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gusgus
July 4th, 2013, 03:45 PM
This is my first try on Children's books. I posted the pages of the story as a slideshow in this link : [link removed]

Also the title was changed from "Will this story entertain children?" to "The Golden Turtles" as the original title didn't adhere to site guidelines.

Summary : one friend is rich, one is poor. One day the rich friend loses something valuable and reluctantly suspects that the poor friend has taken it. Of course the poor friend hasn't taken anything, but he admits that he has and then spends a great deal of money to have that thing remade and gives it to the rich friend because he knows how much the rich friend likes it; so in case it never turns up, the rich friend can still be happy.
Then of course the truth is found out at the end.

My goal is to have the parents read and absorb the idea of the story and then retell it to their children in their own way.
This is created based on a popular Asian folktale. Feel free to criticize, I would appreciate it very much :)

I removed the post temporarily to make some corrections. ;-)

Sintalion
July 8th, 2013, 03:34 PM
It's a very cute story and you did a nice job with it. As an adult the blip I pick up on quickly is that there is a four year old in the house and they don't get considered? I don't know about you, but when stuff goes missing or breaks many parents consider their kids as suspects and don't just assume a friend did it.

Olly Buckle
July 8th, 2013, 03:52 PM
"After a few days mi can to see Ran"Typo.

I liked the story, my daughter liked the pictures, there are minor points like Sintalion picked up on, but I don't think it matters for small children, they believe in all sorts of things like, Santa and the Tooth Fairy, which won't hold water for an adult mind.

gusgus
July 8th, 2013, 05:32 PM
It's a very cute story and you did a nice job with it. As an adult the blip I pick up on quickly is that there is a four year old in the house and they don't get considered? I don't know about you, but when stuff goes missing or breaks many parents consider their kids as suspects and don't just assume a friend did it.

Thanks very much for the feedback. Yeah I totally agree with you. Most people nowadays would suspect the kids first. Then again, I think from where the story originated, the fact that Mi is poor and the turtles are made of gold makes him the more likely suspect though :)
thanks again :)

gusgus
July 8th, 2013, 05:35 PM
"After a few days mi can to see Ran"Typo.

I liked the story, my daughter liked the pictures, there are minor points like Sintalion picked up on, but I don't think it matters for small children, they believe in all sorts of things like, Santa and the Tooth Fairy, which won't hold water for an adult mind.

Thanks a lot. :) I've checked for spelling error thousands of times :D but there it is, I missed the most obvious one. :D Did your daughter like the story though?

summergenevieve
July 11th, 2013, 08:35 PM
Gusgus, I've read through the story and it's very very cute. I was wondering what age you were aiming the story at, however the story would suit most ages. :) I re-told the story to a few receptions in a school I've been volunteering in and they really liked it, they were very enthusiastic. :)

Olly Buckle
July 12th, 2013, 01:22 AM
My daughter is twenty one, a little too old to appreciate it in one way, a little too young to look objectively in another, and a musician, wrong discipline.

gusgus
July 12th, 2013, 12:19 PM
Gusgus, I've read through the story and it's very very cute. I was wondering what age you were aiming the story at, however the story would suit most ages. :) I re-told the story to a few receptions in a school I've been volunteering in and they really liked it, they were very enthusiastic. :)

Thanks! I'm really glad that many people like it. :) I think most kids from grade 3 and above would be able to get it; they might need some explanations from adults though. :)

Olly Buckle
July 13th, 2013, 12:40 AM
they might need some explanations from adults though. That may be no bad thing, the people who buy children's books are adults. Amongst educators a book which opens the possibility of learning and discussion may be favoured and other book buyers often take their lead from them.

Justin Rocket
July 13th, 2013, 03:30 AM
The story is very cute, but I really dislike the theme.

gusgus
July 13th, 2013, 01:59 PM
The story is very cute, but I really dislike the theme.
You mean the artwork?:-k

Justin Rocket
July 13th, 2013, 05:52 PM
You mean the artwork?:-k

No, I like the artwork!

The story involves a character who severely harms himself so that his friend can be happy. Mi replaces the golden turtles. The turtles cost more than everything Mi owns. So, to replace them, Mi has to "dive on a grenade" causing severe damage to his own family. He does so not to save his friend's life, but so that his friend can have something frivolous. Mi is never seen as being wrong for doing this. His actions are shown as virtuous. This theme, "it is virtuous to cause great harm to ourselves and our families for someone else's frivolous happiness" is one I really dislike.

denmark423
April 8th, 2015, 07:52 AM
Maybe you can try to be creative when the poor children thinked of admitting what is accused of him. Make it more fun to attract children.