View Full Version : (C.17) My Apologies

January 14th, 2013, 02:16 PM
“I am so sorry, Sam.”

“What did you do, Vilminha, that you need to apologize?”

“I was being dark, I was comparing you to Hrday. I was insensitive, or perhaps I was too sensitive. I don’t know how to explain this right. I only know I said things that I shouldn’t have said. I won’t leave you, baby. I want to stay here with you.”

“After I heard all you said, I was… I thought… I knew no-one should rely on me. I am not a reliable person, and I think you were right.”

“Please, Sam, don’t. Don’t say these things. I was wrong, you are such a reliable person, you are the reason I live. I don’t want to die. Don’t kill me, Sam. Please, keep me alive.”

“You give me too much credit, you always praise me, but I know there is nothing perfect about me. You shouldn’t depend on me. This is why I always avoided social life.”

“Social life? This is not social life.”

“Yes, it is. It takes more than one person for something to be social, so two people is already a social life. Besides, I also avoided relationships, I never felt comfortable with them.”

“You don’t feel comfortable with the relationship we have?”

“It is the first time in my life I do. I can’t live without you.”

“I love you so much, Sam. Please, accept my apologies. I regret saying all I said. I could have said those things for some time after my brother died, but now that I’ve met you, it doesn’t make any sense. It would be ungrateful on my part. I need to apologize. I must be grateful. I am not alone anymore. I can depend on you.”

“Can you? I am not a reliable person.”

“Why you keep saying that? Are you determined to hurt me? Do you want me to be more insane than I already am? You are such a responsible person, why do you say you are not reliable?”

“I can fail, nobody is perfect, and I can see you want a normal relationship. I am not sure I can provide that.”

“No, Sam, I don’t want a normal relationship. I want a perfect one. I always wanted perfection, and I am going after that.”

“Oh, yes, perfection. This is also my goal. It has always been.”

“You see, we have the same goal, we are aiming the same target, we must walk along this path together. I don’t want we to be ‘you and I’. I want us to be ‘we’ and ‘us’. That was what you have given me.”

“I love you, dear.”

“I love you too, my American guy.”

“I love you, my Brazilian woman.”

“Misunderstandings are tough. They can destroy a relationship. I don’t want it to happen to us. I shouldn’t have said anything. I shouldn’t have told you all those things I was saying about Hrday.”

“I disagree, dear. I was happy you opened your heart. I come from a school of thought that says that if you are worried something will be an issue, bring it up immediately so that all parties can understand and move past the issue. This can make me seem blunt, even callous, and perhaps I can be that, but it is with the belief that things will be less painful if they’re brought up early. Though, so far with us it has only damaged both of us.”

“It hasn’t damaged anything. We are still all right. I am as in love as I was in the beginning, when you replied my letter. Every day is a new surprise. You are my charming prince, and I am delighted to see how you change things like magic. You are a magician, Sam. Can’t you see that?”

“I don’t understand. What do you mean by that, Vilminha?”

“You’ve changed my heart. I was miserable when I met you. My brother had died, my mother was ill, I had just put my dog to sleep, I had just had a bad quarrel with my guru, I was completely alone. I was really miserable and desolated. I didn’t want to laugh. I had made a vow of sadness, I had promised to live a horrible life. I didn’t want to live, and if I couldn’t die, I would live the worst way I could. But then you came into my life, and changed everything. My mother is feeling better, the new dog we’ve got conquered my heart, I am back with my guru, we are talking nicely, and I am able to talk about Hrday without crying. I’ve found his writings, you allowed me to tell our stories, our trips to India, is like having him back with me again. You did some kind of magic, Sam, you are a magician. Believe me.”

“I thought you were the magician. You are the one with the knowledge of ancient techniques, Vedic sciences, Hindu culture, you are the yogi, you must have so many powers. You are entering my mind and producing some changes that I cannot explain, but I like them, I feel them, and I like it.”

“Then we are two magicians, like Merlin and Morgana, or maybe you are King Arthur and I am Guinevere. No, I don’t know. Did they have a thing? We should find a romantic couple to represent us. Romeo and Juliet? No, those two got into so much trouble. Hmm… I don’t know.”

“Samuel and Vilminha, how about that?”

“It doesn’t matter, baby. Let’s just be ‘we’ and ‘us’. We don’t need to use any names.”

“‘We’ and ‘us’ it will be, then. I like it.”

“Me too, dear. I like it, and I love you.”

“Love you dear. Apology accepted. Now, please, accept my apology as well.”

“You don’t need to apologize, but anyway, apologies accepted.”

“Love you, dear.”

“Love you, Sam”

“Love you, my Vilminha.”