View Full Version : Boyo and Bucko Visit Tulum, A Tale of Intergalactic Misadventure

January 22nd, 2013, 04:30 AM
This is the beginning of something. Sorry about the abrupt end....
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While Boyo was distracted, Bucko had found something, something he recognised. They were two head-pieces, bejewelled, full of crystal and magnet, but beat-up, old.

¨Hey Boyo,¨ he said, ¨Have a look at this.¨

Boyo turned, his hair flopping, a trinket still in his hand. He saw the head-pieces, and for an instant his eyes widened with interest, but then squinted into a look of scorn, and he said, ¨Leave those alone.¨

Bucko held them aloft, chasing down cables with his hands, and he said, ¨You think they work?¨

¨It doesn´t matter if they work or not,¨ said Boyo, ¨We´re not gonna fool around with them.¨

¨Awwwww, come on,¨ said Bucko, ¨What´s the harm?¨

Boyo took a step back, involuntarily, aghast, ¨What´s the harm?¨

He stepped forward and grabbed Bucko by the jacket, hissing, ¨What´s the harm?!! Are you drunk, man?! Don´t you remember how I just pulled you out of the boxes for Time-Travel?!¨

Bucko shrugged, ¨Maybe we could stay there.¨

As Boyo gaped, Bucko continued, ¨Stars, man, think about it! We could go back to a time where they don´t even know about Light-travel, or Boosts, or Jumps...stars, they might not even know about other people in the galaxy!! Think about it...we´d be kings!!¨

As Boyo steadied himself, Bucko concluded, ¨...at least prophets.¨

Boyo snatched a head-piece from Bucko´s right hand and said evenly, ¨They´d catch us.¨

Bucko made a mock face of surprise, and Boyo said, ¨You know they´d catch us, and they´d bring us back, and all of this fooling around...all of this with Leela and Lola...and all of it, would be over! We´d be there, in Laidnus´ boxes, living our lives out like worms.¨

Bucko lost not a second, ¨But what if we stayed?¨

Boyo, in anger, reached for the other head-piece and very unintentiously set them both to working, and after a dizzying moment in which he was able to behold the Universe in its boundless entirety, he found himself awash in and gulping salt water, and Bucko was beside him, holding the other head-piece, and equally surprised to find himself in a bath of saltwater.

Bucko gulped and spit, began swimming, head-piece in hand. He said, ¨O, now you´ve done it. I was just joking.¨

Boyo sunk into the water, his toe hit a piece of coral and sent his arms into motion. He sprung from the surface of the water, coughing, sparkling, the Sun was too big, he´d never seen a Sun so huge, and half-retching he said, ¨What have you done, you fool?¨

Bucko calmly tread water, his eyes fixed upon a girl in a bikini on the nearby shore, and he said, ¨Me?¨

Boyo thrashed and splashed loudly about.

Bucko said, ¨It was you, you fool. I was only joking. But look at this!¨

He pointed a finger to the near-naked girl, his legs working in a froglike fashion. Boyo finished coughing up salt-water, and when he followed Bucko´s finger to the girl standing over her towel he steadied himself, expertly swimming now, and he exclaimed, ¨Stars!!¨

January 22nd, 2013, 07:41 PM
It's a little difficult to critique this. What's the target audience? My guess/hope is adolescent crowd, sort of a post-Sponge Bob, and a series at that. (At least it comes across like a series: the readers already know who Boyo and Bucko are; there's no description of them, etc.)

Ultimately readable, and I'd keep reading, but I'd like to see a line or two about who they are and what they're doing. You could probably intersperse that with what you already have. Ie: "best friends from high school" or "Boyo and Bucko were the missing link in Darwin's theory of evolution: either really, really smart chimps, or really, really dumb dudes."

Just my two cents.

January 24th, 2013, 12:57 PM
This is a rather fun read. I have no earthly idea (no pun intended) why your protagonists remind me of cartoon version of Zaphod Beeblebrox from HGttG. I am somewhat confused, however, by the of the word "Stars". Is this a vernacular expression or a play on words?

January 24th, 2013, 01:50 PM
I like this. Wanted to read on, mostly because the dialogue for the characters was really good, I could really picture them in my head. I would say your description of whats going on isn't as strong.

What do you intend to do with this? It strikes me a comedic story.