View Full Version : follow- fantasy

April 12th, 2013, 12:26 AM
You shouldn’t go out there. We all shouldn’t. Don’t leave the forest.

Why not? That’s where she is. That’s where we have to go.

That’s not our place. It is an ocean; a sea of grass that goes on forever. There is danger. If you were not a man of the sea, would go out there? You would die, right?

It’s land; it’s not water. We cannot drown on the land. We will walk.

I am telling you: We should not go.

He’s right, Atsulf. There is no cover. It is all open.

We will go. The bull says that there will be gold, right seer?

He doesn’t answer. Shutting his eyes he sees…horsemen. Then:
Atsulf, can you fight against horsemen?

Just a few; no, if there are many. We follow them. The bull says he will appear and help us.

And if he doesn’t?

We are all dead men, anyway. Better we go by choice, not by fear. Enough. The bull has not lied, has he? Three prizes already. I believe he will come. Which way?

Follow the hoof marks, east.

On their third day out into the grasslands they finally encountered a horseman. He cautiously aproached but stayed far enough away that they could not get near him if they'd tried. The Seer had warned that there were many but he was only one. Even at a distance he seemed impossibly dark and short. He walked his horse in a parallel path, confident they could not harm him. It was very early when he came and there was talk that he must've seen the smoke from their smoldering cooking fire. After a half an hour, he rode off to the east.

There was a sense of unease but it was mostly forgotten until that night while encamped arrows began landing among them. The fire was burning brightly and all the men scattered, crawling on their bellies in the grass, hoping to not be silhouetted by its light. Five were struck, one fatally. They fired their arrows for a few minutes and then left. Two men on horseback could just be seen riding away in the dark.

The next day they stopped and made camp early. A perimeter was set up. Men were placed in hiding at intervals, creating a broad circle, with the camp fire as its center. One of them was lucky enough to be within meters when the two horsemen returned. He managed to take down one rider and his horse while striking at the other with his axe. The second rider escaped.

There was some argument among them as the downed horseman had not been killed outright, only to be bludgeoned by the first of the others to run up on the scene. The killer was angered because it was a cousin who had been killed the night before. It was thought that perhaps a captured rider might have served some purpose in dealing with any others, but that he (and his horse) was now useless being dead.

April 12th, 2013, 08:20 AM
I don't quite understand the premise of this story, who are the characters? Why are they going east? who is the Bull? Who are the Horsemen? these are just a few questions that should be answered so that the reader knows what is happening in your story.

Also, when your characters speak it should be in quotation marks like "You shouldn’t go out there. We all shouldn’t. Don’t leave the forest."