View Full Version : This green and plesant land

June 21st, 2013, 08:05 PM
The Raven pecked at the dead hedgehog in the road, disturbed by a car it flew to the nearest tree some yards away in the ploughed field. Perched there it looked down and beneath him was a fox eating a pigeon, the fox looked up at the Raven as he chewed on the neck. The Raven flew back to the hedgehog, clasped it in his claws and flew back to the tree. Dropping the hedgehog onto the fox, it moved quickly away and was some yards away when it turned and watched the Raven peck at the pigeon. Soon the Raven was joined by itís mate who clutched the hedgehog and began to eat. The fox was in the hedgerow watching waiting for them to fly off and return to what was left.

Along the hedge was a small furrow filled with water and weeds, travelling through it was a large rat making itís way up to the farmyard. The fox pounced on the rat and held itís crushed head in itís mouth when the rats tail curled itself around the foxís head. A cuckoo sensing the commotion
looked out of the nest as it pushed two eggs out landing near the fox. The fox decided to take no chances and held the rat as it scurried away. When the eggs hit the floor one broke and the smell attracted a stoat running from of the road past the fence into the furrow. As it licked at the broken egg it watched a hare run for cover across the farmers field.

Quickly followed behind was a lurcher dog being watched some distance away by a few men.
It snapped at the hare, caught Itís back leg and pinned it down. Whistles and cheers came from the men as they ran towards the dog. In the adjacent woods to the ploughed field could be heard other humans and gunshots. Looking up the dog watched as Pheasants fell from the sky and wondered why masters always get to eat the spoils. As one pheasant fell to the ground it went undetected by the retreiver dog and died from the pellets that pierced itís body.

In the farmhouse a lady was preparing a meal and awaiting some pheasant off the farmer. A Landrover arrived in the yard three men got out and one opened the back to let the dog out and watched it run of to itís kennel. The three men with their shotguns disappeared behind the door of the farmhouse. In the evening the lights came on in the house and the cat made his way along his now lit path with a dead mouse in itís mouth. As it reached the barn door an owl immediately began to watch for imminent danger but it just devoured the mouse head first. Quick as anything the owl flew from the barn and caught a bat in mid flight,sweeping down it returned to the barn rafters and fed itís young.

The next day the sun came up as the cock crowed but some miles away from the farm a man awoke to his alarm and made his way downstairs. Eating his cornflakes and listening to the radio he heard that hunting was to be banned. Jumping from his chair he reached for the phone that began to ring, answering it he sied. ď Itís finally law no hunting allowed,what a beautiful day this is,we should celebrate.!Ē He went the supermarket and bought all he needed for his small gathering at his house that night. As they all ate and drank they watched the tv and cheered when the newsreader announced the ban. The night came to a close and they all left by car content that no innocent animal shall die tomorrow.

June 23rd, 2013, 06:51 AM
This is a really good description, but rather long for animal description. If the characters are mainly animals, it would be good to meet one as a character, just after the description, like introduce the dog as a character rather than just an animal (if you get what I mean) just to take away a little from the descriptive side. You've started to do that with the man, so I'm guessing it would veer off into the characters anyway :)

It's good imagery; most people can picture a farm or hunting environment, so at least the reader has some on their own connotations of the scene to grasp upon despite the lack of information. Very vivid as well, I'm just thinking that if the description went on much longer, some of those lovely details would get lost. I for one don't read as thoroughly when I can see whole pages of description.

That said, if more description does follow this, it wouldn't be bad so long as it properly contributed to the story and the effect.

I think this is well-written, with good paragraph structure.

P.s. There's the occasional typo, but to be honest, I've probably got some even in this post, so I can't exactly hold it against you ;)

June 23rd, 2013, 01:43 PM
Thankyou...at the moment I'm trying to find a subject to write a much bigger piece about and the short stories are ideas more then anything else.

Jolling Gypsy
June 24th, 2013, 07:30 AM
Truly descriptive writing! Even without having experienced such hunting trips myself (not as hunter though) one is able to live the scenario. A great beginning for a bigger piece, keep going, looking forward to the plot involving the various animals, especially the dog leading the hunt of the hunters!

June 24th, 2013, 05:27 PM
Thanx Jollin Gypsy..I'm working on a story that jumps from the country to a council estate were death,murder are all part of daily life.

Jolling Gypsy
June 24th, 2013, 06:19 PM
I have worked as butler in a Lords manor house and brought snacks and French Champagne to the hunt... in Kent, a beautiful part of Mud Island! Am busy working on something about it, including council estate survival strategies... keep going!!! And with your striking writing style a best seller is in the making!

June 24th, 2013, 06:43 PM
1989..I worked for Major Dick Hern in Berkshire and I use to watch the hunt move from pasture,to feid..ect..I hope Mr Fox never got caught but one thing,he put the major in a wheelchair for life..cunning Mr Fox