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muddy13001
January 29th, 2013, 03:15 AM
something I started writing and I'm not done, just want a little feedback on what I have so far.


FADE IN:

INT. DINER - AFTERNOON

The small corner diner was simply named ďdiner,Ē with a homey feel with a modern mixed with 90ís look to it. Dark green lather booth sits lined up on the walls with the big windows. With the sliver trammed white booth tables with black dots in different small sizes.

Three black men are sitting in one of those booths close to the door. The three men are fat, but in different sizes. The biggest and the smallest fat man are setting next to each other while the middle fat man is sitting across from them.

The biggest fat man is looking out of the window as the other two talk. Watching the grey clouds starts to cover the sky, telling that rain was coming soon. He looks away from the sky to see a fat man that was about his size holding hands with a beautiful slim woman walking down the street. A disgusted look came on his face as he took the last sip of his beer.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
Hey, look at them over there.

The biggest fat man pointed at the couple with his empty beer bottle still in hand. The other two give them a quick look with no care in there faces and looked back at him.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
What about them?

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
How can they be together?

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
Who knows man?

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
Iím just saying how can a fat ass n**** like that get with a bad b**** like her. I just donít get it.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
I donít know and donít care man.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
Why canít I find someone like that?

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Did you not just hear me say I donít care? You do know Someone your size should not be having these kind of convection.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
I just been wonderiní. For the years I been here, Iíve seen that lately. Iím trying to find out where I can get me one.

A white man wearing a light brown trench coat walked into the diner. He runs his hand through his slicked back black hair as he walked to a booth close to the three fat men.

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
You want to know how?

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
What, you know?

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
I have a good idea on why?

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Will tell this n**** so we can be done with this.

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
Alright, I think thereís three reason on this. One, his fat. Two, they want someone to protect them if some shit goes down. If some other n**** is trying to talk to her and she donít want to hear it. She looking for you to come out with your big ass size to scar that n**** away. Or if she hear some noises late at night at the house, she want your big ass again to go out there with a baseball bat or something to check it out, and not hide under the covers looking like a big ass pimple in the bed. And lastly, he must have a big d*** or somethiní.

The smallest fat man started to laugh.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
There you go, one out of three at bad man.

The smallest fat man started to laugh some more as the middle fat man joined in with him. The biggest fat man looked at both of them with the same disgusted look he made when looking at the couple.

CUT TO:

INT. DINER

The man is sitting at his booth as he watches his fingers going around each other. He could over hear the three fat men conversation, so he couldnít help it but to listen. A fat Italian man came out from the kitchen and seen the man sitting alone. The Italian walked to the manís booth.

THE ITALIAN MAN
Can I get you anything sir?

THE MAN
A glass of water would be good.

THE ITALIAN MAN
Alright.

The Italian man goes back to the kitchen to get the manís water.

CUT TO:

INT. DINER

The three fat men are still talking.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
I wouldnít lie about this.

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
Weíre not saying that your are, we just donít believe that it happened.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
That means the same damn thing.

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
Why would a stripper steal twenty dollars from you anyway?

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
I donít know, thatís what Iím tryiní to figure out.

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
Are you sure you didnít drop it on the floor, you were throwing money at her right.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Yeah, but I knew how much I throw at her, that's the thing. Before I went in the room for the lap dance I counted my money...

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
You counted your money?

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Hell yeah, I didnít want to give her ass to much.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
You a chap ass n****.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Anyway, I had nine hundred on me. Twenty twenties and ten fifties, I was going to give her half of each so ten twenties and five fifties. I Was even counting it as I was throwing it at her, so I know I didn't drop anything.

The Italian man came out of the kitchen with a glass of water for the man. He went to his table and give him the water and went back to the kitchen.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
How was she dancing?

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
Hold on, why you ask that? You believe this n**** now?

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
Iím only tyiní to help, it may happened. He said he counted his money.

The middle fat man shakes his head in disbelieve.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
There was some distance at first but I don't play that game for too long. If Iím getting a lap dance that mean your ass on my d***. When she got to that point I already throw four twenties and two fifties.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
Who was the girl?

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Shit, I don't remember her name.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
Did she have some kind of splices move, you know all stripper have one.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Yeah, she did put her legs up on the wall behind me with my face in between her legs and her face in between mine.

The smallest fat man started to think about that part, how he liked that part. He relied something that she did when he was enjoying it.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN (CONTíD)
Son of a bitch.

THE BIGGEST FAT MAN
What?

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
I had some of my money in my pocket and I felt her hand in it. Damn, I though she was trying to grab my d***.

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
S***, you know what, Darrly was saying something about this happening to him a few days ago.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
And you just know saying something about it.

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
Iím just now rememberiní him tell me, I didnít believe his ass either, so clam down on that.

THE SMALLEST FAT MAN
Did he say her name?

THE MIDDLE FAT MAN
I think so, it was some type of jewel or gemstone like ruby, emerald...

THE MAN (O.C.)
Jade.