View Full Version : Shanghai Island (YA/Adventure/Survival/Bullying/ Bit of Romance)- Action/Kidnap Scene

May 3rd, 2013, 09:59 PM
So this takes place about a quarter of the way through the book. One of two climax points in this book. Basically, class feild trip to China. A boy and a girl who do not get along get partnered together. Forget to set watches forward. Miss bus to hotel, miss flight. Front desk calls a "cab". Kids get in the cab to go to airport to try and find a way to their next destination (The girl threw away contact information in her hissy fit).

The scenes below are where they find out that they are in trouble, getting kidnapped, flight, plane crash, and aftermath of crash.

The points of view switch back between Charles and Evelyn.

I don't use chapter, I use parts that will seperate the weeks (This is part of part 1).

It's very rough and hasn't been cleaned up, so feel free to make comments and let me know what needs to be changed, removed, or improved.

Link below is thread containing some bggining material, but it is not needed. you can jump on in.

http://www.writingforums.com/fiction/137592-shanghai-island-part-1-ya-adventure-bit-romace-bullying.html (http://www.writingforums.com/fiction/137592-shanghai-island-part-1-ya-adventure-bit-romace-bullying.html)



When they stopped, Evelyn knew this was not the airport that they arrived in at. She wouldn’t even consider this to even be an airport. It looked like an abandoned mini airfield that now housed construction equipment and trailers.

“Excuse me,” Evelyn said, trying to control her rising fear. “This isn’t the airport. We need to go to Shanghai International.”

The driver didn’t respond as be pulled to a stop next to an old single engine plane. He opened his door and got out, approaching a slender man who appeared to be a bit tipsy. The driver finally turned around and waved for the man in the front seat to exit the vehicle. Seconds later, Evelyn’s door open and the man grunted, obviously asking her to get out. The smell of fuel almost made her choke.

“Where are we,” she managed to ask at no one in particular. Charley had already climbed out on the other side, looking around with a stupid blank stare on his face.

The driver said something in Chinese, and the buzz cut man walked to the back of the car and began grabbing their luggage.

“First class,” the driver said, holding his arms out like he was revealing something spectacular. The man that Evelyn assumed was the pilot slapped down the driver’s arms and took out a wad of money and began to count.
Thump, thump.

It took a second to break her attention from the exchange that appeared to be happening, but she turned her head to see the big oaf with the buzz cut tossing her luggage into the dirt.

Another man walked around from the other side of the plane, looking tired and angry. To her horror, she saw a pistol sticking out of the front of his pants. Evelyn looked over at Charley, his eyes locked on the new man.

“I think we will just head back to the hotel and just wait until tomorrow,” Charley said. The new man had joined the pilot and the driver, and the driver looked over his shoulder at Charley, clearly annoyed. She couldn’t agree more with Charley at this moment.

“Yeah, that’s a good idea. We don’t want to inconvenience anyone -“ Evelyn was cut short as the guy with the gun drew out his gun and pointed it at her. He yelled threats she didn’t understand, but she got the point. Shut up.

From behind the large man, that had finished grabbing their luggage, wrapped his arms around her waist and lifted Evelyn about a foot off the ground. The next minute happened way to fast to fully register.

She screamed, and the men paid her no mind. Then she slammed against the car, the man’s arms letting go as she began to crumple to the dirt in a daze. She saw Charley holding the big man from the back, face red, pulling him back away from her. He was shouting something but she couldn’t make it out over the ringing in her hears.

She got to her feet, disoriented, and tried to run but fell to her knees after a few feet. She heard yelling and footsteps run towards her, but she didn’t look back as she began to crawl away. Evelyn had made it about ten feet from the car when she was lifted by men from both sides by the arms.

“No!” she screamed, her voice tearing at her throat. She twisted and tried to throw her weight, but the men’s grip just tightened as the pulled her towards the plane. She spotted Charley, crumpled on the ground with blood trickling down his forehead, unconscious - or dead. “Please don’t.”

“Quiet!” the driver yelled as he rubbed a swollen eye that Charley must have given him.

They leaned her over the front of the car and one of the men held her head down while the two others tied her hands behind her back. She prayed that they wouldn’t hurt her. Wouldn’t touch her. Wouldn’t do things to her.

“Please,” she pleaded with her captors again, but all it got her was the ropes around her wrists to be tightened until she screamed in pain. Then she heard a ripping noise that was familiar to her - Duct tape. The man holding her head gripped her head and pulled it back as the man with the buzz walked forward and wrapped a two foot strip over her mouth and around her head.

Evelyn couldn’t breathe. Her chest heaved and head began to spin. Her face wet from sweat and tears. Her head aching from her hair being yanked and slammed into the car. Her arms bruised from her captors dragging her. Wrists burning and stinging from the rope digging in. She knew she was going to die.

They shoved her into a seat in the tiny plane, securing her seatbelt, and she it was not for their safety, it was to keep her from escaping. The men began shouting at each other, clearly not happy with whatever deal they originally had. The man with the buzz, who looked ready to pass out himself, began dragging Charley’s limp body towards the plane. The driver walked over and grabbed his arm and something that made the big man begin pulling Charley towards the car. The driver then began walking towards the plane, motioning for Evelyn to follow. She knew what he was doing. He was bluffing to get more money. They were being kidnapped.


The driver walked a few steps after the noise then fell to his knees. His partner dropped Charley and began backing away with his hands up. The man with the gun pointed the gun at the beg man and fired two more shots.

It was too much for Evelyn to take and she blanked out.

When she awoke, the sun was just coming out, and she was still in the plane, tied up and duct taped. She was still in the same airstrip that they were at the night before. The door to the plan was shut, and she could hear voices from the other side. She scooted as far as she could to peer out of the tiny window when she noticed that Charley laying unconscious on the ground in front of her. She wanted to make noises to wake him up, but she was afraid of attract any attention.

Through the window, she no longer saw the bodies of two of their captors. Instead, she saw the pilot and the man with the gun speaking with a guy who appeared to be towing the car her and Charley were brought here in. Then something odd happened. She was sure there was going to be some violence, but instead the man with the gun shook the man towing the cars hand. The tow truck man reached into his back pocket and pulled out an envelope and handed it the man with the gun, who in turned opened it up and thumbed through what appeared to be money. He nodded to the pilot and they turned and walked to the plane as the tow truck began to pull out.

Evelyn leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes, pretending to still be asleep. Then she heard the engine start. A mind numbing sound that made the air in cabin seemed to compress into her ears, and make her heart skip beats. They began to move, and she opened her eyes just enough to see them make their way down an empty strip full of pot holes that the pilot attempted to dodge, but seemed to be hitting more than he was missing. Then they left the ground, and she felt like her freedom was officially gone.


Charley hurt. That’s the first thing he realized when he began to slip back into consciousness. His chest, his arms, and especially his head. Then the events from before he was knocked out began to flood back. How he jumped on the man that was attacking Evelyn and screaming for her to run. His hearing came back and recognized the sounds of the engine of a plane. He could sense from their movements that they were already up in the air. Finally, he opened his eyes. Not a lot, but just enough to see that no one was facing him. He could see Evelyn, with tape over her mouth, face crusted dirt and grime. She wasn’t moving, and her hands were behind her back.

He opened his eyes wider, but stayed still. He looked down at his hands, which to his surprise were unbound. As were his legs. Then he caught a movement in Evelyn’s eyes. They were open, but just barely. She was looking at him, and he could see her chest begin to move rapidly. Hey slowly turned his head to pear behind him. His back was to the tiny cockpit where he could see the pilot. The other man, the man with the gun, he assumed was in the seat direct behind him.

He turned back to Evelyn. Stay calm. He tried to mouth to her, but she began to hyperventilate. Charley closed his mouth and tried to show her to just breathe. She closed her eyes and took a few deep breathes and opened her eyes. He had never liked Evelyn much, but no one deserved to go through this. Her eyes were painful to look at, and he began to think of other things. What have they done to her? What will they do to her? She’s too pretty to be a maid or do physical labor. He was smart enough that he knew they were being kidnapped as soon as they pulled to the gate of the so called airport.

Her eyes left Charley and looked up in fear. She squeezed her eyes closed, and new it meant he needed to play dead a little longer. He could hear the man behind him shift his weight, followed by his voice speaking to the pilot. The pilot gave a creepy laugh that made Charley’s skin crawl. He heard the click of a seat belt, and the metallic thump of it carelessly being dropped to the ground. From behind Charley, the man’s leg stretch over him followed by his other that struck Charley in the ribs. He held in his cry and held his breath. He opened his eyes just enough to see the man fumbling with some loose articles on the seat next to Evelyn. He took this chance to take a deep breath.

Should I try and take this guy? Charley thought. He was sure if he could take the man by surprise that he may be able too. The problem was the man’s gun, which Charley was sure he had somewhere on him. Even if he somehow subdued the man, he still had to deal with the pilot, and no telling where they were and how long they had been flying. Then again, if Charley let them land before trying to escape, it would probably be too late. He opened his eye a little when the man started to talk, this time in English. He had a formal English accent, almost British.

“I am sorry little girl,” the man began. “It is most unfortunate that you are in this situation. I am sure you agree. The world, at least the Chinese government, seems to ignore that people disappear everyday without reason or warning. They simply do not want to acknowledge the fact that there is indeed a problem. After all, the tourists wouldn’t want to go somewhere so dangerous. Communism at its finest. With no one to stop us, it is simply the best business to be in at the moment. I hope there are no hard feelings, this is just my job.”

Charley could see Evelyn staring at the man with fear in her eyes. She looked as if she wanted to cry, but something told him she had no more tears left to shed. The man reached out his hand and gently touched a curl of her hair as Evelyn sunk deeper into her corner. She gave a muffled whimper. The man lowered his hands to her shoulder as if he was carefully caressing a baby.

“You don’t have to worry my dear.” The man’s words sounded almost kind in a twisted way. “A girl of your qualities would not have to be lucky to find a man that takes care of you. For a while anyways.”

The man laughed at his joke, and then his face got serious. “Unfortunately for you, I am not that type of man.”

He leaned forward and took a deep breath, taking in Evelyn’s sent. He stretched out his finger and dragged it from her ear, down her neck, hooker her bra strap and sliding it down her arm. He whispered just loud enough so Charley could hear, “For your sake, don’t fight it. The better condition you arrive in, the better chance of being sold to someone that will treat you good.”

Charley’s mind was set. He had no choice but to fight back. The man leaned in toward Evelyn and Charley made his move. He pushed himself, still dizzy from being unconscious, but his muscles surprisingly responsive.

The man had just realized that Charley was now on his feet and lunging towards him when the plane pitched before he was able to get to the man. Charley was thrown hard into the door and felt it give a little from the impact. The pilot began yelling as the man with Evelyn got to his feet, but his eyes weren’t on Charley, they were looking towards the cabin where the pilot was holding up a gun.

Charley pushed himself to his knees and prepared to through himself onto the man just as Evelyn stretch out her legs, wrapping them around the man’s legs causing him to stumble forward. He was able to catch himself on the pilot’s seat and was now reaching for the gun when Charley pounced. Not at the man, but for the gun. Three sets of hands gripped the pistol. Evelyn still had one of the legs mans wrapped in hers, giving the man little leverage with is one good leg. The pilot kept taking a hand off every few moments to keep the plane somewhat level.

Charley placed a foot into the cab, grabbed one of the pilot’s arms with one hand, and the pistol in the other and pushed back with all his strength. The pilot cried as his arm snapped out of its socket with a sicken crunch and pop. His grip on the gun loosened and Charley fell back towards the seat that Evelyn was in. The other man followed, both legs now free, not letting his grip on the gun waver. He leapt on top of Charley and began to push the gun toward Charley’s face. It only took him a moment to realize that the man’s fingers were around the trigger. Charley had lost. Just as fast as Charley had given up, Evelyn had put both feet against the man and pushed him off Charley. Charley released his grip as the man flung backwards. The man had turned and slammed face first into the pilot’s seat.


Then all went silent. Charley’s vision blurred as he struggled to stay focused on the man and the gun. He got to his feet and took a step further when he realized that something was wrong. Smoke and sparks came from the control panel as the pilot franticly began flipping switches and pumping handles. He looked out the front of the plane and saw nothing but open blue waters. They were going down and they were in the middle of the ocean.

The plane lurched and both Charley and the seemingly unconscious man were thrown into the planes hatch.

The door groaned under the weight. The plane jerked straight again, and again, and again. Charley couldn’t control his movements as he was continuously thrown around the cabin with one of his captors. The engine began to whine and sputter and air began to whistle around them. The door swung open and began sucking the air from Charley’s lungs. With the last bit of strength he had, he lunged towards the seat next to Evelyn but only was able to land face first on the worn leather.

He felt himself begin to slip away from consciousness as the plane vibrated violently. The last thing he remembered before he was engulfed in darkness and silence was the smell of sweat and perfume, and the soft touch of skin lock around his head.


Evelyn felt hopeless. Not scared - she was far so beyond scared that time felt like it was starting to slow down. She had watched on has Charley and the man had wrestled throughout the cabin. She even somewhat satisfied her urge to pound the sick man’s face in by kicking him off Charley. Now the plane was vibrating and struggling to stay airborne with their now one armed pilot flipping switches and speaking to himself, something she evidently couldn’t understand.

Evelyn’s priority at that moment was Charley’s body slowly slipping from the seat and towards the open door.

She struggled with the bonds around her wrists, but they seemed to dig deeper the more she moved. If she could use her hands, maybe she could hold on to him with her legs, she though. A moment of pride flickered through her mind, that how disgusting and demoralizing it was to touch this boy. She didn’t dwell on it though and she was already twisting her body so she could wrap her legs around Charley’s chest. Moments later, she tightened her grip and began to pull him towards her while keeping him upright. His head now rested on her inner thigh.

If we don’t die, I hope he doesn’t wake up and remember this, she thought.

The plane gave a sharp jolt, flinging the unconscious man across the cabin. His eyes opened as he was just about to reach the door in midair. His scream was piercing, yet brief as he was sucked out through the exit.

The engine sputtered one last time before going silent. The plane glided, the sound of the whimpering pilot was almost inaudible over the tear of the wind in the cabin. Feeling of fear began to register in Evelyn’s mind. She didn’t want to die, not like this. She didn’t want it to be over. Fear of the eternal darkness overwhelmed her as she gurgled the lump in her throat, blowing a fresh wave of not and tears down her face. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to picture her mother, her grandparents, blue skies and flowers.

God. Please don’t let me die. She prayed. I will be a better person. I’m sorry, please. I don’t want to die.

She tightened her legs around Charley. Seconds later, the pilot screamed as she heard the plane begin to rip apart in what sounded like trees. The plane struck land and flipped and spun. Charley was too much for Evelyn to hold, and he slipped from her grip. She opened her eyes in horror as he was tossed from the plane. Trees blurred past the open door as dirt and smoke filled the cabin, slowly smothering her.


Charley opened his eyes, snapping them shut as sunlight burned into his retinas. Colors and lights danced as he struggled to remember what was going on. His arms and legs were numb and he could feel wetness ooze from his head. He slowly opened his eyes, willing his limbs to feel again. He moved his arm, then his legs. He twisted his back, and then slowly sat up, wiping blood from the side of his face. His vision hazed and the trees, bushes, and sky began to spin.

Charley was just on the verge of laying back down when he heard someone running. He squeezed his eyes closed and listened. Two people it sounded like, getting closer. He opened his eyes again and began to focus on a tree in front of him. Just as the world stopped spinning he saw her, Evelyn. Tape over her mouth, and hands tied behind her back, running just behind the trees. She was trying to cry out, but seemed to not notice him sitting on the ground. It surprised him, but something about it was familiar. Seconds after she had past, a man limped at a rapid pace after her. One hand gripped a long knife as the man’s other arm swung lifelessly at his side.

Then Charley remembered; the trip, getting kidnapped, and the plane starting to go down. He pushed himself to his feet, and almost collapsed. Gravity seemed to weigh him down as he took a step. Then another. He made his way towards the direction of Evelyn and the pilot was heading, slowly increasing in speed has his body begun to awake.

It wasn’t long until he had caught up to them. Evelyn frantically ran back and forth in front of what seemed to be a cliff, and by the looks of it, it must have been steep. The pilot was closing in, surprisingly nimble for just being in a crash. He mimicked Evelyn’s every move as he advanced, knife at the ready. Evelyn begged with wordless sounds and sobs. She slowed down, hopeless and scared.

Charley looked down and found a thick stick about the width and length of his forearm and picked it up. He slowly crept out of the bushes about thirty feet from the pilot. It didn’t take long before Evelyn saw him, and she made no giving signs that would give him away. She began to move side to side again, keeping the pilots attention. Charley swiftly moved forward, and closed half the distance when the pilot trapped Evelyn on a narrow overhang.

Charley didn’t think. He just threw. The heavy piece of wood flipped through the air and arced just at the right moment to slam into the man’s head with a wet, thwat and crunch. The man gave out a gurgled cry and dropped his knife as he stumbled forward towards Evelyn. Evelyn dropped herself to the ground, back to the cliff, just as the man lunged for her. His feet clumsily hit Evelyn in the stomach as he lost his balance.

Even as Charley continued to run, everything seemed to be happening in slow motion as the man twisted in the air, arms outreached as if to grab some invisible rope. His face twisted in a mix of pain and fear. He through his body forward towards land but his behind kept moving over the cliff. For a brief instance, it appeared like he was sitting in mid air. Legs and arms over land and the rest of his body over the void below. He folded has gravity pulled him down, like some twisted gymnastic workout.

Just as the pilots face is about to disappear over Evelyn’s body, she gave a muffled scream. Charley dove the last few feet as Evelyn began sliding back towards the cliff. He through both of his arms over her side and pulled with all his strength. Evelyn cried out again as her body barely moved away from the cliff. Charley felt Evelyn again starting to slip towards the edge when he noticed an arm protruding from over the cliff, the hand tightly grasping at the bonds that were restricting Evelyn’s own hands.

Charley moved his own hands to the pilots and began to pull. He didn’t have the time to force the man’s hands off, and he didn’t have the strength to pull him up as well. He couldn’t just let Evelyn fall. Charley pulled again, raising the pilot a few inches and allowing Evelyn to slide father from the cliff. Charley looked around for anything he could use to help. He spotted the knife just out of reach from his legs.

“Evelyn,” Charley said. “Listen. I need you to hold on. When I say ‘go’, pull as hard as you can. I need to get the knife to get him off, okay?”

Evelyn shook her head frantically, eyes fearfully asking him not to let go.

“Listen,” Charley spoke up again. “I can’t hold you. Just pull.”

Evelyn nodded.

Charley began to count in his head. One…Two….Three. He pulled the pilots arm as hard has he could.

“GO!” Charley shouted as he let go and flung his body towards the knife. Evelyn kicked her feet and shimmied her body violently away from the cliff.

He grabbed the knife and crawled back to Evelyn, who was now losing the battle and slid towards the edge. He put his body over Evelyn, inching his way towards Evelyn’s wrists. Charley reached out the blade and begun to saw at her bonds. Evelyn slipped an inch. Charley realized he couldn’t cut the rope in time. He turned the blade and began to slide it back and forth against the man’s knuckles.

The pilot screamed and began twisting his body.

“Please,” the pilot screamed. The man spoke English. At least, maybe that’s what he learned from his many years of kidnapping people.

Rage filled Charley again, and he moved the knife faster, the man crying and not letting his grip loose. Charley heard and felt a sickening pop as the blade must have slid through a joint. The blood slickened his grip on the blade to the point where it slid out of his hand. Charley crawled forward, now fully able to see the damage he had caused to the pilots hand. A finger dangled backwards, connected only by a thin piece of flesh. Charley grabbed the remaining fingers and peeled them back.

“P-please,” the pilot plead one last time. Then a scream as he lost his grip, followed by the sound of his body sliding against jagged rock, and finally, a splash in the ocean below.

Charley, stunned, yet curious pulled his head over the ledge. The pilot’s body floated face down as the waved pushed and pulled him back and forth. Slamming him into the cliff - blood turning the water around him pink.

Emily’s muffled grunt was what snapped him out of the horror below. He slide back and found the knife coated in red goo and dirt, and began to work at the rope. His mind wasn’t there though. He controlled the knife, but he was thinking about that man. The pilot had cried to live, yet Charley just let him die. No - Charley killed him.

The rope snapped just as Charley felt is world began to spin again. He leaned forward on both hands, staring at the blood on his hands.

The sounds of fresh cries escaped Evelyn’s mouth between her gulps of air.

He closed his eyes, the image of the man below replaying over and over. He let his arms collapse, sprawling on the dirt and blood. No strength to move or to cry.

May 6th, 2013, 12:04 AM
This seems like it would be a great book! However having been on many class field trips myself I know that there is no way two kids would be left behind. They check to make sure everyone is there twice before leaving even for high school trips. Instead maybe you could have them be taken from the airport. By the time whoever is incharge realizes they are gone they could already be in the air or have already returned home. Just a suggest, but other than that this seem great!

May 6th, 2013, 03:11 PM

I was actually on a trip where two students got left behind. A chaperone actually stayed while the rest of us went on. They showed up later and they had to fly them back to the US.