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allyson17white
January 22nd, 2013, 08:08 AM
Here's my short story, hope you like it.

They walked with mumbling words by one another. One not really seeing the other. Their faces where of thin wood held to there eyes which were not visible. All of the masks looked different, so everyone know who everyone was. Or did they? They did not. When they looked at one another they saw the mask and nothing more. No one saw anyone, yet they all thought that they did. Not one of the mumbling masks fell because they didn't feel like masks. They tricked everyone, including themselves. As one mask peered out of it's large black eyes, it watched the colors. One was completely black, another was of all bright colors, and yet another was half black and half white. The small mask saw that non were the same and it saw that they all explained the person behind it. But as the mask studied the others more closely it saw the small slits in the blank eyes of the masks. And when the mask looked even closer it saw color behind the mask. That was not something the little mask knew. It worried the mask so the mask looked away and saw a mirror when it did. The mask turned to the mirror and saw a mask it did not know. The mask it saw was colored in green and blue swirls with small stars decorating the edge. But the mask didn't know the mask it saw so it looked closer and saw the eyes. In the masks eyes the little mask saw something it knew. And as the mask finally lowered the little girl saw herself. And when she looked around again all the other masks became clear to her eyes, and she could see the people beneath.

Anonymous93
January 24th, 2013, 01:45 PM
Hello, I'm new to this board, and soon hoping to post my own work. I have to say, I'm impressed by your style of writing very detailed and easy to picture in the mind. I will definitely be looking out for more of your work in the future.

allyson17white
January 24th, 2013, 10:42 PM
thanks and welcome to the site.

devon
January 24th, 2013, 11:13 PM
this was really good no joke. how did you come up with it?

allyson17white
January 25th, 2013, 06:42 AM
Was writing in my journal/dairy and thought I needed a fiction story to go along with what I was writing so this is what I wrote.

popsprocket
January 25th, 2013, 08:40 AM
This desperately wants a proof-read, some punctuation, and a bit of restructuring. It's an odd and interesting concept, but as it stands this is extremely difficult to read. Something like this that is borderline stream of consciousness is always hard to critique, but even this kind of writing deserves to be done in a comprehensible manner.

For such a short piece I would definitely say that this would benefit from having some kind of unique sentence structures. Currently it's just a whole lot of 'this happened. this happened. this happened." but could be made into a truly great, surreal piece with just a few minutes of work.