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Lewdog
January 22nd, 2013, 03:04 PM
I finally finished this short story last night while my internet connection was down. It's going to be a bit controversial. This short story has some adult violence so beware. It's a very rough first draft so be kind, I know it needs a lot of work. I hope you enjoy it though. It's my point of insight into what might happen if a gun man tried to attack children at a school with armed security.

Lewdog
January 22nd, 2013, 03:13 PM
Anytown, Texas


Man this game is awesome, but I am just getting to the point where it's too easy, Adam thought to himself as he finished off the last mission of the first stage. Its amazing how realistic games are now since I started playing them back in high school.


Several of the players on the computer server Adam played on liked to talk trash to players they killed, and even stay close to their dead bodies, and kill them over and over again when they came back to life. Adam didn't see the point. It wasn't his thing, he wanted to believe they were really dead. He enjoyed the game a lot more thinking it was like real life. He oftened wondered how it would feel to really kill someone. Watching someone beg for their life right before taking it, and watching their eyes gloss over for the last time enticed him. It was very hard to feel much of anything emotion wise. It was as if, he had a wire that wasn't connected in his head. One day the dog he raised from just a little puppy, got loose and ran into the street. Adam watched that dog he had raised for 6 years, get hit by a car. By the time Adam got to it, the dog was dead. Adam didn't shed even one tear! This dog, that he had been so close to, yet Adam felt NOTHING. That's the day Adam knew he wasn't like other people.


Adam fretted over this for a long time, wondering if maybe something so extreme, could shock his system back to normal. He surfed the internet anytime he wasn't playing his first person shooter games, looking to see if there were any cases out there like his. He often found that electro shock therapy could 'restart' people's minds, and allow them to live somewhat normal lives again. He had tried creating his own elctro shock machine once, but all it did was give him an electrical burn. It was extremely painful, and he had to wear a knit hat for weeks to hide the burns. That experiment was a failure but there was another solution he had found when doing research into serial killers, and how the killings had opened up there lives to feelings they never thought were possible. He read an interview with the Hillside Strangler where he was quoted as saying taking lives and watching life leave the bodies of his victims made him appreciate his own life even more, and let him feel the value that life gives every day. Those were feelings he could never understand when he saw living people walking around taking life for granted. He devolped this omnipotent feeling that the power he had taken on, made the living people that heard about his killings, appreciate their lives more, because they weren't his victims, that are now dead. Adam thought this was an odd paradox, that in order to appreciate living, someone needs to create death, but in his twisted mind it made sense.


After doing searches for days, weeks, or months, Adam lost track after awhile, he decided this was his only cure. He had even worked up the courage to bring up the idea with his mother. He was sure she would understand, why wouldn't she want a 'normal' son who could feel happiness, sadness, empathy, and all the other emotions that bring a family closer together? Adam wondered for years if his problem had been the cause for his parents divorce, and why his brother had moved away from him. Anytime there was a problem, the first place he jumped to for a reason, was his own dysfuntcion.


Adam woke up with the sun beeding on his face like it was any ordinary Friday morning, yet the world had no idea how horrific this day would become. Adam quickly jumped out of bed and got dressed hoping to meet his mom in the kitchen eating breakfast. He hopped down the stairs skipping every other step, emotions already building inside him like never before. It only worked to support his thoughts that he was about to do what would make him 'right' with the world again.


Adam found his mother pulling a hot bowl of oatmeal out of the microwave and walking towards the table where she had an apple already peeled and sliced.


"Good morning Adam. Were you up late again last night talking to your friends on the computer?" Adam's mother quipped as if she was truly interested. "You know, its not good for you to get such little sleep everyday. Most people get 6 to 8 hours per night."


"Mom, I'm a grown man now and I know what's good for me and what's not," Adam snapped back like a whip. "In fact I have been doing some studying, and I think I have found a solution to my problem...OUR problem." Adams eyes began to wonder like when he gets nervous.


"Honey what problem are you talking about? Did you find a job? Oh that would be great for you to get out of the house more!" Adam's mom perked up with interest for once.


"No mom. I'm talking about the problem we NEVER talk about. The problem that broke up our family. The problem that no doctor or medicine can seem to fix." Adam began to get aggitated by his mom's incenstent dancing around the subject. "If the idea I have works, maybe we can be a family again."


"Adam, I'm not going to tell you this again, you are fine the way you are. You just need to get out of the house more and meet new people. Sitting in the house and talking on the computer all day can NOT be good for you," Adam's mom chided.


Adam had become visibly upset. His mom was not paying attention to him at all, even after Adam had done so much work to try and find a cure that would turn back the hands of time, making his family whole again. He began rubbing the back of his neck as he looked down at the ground, and the courage he had while skipping down the steps had suddenly left him, much like his father and brother had years before. Adam decided this time there was no turning back.


With a renewed gusto Adam said, "Mom I need to kill someone. I did some research on the internet, and from what I found, I need to reset my emotions. The only way for me to do that, is to do something so terrible, that is makes me feel something inside, and once it does, I will be able to feel all the other emotion too."


Adam's mom quietly sighed, not thinking Adam could be serious, "Adam don't you 'kill' enough people on that video game you play online 5 hours a day? I'm starting to think I might need to put some kind of maturity filter on that thing, or just get rid of the internet altogehter. You just aren't being responsible with it, it's stunting your growth as a man."


"Mom, I want to say I love you," Adam's face had become strought as he walked off into the garage.


Adam's mom actually felt proud of herself as she sat at the table finishing her breakfast. She thought that just 'maybe' she had gotten through to Adam this time, and that he was going to go for a bike ride outside for once. In the back of her mind she did feel a little concerned that Adam had mentioned the idea of killing someone, and quickly decided that she would make an appointment later in the day to take Adam to his psychologist Monday. Adam returned from the garage moments later carrying his mom's hunting rifle. His mom couldn't speak as she saw him raise the gun and point it in her direction. She was literally frozen in shock to see her own son whom she thought she knew inside and out, despite his emotional problems. Adam began to walk toward her with the rifle still trained on his mother.


"Mom, I've decided that this is something I HAVE to do. I was hoping you would support my decision, but you thought it was a joke. Now instead of doing it for us as a family, I must do it for myself," Adam spoke with a monotone voice that seemed almost computer generated.


All Adam's mom could get out was, "No Adam!" before he pulled the trigger at almost point blank range. Things seemed to slow down at that point. It was like seeing a scene from a low budget horror film where a pumpkin dressed up like a head blows up from an M-80 explosive. Brain matter, skull fragments, and blood splattered the kitchen wall behind Adam's mother. She let out a last gasp of air, and then lifelessly slumped over on the table knocking her bowl of oatmeal to the floor. The white oatmeal became a contrast to the red blood that seeped into it. Adam's reaction was as stoic as a person standing in line to renew their drivers license. He felt lost. He didn't cry, he couldn't feel anything. Adam wondered if his plan didn't work because he was too close to the person he killed? He was going to have to kill someone else, maybe even more than one person. This idea had to work, he had read it on the internet. It HAD to work! That's when Adam did notice something. He felt a bit of anger and frustration. How odd, shouldn't he be feeling sadness and grif for the death of his mother? Maybe killing someone was working, but Adam was going to have to kill more to reach deeper. He had to get far enough inside himself to get to the rest of his feelings.


Adam knew one gun wasn't going to be enough for what he had planned. His mother kept some other guns strategically placed around the house in case of a home invasion. One 9mm hand gun was kept under the kitchen sink. His mother thought that was a perfect place in case someone broke through the front door. There would be no time to run up stairs to get her other gun. No intruder would think to look under the sink for a gun right? The gun was tucked up underneath the ledge of the sink so it wasn't in sight. She was proud of herself for coming up with such a bright idea to protect her and her son. I wonder how she would feel about her son now. Adam grabbed the gun and went up to his mother's bedroom. The second gun was a .22. Not very powerful but is sure to stop someone in their tracks. Adam's mother kept it neatly tucked under her matress up by her pillow. It was easily in reach in case someone came to attack her in her sleep. She was a very prepared ametuer vigilante, but there was one thing she was never prepared for, Adam. She knew her son had problems, but nothing could ever prepare her for what happened on this morning. Adam took the .22, grabbed some extra ammunition and the car keys out of his mom's purse. Like a stalker looking for his prey to feed on, he backed the car out of the garage on sure to where he was going. Where is there a large group of people this early in the morning that would be easy targets...


Bill was a favorite at the school. The donuts he brought for the staff every Friday didn't hurt that much. Bill had been working security at the elementary school for the past two years. He loved his job and being around the kids. This job was peanuts compared to the 20 years he spent on the police force. He had been shot twice while a police officer but nothing really serious, one in the arm and the other time in the thigh. The pain he felt from being shot, was nothing compared to how he felt each time he killed a criminal he was after. He had killed 5 men in twenty years and it never got easier. Taking a life tore out a little bit of his soul each time. It was a big part of why Bill took early retirement instead of finishing his last 5 years. The city's finances had taken a turn for the worse and they had to make some cut backs. Bill figured it would be a good time to more on to a new chapter in his life. His wife had been pressuring him to find something a little less dangerous anyone, so this was a very easy decision. Not long after Bill retired, did the city start a new program where they used armed security guards in the schools. All the schools used retired police officers, former military guys, or former corrections officers. Everyone was already trained in all aspects of security.


The kids at the school loved Bill. Every years Bill would go around to each classroom and introduce himself to the kids. The security program thought it was important that the kids knew why there were security guards in the schools, and that they shouldn't be afraid of him, they are there for their safety. Bill didn't have any grandchildren, so he looked at it like he had 154 grandchildren, all of the kids in the school. He couldn't keep track of how many high-fives he gave every day. There were even kids that said they wanted to be a security guard like him when they grew up. Bill enjoyed his job so much, it didn't even feel like work. The Bell rang for class to start and as the halls emptied Bill took a seat at his desk conveniently located in the middle of the school.


Bill was sitting at his desk doing the crossword from the newspaper when an alarm went off on the control panel saying there was a disturbance at the south door. Bill quickly got up and ran to find out what was going on. For a 45 year old man, Bill was pretty fit. Bill turned the corner and saw someone had broken the glass next to the south door and was reaching inside to open the door.


"Stop! You are not authorized to come in here!" Bill shouted.


Bill could see what appeared to be a young man. He continued to move towards the door and could see the man was now starting to open the door.


"Stop or I will stop you!" Bill screamed as he could see things were escalating. Bill's voice cracked as he spotted the rifle in the man's hands as he was coming through the door.


"Stop now and put down the gun!" Bill shouted as he pulled his own gun and pointed it at the armed intruder. The man was unphased by everything Bill said. Bill started to realize this was not going to end cleanly. The man looked at Bill and as their eyes met, Bill knew he had only one decision. The man started to raise the rifle. Thoughts went through Bill's head of all the children he was there to protect. Like the professional he was, Bill put two bullets in the man's chest, and one in his head. That was the way he was trained at the academy. You always double tap the trigger center mass, then just in case the target is wearing a bulletproof vest, you put a third bullet to the head. Bill was a master marksman, and all three bullets struck his target. He watched as the man crumpled to the floor and the rifle fell. In an imediate reaction, Bill ran to the man to see if he was still alive and if there was anything he could do. He quickly got on the radio and called for an immediate lockdown of the school. He then called for a lockdown of all the other schools in the district in case it was a coordinated attack. The last thing he did was call for an ambulance, just in case...Bill lost another piece of his soul that day, but who knows how many lives he saved.


Bill was hailed as a hero after the incident at the school, but Bill refused all interviews. He thought he was only doing his job, but he still felt sorry for that man he killed. The town later found Adam's mother, and tried piecing together what had happened and try to understand Adam's actions. Some people thought gun control might have stopped Adam that day, and others believed education about mental illness was the answer. No one will ever know, because the motivation disappeared with Adam that day. One thing that everyone did know, things could have been a lot worse...a whole lot worse.

OLDSOUL
January 22nd, 2013, 03:26 PM
You lost me during the mundanities about video game inspired murder.

Lewdog
January 22nd, 2013, 05:15 PM
You lost me during the mundanities about video game inspired murder.

If that is what you think it is about than you lost the point. It wasn't the video games that caused the problem, it was the mental illness where Adam used the video game as an outlet until he committed real murder.

dolphinlee
January 22nd, 2013, 10:22 PM
As promised.

Man this game is awesome, but I am just getting to the point where it's too easy, (1) Adam thought to himself as he finished offthe last mission of the first stage. It’s amazing how realistic games are now sinceI started playing them back in high school. (2)
1) For a thought this is too long. Try – but it’s gettingto easy.
2) Again too long. You need your intro to be snappy. It’s amazing how realisticgames have become.

Severalof the players on the computer server Adam played on liked to talk trash toplayers they killed, andThey even stayed close to their dead bodies, and killed them over and over again, when they came back tolife. Adam didn't see the point. It wasn't his thing, He wanted to believe they were really dead. He enjoyedthe game a lot more thinkingit was like real life whenhe pretended it was for real. He oftened (spelling) wondered how it would feel to really kill someone.Watching someone beg for their life right before taking it, and watchingtheir eyes gloss over for the last time(3) enticed him. It was very hard to feel much of anythingemotion wise It was as if, he had a wire that wasn't connected in hishead. One day the dog he’d raised from justa little puppy, got loose and ran into the street. Adam watched that dog he hadraised for 6 years, get hit by a car. By the time Adam got to it (him/her?), the dog was dead. Adamdidn't shed even one tear! This (the) dog, that he had been soclose to, yet Adam felt NOTHING. That's the day Adam knew he wasn't like otherpeople.
3) How many times doeyes gloss over? I don’t think you need ‘for the last time’.

Adam fretted over this for a long time, wondering if maybe something so extreme(as what?), could shock his systemback to normal. He surfed the internet, anytime he wasn't playing his first person shootergames, looking to see if there were any cases out there like his. He oftenfound that electro shock therapy could 'restart' people's minds, and allow themto live somewhat normal lives again. He had tried creating his own elctro (spelling) shock machine once, but all it did was give him anelectrical burn. It (this)wasextremely painful, and he had to wear a knitted hat for weeks to hide the burns. (Paragraph) Thatexperiment was a failure but there was another solution he had found when doingresearch into serial killers, and how the killings had opened up there (their) lives to feelings they never thought were possible. He’d read an interview with the Hillside Strangler, where he was quoted as saying taking lives andwatching life leave the bodies of his victims made him appreciate his own lifeeven more, and let him feel the value that life gives every day. Those werefeelings he could never understand when he saw living people walking aroundtaking life for granted. He (changeto the Hillside Strangler) devolped (spelling)thisomnipotent feeling that the power he had taken on, made the living people thatheard about his killings, appreciate their lives more, because they weren't hisvictims, that are now dead.. Adam thought this was an odd paradox, thatin order to appreciate living, someone needed to create death, but in his twisted mind it madesense.


After doing searches for days, weeks, or months, Adam lost track after a while,he decided this (delete this anddescribe what this is) was his only cure. He had even worked up the courageto bring up the idea with his mother. He was sure she would understand, whywouldn't she want a 'normal' son who could feel happiness, sadness, empathy,and all the other emotions that bring a family closer together? Adam wonderedfor years if his problem had been the cause for his parents’ divorce, and why (change why to the reason) his brother had movedaway from him. Anytime there was a problem, the first place he jumped to for areason, was his own dysfuntcion. (spelling)


Adam woke up with the sun beeding(?) on hisface like it was any ordinary Friday morning, yet the world had no idea howhorrific this day would become. Adam quickly jumped out of bed and got dressedhoping to meet his mom in the kitchen eating breakfast. He hopped down thestairs skipping every other step, emotions already building inside him likenever before. It only worked to support his thoughts that he was about to dowhat would make him 'right' with the world again.

lasm
January 23rd, 2013, 01:05 AM
Hi Lewdog, looks like Dolphinlee has caught many of the spelling/grammar issues (some of which a spell check would catch, and you should use one). Some more general ones:

- try varying your sentence structure a bit more; I noticed that your POV character tends to be the subject of every sentence (Adam did this. Then he read that. He thought this and did that). Try showing what he sees and thinks without tagging it.

- Didn't buy the mother's mild response to her son's proposal that he needs to kill someone. Unless she's supposed to be a sociopath herself she'd be well aware that her son had psychological problems, and would take the threat more seriously.

- On a similar note, the effort to explain his insane logic seems inadequate and maybe would be best left out. You seem to be presenting Adam as a sociopath without really doing much research into the topic. There was an article in the NY times about child sociopaths a few months ago, you might want to look at that.

Hope this helps.

Lewdog
January 23rd, 2013, 01:24 AM
Hi Lewdog, looks like Dolphinlee has caught many of the spelling/grammar issues (some of which a spell check would catch, and you should use one). Some more general ones:
- try varying your sentence structure a bit more; I noticed that your POV character tends to be the subject of every sentence (Adam did this. Then he read that. He thought this and did that). Try showing what he sees and thinks without tagging it.
- Didn't buy the mother's mild response to her son's proposal that he needs to kill someone. Unless she's supposed to be a sociopath herself she'd be well aware that her son had psychological problems, and would take the threat more seriously.
- On a similar note, you seem to be presenting Adam as a sociopath without really doing much research into the topic. There was an article in the NY times about child sociopaths a few months ago, you might want to look at that. There is an effort to explain his insane logic that seems inadequate and maybe would be best left out.
hope this helps.

I appreciate the feedback. When I posted the story, the spelling errors did not show up. For some reason Microsoft Word does not have one. I should just down load that free program that is like Microsoft Office. The reason Adam's mother reacts like that is because she has heard Adam say wild things many times before. For some reason the line where she thinks to herself that he has said wild things before, but he never acted on them. I'll have to fix that.

I have read quite a bit about sociopaths. I am only a semester from a degree in Sociology. I've had to take all the Psychology courses like 'Abnormal Psychology.' A Lack of emotion and the ability to lie and talk about subjects like death and murder without emotion is an important part of diagnosing a sociopath. Now I don't necessarily remember labeling Adam as a sociopath, but from the description I gave, he does definitely have an anti-social disorder. The real Adam Lanza was also known to have a mild form of autism that made it hard for him to associate with other people. I agree that my sentence structure seems to be along the line of Jack and Jill. It's something I do have to work on quite a bit. Thanks again for taking the time to read my story!

Lewdog
February 19th, 2013, 05:20 PM
Should I re-write this story to show more facts that have recently come to light including that Adam shot his mother in her sleep? Maybe I could put her voice in his head telling him he needs to get out more and quit playing video games all day long? I really should do something more with this piece.

moderan
February 19th, 2013, 05:29 PM
Yes.

Lewdog
February 19th, 2013, 05:34 PM
Have you ever noticed that many times when something horrific like this happens, there is something you can see in the eyes of the perpetrator that seems off? It's like you can almost see that there is something different behind them, something evil. They have a new picture of Adam up on Yahoo with more details of what happened that fateful day. (I think they left the 'red eye' in this picture instead of clearing it up which is in poor taste.)

New photos, details emerge of Newtown mass shooter Adam Lanza | The Lookout - Yahoo! News (http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/photos-details-emerge-newtown-mass-shooter-adam-lanza-124951161.html)

moderan
February 19th, 2013, 05:42 PM
Yes. It's what they call "a cast in his eye". The first time I saw the phrase, it was in a short story by Ambrose Bierce.