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Brock
June 29th, 2013, 02:46 AM
8:02 a.m. -- there she is again like clockwork, catching the bus just as its door begins to close. Wait, it did close. She missed it!
Frustrated, she walks in a small circle with her phone to her ear. She's running late for work, no doubt.

She stops pacing for a moment and dials again -- no answer. She puts the phone back in her purse, sits down on a bench, looks to the sky and mumbles something.

I should offer her a ride.

The brisk January wind blows her curly blonde locks across her face as she attempts to apply some chapstick. The sunlight catches a large sparkling diamond on her finger. I notice the gold band next to it. Her husband is a lucky man, but he needs to buy his beautiful wife some gloves.

I make it a point to crack the blinds and watch this alluring woman board her bus every morning. Summertime is always best because I usually get a clear view of her long, sun-kissed legs. I often laugh as I watch other men -- some with their wives -- nearly snap their necks trying to get a good look at her. And the rear-end collision she caused this past fall: that was classic. This stunning, blonde bombshell is so out of my league, but I've practiced this morning ritual for five years, none the less. I will never grow tired of watching her.

Suddenly, she turns completely around and seems to look directly at me. Stunned, I freeze for a few seconds before letting the blinds close. Did she see me? The reflection on the glass should have blocked her view, right?

After waiting a moment, I slowly crack the blinds again to see if she's still looking in my direction. She's no longer sitting on the bench. I don't see her anywhere.

My doorbell rings, followed by knocking. My 11-month-old daughter awakes and looks at me through the bars of her crib as she begins to fuss.

"Shhhhh," I tell her with my finger pressed against my lips as I walk slowly towards the door. Again, the doorbell rings. I place my hand on the doorknob and look through the peephole.

"Are you going to open the door, or what?" she says. "Stop playing around. I can see you looking at me just like I can always see you gawking at me through those blinds."

I open the door with a smile on my face.

"You woke Alyson," I say before pecking her on the lips and pulling her close to warm her up.

"That's why I tried calling first," she explained. "You wouldn't pick up."

"Yeah, I know," I replied with a smirk. "I saw you miss the bus... again. Come on, sweetheart; I'll take you."

Brock
June 30th, 2013, 06:14 AM
This is not my usual genre. In fact, this is the first time I've every written anything along the lines of romance. I realize it isn't up to par with a lot of other work here. I'm going through a difficult time right now, and just felt the need to express myself... with my own wife in mind. I've never stopped admiring her beauty. I will miss her.

escorial
June 30th, 2013, 12:30 PM
When someone writes with emotion and gut raw feeling the piece takes on a new life for me. Before the comment by brook it was a romantic piece but after it was raw and more effective to me at least.

Pluralized
June 30th, 2013, 12:42 PM
Brock, thanks for sharing your work. It's a nice, poignant piece, and well written.

I'm sorry you have the real-life pain.

Kevin
June 30th, 2013, 02:59 PM
This is not my usual genre. In fact, this is the first time I've every written anything along the lines of romance. I realize it isn't up to par with a lot of other work here. What're talking about? The level is fine.

Re: -- em dashes(?, I guess that's what you call them) On ms word if I connect two dashes with no space between words it self morphs into one longer dash and looks very literary. http://www.writingforums.com/spag-grammar-punctuation-spelling/139863-question-between-commas.html#post1642600

I think the line containing "my wife" could be removed. That is revealed by the dialog and actions. Jmo: Have confidence in that and if you think it's not clear add/change it a little (but not too much, cause it's right there...)

Brock
June 30th, 2013, 08:41 PM
What're talking about? The level is fine.

Re: -- em dashes(?, I guess that's what you call them) On ms word if I connect two dashes with no space between words it self morphs into one longer dash and looks very literary. http://www.writingforums.com/spag-grammar-punctuation-spelling/139863-question-between-commas.html#post1642600

I think the line containing "my wife" could be removed. That is revealed by the dialog and actions. Jmo: Have confidence in that and if you think it's not clear add/change it a little (but not too much, cause it's right there...)

Yeah, I use the dashes correctly when I use word. I just spit this out on here during a moment of grief though. I will fix them. I changed the ending that you were talking about, starting with "It's my wife." Let me know if you like it or if I should tweak it a bit more. Thank you so much.

J Anfinson
August 26th, 2013, 04:12 PM
This was a touching piece and I'm sorry to see it was inspired by real events. Just remember that all things make us stronger in the end, and pain is only temporary.