We’ll meet at the park,” James said.

So later that day they met at the park entrance, it wasn’t hard to convince his dad to take him to the park either.

“Why do you want to go park Michael,”

“Simple I need to talk to James about something important,”

“Okay I’ll drop you off,”

“Thanks dad,”

They met in the middle of the park. They sat in the nearest park bench. The silence seemed unending till James spoke up.

“So we had the same dream two nights ago. What does that mean Michael?”

“I think it means that we both felt abandon by dad when he didn’t come home that faithful day he disappeared in time,”

“What about the flying part? I mean I grew up and aged naturally while grew up and froze in time,”

“I think the flying part was away for escape for the two of us. Away to get away from every day stresses of life,” “Well what else do you want know,”

“I guess that it is. See you in class tomorrow,”

“Can you give me a ride home?”

“Sure thing big brother,”

They drove towards Michael’s house. As James drove a family of ducks flew out in the of middle of the road. James turned to the right to avoid the ducks. He crashed into the near into the nearest floating car. Both James and Michael were knocked unconscious for about ten minutes. When they regained consciousness a robot cop demanded James license and registration.

“Sir Can I see your license and registration,” robot cop said.

“Here you officer,” James said.

“Are you aware that you license and registration is expired,” robot cop replied.

“That can’t be I just renewed them,” James said.

“Well sir this license says 2056 and its 2093,” robot cop said.

“2093 are you sure officer,” James asked.

“Yes I am sure. You were unconscious when I arrived and in serious car accident. It’s amazing the two of you are still alive,” robot cop said.
James and Michael exchange a glance.

“Thank you officer is there anything else I can do for you officer,” James asked.

“No sir you’re free to go. But be more careful when driving the airways,”

“Yes officer,”

Shortly after that the robot cop left them on the side of the airway.

“How did we time travel James,”

“I don’t know Michael,”

“I thought we couldn’t time travel any more once we had those operations James,”

“I agree Michael I thought too. But here we are 37 years in the future probably worrying the hell out of dad and his wife Magnhilda,”

Meanwhile in 2056 Michael, Magnhilda, and Florete were all worried about James and Michael Junior. All James had to do was drive Michael Junior home from the park. What could have possibly happened to them?

Because they were worried they called the police and started a search for James and Michael Junior. They just hoped that James and Michael didn’t time travel into the future or past.

In 2093 James and Michael wondered what to do next.

“What are we going to do next,” Michael asked.

“I think we need to find a place to sleep,” James said.

“The officer said we unconscious for a while maybe we should go to a hospital first,” Michael said.

“I think your right Michael that we should go to the nearest hospital,” James replied.

So James drove them to nearest hospital.

Jeko
December 1st, 2013, 10:19 PM
Hi cassie30,

With an extract this long I couldn't hope to provide a rounded critique - it comes in as just under 17,000 words. Below are some notes on the opening; for more/better critique I'd suggest cutting this down to one or two extracts that you want specific feedback on - otherwise, this is a job for a beta-reader.


I was driving home from work, when I swerved to avoid hitting a deer; I narrowly missed the huge pothole to my right.
This opens with a passive and distant feel and doesn't draw me in. There's action that is simply told, as opposed to being richly shown as I really want it to be. That deer is a change, a sudden, exciting impact upon this character's world. It needs to make more of an impression on the reader's mind.

'Narrowly' feels like an unnecessary adverb - it evaluates the action, and so draws the reader out of it. I want to be in the action, because this action is exciting.


I thought boy is Susan going to be mad.
A comma after 'thought' is needed, I think. 'Boy' presents this character as being as disconnected from the events as the narrator feels - he doesn't sound like he's just had an accident.


I had yet another car accident.
'I'd had', rather than 'I had'; thinking about it, 'boy' could work after this phrase, while it definitely doesn't work before it. 'yet' feels unnecessary; it only fattens the sentence.


But somehow this one was different
Don't like 'somehow' - it's another withdrawn, evaluative word.


the world around me was going from gray to color and from color to gray.
Now this I really like; the lack of punctuation makes this line tumble and turn, which is bolstered by the lexical choice of 'around', and makes me feel like I've just had the accident. This shows us the 'somehow' that you mentioned before - there's an uncertainty communicated through this line; a focus on action, without comment. It's also the first dash of colour we've had, and I like that.


The color world was abstract and sort of cartoony.
This spoils the power of the previous line and can be gotten rid of.


Confused, I pulled to the side of the road to examine my surroundings.
This line works well to give the next paragraph some momentum. Should be 'pulled over' though, I think.

Overall, there's a tone of distance that goes through most of the story. There's action in these words, and that's what I love, but the narrator doesn't seem to realize it. The speed of the beginning is also admirable - it cuts to the chase - but the pace of the event it cuts to is lacking.

cassie30
December 3rd, 2013, 11:53 PM
I'm glad to see you liked some of the story. I must note it's a rough draft and unfinished.

Theglasshouse
December 4th, 2013, 10:01 AM
I think it needs exposition. But since it is a rough draft it is obvious. I like the immediacy of the scene at the very beginning with a car crash. However, right now it's still probably as writers would say in an idea stage. I think in the second half the dialogue isn't conflictive or interesting enough. Try to base it on a personality issue, flaw, or value. Though I admit no writer thinks the same. The idea is that I am just giving a suggestion. I wish I could have read the whole thing. But I need to be interested. The second draft could be better. If you wanted some ideas, what I suggested is solid advice. Trim parts if people become less interested as it progresses. I think its beginning has a start of a story that could be promising.

cassie30
December 30th, 2013, 11:20 PM
Do you think it's worth finishing to reach my 25,000 word goal.