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View Full Version : Why Not? (Language)



tinacrabapple
June 5th, 2013, 02:22 AM
deleted

Quick239
June 5th, 2013, 04:16 PM
I like the way you write; it is eloquent enough to make a simple evening of flipping through an endless amount of magazines seem almost mysterious but not so much as to discourage most people. I feel somewhat intrigued by where this is going, if it is going somewhere, and I hope to read more of it. Also, I don't know if this was intended but I have the impression the husband is made out to be the comedic relief of the story; the way he speaks seems almost cartoon-ish and I don't mean that negatively. It makes the female character seem more real and more grounded even though she seems almost bored and sluggish.

All in all there are very few mistakes, only 2 or 3 I could spot. You seem quite confident in your writing and that makes it all the more interesting.

I look forward to reading more of your works.

Strangedays410
June 8th, 2013, 11:45 PM
Your voice is incredible. Quick spoke of your confidence. I noticed that too, and am sure it is part of what makes your writing so good. The confidence comes from knowing you could probably write yourself out of the electric chair, if you had to. Anyhow, you'll handle the typos and jagged bits, so I'll just say this is excellent. I'd read more. Good work.

tinacrabapple
June 10th, 2013, 01:21 AM
Thanks for reading. It's sort of hard to take what you are saying seriously, since I write so infrquently. I have no handle of the English language, can't spell, and my vocabulary level is the equivalent of a fifth grader.

Thanks for both reading. This is just a scene, nothing more.

Strangedays410
June 10th, 2013, 02:04 AM
Thanks for reading. It's sort of hard to take what you are saying seriously, since I write so infrquently. I have no handle of the English language, can't spell, and my vocabulary level is the equivalent of a fifth grader.

Thanks for both reading. This is just a scene, nothing more.

Maybe we're just easily amused...or you're better than you pretend:).

tinacrabapple
June 11th, 2013, 06:29 PM
Ok, thanks for the feedback, I do appreciate it. I'll try to write another scene. It'll probably be gritty.

Strangedays410
June 11th, 2013, 06:33 PM
Please do. Gritty is good.

Micholeon
August 31st, 2013, 05:02 AM
I think your work could strongly benefit from some spacing and paragraph breaks.

Some small grammar corrections - pay attention to your tense. For example, at one point you say "laugh" when it should be "laughed." Also in this quote, "he said to her back, "You are vile."" "you" should not be capitalized because it does not start a new sentence.

Other than that, I like it but it needs more. Where is it going?