View Full Version : The Missing Angel

January 14th, 2013, 12:33 AM
Sam had the hugest crush on Professor Thompson. He had been her History teacher for three semesters since Freshman year. After the first semester, she had planned to take another class with someone else. But he had actually signed her up with him, seeming genuinely concerned for her grades. In the second semester, he had asked her to come up to his office to discuss her grades.

Now, she thought she had at least a C, but apparently it wasn't quite as good as she had thought her grade was. He said that they could do something to fix that. Then he locked the door, he brushed her bangs and before she knew it she felt him kiss her. She didn't let him have her, but they exchanged phone numbers. All the while the concern of failure was in the back of her mind.

Well needless to say, her grades worked themselves out and she graduated with a 3.6 which wasn't bad at all. But something terrible happened between the year of graduation and her entering the career world as a psychologist. She had gotten this patient who mysteriously went by the name of Angel. He had a lot of problems. He started telling her stuff that would worry anyone, especially a psychologist. Apparently, he thought that he'd escaped a government program and had just as much a support system to to keep them at bay. She assumed he had severe PTSD.

Then he told her all about their secret workings, the experiments they did on the young and vulnerable. He said they now had programs underway that were made to control rebellious teenagers and young adults, or just the very weak minded. He said they recruited some young adults into the program early on, to keep it running. It was a sadistic sort of thing, and their ultimate motive was more than just power over the weak, but had a Satanic undercurrent that had been growing over the decades.

When he missed an appointment, Sam called his house to check up on him. He was whispering, "They found me and they're taking me back."

"But where are you going? Let me speak to whoever they are." She said, feeling a knot in her stomach. But he hung up just then and she never saw him after-wards. Well, not for years anyways.

Therapists usually don't reveal their patient's stories, but he had disappeared. And she knew she would have to take it into her own hands to get to the bottom of it. When she confronted the police about it, they said they had no record the guy had even existed in the first place. She said it surely had to be a mistake, she had been seeing him for two years. But they just looked at her like she was nuts. She knew she couldn't be. When she tried to retrieve the patient files, they were missing and so of course she had no proof to back this up.

Her husband, Charlie, seemed more concerned about Sam then the validity of Angel's existence. He would listen to her talk about Angel without giving the slightest input. He sometimes agreed that Angel's thoughts had been profound, but he hardly ever really acknowledged Angel had in fact existed. Angel had told her things, crazy things, about parallel dimensions and LSD, space travel, about shape-shifting war soldiers and machines that could become invisible, but one thing he had never once told her about was his parents and where he lived. He had insurance, and he paid for it by check. The checks always went through.

One day Sam got the key from her husband's briefcase while he was in the bathroom. Then she stuck it in her pocket and waited for him to go to work, the key was to the safe where he kept his most valuable possessions, not even she knew what things were in there. She had always promised to never open it, just like he promised to never go through her purse and things like her emails etc. But this time, she just had to know. She opened the safe, and what did she find but a pile of photos of students from college. Including Angel. She hadn't known he had gone to college with her. And then she saw his file. Her heart started racing. My husband stole it? He must know something. I have to stay calm, she told herself.

But when her husband came home, he flipped out. He started beating her and screaming at her until she broke down. Then he called the hospital. When they zapped her, her mind began to reel and she had visions. Then they increased the voltage so intensely that she could feel reality splinter. She knew then, deep down inside, that she was done for. No one would believe her with this record and diagnosis of Schizophrenia. She went home, and played the part of good wife. She even began to believe she really had just imagined it all, even with the bruises gone the pain still hadn't left her. It hurt, she drank to numb the pain. It seemed to help a little.

Then one day she ran into Professor Thompson randomly in the city. It was the craziest thing, so naturally they both were a little freaked out. Thompson asked about how she was. They looked at each other. Then Thompson did something unexpected, he apologized for what he did to her in her freshman year. I may have been young, but I shouldn't have been such an idiot. I'm sorry. Then, he told her about the two students who had gone missing in the years since she graduated. The names were Angel and Mary.

"Ironic." She said.

"I know, interesting names, huh?"

"No...just that...I had a patient only a year younger than I, when one day he vanished off the face of the earth everyone told me I was crazy. They give me medicine for it now."

"That's weird." But Thompson wasn't sure he could believe her, maybe she was stalking him. later on that day, he made the mistake of calling the cops and telling them someone knew one of the classmates.

They brought Sam in and interrogated her for hours on end. They found out that she had also had a close friend named Mary Eleanor, who was the same person who'd gone missing but Sam and her had lost contact, she told them. Then finally, she told the investigators about the files that she found in her husband's safe.

That's when they started believing her, she told them about his delusions of paranoia and about how he thought there was another world, and the government had more power from drug experiments. She brought up Project Bluebird, MKULTRA, and other government experiments that extended beyond ordinary conceptualization. She talked about subliminal brainwashing and how they used social control to torture civilians to do their bidding. How it was evil, and at the core, Satanic.

But by then she really was sounding crazy. Still, they couldn't just send her back to a hospital, she hadn't done anything crazy as far as they could tell. She had tried to tell the truth to the best of her ability. Before they took her home, they got the FBI involved, and even though Sam feared the FBI might hurt her they promised they were not involved in the same branch as the CIA. So they opened the safe, of course Sam had the key with her but she knew Charlie had a spare. Inside the safe was a single red rose with a note. "Goodbye my Sam, you must know that I am sorry so please forgive me."

Sam shook, "Where is my husband?" They searched the upstairs and found him laying in a pool of blood with a pistol in his mouth. "I don't believe it! I don't! Nooo! He wouldn't do that! Who did this to us! To my husband!" she screamed. Then she burst out crying. Suddenly there were cops around her grabbing her and holding her in restraints, they took her to the hospital and gave her ECT again. This time, she fell into a coma and was brought back only after two weeks. While she was asleep, she saw Angel who told her that everyone was going to another place, that everything would be fine but that she had to do something for him.

When she saw her husband enter the hospital, she was overcome with not peace or relief but pure panic and fear. He was acting different, too. You know, everything about him was like him, everything but what she feared was inside. When they got home, he did things like clockwork. She didn't believe it was really him, but he assured her without even asking that she needed rest to recover from her episode. In time it would all become clear, he promised.

When he walked to get her a drink, she followed him and out of the corner of the kitchen saw him pouring something chemical into the water. She froze, suddenly and couldn't move. Sam was so afraid. That's not my medicine! She screamed, then she grabbed a large pan and brought it hard over his head. Instead of leaving a bruise, his skin had peeled off revealing an array of wires and buttons. And there was an incision somewhere. They had taken out his brain and replaced him with a machine. Charlie was still dead, and yet no one would ever believe the delusional Sam...never.

She did what Angel had told her, she killed Charlie. She ran outside as it began to rain. She had to find Angel, no matter what, before they got to him and replaced him too. An intuitive voice urged her to go to the park downtown. When she got there, she found a row of gravestones buried beneath wet leaves. She felt herself moving away some moss almost like she was being guided. There, beneath the leaves


Sam was confused. If they killed him once before, then how had he come to me, she wondered. He wasn't like Charlie after he was replaced. No, this man was human. More than human. He really was an Angel, wasn't he? She felt a warm hand on her shoulder. She turned her head, he had long golden hair and beautiful black eyes. She could barely contain her peace and she hugged him so tight. "What's happening, Angel?" she asked him.

"A transition." He said.

"What do you mean?"

"The sinners are trying to stay alive, and they'd do anything to keep themselves around for the second coming."


"Yes, Sam, it's a war down here just as it is out there. But down here on Earth, Satan has too much power...we need to do everything we can to stop him from turning us into evil like Charlie.

"But Charlie was my husband!" She was crying.

"Charlie wanted both of us dead," Sam, "You see Charlie became a killer, unlike me."

"Charlie never killed anyone," Sam said.

"Charlie destroyed everything that made you Sam. Everyone you knew, loved, remembered, were fond of. Charlie did it unknowingly. You see, the otherside is far more grotesque and complex than it appears on the surface"

"What do I do, Angel? What do I do now?"

"Follow me."

Angel took her by the hand and led her down to a deep forest. Then together they knelt in the cold rain. Suddenly there was a wooshing inner wind, and beautiful music of harps and violins. Sam felt herself rising. This must be how it feels to die, she realized as she rose gracefully toward the clouds leaving behind not the slightest trace.

January 19th, 2013, 08:53 AM
Oh my.

Okay I think you have the seeds of a good story here with some interesting ideas you can develop.
But boy does the race, its dashes from one scene to another and races through events.

You need to really slow down the prose and take your time in developing each idea. You could spend a chapter or two developing the college days, the crush, the events in his office. Then sow her graduating... marrying...

this is a novel's worth of concepts crushed into a couple of thousand words.

I hope this helps.


January 19th, 2013, 10:09 AM
Oh my.

Okay I think you have the seeds of a good story here with some interesting ideas you can develop.
But boy does the race, its dashes from one scene to another and races through events.

You need to really slow down the prose and take your time in developing each idea. You could spend a chapter or two developing the college days, the crush, the events in his office. Then sow her graduating... marrying...

this is a novel's worth of concepts crushed into a couple of thousand words.

I hope this helps.


I agree with this. Also It reads like an outline. A lot of what happens but not a lot of other detail (character development, exploring the setting, etc...). I think it's a great outline for a story and filling in the details will make it a great completed story. Good job.

January 31st, 2013, 06:43 AM
I really enjoyed reading this! Even as an outline, it still made for a pretty good short story! Your writing style is worthy to be praised, and I think this could really lead to something if you were to further develop the characters, plot, setting etc etc. Good job!