MBNewman
July 5th, 2013, 12:05 AM
The second half of the first chapter of the Brookrow Bastards. Both are first drafts, and still need much revision. Mainly I am looking for opinions on the tone and especially on the back story in the dialogue. Also the argument near the end, not sure how I feel about it yet. Just putting that out there.
Thank you, continuing readers and new alike.
***
There are moments when time seems to slow to an anomalous crawl. I was experiencing such a phenomenon; watching the faces of the men who surrounded me, seeing the cruelty and sadism depicted in their eyes. From the expressions of excitement they wore to the sounds of the laughter, I could absorb all of my surroundings details. I saw past the trees, and reached for the forest beyond.
My hand clasped hold of the twinkling object, sliding swiftly and deftly into my pocket. I turned my head, drew a curt breath, and relaxed my tense body. For a brief moment, I felt serenity.
It was an extraordinary and enthralling experience, cut short by a resounding blow across my cheek from the burly sailor’s balled up fist. It was not as if I had not seen the strike coming in my moments of clarity. It was simply that I had chosen to ignore it for the time being.
Laying face first upon the ground was not the place I wanted to be, but rather the one I had to be. Lamenting my actions over the pulsating pain spreading across my face, I heard the sounds I knew would come next.
The next step of my plan involved another, but they had not been informed. I was trusting in the strength of my relationship with my brother to see my through this situation, and I was certain that I could rely on him. Almost as if on cue, Aiden called out to the man, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? That’s my kid brother you just hit!”
Aiden could be a particularly formidable figure. He wasn’t overtly tall, but he was naturally well-built, loyal and fearless. It only helped that he had learned to defend himself from years of defending me on the countless occasions I had gotten in trouble. It was bond we shared, and the only assured thing I knew of.
Aiden flung his coat from his shoulders, and rolled up his sleeves. The sailor was not impressed by my brother’s size, being a head taller and a body wider. He turned to his friends to share a laugh and mock my brother’s bravado. He did not get the chance.
My brother placed his hands on the man’s chest and shoved him back. The sailor stumbled, and his leg caught against my propped up body. The man tumbled to the ground, landing flat on his back with a prominent oomph. Aiden was on the man in an instant, planting a knee against the man’s chest, and stilling the fight in him with a blade pressed against his neck.
The room fell silent as the sailors watched in awe. No one breathed, no one moved. Even the ones he had called his friends stood quiet, eyes wide. They did not know my brother as I, and from the expression on his face, they would not be surprised to see bloodshed.
My brother’s anger knew no bounds, and he was never more furious than when someone had raised a hand to strike me. He had always been my protector and my guardian, even when our father had still been alive. We had always been at each other’s sides, and we would do anything for one another.
“Aiden,” I said.
My brother glanced back briefly, and let a breath out through his nose. “If I ever see you touch my brother again, I’ll cut you from ear to ear.” He withdrew the blade, and removed himself from the man’s chest, stepping back in case the man had a mind for attack. The sailor remained on the floor, as stunned and shocked as his fellows were.
Aiden was the better man that day, as I had less mercy than he. I stood from the ground, gazed down at the man and delivered a swift and solid kick to his cheek. “An eye for an eye,” I said, and spat on the floor beside him.
I grabbed my coat from the chair it lay on, and went about gathering my deck of cards that lay scattered about the table. “Leave the cards,” Aiden said. I tossed what cards I had gathered back onto the table, and went to my brother’s side.
The sailor had gotten up, and he appeared to be as joyful as I had expected him to be. I wondered if he was the kind of man to accept a defeat, or if he was the kind that would charge head long at us in some ill-gotten attempt at revenge. I would prefer the first option, of course, but then again, I had been in the kind of mood gravitating to the latter.
Again, the man had no time to speak. From our rear came the stark call of the first mate, Mister Briggs. The man was mariner if I had ever seen one, though lacking the trite eye patch or wooden leg. He carried himself as the honorable man of the sea he was. On this ship, only the ocean and the captain were more powerful than he.
“Entertaining our guests, are we, men?” he asked, glancing about the group, meeting all of their gazes. “I am sure they have had enough frivolity for one night. You may all return to your posts or to your bunks, your recreational time is over.”
The first mate turned to us and said, “Come with me.”
We followed after the man, but I could not help but offer a parting farewell to my new comrades. “Keep the cards, gentleman,” I called over my shoulder. “Good game.”
The first mate brought us to his quarters, a considerably smaller living space than the captain’s quarters we had seen the night we had paid him for passage. Though, he was lucky to not have to share. He offered us a seat upon his bunk, and he pulled the chair from his desk to sit upon.
He bore a grim expression, amplified by deep set lines in his face. “When I persuaded the captain to allow you passage on this vessel, you agreed to uphold certain standards. They were simple enough, were they not? Do not take anything that is not yours or expressly given to you, do not enter any authorized areas without escort, and do not incite any commotion amongst the ranks.”
“I apologize, Mister Briggs,” Aiden replied. “It wasn’t our intention to cause any trouble. I hadn’t been part of the incident until my brother had been struck down. I cannot apologize for my actions, but for any grief it may have caused you.”
“I do not blame you for what you did,” Briggs replied, though he seemed no less irritated with us. “That man can be a real son of bitch, and needs to be put in his place at times. If the captain got word of this I would get an earful. Who started the fight and caused all of this nonsense?”
“Ask him,” Aiden said, jabbing a thumb my way.
I looked between the two and gave an nonchalant shrug. “We were playing a game of cards. I brought the deck, so I figured it was my rules. Long story short, I had better cards than he thought I did because he insisted his rules were the ones we were playing by. I called him a cheater and sore loser; he did not take it well.”
“All of this was over a friendly game of cards?” my brother asked.
“Well, it wasn’t exactly friendly. We had a standing wager.”
“We don’t have the kind of coin to be gambling it away.”
“Well, it’s not like I lost—according to my rules, anyway.” Aiden did not seem pleased by my answer, but I continued in spite, “I won, he lost. I grabbed the pot, he hit me in the face. You know the rest.”
Aiden appeared to have a few choice words for me, but he held back as Mister Briggs cleared his throat. “Listen. Not much happens crossing the Western Sea. The way I see it, my boys got some excitement, and you boys got what’s yours. Fair is fair. You have but half a day’s journey before we arrive. I would ask that you keep to yourselves for the remainder. If you can assure me of this, we can close this up and forget all of this.”
“There will be no further incidents, Mister Briggs,” Aiden said, keeping an eye on me as he said it.
“I will hold you to that.” He too turned his squinted eyes to me, and asked, “Can I assume I have your word, as well?”
“You may assume.” Aiden batted my shoulder, so I amended, “Yes, Mister Briggs.”
“Good,” he said. “I would suggest you get an early night on you. None of the men should bother you, but if they do I would ask that you let me deal with them in my own way.”
“You’re a fair man, Mister Briggs,” my brother said.
“Cause no more trouble for me, and it shall stay that way. You may leave.”
We departed from his quarters and wandered towards the crew’s quarters. Aiden was silent while we walked, though I knew something was on his mind. I knew that he was frustrated with me, as I had broken the promise I had only just made him. Not that I had never made him that promise before. I was a troublemaker that was what I did, but I could understand his frustration.
“Come on, Aiden,” I chuckled. “I spruced up an otherwise boring night, didn’t I?”
Suddenly, he had me pinned against the wall, my shoulders clenched in his vice-like grip. His voice was cold, on the brink of furious. “You promised me you would stay out of trouble.”
I wriggled against his grasp, knowing full well that I could not break free. We had wrestled playfully as brothers do, and fought over petty arguments as well, but never had I won in a test of strength.
“You promised me.”
“I know.”
“Not even a day passed, and you break your promise.”
“I know,” I seethed, gritting my teeth. “Let go.”
Aiden glowered, but released me. I adjusted my coat, and tucked my rustled hair back. I knew that no matter how furious he was with me, he would not strike not unless I struck first. I was perhaps the sole person who had that courtesy from him.
“Gods, I don’t even know why I thought bringing you along was a good idea.”
“Because leaving me behind was a worse one?”
“What happens when we get to Irianna, Killian? How can I trust you not to fret away the last of our coin? You were pampered your whole life, you never had to work to earn your way. I gave you that money for emergencies only. If we are going to do this, we will need that money for food and shelter. We’ve talked about this. We don’t know how long we will be there.”
“I’m sorry. At least I didn’t lose the coin. There’s no harm done.”
“That’s not the point.” Aiden turned his head away from me, and I could the struggle in his expression. “I love you, brother, but I’m not sure I can trust you.”
Without another word, he turned and walked away. I remained where I stood, and watched him depart. I was stunned by his words. Part of me felt guilt, the other anger. I was furious that he could say such a thing, and I was furious with myself for giving him reason to.
I cathartically popped my knuckles, and made my way up to the deck to clear my head, and spend another restless night with the company of the sea.
*
Thank you, continuing readers and new alike.
***
There are moments when time seems to slow to an anomalous crawl. I was experiencing such a phenomenon; watching the faces of the men who surrounded me, seeing the cruelty and sadism depicted in their eyes. From the expressions of excitement they wore to the sounds of the laughter, I could absorb all of my surroundings details. I saw past the trees, and reached for the forest beyond.
My hand clasped hold of the twinkling object, sliding swiftly and deftly into my pocket. I turned my head, drew a curt breath, and relaxed my tense body. For a brief moment, I felt serenity.
It was an extraordinary and enthralling experience, cut short by a resounding blow across my cheek from the burly sailor’s balled up fist. It was not as if I had not seen the strike coming in my moments of clarity. It was simply that I had chosen to ignore it for the time being.
Laying face first upon the ground was not the place I wanted to be, but rather the one I had to be. Lamenting my actions over the pulsating pain spreading across my face, I heard the sounds I knew would come next.
The next step of my plan involved another, but they had not been informed. I was trusting in the strength of my relationship with my brother to see my through this situation, and I was certain that I could rely on him. Almost as if on cue, Aiden called out to the man, “What the hell do you think you’re doing? That’s my kid brother you just hit!”
Aiden could be a particularly formidable figure. He wasn’t overtly tall, but he was naturally well-built, loyal and fearless. It only helped that he had learned to defend himself from years of defending me on the countless occasions I had gotten in trouble. It was bond we shared, and the only assured thing I knew of.
Aiden flung his coat from his shoulders, and rolled up his sleeves. The sailor was not impressed by my brother’s size, being a head taller and a body wider. He turned to his friends to share a laugh and mock my brother’s bravado. He did not get the chance.
My brother placed his hands on the man’s chest and shoved him back. The sailor stumbled, and his leg caught against my propped up body. The man tumbled to the ground, landing flat on his back with a prominent oomph. Aiden was on the man in an instant, planting a knee against the man’s chest, and stilling the fight in him with a blade pressed against his neck.
The room fell silent as the sailors watched in awe. No one breathed, no one moved. Even the ones he had called his friends stood quiet, eyes wide. They did not know my brother as I, and from the expression on his face, they would not be surprised to see bloodshed.
My brother’s anger knew no bounds, and he was never more furious than when someone had raised a hand to strike me. He had always been my protector and my guardian, even when our father had still been alive. We had always been at each other’s sides, and we would do anything for one another.
“Aiden,” I said.
My brother glanced back briefly, and let a breath out through his nose. “If I ever see you touch my brother again, I’ll cut you from ear to ear.” He withdrew the blade, and removed himself from the man’s chest, stepping back in case the man had a mind for attack. The sailor remained on the floor, as stunned and shocked as his fellows were.
Aiden was the better man that day, as I had less mercy than he. I stood from the ground, gazed down at the man and delivered a swift and solid kick to his cheek. “An eye for an eye,” I said, and spat on the floor beside him.
I grabbed my coat from the chair it lay on, and went about gathering my deck of cards that lay scattered about the table. “Leave the cards,” Aiden said. I tossed what cards I had gathered back onto the table, and went to my brother’s side.
The sailor had gotten up, and he appeared to be as joyful as I had expected him to be. I wondered if he was the kind of man to accept a defeat, or if he was the kind that would charge head long at us in some ill-gotten attempt at revenge. I would prefer the first option, of course, but then again, I had been in the kind of mood gravitating to the latter.
Again, the man had no time to speak. From our rear came the stark call of the first mate, Mister Briggs. The man was mariner if I had ever seen one, though lacking the trite eye patch or wooden leg. He carried himself as the honorable man of the sea he was. On this ship, only the ocean and the captain were more powerful than he.
“Entertaining our guests, are we, men?” he asked, glancing about the group, meeting all of their gazes. “I am sure they have had enough frivolity for one night. You may all return to your posts or to your bunks, your recreational time is over.”
The first mate turned to us and said, “Come with me.”
We followed after the man, but I could not help but offer a parting farewell to my new comrades. “Keep the cards, gentleman,” I called over my shoulder. “Good game.”
The first mate brought us to his quarters, a considerably smaller living space than the captain’s quarters we had seen the night we had paid him for passage. Though, he was lucky to not have to share. He offered us a seat upon his bunk, and he pulled the chair from his desk to sit upon.
He bore a grim expression, amplified by deep set lines in his face. “When I persuaded the captain to allow you passage on this vessel, you agreed to uphold certain standards. They were simple enough, were they not? Do not take anything that is not yours or expressly given to you, do not enter any authorized areas without escort, and do not incite any commotion amongst the ranks.”
“I apologize, Mister Briggs,” Aiden replied. “It wasn’t our intention to cause any trouble. I hadn’t been part of the incident until my brother had been struck down. I cannot apologize for my actions, but for any grief it may have caused you.”
“I do not blame you for what you did,” Briggs replied, though he seemed no less irritated with us. “That man can be a real son of bitch, and needs to be put in his place at times. If the captain got word of this I would get an earful. Who started the fight and caused all of this nonsense?”
“Ask him,” Aiden said, jabbing a thumb my way.
I looked between the two and gave an nonchalant shrug. “We were playing a game of cards. I brought the deck, so I figured it was my rules. Long story short, I had better cards than he thought I did because he insisted his rules were the ones we were playing by. I called him a cheater and sore loser; he did not take it well.”
“All of this was over a friendly game of cards?” my brother asked.
“Well, it wasn’t exactly friendly. We had a standing wager.”
“We don’t have the kind of coin to be gambling it away.”
“Well, it’s not like I lost—according to my rules, anyway.” Aiden did not seem pleased by my answer, but I continued in spite, “I won, he lost. I grabbed the pot, he hit me in the face. You know the rest.”
Aiden appeared to have a few choice words for me, but he held back as Mister Briggs cleared his throat. “Listen. Not much happens crossing the Western Sea. The way I see it, my boys got some excitement, and you boys got what’s yours. Fair is fair. You have but half a day’s journey before we arrive. I would ask that you keep to yourselves for the remainder. If you can assure me of this, we can close this up and forget all of this.”
“There will be no further incidents, Mister Briggs,” Aiden said, keeping an eye on me as he said it.
“I will hold you to that.” He too turned his squinted eyes to me, and asked, “Can I assume I have your word, as well?”
“You may assume.” Aiden batted my shoulder, so I amended, “Yes, Mister Briggs.”
“Good,” he said. “I would suggest you get an early night on you. None of the men should bother you, but if they do I would ask that you let me deal with them in my own way.”
“You’re a fair man, Mister Briggs,” my brother said.
“Cause no more trouble for me, and it shall stay that way. You may leave.”
We departed from his quarters and wandered towards the crew’s quarters. Aiden was silent while we walked, though I knew something was on his mind. I knew that he was frustrated with me, as I had broken the promise I had only just made him. Not that I had never made him that promise before. I was a troublemaker that was what I did, but I could understand his frustration.
“Come on, Aiden,” I chuckled. “I spruced up an otherwise boring night, didn’t I?”
Suddenly, he had me pinned against the wall, my shoulders clenched in his vice-like grip. His voice was cold, on the brink of furious. “You promised me you would stay out of trouble.”
I wriggled against his grasp, knowing full well that I could not break free. We had wrestled playfully as brothers do, and fought over petty arguments as well, but never had I won in a test of strength.
“You promised me.”
“I know.”
“Not even a day passed, and you break your promise.”
“I know,” I seethed, gritting my teeth. “Let go.”
Aiden glowered, but released me. I adjusted my coat, and tucked my rustled hair back. I knew that no matter how furious he was with me, he would not strike not unless I struck first. I was perhaps the sole person who had that courtesy from him.
“Gods, I don’t even know why I thought bringing you along was a good idea.”
“Because leaving me behind was a worse one?”
“What happens when we get to Irianna, Killian? How can I trust you not to fret away the last of our coin? You were pampered your whole life, you never had to work to earn your way. I gave you that money for emergencies only. If we are going to do this, we will need that money for food and shelter. We’ve talked about this. We don’t know how long we will be there.”
“I’m sorry. At least I didn’t lose the coin. There’s no harm done.”
“That’s not the point.” Aiden turned his head away from me, and I could the struggle in his expression. “I love you, brother, but I’m not sure I can trust you.”
Without another word, he turned and walked away. I remained where I stood, and watched him depart. I was stunned by his words. Part of me felt guilt, the other anger. I was furious that he could say such a thing, and I was furious with myself for giving him reason to.
I cathartically popped my knuckles, and made my way up to the deck to clear my head, and spend another restless night with the company of the sea.
*