View Full Version : Vreen Bordu (very brief character prologue)

June 24th, 2013, 02:55 PM
This is a very brief character prologue I wrote to try and understand a character's feelings about being part of a conspiracy to mine Earth of all its resources.

I remember the first time I laid an eye upon that modest and unassuming lump the sniveling vermin on board liked to refer to as Earth; a name that betrays their narcissistic shoe-gazing ways. Perhaps if they had spent more time looking outward they wouldn't be so backwards. I have found their representatives to be the most spineless of all the back-boned creatures I have ever met. I am being harsh though; they have not mastered deep space travel and they have barely made contact. They lack the brute strength or tools of any predatory race and the brains that should make up for this seem distinctly lacking. Imagine a juvenile Mockram which has been shaved and starved and you are almost there. Only their vicious little eyes hint at the callous acts they have committed among themselves.

However, despite their myriad of character flaws and completely unappetising appearance I do find their bijou little sapphire that they like to call home quite charming. A very vibrant and complex little ecosystem, entirely wasted on them, and surely doomed to be clumsily crushed under their naively relentless boots of progress. So eager were they to get their hands on nuclear power and more advanced computing techniques they completely buckled in the negotiations and offered covert visiting rights to all member planetoids –complete madness, but so beneficial to the curious traveller. So they are weak, stupid and terrible diplomats. I took my wife there for our first cyclic anniversary. Very nice it is too.

Speaking human is a strange experience for a Venetari, it is not difficult to learn but all resonance is done in the throat so it is very high-pitched compared to the majestic guttural thunder that is Venetarian. It gives me a bit of a headache when I hear it and this is a major factor when visiting as they have almost reached critical mass after their plague-like population explosion. Despite this the variance in Earth’s ecosystem makes for some of the most spectacular sights in The Milky Way. I recorded some fascinating micro-faunal behaviour which has shed much light on the behaviour of some supposedly super-sentient beings. If I had the time or resources to do so I am sure I could make a case for evolutionary determinism. There is something so raw and primal about a planet on the cusp of interplanetary travel. Naive and beautiful, ignorance really is bliss. Such a shame that they have no idea that complex little world is about to be destroyed and I am the one responsible for making it so.

June 24th, 2013, 03:47 PM
The pretentious style nicely matches the subject matter.

On a different note - "the most spineless of all the back-boned creatures I have ever met." Does this mean he's met extraterrestrial lifeforms with backbones?

June 24th, 2013, 03:52 PM
Thanks, I am trying different exercises to better get inside my character's minds.

Yes, he is an adviser in a space council and has dealt with many ETs both back-boned and literally 'spineless'.

June 24th, 2013, 11:49 PM
This was rather interesting, being set in the mind of an alien. Nice job, yet he seems very anti-terran or at least not very supportive of them.
Yet, as an advisor to a space council... what does earth have that the council wants....or needs?

June 25th, 2013, 12:14 AM
You did an excellent job of conveying a lot of information about the character here. The only thing I'd like to see more sharply is the distinction between the planet and humans at the beginning. Modest and unassuming completely contradicts with the next several sentences. While I understand you're painting the picture of like the planet, dislike the primary inhabitant, this first comment is too distanced so it sounds confusing. You also point out he remembers the first time, but you don't describe it so as a lead-in it's a little wasted. This would be better suited for the second paragraph.

Other than that it flows nicely. I assume since this is an exercise, it's more the thoughts that count, and I'd say you gave this guy pretty strong, distinct views. :) Nice job!

June 26th, 2013, 10:27 PM
This character's views on Earth and it's inhabitants reminded me of a more hostile version of Chocky, from John Wyndham's book of the same name. Check it out if you haven't already. It's only 150 pages long.

It was written well and painted a very vivid picture of the alien character.