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Pennywise
June 14th, 2013, 04:23 PM
“Tiggy, c’mon we are getting late” said little Zoe tugging at the leash. Zoe like a typical chubby four year old is running around the house excited as she is visiting her granny.
“Zoe what will you have for Breakfast?”
“Whatever, Tiggy is having?”
“What is Tiggy going to eat?”
“Tiggy wants Pancakes”
“I can make your favorite cereal and put raisins”
“No, I will eat whatever Tiggy is eating”
This is the normal conversation between Zoe and her mother, almost like a routine and so today was no different. Zoe’s mother Susan is a single mother, her father Rob is in the army and is currently commissioned in Iraq. Susan is a healthcare professional and keeps erratic working hours. She is about to start night shifts at her hospital and is therefore, going to her mother’s place so that Zoe can be looked after.
So little Zoe and Susan with Tiggy in tow set off to granny’s place. On the way they stopped at the Gas station for a loo break as both Tiggy and Zoe wanted to pee really badly! At the gas station, all the staff was amazed to see this playful chubby child, with curly black hair and big naughty eyes. Running and pulling a wool ball Zoe was screaming “C’mon Tiggy, let’s go number one”.
Yes, that was the little Tiggy, Zoe’s imaginary friend. He came in different hues sometimes Red, Pink, and Brown and today he is a bright Orange. Zoe completely loves him. Susan tried many times to wean her away from him, and even got Zoe a Pug, but he died of illness. Tiggy and Zoe have since then become inseparables and he has helped Zoe cope the death of the Pug, whom she affectionately called Piggy. Doctors say, this is just a phase and Zoe will soon grow out of it. Till then, Susan has to learn to love Tiggy like Zoe.

escorial
June 14th, 2013, 04:39 PM
I assumed from the start tiggy was a cat!

Pennywise
June 14th, 2013, 04:44 PM
I assumed from the start tiggy was a cat!
Well, the idea was that the reader assumes either a cat or a pup and is surprised in the end, hope I achieved that in someway. By the way I was imagining Tiggy as a small Pug. I love Pugs

escorial
June 14th, 2013, 04:50 PM
I was surprised at the end...job done...very quaint

Pennywise
June 14th, 2013, 04:54 PM
thanks a bunch!

summergenevieve
June 14th, 2013, 05:03 PM
I assumed from the start tiggy was a cat!

Haha, I thought Tiggy was a tiger not a cat. Oops. It's a very cute story though. It'd definatly appeal to little kids. :)

Glyph
July 2nd, 2013, 03:22 AM
Yeah, I thought Tiggy was a stuffed animal or something, but it's not bad. It didn't really shock me at the end though lol. A lot of kids I know/knew had imaginary friends. It was good to read though. It was simple.

Pennywise
July 2nd, 2013, 03:39 AM
Yeah, I thought Tiggy was a stuffed animal or something, but it's not bad. It didn't really shock me at the end though lol. A lot of kids I know/knew had imaginary friends. It was good to read though. It was simple.

Thanks for the feedback, this means a lot to me, coz I have started writing after a long time, I write professionally though but on Financial Markets and economy. I feel I am creative but lack inspiration. Currently I am writing whatever comes to mind, hopefully I will get my old creativity back!

Glyph
July 2nd, 2013, 04:37 AM
Thanks for the feedback, this means a lot to me, coz I have started writing after a long time, I write professionally though but on Financial Markets and economy. I feel I am creative but lack inspiration. Currently I am writing whatever comes to mind, hopefully I will get my old creativity back!

I think you have a chance to make it in children's stories. If you changed up the ending to a more kid-friendly one, it would be pretty popular among toddlers. On the contrary, it could make a great adult story too - lurking into the mind of a child.

I wish you good luck!

Stephanie1980
August 6th, 2013, 09:17 PM
Good day Pennywise,

I have to ask what the inspiration was behind your username? The name Pennywise will forever be the clown from IT for me. Being a Stephen King fan, it’s all good with me. Read your short and it was interesting, definite cues for young children to enjoy and get involved with. I did guess Tiggy to be a dog. It has a nice lesson at the end:

“Till then, Susan has to learn to love Tiggy like Zoe.”

Kids need that these days, to read stories that teach them something. The only thing I will say about this short is to elaborate more. Short stories can be any length but a decent short is usually between 1,000 to 7,500 words. Make sure there is a good mix between descriptive text and dialogue. Also, show the reader what is happening instead of telling the reader facts or background story, which could be told through action. The idea is great, just need to make it a little more descriptive. Keep up the good work, fellow writer.

Cheers ~ :strawberry:

Blade
August 6th, 2013, 09:42 PM
Yeah, I thought Tiggy was a stuffed animal or something,

That was my impression as well, like Tigger in Winnie-the-Poo.

agraymatter
August 8th, 2013, 03:57 AM
You have a great idea here. Imaginary friends are a fun topic.

Keep working on this idea to create a clear plot. I got a bit confused as to what the problem and solution were because of all the descriptions. Descriptions are great, but keep your audience in mind. At first you used pretty sophisticated words
her father Rob is in the army and is currently commissioned in Iraq. Susan is a healthcare professional and keeps erratic working hours..

Okay, so those are relatively sophisticated words. I suppose I had children in mind. Then later there's this:

On the way they stopped at the Gas station for a loo break as both Tiggy and Zoe wanted to pee really badly!

Now, children would have an easier time reading that, but it's a tad inconsistent with the language you used earlier.

Overall, I'm excited to read stories with imaginary friends. I particularly liked this part:
Running and pulling a wool ball Zoe was screaming “C’mon Tiggy, let’s go number one”.

huntsman
August 30th, 2013, 05:37 PM
I assume Tiggy was a tiger....and start think in gas station all are amazed and scare, to see a cub with a child.....

Good story...