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View Full Version : Living a Contradiction



Lewdog
March 8th, 2013, 02:55 AM
Iím trapped. My heart is racing, and I become physically ill. I run to the bathroom and I have to decide whether I am going to puke or relive myself of diarrhea first. Thatís just another difficult decision in my day. My body decides for me, and I hurl into the toilet making a mess. You might feel the need to feel sorry for me, but you shouldnít. Itís my fault Iím this way.

Going outside my apartment scares me. Just the thought of it does the damage. Iím a living contradiction. Iíve lived most of my life as a claustrophobic, yet now Iím also anti-social and agoraphobic! I used to love being outside and enjoying nature. Long hikes in the forest, sleeping underneath the starsÖare all gone. I donít know why and I canít explain it. I worked most of my life in retail sales, dealing with the public on an all day basis, now I get nervous just talking to someone on the phone. Whatís wrong with me? Iíve taken all types of medicine yet I still feel the same. Going to Walmart is a nightmare. Even when I go to just pick up my medicine, I can feel eyes following me, judging me. They must know somehow that I feel uncomfortable. Who told them my secret? When I go, I take my blood pressure on their free machine. Itís never anything below 140/100. It makes me wonder if it is broken, yet when I go to the doctor itís pretty much the same. I wish I wasnít like this, I wish I felt normal. There are times when I know I have to go do something the next day, where I wonít get a lick of sleep, and Iíll spend more time in the bathroom than in my bed. Eventually all thatís left is bile. Just writing this makes me nervous, thinking about what I go through. I really need to go tomorrow and get groceries and do a few other things like talk to my lawyer, and make me next doctorís appointment. Tonight will be a rough oneÖ

Topper88
March 11th, 2013, 08:25 AM
You go a lot into his/her experiences as an agoraphobic, but nothing about his/her claustrophobia. There's a little of the narrator telling us that he's a contradiction, but there's nothing that shows it. I like it, though it seems incomplete since it doesn't really fulfill the promise of your title.

Red Heron
March 20th, 2013, 09:20 PM
The narrative is intense, and even a little visceral, but I agree with Topster that it's missing one half of it's contradiction.

Micholeon
August 31st, 2013, 05:08 AM
I like it. It feels like it's going somewhere, but I don't know where, and it sounds so genuine that part of me thought maybe it was an autobiography. Then I remembered that we're in "fiction."

Although, like others have said, the "contradiction" isn't clear enough. I'd like to see more from this story; what caused the character to change? How will he adjust?

Lewdog
August 31st, 2013, 05:24 AM
Thanks, I guess it shouldn't be in fiction as part of this really is based on how I feel sometimes. This is something that I had totally forgotten I wrote until now!

Thedancingswan
September 7th, 2013, 10:38 AM
I can feel the intensity of your character, somehow I felt overwhelmed by his/her thought and was disconnected from the character. All I could think of is that I would try to describe the sense/the feeling of being claustophobic, anti-social and agoraphobic without mention them in the text. I hope this help.