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Ethan
March 24th, 2013, 10:41 AM
In the dark years before time and History was invented, and shortly after Adam begat Eve. There was a bit of a family rift when Cain invited Abel to go for a walk and get stoned which unfortunately for Abel didn’t turn out as expected, but that’s another story. So, all the people that were living in a town called Babel, decided to build a tower. But God, who was in charge of planning at that time, took a bit of an exception and had it demolished by a crowd of Israelites who marched around it blowing trumpets. The vibrations caused by this cacophony, led not only to the collapse of the foundations but an outbreak of deafness among the inhabitants. This in turn led to misheard and thus misunderstood words, which was the precursor of differing languages. Then just as things started to sort themselves out, it rained for forty years and a couple of weeks. A man called Noah built himself an ark and from there, things got worse. All the survivors, now speaking different languages, wandered off in various directions and became the nations of Israel, Britain and Italy, or Italics as it was called in those days. Two of the Italics called Romulus and Remus built a great city and called it Rome. The Colisseum still stands today on the original site but looking a bit worse for wear.
Now Britain, then called England, was a fierce and divided land ruled over by Henry the Eighth and his seven wives one of whom was Elizabeth, the so called Virgin Queen, a direct descendant of Boadicea chief of the Scenic people, who lived near Scarborough. When the Italics attacked she was killed with all her offspring and her two raped daughters. Nevertheless King Arthur (one of her sons)with the assistance of Truro Round Table defeated Morgan La Fey at the battle of Hastings in 1066, opening the door to a new world order called the Magma charter, in which all the people who were still alive had to record their names and property until Doomsday, after which the book was named.
Some people escaped from Plymouth in 1492 and discovered America, much to the surprise of the Indigenous Indians. They renamed America as New England as both the Vikings and another bloke called Christopher Columbus were trying to steal the gold from the unwitting Aztecs who were mostly dying from measles and such. This was probably due to poor diet and cannibalism which was quite popular at this time. A group of Norman Missionaries called the Donner party tried to adapt to the new diet but as their food stock was quite small (eighty seven people) they quickly ran out of food.
About this time, the new English began to tire of being ruled by old England and after a particularly boisterous tea party in Boston they declared that All Americans should only drink coffee, and divided the country into two equal parts, North and South. As all the black people lived in the North and worked in the south, this led to a great revolution called the Declaration of Independence or Firework Day, whereby everybody had the right to pursue happiness and drink whatever they wanted, except alcohol, and bare their arms whenever they felt the urge. As meanwhile, the Italics, moved to America and formed gangs called Mafiosa which in real words means Cosa Nostra. They discovered how to make Gin in a bath in Canada, bring it across the border, near Niagara Falls, and sell it to the natives who called it firewater. It was a difficult time. Many alcoholic Americans suffered greatly during Prohibition, except for Al Capone who became a very good friend of the Bird man of Alcatraz and died after being nailed by a Taxsman with leprosy called Elliot Ness after a small loch near Scotland.

This period of time in Europe was called the Pleistocene era, so called because that’s when it was invented to keep children quiet. Now the Normons who were really Frenchmen had some years before, conquered England, and opened a church there called Latterday All Saints which became very popular particularly in Utah in America on account of the Pilgrim fathers, who started spelling things in a different way and so became the first Real Americans or Mormons as they are called today. The whole world then entered very dark age , which we now call the dark ages, this was of course before the advent of Electricity and lightbulbs. People just stayed indoors at night and ate carrots which was the only vegetable available after the potato famine and much better for night vision. The Irish suffered greatly during this time and thousands of fish and chip shops closed when their revenue fell by fifty percent. Thus Nuevo Cuisine was invented as there wasn’t really enough food.

NeoTanner
April 1st, 2013, 12:14 PM
I do enjoy this concept of yours. I'm assuming the title reads as Wiki World as history is acting a bit like a Wikipedia page, with the ability to be edited and perhaps from time to time sound more interesting (with the occasional 'this doesn't seem to make sense' thrown in). It could have been drawn out a bit more, perhaps into a full fledged comedic story. Though I'm assuming it's a short story and a rather amusing one at that. Though it does seem like an excerpt given the way the story ends here, with Nuevo Cuisine being invented.

Foxee
April 1st, 2013, 01:36 PM
This explains a lot, doesn't it? :) Great little history mashup, I enjoyed it.

whatever
April 13th, 2013, 05:17 PM
I think you need to expand the molested storylines so that they can me more coherent because (and don't be offended) it's hard to remember what I had read in the few lines before. FUNNY, but I think it needs more of a line of flow behind it. Perhaps this would go better with visual images such as a picture book or a youtube video instead of pure prose?