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Super00141
April 29th, 2013, 08:32 PM
EDIT: Sorry about the name, I was going to add warnings, but I didn't find anything regarding a warning for what I have in my script here. But it seems I can't edit my title... So if you're wondering, that's what the bracket is there for.

Hey, this is my first monologue. I fixed most of the grammatical errors, but I don't know if I got them all. Please point out any I missed, and it sounds kinda choppy. Sentences don't blend as well as I would like them to. So if anyone could suggest some re-wording, or sentences to just completely delete, to help the monologue flow smoothly. That would be a great help! Also, just tell me what you think of it!


Every day when I get off the bus, I have to cross a busy road. Each day I think to myself, what if I took just one step? The traffic is moving so fast, the pain would be quick. The suffering would be over and who would miss me? My parents' sure, but that's only two people. I have no siblings and I never see the rest of my family. I have no friends.


My family moved here last year; I'm only in grade ten and I've been to seven schools already so I don't really get the chance to make friends. Now at last it looks like we are here to stay, it seems like everyone has already made their own circle of friends. It's hard to break into that circle, since they have probably known each other for years. I'm not treated badly at school. I mean, I'm not physically bullied at all. But I'm verbally abused. Do you know what it does to you? When you're hated, picked on, spit on, just cause of the way you look? After you've been laughed at your whole friggen life ... I hear what people say about me, word gets around. But sometimes people say it right to my face. "You fat disgusting waste of skin, you're so horrid even your mama don't love you, you make me sick" Well, maybe they're right. Maybe I am nothing but a fat waste of skin. But you know what? It doesn't matter! It doesn't matter if you're smart, dumb, ugly, pretty ... It's all the same once you're dead ... But a corpse can't laugh, so enjoy life while you can right? However, the words aren't what get to me, no, most of the time I'm just simply ignored. They pretend like I'm not even there. Sometimes, feeling like you don't exist makes you want to not exist ... Your life feels so empty, yet people are social creatures. If socializing no longer exists for you, you go crazy. Look at the results of solitary confinement treatments in prisons for example.


I remember the first time I tried to kill myself ... It was years ago. I took a bottle of sleeping pills. My mind went blank. When I woke up the next morning, I was relieved I hadn't succeeded. I never told anyone about that. For a while after my experience, I was happy to be alive. I felt like I had the will to live. Then, a year later, My depression came back. Many say taking your own life is the easy way out, well let me tell you it's not that easy. Your physical drive to live undermines your mind's desire to die. Your instinct to breathe is hard to overcome. Even if you can bear living another second, your heart refuses to stop beating. I spend a lot of my time and energy pretending to be normal. No therapy can help me and no medication can cure me. I can make everyone think I'm normal, that I'm coping, that I'm okay. But I've never been ok. I'll never be ok. I will always be one bad day away from ending this pathetic existence.


Now every time I stand here, waiting to cross the street, when I think about taking just one step, when I really consider taking my own life. I think to myself, 'Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem'. With all the times I've considered killing myself, I've only acted on it once, and failed. If I only acted on it once, there must be something. Something that keeps me going forward, something that's keeping me from killing myself, and keeping me alive. I don't know what that thing is yet. I hope I never do either, because if the one thing that's keeping me alive is gone, then what's left to help me?

Robert_S
April 30th, 2013, 06:40 AM
This doesn't look like a script or a treatment. You might want to post this in in the fiction forums.

Super00141
April 30th, 2013, 07:47 AM
This doesn't look like a script or a treatment. You might want to post this in in the fiction forums.

Monologues are scripts, though they are only done by one person. But I would post it on the fiction forums, but I didn't want to spam every section with this :P

ahmuseme
May 9th, 2013, 03:18 AM
Wow that is really depressing....I react frantically out of wanting to get you help....then again maybe that is the point! ha If it, I so say you have succeeded!!

Super00141
May 9th, 2013, 03:55 AM
Wow that is really depressing....I react frantically out of wanting to get you help....then again maybe that is the point! ha If it, I so say you have succeeded!!

Thank you! It is fake, don't worry, it's fiction! But on a non-fiction subject...

Captnq
May 12th, 2013, 04:54 PM
So, it's supposed to be a one man play, or something? It would be easier to follow if you punched it up with some stage directions.

[Walks stage left, stares at a picture of loving family that came with the frame.]

Ooo... I got it. Set it in a psychologist's office. There's a couch the actor lies on, gets up from, that sort of thing. Objects and nickknacks lie around the office for the man to pick up and examine as he talks about his thoughts. The Psychologist is nothing more than a black cardboard cut out.

Super00141
May 13th, 2013, 03:33 AM
So, it's supposed to be a one man play, or something? It would be easier to follow if you punched it up with some stage directions.

[Walks stage left, stares at a picture of loving family that came with the frame.]

Ooo... I got it. Set it in a psychologist's office. There's a couch the actor lies on, gets up from, that sort of thing. Objects and nickknacks lie around the office for the man to pick up and examine as he talks about his thoughts. The Psychologist is nothing more than a black cardboard cut out.


Thats right!

GhostMarketer
May 19th, 2013, 01:24 AM
And so, I read my Creative Writing piece for the day. Grammar was exceptional but I love how it gets to the point.

Robert_S
May 19th, 2013, 08:15 PM
Wow that is really depressing....I react frantically out of wanting to get you help....then again maybe that is the point! ha If it, I so say you have succeeded!!

I agree. I had a hard time reading it because the morose depiction. I guess that's a "mission accomplished." How old is the character? He sounds more professional than a young person might be. Example:

" I mean, I'm not physically bullied at all. But I'm verbally abused. "

Perhaps it's just me, but it sounds like it's coming from a sociologist who is used to using no uncertain phrasings. I believe I may be thinking too much back to "Catcher in the Rye" for how a young person speaks.

And in closing, I am sorry for my misunderstanding earlier. I'm unfamiliar with monologues and how they appear.