PDA

View Full Version : Final Part of my vampire story



CharlieParker82
January 31st, 2013, 02:08 AM
This is the last part. There are a couple of bits I'm not sure of with this part. I will detail these points in a post as I don't want to give the ending away, but you might guess the bits i have issues with as you read.

Part 3


He couldn't remember how many he killed before the wave of creatures swallowed him up. The walls were drenched with blood and Bob was all out of ammo and fresh out of luck. Driven by hate he kept going regardless, had one of them by the throat and was using the butt of his gun to break down the bastards skull.


Bob woke. A strip light hung above him flickering ominously. He tried to stand but his legs weren't his own. He had been dumped carelessly, his war wounds still fresh. He took a moment to work out his new surroundings, an old train carriage that was moving fast. Bob looked out the windows and found nothing but darkness.


Some where up front Bob heard the sounds of others. Slowly he stumbled forward and found a young woman in pain as a man fed between her legs.


"Don't mind them Bob." Blind Bob Grunt turned to the voice and found the Thin White Duke sat crossed legged hidden in the shadows. The Duke wore a pair of sunglasses and a camel coat slung over his shoulders. He looked like an old time jazz singer with a cigarette hanging limp out the corner of his mouth, danced as The Duke spoke.


"Where am I?" Bob asked.


"An underground rail system. It was built by the Nazi's in the Second World War. Hitler planned to use it in a sneak invasion of Russia but alas he was burning on the coals of hell when it was finally completed." The Thin White Duke stood and towered above Bob.


"It's amazing what man can achieve when he is focused and driven. A tunnel that runs from Yugoslavia to worlds beyond the Iron Curtain. For years it was lost, a myth of extraordinary engineering. It shows that all man needs is a leader to show them there way."


"And I guess you got what it takes?"


"I never wanted to be a leader Bob, but it is the role I have been given" The Duke took the cigarette from his mouth and blew the smoke into Bob's face. "Make your self comfortable, we have long journey before us".


"Where are we going?" Bob asked.


"We're going to Moscow, we've a got war to start".


Bob didn't see the beast that crawled the walls behind him, got caught blindsided as he got smacked in the head. His world turned to black.


/


The dreams were twisted, stretched on for a life time and refused to let go. It was 48 again and the smell of gun powder from his first kill still stained his clothes. He was just a kid riding box cars up and down the West coast. It was there he met The Butcher from the South, got told of the creatures that lived in the night and crawled from the depths of the Louisiana swamps to drain the blood of man.


The Butcher was 7 feet tall, had an afro with chunks missing. He never smiled neither did he blink, wore a sports jacket and white tie. He gave Bob his name and his gun, told him to go out in the world and kill. Bob could almost smell the exotic cigarettes The Butcher would smoke. He spoke through the fog and told him "Trust the soul that mentions me, for I see the world as it would be and death blows on the wind".


//


Bob woke. He had been moved and chained, his hands tied and feet bound. An icy chill swept through the carriage full of bite.


There was a light behind him that came from the small window in the door, gave him just enough sight to make out his new surroundings. He wasn't alone. There were too many to count, an army of blood suckers all in the state of slumber; the vampires great sleep.


"Blind Bob Grunt" The voice came from amongst them. A rustling in the darkness which grew louder as it approached. What ever it was it sucked up the air in loud slurps and smelt worse than a rotting wolf.


"I heard about you. You want to kill the Thin White Duke. Now why on earth would you want to do a thing like that?"


The figure stepped in front of Bob and allowed him to get a look at the beast.


"You're the Stooge" Bob recognized him from the photos or at least what was left. "You killed the Lizard king".


The Stooge opened up his gut and let out a laugh that crawled over Bob's skin.


"The Lizard King was already dead he just didn't know it yet."


The Stooge took out a smoke and placed it between Bob lips and offered him a flame.


"Why you want to kill him? The man is a genius. Before I met him I was just like you a hallow man, shape without form and color without shade. Now I see the poison that drips from above and infects us. Now I am a god, an immortal."


"Give me a gun and we'll see how immortal your T.S Elliot quoting ass is"


"I told him we should kill you, that he should let me rip your heart from your chest while it still beats." The Stooge was mean, growled as he spoke.


"Do it, put this dog out of its misery" Bob kicked back. The Stooge smiled and shock his head.


"No, The White Duke has plans for you. He has plans for all of us."


///


Two of The Duke's beasts dragged Bob through the train and tossed him to the floor of the White Duke's Compartment.


The White Duke sat with his back to Bob and told the goons to beat it.


"Why did you come? Because they asked you? because you believe in the commission and all they lie?"


"They told me you was crazy, that you was a danger to us all".


The Thin White Duke got up to stand and moved towards Bob so that Bob could feel his breath on his neck.


"You are just a errand boy. Look around Bob the world is full of death and war. It sits on the fringes of hell as man is obsessed with his own self destruction. Members of the three societies, the Commission, the Kindred and the Pack all see this. They believe man's free will will destroy us so they plan a New World Order with them sitting on top of the tree and us there slaves."


"A lie"


"Yes, its easier to believe that, but the truth is they sold you out, leaked the information of where I might find you because they don't trust you Bob. They want you dead because men like you believe in righteousness and choice. You wasn't meant to find me you was meant to die in grotty little hole in the Royal Belgrade. The proof is all here" The White Duke took a folder from the desk and tossed it to Bob.


The White Duke turned and poured himself a drink as he hummed a tune that reminded him of a place not so cold.


The stack of paper was thick but everything was as The White Duke said it was. It hit Bob hard, a kidney punch. He thought he was going to be sick.


"So what now?" Bob finally managed to say.


"The commission are aware of my plan. They wait for me in Moscow. When I arrive they will kill me and the others. The Kindred will distance themselves from us and sign a treaty with the Commission and The Pack. The New world order will begin. But" The Duke turned to Bob and looked him in the eye. "There is another way. There are members of the Kindred who still propose war with the Commission. If I was to die before I arrived then it would give them the time and means necessary to prevent the Treaty from being signed."


"You would become a martyr rather than just some crazy vampire right?"


"Yes" The Duke took his weapon from his belt.


"Why me?"


"Because I had a dream. There was a Vampire Hunter once, special because he was both human and vampire, a cross bread. They called him the Butcher of the South. He came to me in a dream and told me only you could be trusted."


"Trust the soul that mentions me, for I see the world as it would be and death blows on the wind" Bob repeated the words he had heard in his head and saw the sense in them now.


"There is a fuel depot a few miles up track. The train will stop on our arrival, it will give you the perfect opportunity. After you kill me blow up the train, but allow the Stooge to escape. He will tell the Kindred of what happened here."


The Duke handed Bob the weapon. Bob felt good to have the steel back in his hand.


"One last thing Bob. The wolf king, he must die"


Bob smiled, had forgotten what a smile felt like. "My pleasure, I hate those god dam wolves." He put a hole in the White Duke's head and watched him slump up hard against the wall, slide down it into a pool of his own blood.


////


The Train erupted into flames. The screams of a thousand vampires as they woke up into a fiery furnace of hell. Bob stood and smoked one, the folder from the Duke tucked under his arm.


Now they would all be after him.


Bob starred down the tunnel and headed back from where he come from. He guessed he had about three days walking in front of him.


Once he had only hoped for peace between the different groups but now he knew it was his job to make sure that didn't happen. He fingered his gun. Liked the way this was going.

Ariel
January 31st, 2013, 02:19 AM
This is where we finally, finally get to see who Bob is. Again you have dropped articles and a lot of things that should be possessives are missing apostrophes. I think there's a transitionary bit missing as well. I was a little lost between the parts.

CharlieParker82
February 1st, 2013, 01:44 AM
Regarding the above story, i want to know if people think the ending works. I wanted to have The White Duke die at the end and to welcome his death. I did contemplate having the White Duke dying of something and asking Bob to kill him and assume his throne and having Bob agree.

Does the message that The Butcher from the South tells Bob make sense? I wanted to have him say something within Bob's dream that would become important during Bob's conversation with the White Duke later.

CharlieParker82
February 1st, 2013, 01:45 AM
This is where we finally, finally get to see who Bob is. Again you have dropped articles and a lot of things that should be possessives are missing apostrophes. I think there's a transitionary bit missing as well. I was a little lost between the parts.

Hi thanks for reading and your comment. Do you mean felt there was a bit missing between the end of part 2 and the beginning of part 3, or that you got lost in between?

dolphinlee
February 1st, 2013, 01:48 PM
I have really enjoyed reading all three parts of your story. I loved the ending. I loved the linking of dreams. I think you have done well.

Most of the points I have made below are minor, spelling, a wrong word or bits that are not needed.

He couldn't remember how many he killed before the wave of creatures swallowed him up.

This line does not work for me. Firstly it is not snappyenough for a paragraph describing action and secondly why would he be trying toremember how many he killed as he was fighting for his life.

The walls were drenched with blood and Bob was all out of ammo and fresh out of luck. Driven by hate he kept going regardless, had one ofthem by the throat and was using the butt of his gun to break down the bastardís skull.

I think that action is more immediate if the sentencesare more to the point. To explain what I mean I will give you an example.

Bob had one of them by the throat and was trying to bash itsbrains out with the butt of his gun.

Bob woke. A strip light hung above him flickering ominously. He tried to standbut his legs (felt like they) weren'this own. He had been dumped carelessly (explain this) , his war wounds still fresh. He took a moment to workout his new surroundings, an old train carriage that was moving fast. Boblooked out the windows and found nothing but darkness.

Some where (from) up front Bob heard the sounds of others. Slowly he stumbled forward and found a youngwoman in pain as a man fed between her legs. (personally I donít like this image and as the rest of the three storieshave much more general images I am not sure this type of image fits well.)

"Don't mind them Bob." Blind BobGrunt turned to the voice and found the Thin White Duke sat crossed legged hiddenin the shadows. The Duke wore a pair of sunglasses and a camel coat slung overhis shoulders. He looked like an old time jazz singer with a cigarette hanginglimp out the corner of his mouth, danced as The Duke spoke.

"Where am I?" Bob asked.

"An underground rail system. It was built by the Nazi's in the SecondWorld War. Hitler planned to use it in a sneak invasion of Russia but alas hewas burning on the coals of hell (Hell) when it was finally completed." The Thin White Dukestood and towered above Bob. (nice smooth paragraph)

"It's amazing what man can achieve when he is focused and driven. A tunnelthat runs from Yugoslavia to worlds beyond the Iron Curtain. For years it waslost, a myth of extraordinary engineering. It shows (proves?) that all man needs is a leader to show themthere way."

"And I guess you got what it takes?"

"I never wanted to be a leader Bob, but it is the role I have beengiven" The Duke took the cigarette from his mouth and blew the smoke into Bob's face. "Make your self(yourself) comfortable,we have long journey before us".

"Where are we going?" Bob asked.

"We're going to Moscow, we've a got war to start".

Bob didn't see the beast that crawled the walls behind him, got caughtblindsided as he got smacked in the head. His world turned to black.

The ( Bobís?) dreamswere twisted, stretched on for a life time and refused to let go. It was 48again and the smell of gun powder from his first kill still stained hisclothes. He was just a kid riding box cars up and down the West coast. It wasthere he met The Butcher from the South, got told of the creatures that livedin the night and crawled from the depths of the Louisiana swamps to drain theblood of man.

The Butcher was 7 feet tall, had an afro with chunks missing. He never smiledneither did he blink, wore a sports jacket and white tie. (This sentence could be split into two. ) He gave Bob his name and his gun, told him to go out inthe world and kill. (In the dream?) Bob could almost smell the exotic cigarettes The Butcherwould smoke. He spoke through the fog and told him "Trust the soul thatmentions me, for I see the world as it would be and death blows on thewind".

Bob woke. He had been moved and chained, hishands tied and feet bound. An icy chill swept through the carriage full of bite.

There was a light behind him that came from the small window in the door, gavehim just enough sight to make out his new surroundings. He wasn't alone. There were too many to count, an army of blood suckers all in the state of slumber; thevampiresí great sleep.


"Blind Bob Grunt" The voice came from amongst them. A rustling in thedarkness which grew louder as it approached. What ever (whatever) it was it sucked up the air in loud slurpsand smelt worse than a rotting wolf.

"I heard about you. You want to kill the Thin White Duke. Now why on earthwould you want to do a thing like that?" This is great!

The figure stepped in front of Bob and which allowed him to get a look at the beast.

"You're the Stooge" Bob recognized him from the photos or at leastwhat was left. (of what?) "Youkilled the Lizard king".

The Stooge opened up his gut (???) and let out a laugh that crawled over Bob's skin.

"The Lizard King was already dead he just didn't know it yet."

The Stooge took out a smoke and placed it between Bob lips and offered him aflame.

"Why you want to kill him? The man is a genius. Before I met him I wasjust like you a hallow (hollow) man, shape without form and color without shade. Now Isee the poison that drips from above and infects us. Now I am a god, animmortal."

"Give me a gun and we'll see how immortal your T.S Elliot quoting assis"

"I told him we should kill you, that he should let me rip your heart fromyour chest while it still beats." The Stooge was mean, growled as hespoke.

"Do it, put this dog out of its misery" Bob kicked back. The Stoogesmiled and shock (shook) his head.

"No, The White Duke has plans for you. He has plans for all of us." Nice dialogue

Two of The Duke's beasts dragged Bob through the train and tossed him to thefloor of the White Duke's Compartment.

The White Duke sat with his back to Bob and told the goons to beat it.

"Why did you come? Because they asked you? because you believe in thecommission and all they lie? (say or all their lies?) "

"They told me you was crazy, that you was a danger to us all".

The Thin White Duke got up tostand and moved towards Bob so that Bob couldfeel his breath on his neck.

"You are just a (an) errand boy. Look around, Bob theworld is full of death and war. It sits on the fringes of hell as man isobsessed with his own self destruction. Members of the three societies, theCommission, the Kindred and the Pack all see this. They believe man's (mansí) free will will destroy us so they plan aNew World Order with them sitting on top of the tree and us there slaves."

"A lie"

"Yes, its (itís) easier tobelieve that, but the truth is they sold you out, leaked the information ofwhere I might find you because they don't trust you Bob. They want you deadbecause men like you believe in righteousness and choice. You wasn't meant tofind me you was meant to die in (a ) grotty little hole in the Royal Belgrade. The proof isall here" The White Duke took a folder from the desk and tossed it to Bob.

The White Duke turned and poured himself a drink as he hummed a tune thatreminded him of a place not so cold.

The stack of paper was thick but everything was as The White Duke said it was.It hit Bob hard, a kidney punch. He thought he was going to be sick.

"So what now?" Bob finally managed to say.

"The commission are aware of my plan. They wait for me in Moscow. When Iarrive they will kill me and the others. The Kindred will distance themselvesfrom us and sign a treaty with the Commission and The Pack. The New world orderwill begin. But" The Duke turned to Bob and looked him in the eye."There is another way. There are members of the Kindred who still proposewar with the Commission. If I was to die before I arrived then it would givethem the time and means necessary to prevent the Treaty from beingsigned."

"You would become a martyr rather than just some crazy vampireright?"

"Yes" The Duke took his weapon from his belt.

"Why me?"

"Because I had a dream. There was a Vampire Hunter once, special becausehe was both human and vampire, a cross bread. They called him the Butcher ofthe South. He came to me in a dream and told me only you could betrusted."

"Trust the soul that mentions me, for I see the world as it would be anddeath blows on the wind" Bob repeated the words he had heard in his headand saw the sense in them now.

I got a tingle as I read the two paragraphs above. Youhave pulled the dreams together really well.

"There is a fuel depot a few miles up track. The train will stop on ourarrival, it will give you the perfect opportunity. After you kill me blow upthe train, but allow the Stooge to escape. He will tell the Kindred of whathappened here."

The Duke handed Bob the weapon. Bob felt good to have the steel back in hishand.

"One last thing Bob. The wolf king, he must die"

Bob smiled, had forgotten what a smile felt like. "My pleasure, I hatethose god dam (damn) wolves."He put a hole in the White Duke's head and watched him slump up hard againstthe wall, slide down it into a pool of his own blood.

The Train erupted into flames. The screams of a thousand vampires as they wokeup into a fiery furnace of hell. Bob stood and smoked one (a vampire or a cigarette) , thefolder from the Duke tucked under his arm.

Now they would all be after him.

Bob starred down the tunnel and headed back from where he come from (this is a bit unclear) . He guessed he had about three days walking in front of him.

Once he had only hoped for peace between the different groups but now he knew it was his job to make sure that didn't happen. He fingered his gun. (He) Liked the way this was going. (I think you might take another look at the last two sentences. What point do you want to leave the reader with.)

CharlieParker82
February 1st, 2013, 03:59 PM
I have really enjoyed reading all three parts of your story. I loved the ending. I loved the linking of dreams. I think you have done well.

Most of the points I have made below are minor, spelling, a wrong word or bits that are not needed.

He couldn't remember how many he killed before the wave of creatures swallowed him up.

This line does not work for me. Firstly it is not snappyenough for a paragraph describing action and secondly why would he be trying toremember how many he killed as he was fighting for his life.

The walls were drenched with blood and Bob was all out of ammo and fresh out of luck. Driven by hate he kept going regardless, had one ofthem by the throat and was using the butt of his gun to break down the bastard’s skull.

I think that action is more immediate if the sentencesare more to the point. To explain what I mean I will give you an example.

Bob had one of them by the throat and was trying to bash itsbrains out with the butt of his gun.

Bob woke. A strip light hung above him flickering ominously. He tried to standbut his legs (felt like they) weren'this own. He had been dumped carelessly (explain this) , his war wounds still fresh. He took a moment to workout his new surroundings, an old train carriage that was moving fast. Boblooked out the windows and found nothing but darkness.

Some where (from) up front Bob heard the sounds of others. Slowly he stumbled forward and found a youngwoman in pain as a man fed between her legs. (personally I don’t like this image and as the rest of the three storieshave much more general images I am not sure this type of image fits well.)

"Don't mind them Bob." Blind BobGrunt turned to the voice and found the Thin White Duke sat crossed legged hiddenin the shadows. The Duke wore a pair of sunglasses and a camel coat slung overhis shoulders. He looked like an old time jazz singer with a cigarette hanginglimp out the corner of his mouth, danced as The Duke spoke.

"Where am I?" Bob asked.

"An underground rail system. It was built by the Nazi's in the SecondWorld War. Hitler planned to use it in a sneak invasion of Russia but alas hewas burning on the coals of hell (Hell) when it was finally completed." The Thin White Dukestood and towered above Bob. (nice smooth paragraph)

"It's amazing what man can achieve when he is focused and driven. A tunnelthat runs from Yugoslavia to worlds beyond the Iron Curtain. For years it waslost, a myth of extraordinary engineering. It shows (proves?) that all man needs is a leader to show themthere way."

"And I guess you got what it takes?"

"I never wanted to be a leader Bob, but it is the role I have beengiven" The Duke took the cigarette from his mouth and blew the smoke into Bob's face. "Make your self(yourself) comfortable,we have long journey before us".

"Where are we going?" Bob asked.

"We're going to Moscow, we've a got war to start".

Bob didn't see the beast that crawled the walls behind him, got caughtblindsided as he got smacked in the head. His world turned to black.

The ( Bob’s?) dreamswere twisted, stretched on for a life time and refused to let go. It was 48again and the smell of gun powder from his first kill still stained hisclothes. He was just a kid riding box cars up and down the West coast. It wasthere he met The Butcher from the South, got told of the creatures that livedin the night and crawled from the depths of the Louisiana swamps to drain theblood of man.

The Butcher was 7 feet tall, had an afro with chunks missing. He never smiledneither did he blink, wore a sports jacket and white tie. (This sentence could be split into two. ) He gave Bob his name and his gun, told him to go out inthe world and kill. (In the dream?) Bob could almost smell the exotic cigarettes The Butcherwould smoke. He spoke through the fog and told him "Trust the soul thatmentions me, for I see the world as it would be and death blows on thewind".

Bob woke. He had been moved and chained, hishands tied and feet bound. An icy chill swept through the carriage full of bite.

There was a light behind him that came from the small window in the door, gavehim just enough sight to make out his new surroundings. He wasn't alone. There were too many to count, an army of blood suckers all in the state of slumber; thevampires’ great sleep.


"Blind Bob Grunt" The voice came from amongst them. A rustling in thedarkness which grew louder as it approached. What ever (whatever) it was it sucked up the air in loud slurpsand smelt worse than a rotting wolf.

"I heard about you. You want to kill the Thin White Duke. Now why on earthwould you want to do a thing like that?" This is great!

The figure stepped in front of Bob and which allowed him to get a look at the beast.

"You're the Stooge" Bob recognized him from the photos or at leastwhat was left. (of what?) "Youkilled the Lizard king".

The Stooge opened up his gut (???) and let out a laugh that crawled over Bob's skin.

"The Lizard King was already dead he just didn't know it yet."

The Stooge took out a smoke and placed it between Bob lips and offered him aflame.

"Why you want to kill him? The man is a genius. Before I met him I wasjust like you a hallow (hollow) man, shape without form and color without shade. Now Isee the poison that drips from above and infects us. Now I am a god, animmortal."

"Give me a gun and we'll see how immortal your T.S Elliot quoting assis"

"I told him we should kill you, that he should let me rip your heart fromyour chest while it still beats." The Stooge was mean, growled as hespoke.

"Do it, put this dog out of its misery" Bob kicked back. The Stoogesmiled and shock (shook) his head.

"No, The White Duke has plans for you. He has plans for all of us." Nice dialogue

Two of The Duke's beasts dragged Bob through the train and tossed him to thefloor of the White Duke's Compartment.

The White Duke sat with his back to Bob and told the goons to beat it.

"Why did you come? Because they asked you? because you believe in thecommission and all they lie? (say or all their lies?) "

"They told me you was crazy, that you was a danger to us all".

The Thin White Duke got up tostand and moved towards Bob so that Bob couldfeel his breath on his neck.

"You are just a (an) errand boy. Look around, Bob theworld is full of death and war. It sits on the fringes of hell as man isobsessed with his own self destruction. Members of the three societies, theCommission, the Kindred and the Pack all see this. They believe man's (mans’) free will will destroy us so they plan aNew World Order with them sitting on top of the tree and us there slaves."

"A lie"

"Yes, its (it’s) easier tobelieve that, but the truth is they sold you out, leaked the information ofwhere I might find you because they don't trust you Bob. They want you deadbecause men like you believe in righteousness and choice. You wasn't meant tofind me you was meant to die in (a ) grotty little hole in the Royal Belgrade. The proof isall here" The White Duke took a folder from the desk and tossed it to Bob.

The White Duke turned and poured himself a drink as he hummed a tune thatreminded him of a place not so cold.

The stack of paper was thick but everything was as The White Duke said it was.It hit Bob hard, a kidney punch. He thought he was going to be sick.

"So what now?" Bob finally managed to say.

"The commission are aware of my plan. They wait for me in Moscow. When Iarrive they will kill me and the others. The Kindred will distance themselvesfrom us and sign a treaty with the Commission and The Pack. The New world orderwill begin. But" The Duke turned to Bob and looked him in the eye."There is another way. There are members of the Kindred who still proposewar with the Commission. If I was to die before I arrived then it would givethem the time and means necessary to prevent the Treaty from beingsigned."

"You would become a martyr rather than just some crazy vampireright?"

"Yes" The Duke took his weapon from his belt.

"Why me?"

"Because I had a dream. There was a Vampire Hunter once, special becausehe was both human and vampire, a cross bread. They called him the Butcher ofthe South. He came to me in a dream and told me only you could betrusted."

"Trust the soul that mentions me, for I see the world as it would be anddeath blows on the wind" Bob repeated the words he had heard in his headand saw the sense in them now.

I got a tingle as I read the two paragraphs above. Youhave pulled the dreams together really well.

"There is a fuel depot a few miles up track. The train will stop on ourarrival, it will give you the perfect opportunity. After you kill me blow upthe train, but allow the Stooge to escape. He will tell the Kindred of whathappened here."

The Duke handed Bob the weapon. Bob felt good to have the steel back in hishand.

"One last thing Bob. The wolf king, he must die"

Bob smiled, had forgotten what a smile felt like. "My pleasure, I hatethose god dam (damn) wolves."He put a hole in the White Duke's head and watched him slump up hard againstthe wall, slide down it into a pool of his own blood.

The Train erupted into flames. The screams of a thousand vampires as they wokeup into a fiery furnace of hell. Bob stood and smoked one (a vampire or a cigarette) , thefolder from the Duke tucked under his arm.

Now they would all be after him.

Bob starred down the tunnel and headed back from where he come from (this is a bit unclear) . He guessed he had about three days walking in front of him.

Once he had only hoped for peace between the different groups but now he knew it was his job to make sure that didn't happen. He fingered his gun. (He) Liked the way this was going. (I think you might take another look at the last two sentences. What point do you want to leave the reader with.)

I can't thank you enough, this is some great feed back with some really useful suggestions, not just for this piece but for the way I write in general. Thank you for your help on each piece. You've given me a lot to think about and help improve my style.

dolphinlee
February 1st, 2013, 04:58 PM
You are most welcome. This is a great story, not my usual fare but I did enjoy all three parts.