Aiyooona
May 27th, 2013, 04:15 PM
This is one of my first novels, so critique away!
Alone, in the middle of the dark road, stood a dark figure, watching. No one knew who he was, or where he had come from. Taking the straw out of his mouth, he threw it to the ground and took a deep breath. “Um, sir?”
“What?” the figure demanded.
“When will it be time?”
The figure stopped and laughed with a cold, dark smile and answered,” be patient, my apprentice. The time has almost come. Its very close.”
“As you can see, the wind patterns in this area of the United States cause many twisters to touch down here in Oklahoma. Any questions?”
I raised my hand. “Ms. Folkenburg, why do people live here if they might die from tornadoes?”
“Sure we have twisters. Every place has a fault, but sometimes, you fall in love with a place and there is nothing that can keep you away.” She turned to sit down in her chair. Just as she was about to sit, she cried in surprise and stood up. “There- there was a tack on my chair! Who did-“ she stopped in her tracks. “Bergitta!” I turned and looked at her. “Yes ma’am.”
“This is the third time this week, and its Thursday!”
“But ma’am, its so funny!”
“We’ll see how funny it is when you have after school detention for a week!”
“Alright ma’am. Can I do some pranks, there too?”
I’m not a bad kid. I just love practical jokes, don’t you? Its funny to see people’s faces when they discover something odd, gross, or creepy. But, I’m not a bad kid as I said before, I’m just a prankster. Oh, by the way, I’m Bergitta. I’m 14 years old,in the eighth grade, and number 3 of 7 kids. I’m the oddball of my family. While the rest of my family has black hair and blue eyes, I have dirty blonde hair with green eyes. Not that I’m complaining. I like to be different. But sometimes its hard. You know, with everyone thinking I’m adopted. Not only is my appearance different, so is my personality. The rest of my family is quiet and collected and generally focuses on their school work, I love sports, and anything active, including pranks. That gets me into trouble sometimes.
“I’ll see you at home, Bergitta. I’ll tell mom you had to stay after.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks Colbs.”
Colby is my older brother, but not by much. As a matter of fact, we’re twins. He’s my best friend- well, one of them. My other best friend is Colby’s best friend, Jorgen. We’ve been the three amigos since the 1st grade, and we have the best fun.
“Bergitta. Why do you keep on pulling pranks on everyone?”
“It’s fun!”
“But, they are rude and disrespectful!”
I sighed. “I’ll try and do better.”
“Good. That’s all I can ask of you. Now I want you to sit here quietly and do your work until 4:00. Then you can go home.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay.”
Ms. Folkenburg sat down at her desk and began to grade the papers from our science test yesterday. I had finally settled down and had become focused enough to work on my math homework, when someone opened the door. I don’t even know how to explain what he looked like. When he glanced at me, I stopped cold. I couldn’t tear my eyes from his, mainly because if I did, I knew I wouldn’t be able to look at him again. Behind him stood a boy, probably about fifteen or sixteen, with blonde hair and green eyes. He was short and stocky, and he seemed almost…. Scared. He cleared his voice and directed his question to me. “Excuse me. I’m looking for Alexandria Folkenburg.” His raspy voice…did he drink acid when he was a kid? Unable to speak, I pointed to my teacher, who sat at her desk, totally zoned out.
“Thank you, young lady. “ He went to her desk, put his hand on her shoulder, and whispered in her ear. The moment his hand touched her shoulder, she first flinched, then froze when she realized whose hand it was. She looked up, surprised, then gave a nervous laugh and said, “Well, go- good afternoon! It’s been a long time!” The boy stayed by the door, uncomfortably looking around. I glanced at the clock. 3:59. I stood up and gathered my books. “Well, this has been fun, Ms. Folkenburg, but it’s four o’ clock and I’m gonna head home.”
“Okay. See you tomorrow, Bergitta”
Don’t say my name! My mind screamed. I didn’t know these people, but something about them wasn’t right. I smiled at the man and headed towards the door. I slowed my pace as I approached the boy. He turned and held the door open for me. I smiled and asked, “What’s your name?” He looked at the ground and mumbled, ”Frederick”.
“Nice to meet you.” I started to turn away, but he grabbed my arm. “Run.” He whispered. “Run away as fast as you can and don’t turn back.”
I hung up the phone hastily. I gasped for air, trying to regain a sense of logic. My heart beat a million miles per hour, and my temples throbbed. I looked up at Colby. He had reacted the same way as me. "Are you sure this isn't some kind of prank?" he asked me. I knew it wasn't a prank. There was something about that man...
"No. This is real. And so is the danger." I replied. It was all I could say. I had some money saved up. So, Colby and I did the only thing that seemed logical. We packed our bags, snuck out of the house in the middle of the night, and caught the next plane to Washington.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Colby asked me. I shrugged. " You got a better idea?" He looked at the ground. "That's what I thought." We passed airport security, and boarded the airplane. We sat down uncomfortably and got ready fro the flight. I felt like someone was watching me. I slowly turned around, only to see a boy, he looked like Frederick, but his eyes.... they were dark and cold. It WASN'T him...
I tapped Colby on the shoulder and informed him of my plan. Apparently, this boy, was working for that man... he was following us, or could I say, stalking? To this day, I can't remember what he looked like, just his eyes. We stayed on the plane, but the moment the plane touched the ground, I stood up and ran to the escape hatch by the wing of the plane. Before anyone had time to respond, we bolted out of the plane and took off running down the runway. I heard yelling from all sides of us. As we turned, men from three sides began closing in on us. The fence was our other option. Since there was no possible and humanly way we could climb it, we did the next best thing...
Chapter 2
I grabbed the chain link fence and started kicking at it, trying to break it free from the ground. Colby dug into the ground and pulled it up. We both climbed under it and took off down the road. I heard the men telling the others to let us go, and that we weren’t worth it. We kept running until I collapsed about an hour later. As I tried to fill my lungs with air once again, Colby tried to figure out where we were. He finally concluded that we were in Seattle. Of course, we should have known because of the rain. My phone rang in my pocket. It was Frederick. “Hello?”
He seemed out of breath. “They lost you. Keep moving though. He won’t give up.”
"Well, I can't keep moving forev-"
"He's tracing this call. i have to go. Keep moving, and good luck"
"Wait, what do I-"
The phone stayed silent. He had hung up. I threw the phone on the ground in frustration and turned to sit on a bench. Colby quietly picked up the phone from the ground and sat down under a nearby tree. I put my face in my hands, trying to gather up my feelings. Colby put his hand on my shoulder. At least, I thought it was his hand. For some reason, his hand was unusually large, cold, and the way the hand squeezed my shoulder was dark and creepy. I removed my face from my hands and looked at the feet that the hands belonged to. My eyes traveled upwards until I reached the figure's face. It was....him..... I looked to the side and saw that his henchmen were holding Colby's limp body. He must have been knocked out.
Alone, in the middle of the dark road, stood a dark figure, watching. No one knew who he was, or where he had come from. Taking the straw out of his mouth, he threw it to the ground and took a deep breath. “Um, sir?”
“What?” the figure demanded.
“When will it be time?”
The figure stopped and laughed with a cold, dark smile and answered,” be patient, my apprentice. The time has almost come. Its very close.”
“As you can see, the wind patterns in this area of the United States cause many twisters to touch down here in Oklahoma. Any questions?”
I raised my hand. “Ms. Folkenburg, why do people live here if they might die from tornadoes?”
“Sure we have twisters. Every place has a fault, but sometimes, you fall in love with a place and there is nothing that can keep you away.” She turned to sit down in her chair. Just as she was about to sit, she cried in surprise and stood up. “There- there was a tack on my chair! Who did-“ she stopped in her tracks. “Bergitta!” I turned and looked at her. “Yes ma’am.”
“This is the third time this week, and its Thursday!”
“But ma’am, its so funny!”
“We’ll see how funny it is when you have after school detention for a week!”
“Alright ma’am. Can I do some pranks, there too?”
I’m not a bad kid. I just love practical jokes, don’t you? Its funny to see people’s faces when they discover something odd, gross, or creepy. But, I’m not a bad kid as I said before, I’m just a prankster. Oh, by the way, I’m Bergitta. I’m 14 years old,in the eighth grade, and number 3 of 7 kids. I’m the oddball of my family. While the rest of my family has black hair and blue eyes, I have dirty blonde hair with green eyes. Not that I’m complaining. I like to be different. But sometimes its hard. You know, with everyone thinking I’m adopted. Not only is my appearance different, so is my personality. The rest of my family is quiet and collected and generally focuses on their school work, I love sports, and anything active, including pranks. That gets me into trouble sometimes.
“I’ll see you at home, Bergitta. I’ll tell mom you had to stay after.”
I couldn’t help but smile. “Thanks Colbs.”
Colby is my older brother, but not by much. As a matter of fact, we’re twins. He’s my best friend- well, one of them. My other best friend is Colby’s best friend, Jorgen. We’ve been the three amigos since the 1st grade, and we have the best fun.
“Bergitta. Why do you keep on pulling pranks on everyone?”
“It’s fun!”
“But, they are rude and disrespectful!”
I sighed. “I’ll try and do better.”
“Good. That’s all I can ask of you. Now I want you to sit here quietly and do your work until 4:00. Then you can go home.”
I rolled my eyes. “Okay.”
Ms. Folkenburg sat down at her desk and began to grade the papers from our science test yesterday. I had finally settled down and had become focused enough to work on my math homework, when someone opened the door. I don’t even know how to explain what he looked like. When he glanced at me, I stopped cold. I couldn’t tear my eyes from his, mainly because if I did, I knew I wouldn’t be able to look at him again. Behind him stood a boy, probably about fifteen or sixteen, with blonde hair and green eyes. He was short and stocky, and he seemed almost…. Scared. He cleared his voice and directed his question to me. “Excuse me. I’m looking for Alexandria Folkenburg.” His raspy voice…did he drink acid when he was a kid? Unable to speak, I pointed to my teacher, who sat at her desk, totally zoned out.
“Thank you, young lady. “ He went to her desk, put his hand on her shoulder, and whispered in her ear. The moment his hand touched her shoulder, she first flinched, then froze when she realized whose hand it was. She looked up, surprised, then gave a nervous laugh and said, “Well, go- good afternoon! It’s been a long time!” The boy stayed by the door, uncomfortably looking around. I glanced at the clock. 3:59. I stood up and gathered my books. “Well, this has been fun, Ms. Folkenburg, but it’s four o’ clock and I’m gonna head home.”
“Okay. See you tomorrow, Bergitta”
Don’t say my name! My mind screamed. I didn’t know these people, but something about them wasn’t right. I smiled at the man and headed towards the door. I slowed my pace as I approached the boy. He turned and held the door open for me. I smiled and asked, “What’s your name?” He looked at the ground and mumbled, ”Frederick”.
“Nice to meet you.” I started to turn away, but he grabbed my arm. “Run.” He whispered. “Run away as fast as you can and don’t turn back.”
I hung up the phone hastily. I gasped for air, trying to regain a sense of logic. My heart beat a million miles per hour, and my temples throbbed. I looked up at Colby. He had reacted the same way as me. "Are you sure this isn't some kind of prank?" he asked me. I knew it wasn't a prank. There was something about that man...
"No. This is real. And so is the danger." I replied. It was all I could say. I had some money saved up. So, Colby and I did the only thing that seemed logical. We packed our bags, snuck out of the house in the middle of the night, and caught the next plane to Washington.
"Are you sure this is a good idea?" Colby asked me. I shrugged. " You got a better idea?" He looked at the ground. "That's what I thought." We passed airport security, and boarded the airplane. We sat down uncomfortably and got ready fro the flight. I felt like someone was watching me. I slowly turned around, only to see a boy, he looked like Frederick, but his eyes.... they were dark and cold. It WASN'T him...
I tapped Colby on the shoulder and informed him of my plan. Apparently, this boy, was working for that man... he was following us, or could I say, stalking? To this day, I can't remember what he looked like, just his eyes. We stayed on the plane, but the moment the plane touched the ground, I stood up and ran to the escape hatch by the wing of the plane. Before anyone had time to respond, we bolted out of the plane and took off running down the runway. I heard yelling from all sides of us. As we turned, men from three sides began closing in on us. The fence was our other option. Since there was no possible and humanly way we could climb it, we did the next best thing...
Chapter 2
I grabbed the chain link fence and started kicking at it, trying to break it free from the ground. Colby dug into the ground and pulled it up. We both climbed under it and took off down the road. I heard the men telling the others to let us go, and that we weren’t worth it. We kept running until I collapsed about an hour later. As I tried to fill my lungs with air once again, Colby tried to figure out where we were. He finally concluded that we were in Seattle. Of course, we should have known because of the rain. My phone rang in my pocket. It was Frederick. “Hello?”
He seemed out of breath. “They lost you. Keep moving though. He won’t give up.”
"Well, I can't keep moving forev-"
"He's tracing this call. i have to go. Keep moving, and good luck"
"Wait, what do I-"
The phone stayed silent. He had hung up. I threw the phone on the ground in frustration and turned to sit on a bench. Colby quietly picked up the phone from the ground and sat down under a nearby tree. I put my face in my hands, trying to gather up my feelings. Colby put his hand on my shoulder. At least, I thought it was his hand. For some reason, his hand was unusually large, cold, and the way the hand squeezed my shoulder was dark and creepy. I removed my face from my hands and looked at the feet that the hands belonged to. My eyes traveled upwards until I reached the figure's face. It was....him..... I looked to the side and saw that his henchmen were holding Colby's limp body. He must have been knocked out.