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Olly Buckle
March 18th, 2013, 09:29 AM
I think this might only work as humour for actual writers, the people who say things like this sound so serious. Anyway, as writers I hope you enjoy and maybe recognise a little.


I am going to write a book, I am definitely going to write a book. When I think about it there is so much happened, so much to write about. Look at my little brother Joe, he is such a funny guy, the things he comes out with you wouldn’t believe, there is a whole book right there if you want, I really should keep notes. Of course I never did and you really had to be there to appreciate how good it was. That could not be my first book, I would need to practice a bit to get it across in the way it deserved, but some things are timeless. The way he tells about Dad trying to park the car is magic, and I guess there must have been someone like that describing his Dad trying to park the chariot a thousand years ago and there will be someone describing their Dad parking a space ship a thousand years from now. That’s what I need, that timelessness, it must be wonderful making people laugh like that and it would definitely be a class one page turner.

First though, like I say, I need some practice, maybe a bodice ripper, a women’s magazine romance. Apart from anything else they sell so well I could make money from it, and it is such a simple formula. I would need a heroine, she would have to be young and beautiful and rather naive, but ultimately showing strength of character that sees her through. Otherwise she would be letting down the hero who must be simple and honest, the sort who works for a living at some honest toil with a bit of romance in it. A sailor for instance, there is always a certain romance about the sea, and a uniform. Or a fireman, he could be a hero but still be an ordinary, decent person and when he went to collect his medal he would wear his dress uniform, not the yellow waterproof trousers and the fluorescent tabard that he wore for doing his job every day, that would be silly at a medal ceremony, and not very romantic when she was being so proud of him. Of course that would come later, first he would have to rescue her.

Then there would have to be a villain for the hero to rescue the heroine from. Real life villains are usually thick and ignorant working class scum, but of course literary villains have to be a bit better than that. They can be aristocracy, like in The Moonstone, foreigners of course, or they can be super intelligent like Prof. Moriarty who is almost the intellectual equal of Sherlock Holmes, but of course they must lose in the end.

The trouble is I know just where it is going before I have even started, all I need to do is write it out, so what use is that as practice? And just doing it for the money seems cynical, I should use my talents to do something creative. Perhaps I would be better sticking to real life, so much happens, but deciding where to start and what to include is difficult. There is so much I am sure to forget something, I should get a notebook and write things down, tomorrow when I am down the shop. I am definitely going to write a book, someone should put it all down ...

Ethan
March 18th, 2013, 10:15 AM
Hey Olly,
I didn't know you were listening. I chuckled the whole way through, great stuff.The only bit you left out was 'If I wrote it down nobody would believe it!'
I am still smiling as I write this.

Olly Buckle
March 18th, 2013, 06:38 PM
Thanks for the comment, glad it worked for you.

lowprofile300
March 20th, 2013, 09:57 PM
I think this might only work as humour for actual writers, the people who say things like this sound so serious. Anyway, as writers I hope you enjoy and maybe recognise a little.


@Olly Buckle,
Interesting writing. This actually hits close to home for me. There have been times when I have been so inspired with an idea but its 2am, and I just can't be bothered to get out of bed to write it down, so its gone come daylight :( Other times, I will just grab my cellphone and record my thoughts (most cellphones have voice recorders now) for later retrieval.

moderan
March 20th, 2013, 10:14 PM
You should make it a YA fantasy trilogy, Olly. With vampires and zombies and mutants.

Olly Buckle
March 21st, 2013, 10:46 PM
Thanks for reading guys, I guess we all have times like that, lowprofile, but do you get round to writing up the ones you catch?

I thought of various possibilities for genre, Moderan. They all have their done to death version, the Errol Stanley Gardeners, Michael Moorcocks of this world, but if you include too many it would kill the joke and I had to choose.

lowprofile300
March 22nd, 2013, 11:20 PM
Thanks for reading guys, I guess we all have times like that, lowprofile, but do you get round to writing up the ones you catch?


Oh yes, half the time I do. But the nice thing about it is that, because I save them, I can always look them up and then, Bam! I am inspired all over again. I call it inspiration on demand:)

Lustitia
May 3rd, 2013, 05:26 AM
I liked it.

JCWells
July 7th, 2013, 10:37 AM
True. I wrote a book several years ago. It seemed so easy. The pages flowed like a river. Since then, however, I have found myself stuck in the situation that you write about. I have started books. Restarted them. Threw them in my notebook box. Restarted. Threw. Restarted. Practiced other writing examples. Studied other writings. Restarted. Threw. Phew.....I better get off of here and start writing that other book.

Gargh
July 7th, 2013, 12:41 PM
That should be in every creative writing tutorial ever written. A mirror like that, early on, would have saved me a tonne of procrastination!

Glad someone found this again and brought it back to the top :)

ToBeInspired
July 17th, 2013, 12:52 AM
I am going to write a book one day... hey you stole my line! Kidding, I've already started but I understand this sooooo well. It's hard to not have life invade your attention span. I need to be like other authors and find a secluded area where all I can do is either be bored or write hah. Life needs to just be on pause for a while, but hey... as long as I'm enjoying myself who knows. Funny stuff... in a way that kind of hurts to think about it hah.