View Full Version : Cycle of the Moon

January 22nd, 2013, 05:40 PM
Once again a book i began writing when i was 16 and havent worked on it much sense but i am now rewriting it and plan to finish it. i know there are alot of errors please be paitent :S

Cycle ofthe moon

The sky was dark and lonely with the coming of the new moon. Theonly light shone to the mossy forest ground was the stars, splattered on thesky like paint on a canvas. Just to think this seemingly peaceful forest wasoblivious to the fact that soon a ravenous crazed war was going to take place atits very roots. All of our attempts were futile… we were merely new shiftlings…who would listen to us? This was our last chance to save ourselves, to save ourfamily, to save human kind…


I stared out of the windowat the over grown greenery zooming by in a blur. Two weeks left of summervacation and the only thing I’d accomplished was dying my hair a lighter shadeof brown. The blur of green slowed as we pulled into a long narrow driveway.

“How long are we gonna behere?” I asked mom who had just put the car in park.

“Well… I don’t know. Darrensaid he and Rain needed you to be here for something…,” She began trailing off.

Darren and Rain… Ahh… What apair… Darren was my older cousin, though at times he didn’t act it. Rain wasDarren’s best pal. Darren and Rain would plan horrible things at Alec’sbirthday party… Which was sad for one Alec was Rain’s brother…. And for anotherRain was too old for that.

My thoughts were interruptedby a knocking on the car window. I turned to see Rain grinning like an imp. What is it this time? I thoughtwhile climbing out of the other side avoiding his icy blue gaze.

“Whoa… What did you do this time?” I heard Darren ask Rainin a whisper.

“I don’t know… Maybe it’sthe moon.” Was that a Girl joke?Neither of them laughed so I had no clue what they truly meant.

“Well… Just when do you planon telling her?” Darren said lowering his voice even farther.

Rain’s words were scattered,I couldn’t tell what he was saying. “—said not--- moon—dark….,” is all I heard.

“Ahem…,” I cleared my throatto remind them that I was right there. I had heard enough to make me curious,but I wasn’t going to eaves drop for no good reason.

I turned my attention toRain’s house. It was two stories high, with white siding. Several windows wereplaced here and there, allowing light into the country house. The white housestood in perfect contrast with the greenery which surrounded the house on allsides. Luckily I wasn’t Closter- phobic or I would’ve hated being surrounded bythe enormous trees.

“Hey girlie.” Alec tapped meon the shoulder and smiled hugely.

“Whoa. What happened to yourhair?” I laughed at his white fluffy hair.

“What you don’t like it?” helaughed running his fingers through his hair.

“No I like it… so do youknow why I’m here?” I asked staring at his hair.

“What my hair that bad?” heasked, running his figures through his white hair completely ignoring my question.

“Wow… honestly it looksgreat. When’d you get it dyed?” I laughed reaching to fluff his hair.

“I don’t remember.”

“It reminds me of a rabbit.”

“Ha-ha-ha…,” he faked alaugh.

Unlike Rain I feltcompletely comfortable around Alec. We had known each other since 1st grade. Ionly met Rain in eighth grade at Alec’s birthday party. Rain and Darren hadbeen planning tricks for us middle school kids and laughed months later aboutit.

I looked up at the fadingsky that was in a pinkish- orange blaze. Time flew around here, it was sounreal. The moon was absent from the dusk sky, a pioneer star shined brightly,bravely against the darker shades. In the distance I heard a lone wolf cry, itsounded painful, sad.

“We… should go.” Alec said pushingme toward the door. He and Rain exchanged a look.

I didn’t refuse, I was hotanyways. I walked through the door and stepped into the cool kitchen. Mom andMrs. Orainge sat at the table drinking coffee. Mom’s eyes shifted to Alec, whopushed me farther through the door.

“What is it?” mom glanced atme in concern.

“WOLVES.” Alec said bluntly. Mom andMrs. Orainge nodded knowingly.

“What am I missing here?” Ishifted my gaze at Alec he stood uncomfortably blocking the door.

“I…,” Alec stepped back.

“What is it please?” I gavehim my puppy eyes.

“Don’t. That’s my job.” Rainwalked in. his blue eyes seemed darkened with the night sky; his hair wasstanding up on his head like cats fur.

Darren looked at me sadlythen gave a forced smile while leaving the room. I turned to follow him butRain’s arm caught me.

“Follow me.,” He said notwaiting for me to answer.

“…No…,” Alec said turningand following Darren.

I hesitantly followed Rain,out of shear curiosity. He stood by his car, hands curled into fists. Tensionshook his every bone. His eyes were shut tight.

“Kera… if I tell you thetruth about US would you believe me? Can you trust me this much? He looked upat the moonless sky, avoiding my eyes like I’ve avoided his.


“Kera I need a definiteanswer.”


“Kera….,” his dark eyeslooked agitated.

“Yes.,” I didn’t know howtrue my own words were even if I spoke them, I didn’t know what this was so Ihad no choice but to say yes…. I was clueless.

“Kera. Here is the truth….We are in the middle of a war. Humans are oblivious to the fact that WE arefighting to protect their lives. WE are ‘were-tigers, and tonight is the nightYOU change.” Rain looked at me like a child looks at his mother. The stars grimlight made his face look more serious than usual. I was barely aware of hishand on my shoulder until he tightened his grip.

“Tigers? Changing?” I winceda little and he loosened his grip. I got lost in his eyes the color of his name….Rain. He never failed to confuse me, so much as possible.

“You are turning tonight….Into a ‘were-tiger. It’s like how were-wolves turn to wolves….,” he lookedaway.


“In a few hours, about two.”

“Why m-.”

“Your family was part of thisfor years. No one knows why.”


“You don’t have to talk youknow. I’ll tell you the story, you just repeated all the questions Alec asked.”he chuckled.

“Long ago everyman was ananimal their souls were trapped within the beast of earth. Slowly humans tookform out of the beast, but the more dominate beast could turn back to theiroriginal form. People began to forget what they truly were, all but the wolvesand the tigers. Some stayed beast others lived as early homosapiens,” hechuckled at the word. “All and all only shifters that were left were US andTHEM. We are supposed to hate them…. And today is the 3rd war since your birth,you change tonight…..,” he looked back to the sky sadly.

“Amazing is it April foolsin July?” I looked at him angrily. This was the dumbest trick he has tried sofar.

“Of course I deserved that….. But if you can’t trust me…. You willsee soon.” he looked at the door where Darren had just appeared.

Darren stared at us thennodded, heading back inside the house at sloths speed. Rain began walkingtoward the darkened forest. I didn’t know whether or not to follow him. My feetcarried me forward, willing or not.

“You will see….,” he mumbledlooking at me.

“Well then can you PROVEit?” I looked at him and smiled.

“Yes of course.” He smiled ateasing smile.

A huge white blur eliminatedthe space Rain had been standing seconds before. There was a crackling noisefollowed by a low growl. The growl turned into a purr which made the hairs onmy arms stand straight up, as if electricity was in the air. My heart jumped. Ahuge white tiger stood in front of me, peering at me with Rain’s night skyeyes. So hewas telling the truth…. But that means… I put my hand to mouthwhile I was thinking.

“Oh….No…” I stared at theRain-tiger with my mouth agape.

Rain walked in my directionwith soundless steps, his tiger face smiling. My heart stopped, I couldn’t lookaway. I pinched myself to make sure I wasn’t dreaming, I wasn’t…. the tigershape walked closer to me, I started to run but a soft hand caught my shoulder.

“Stop that she’s new you knowthat.” Darren looked at Rain with a blank stare.

I turned to see the tigershape gone, in its place stood Rain, with a huge smile. “Told ja’ so.” Hechuckled his chuckle.

I still couldn’t believeit…. Was this all a dream? My head swarmed with odd pulses, my body felt colddespite the summer heat. And on top of ALL OF THIS I was going to be one ofTHEM.

I was so caught up in all mythoughts I didn’t hear a word Darren or Rain said, let alone did I realizeDarren leaving. Rain shook my shoulders bringing me out of lala land. Icouldn’t help but notice how his eyes reflected the sky….

“Kera! Stop daydreaming. We onlyhave a little more time; you change TODAY.” What isthis for real????

“Yeah… nine minutes,” helaughed “just kidding, but very soon.’’

“Don’t do that you scared mejerk.”

“Sorry but I got yourattention… but anyways…. When you shift it is VERY painful…. Hopefully your oneof those who pass out, your body will do the rest. But if you don’t, don’tfight the pain, let it go. Do this and you’ll be fine… well maybe….”

“What are you talkingabout?! Explain? Please?”

“Well it’s hard to explain….You will find out soon enough; the moon is almost at its highest.” He pointedto the blank sky and laughed.

“What are you talking about?There is no moon, it’s a new moon.”

“Inside joke. Sorry. “Helooked away with a grin.

“Ugh. Grow up Rain! Your,what, 18? Act your age.”

“Sorry Miss priss. Okay. Thestars control our shifting, that star,” he pointed to the northern star, “iswhat we watch. When it’s at its brightest you will feel your spine crack n’,”he shivered,” never mind. But the first time you shift it has to be when thatstar is the brightest… Then you shift voluntarily whenever and where ever youplease.’’

“But I need to know don’t I?Please tell me?”

“Kera you will know I guarantee it.” Weboth walked toward the house in silence. Those words were the last I heard fromhim that night…. And the last words I heard from him as ME…..

Part two: war
A month later

I was now going to their school… Well Alec’s school, he walked down thehallways knowing who was who. Unlike me, which even a month later I failed toremember ½ of the student population’s names. Except for one kid who alwaysseemed to pop up out of nowhere, I’d got a weird creepy presence from him,which crawled from my head to my toes…. His name was Vincent. His eyes seemed almost wolf-like; I knew hehad to be oneof them. I couldn’t say anything though; every time I tried Alecwould throw his arm around Vincent’s shoulder with a smile.

“Whats up dude?” Alec said walking down the hallway with his armsopen.

January 22nd, 2013, 05:42 PM
some reaon the spacing is always off when tranferring files to this computer it will be fixed soon enough

Terry D
January 22nd, 2013, 07:34 PM
Just a bit of fact checking. By the "northern star" I'm assuming you mean the North Star? Polaris? If so, Polaris doesn't change in brightness. Some stars do -- they are called variable stars -- but Polaris isn't one of them.

Olly Buckle
January 22nd, 2013, 09:03 PM
If you click "Go advanced" you can see a preview of the post before you put it up, then you can adjust the line spacing and all those words that run together, it is tedious but it does help the reader. There is a mix of almost cliché phrases, like 'his icy blue gaze', some original twists, and a bit of reality, I liked that she hadn't believed him, and was then scared stiff when it was true, people so often don't take the time to put these bits in they are wanting to get on with the plot. I said there was a mix, and I would say you have got it about right, this is 'easy' reading, the odd cliché helps it along and you have not overdone it.

nits; not many,
"Unlike Rain I feltcompletely comfortable around Alec."
First time I read this I took it to mean Rain was uncomfortable around Alex

Claustrophobic, I am surprised spell check didn't pick this up for you.

It would not have caught 'shear' for 'sheer', 'shear' is what they do to sheep, cliffs and emotions are 'sheer'

January 23rd, 2013, 03:21 PM
thank you :) this is very helpful

January 28th, 2013, 02:50 PM
Lol I know x.x I never really thought about all the little details when i was younger, and again I stillhave not revised any of this

January 30th, 2013, 08:37 PM
i like the flow of it my only thought is that it might be intriguing to have more shifters than just wolf and tiger, it can be us vs. them with smaller clans of other creatures that are either neutral or stand with one side or the other just to diversify it, a fight between tigers and wolves? cool a fight between lions, tigers, bears, wolves, eagles and gorrilas or something? epic.

January 31st, 2013, 09:58 AM
I really like how you've gone against the standard 'werewolf' story here. It was a nice surprise and far more original which kept me interested enough to continue reading. I agree with what rave was saying about exploring the possibilities of having other creatures as shifters, it could send the tale in exciting new directions and push it further beyond what the reader expects. You have something really good on your hands here, just needs a bit of polish to make it shine!

January 31st, 2013, 05:35 PM
Actually i was going to add a few bears and one very old lion ^^ the wolves are the ones who cause the conflict in this story

February 4th, 2013, 01:42 AM
great it would have felt very limited to me with only the two races and a female confused lead would have seemed cookie cutter following other things