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View Full Version : Oh my prey, fly away, I shall starve for today



Hunter56
June 2nd, 2013, 02:45 AM
I stepped out of the cabin onto the rickety wooden porch and sucked in a large gulp of fresh air. Seldom is anything better than a clear, sunny day high in the mountains. I've only been living in the San Juan range of Colorado for about a year; I still get that surge of excitement whenever I first step out in the morning and see the massive peaks splitting the sky. My cabin was old but I kept up with the maintenance it constantly needed. No less than twenty feet away from the old cabin was the ATV and pickup truck. In all honesty -- I use the ATV more than I do my pickup -- especially riding to Telluride, which was the nearest town about ten miles away. I only go to town when need-be though, being around crowds was not the reason I bought this cabin. The reason of course was for the alpine serenity. Fall was coming over the Rockies, the aspens turning to gold and the first sighting of snow forming on the very tip of the fourteeners. I was geared up in my riding outfit. I went over to my ATV and started it up to go cruising in the wilderness.

It's always a bumpy ride trekking through the mountain trails. The road from the cabin goes through a steep decline into the meadows and valleys inside the range. Going through the dirt roads and trails boast an unlimited supply of breathtaking vistas. Being in the wilderness is a good time for me to think. I often stop at a particularly gorgeous view and ponder about my life thus far. It hasn't been an easy nor a very happy one.

I grew up and dwelled in the Chicago ghettoes. You don't need to be a genius to know that it's not exactly a pleasant place to be. I've seen people arrested, mugged, stabbed, shot, raped, overdose on drugs, pretty much any horrid thing you could think of. I experienced half of those things myself; arrested four times, mugged on my way home once, stabbed twice, shot once. I didn't commit rape -- I would never -- but one of my childhood friends raped a girl right in front of me and many others at some slum party. Everyday I woke up was like waking up in hell.

I hung in there though, and got my lucky break to get out of the ghettoes through a college scholarship. I worked my way up and eventually became the CEO of a computer software company. Unfortunately, I can only visit my beloved mountain cabin a few times a year for about a week or so. Afterwards I'll have to go back to my company's headquarters as well as my other home in New York City. For the time being however, this is my escape. After witnessing so much ugliness and suffering, it feels good to finally see some of the beautiful things in the world.



By Hunter56,

lowprofile300
June 2nd, 2013, 04:56 PM
I stepped out of the cabin onto the rickety wooden porch and sucked in a large gulp of fresh air. Seldom is anything better than a clear, sunny day high in the mountains. I've only been living in the San Juan range of Colorado for about a year; I still get that surge of excitement whenever I first step out in the morning and see the massive peaks splitting the sky. My cabin was old but I kept up with the maintenance it constantly needed. No less than twenty feet away from the old cabin was the ATV and pickup truck. In all honesty -- I use the ATV more than I do my pickup -- especially riding to Telluride, which was the nearest town about ten miles away. I only go to town when need-be though, being around crowds was not the reason I bought this cabin. The reason of course was for the alpine serenity. Fall was coming over the Rockies, the aspens turning to gold and the first sighting of snow forming on the very tip of the fourteeners. I was geared up in my riding outfit. I went over to my ATV and started it up to go cruising in the wilderness.

It's always a bumpy ride trekking through the mountain trails. The road from the cabin goes through a steep decline into the meadows and valleys inside the range. Going through the dirt roads and trails boast an unlimited supply of breathtaking vistas. Being in the wilderness is a good time for me to think. I often stop at a particularly gorgeous view and ponder about my life thus far. It hasn't been an easy nor a very happy one.

I grew up and dwelled in the Chicago ghettoes. You don't need to be a genius to know that it's not exactly a pleasant place to be. I've seen people arrested, mugged, stabbed, shot, raped, overdose on drugs, pretty much any horrid thing you could think of. I experienced half of those things myself; arrested four times, mugged on my way home once, stabbed twice, shot once. I didn't commit rape -- I would never -- but one of my childhood friends raped a girl right in front of me and many others at some slum party. Everyday I woke up was like waking up in hell.

I hung in there though, and got my lucky break to get out of the ghettoes through a college scholarship. I worked my way up and eventually became the CEO of a computer software company. Unfortunately, I can only visit my beloved mountain cabin a few times a year for about a week or so. Afterwards I'll have to go back to my company's headquarters as well as my other home in New York City. For the time being however, this is my escape. After witnessing so much ugliness and suffering, it feels good to finally see some of the beautiful things in the world.



By Hunter56,

@Hunter56, The writing is good, but I failed to see the connection to the title. It read like an excerpt of an autobiography. Am I wrong? Is he the prey that got away from the ghettos i.e. predator/breeding ground?

escorial
June 2nd, 2013, 05:48 PM
loved it,vivid,descriptive....fast n furious...yh man

Hunter56
June 2nd, 2013, 07:54 PM
Thank you both for the responses.

@lowprofile300 - The title is very abstract, I intended it to mean many things. The one you suggested was correct, he was prey to the ghettos and got away. Nah it wasn't an autobiography haha -- it was my first crack at flash-fiction.

@escorial - Much appreciated!

Hunter56
June 3rd, 2013, 05:04 AM
Just have to say right quick that I'm watching this documentary on Sportscenter right now about a guy who went through a life very similar to my story. He was in a gang in the ghettos of San Francisco and was able to find solace through rock climbing in the Sierra's. Odd cause this documentary was JUST released and I wrote this story a couple days ago. Funny how such things happen.

escorial
June 6th, 2013, 02:11 PM
Just read it again....I like the first passage so much that i wanted more but the next three passages move so far away from it and yet it's conected..not easy to do that.

Hunter56
June 7th, 2013, 02:35 AM
Just read it again....I like the first passage so much that i wanted more but the next three passages move so far away from it and yet it's conected..not easy to do that.

Thanks for reading again escorial!

In the first paragraph I was setting up the present day setting the main character was enjoying so much, I wanted to make it sound as pleasing as possible. The rest of the story explains how and why he's there as well as his final thoughts regarding his past.

Jolling Gypsy
June 21st, 2013, 11:40 AM
Hi Hunter56
Beautifully descriptive, one can feel and see it all, no imagination required. Is it an excerpt of a deeply involving story?

Hunter56
June 21st, 2013, 05:24 PM
Hi Hunter56
Beautifully descriptive, one can feel and see it all, no imagination required. Is it an excerpt of a deeply involving story?

Hey Jolling Gypsy,

Thanks for reading! Your comments are appreciated. Believe it or not it was just a flash story that I wrote in about an hour or so.

H. Giggles
June 23rd, 2013, 12:36 PM
Wow. Just that short piece got my head spinning. Is there going to be more to this story?

Hunter56
June 23rd, 2013, 08:42 PM
Wow. Just that short piece got my head spinning. Is there going to be more to this story?

Thanks for reading H. Giggles!

I haven't given it much thought on whether to continue this one or not. It is something I'll definitely consider if I'm able to think of a good continuation.