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View Full Version : REVISED : Clash of titans ( Extract of one of my favorite self wrote chapters.)



Silen
January 10th, 2013, 10:42 PM
Original can be located here : http://www.writingforums.com/fantasy-sci-fi-horror/130346-fast-paced-action-right-kinda-thing.html

Revised "Clash of titans."

Atop the walls of Xeron the dead were gaining a foothold, men and loch lay dead in their thousands, hewn against the battlements. Blood trickled in endless streams from the stone allure and down onto the spearmen gathering before the shattered gates.

Commander Wingblade entered the fray, abandoning his post atop the gatehouse. He strode down the great stone steps towards the courtyard were his men had gathered. He dispatched every undead on his way and those he did not finish off, were beheaded by his guard, Twelve of the finest men at his disposal, clad in full plate carrying worn swords or axes as trophies of their battle feats, flanked him as he descended to the gathering battalion.
As he arrived every man in the regiment began pounding spear to chest plate in a chorus of battle. They shouted his name as if he were a heathen god of old. He raised his glorious blade in salute and his men went silent.

“These are not the foes we were taught to combat, but they will die none the less! Soldiers of the imperial! Warriors of the Loch! We banish this evil, for freedom!” His men cheered. “For vengeance!” they cheered again. “For our fallen brothers!” they cheered one more deafening cry. “Let us show them fear.” The army behind him shouted and screamed in their lust for battle.

The hulking form of the siege beast toppled away revealing the breach. Through that breach the torrent of undead pulsed through like a wave of death.

Wingblade pointed his shining blade towards the oncoming wave. He charged, his men followed, their courage boundless, their purpose undeniable. They would fight to the last, that he knew.

Wingblades army collided with the undead with such power and unrelenting force that their foes wavered for a moment. The battle had lasted mere seconds before the twisted horns began to sound. Through the breach came Typhos.

The murderess, slayer of thousands, approached the front ranks of her horde. Wingblade spotted her immediately. Her skill with a blade seemed alien within such a horde of mindless creatures.
She was coming towards him, at pace and no man, Loch or undead would stand in her way, she carved a bloody swathe as she approached, her crimson hair shining like a river of ruby red blood. The black armour shone perfectly, none out of the hundreds she had slain in her approach had even scratched her.

“Clear the way! Hold them back!” shouted wingblade.

There was now but a stretch of battlefield between the two heroes.

Wingblades flanks were protected by his guard; he drove his sword into the ground in front of him. He yanked off his steel helm, and knelt placing it gently on the ground. His heart was pumping bursts of adrenaline around his body; she would be a worthy foe, of this he was sure. When he felt he was ready he arose, he shifted his weight between his legs, testing the ground. Finally he unclipped his crimson cloak and allowed the wind to carry it away.
Typhos had halted, she stared intently at Wingblades preparations. She needed no moment of rest bite. From within her over robe, two daggers fell. Chained together they hung half an inch from the dusty ground, poison dripping in vicious green droplets from their razor like tips. Where the drops landed the dust began to smoke and decay.

Wingblade eyed his opponent’s preparation, focusing on the sickly daggers that hung from each of her blood stained hands.

His iron clad gauntlet gripped the hilt of his sword, which was still sunk into the blood caked ground. His other picked a nearby shield from the body of a fallen ally. He felt the hatred burn, the anger, the lust for vengeance. He focused it into a single blade of red hot emotions and allowed it to plunge into the very fibre of his soul.

A moment passed, he blotted the sound of battle from his mind, he focused on his target and nothing existed but himself and his foe. Only one would walk away he vowed to himself.
Time slowed, and seconds passed that felt like hours. Until finally Commander Wingblade charged.

He crossed the space between them in seconds, she was ready.

Faster than the very lightning she had wrought upon them Typhos spun on her toes the daggers flailing like the court marshals whip. She waved her chained daggers above her until they formed a whistling shield of blades.
He bowed his head and leaped forward, with more speed and grace than befitted him, he moved faster than the quickest Loch.

At the last moment he raised his shield allowing it to take the brunt of the daggers impact. The vial poison began to rot away at the wood as soon as it touched it.
The force of her impact threw the blade shield of balance, he could get close.

He missed by a hair width as she sidestepped him and spun her blades around on him.

He raised his already weakened shield and her blades shattered it. He threw it to one side and began parrying her daggers as she hurled them at him from distance, every parry he inched closer, the steel of his sword impervious to the poison.
He was in within striking distance and with a final parry he thrust his sword forward towards her stomach. Time slowed, and he raised his eyes to glance at the blades twirling overhead, and then focussed again on his blade. The blade touched her chest piece, then instantly she was gone.

It was too late, she reappeared behind him and hurled her daggers at his exposed back, and one stuck him in each shoulder. She used them to hurl his body back towards her.
Commander Wingblade lay quivering at the murderesses feet. From her belt she drew a small thin blade and with both hands she raised it above her head, Ready to perform the execution sentence. Groans of despair erupted from the men, The Loch cursed her. The dagger plunged downwards.

bazz cargo
January 12th, 2013, 09:29 PM
Hello Silen.

This is a remarkably enjoyable read. There are a few little niggles here and there:

hewn against the battlements. (reads a bit odd to me).

the stone allure (Possibly a typo).

courtyard were his men (Where).

flanked him as he descended (Flanking).

The battle had lasted mere seconds before the twisted horns began to sound. ( The battle had lasted mere seconds before the enemy blew into their twisted horns).

Wingblades flanks (Wingblade's flanks).

no moment of rest bite.(no moment of respite).

Faster than the very lightning (Faster than the lightning). ( I have allowed a very soul to pass as a style thing...But come on).

The vial poison (Vile).

He missed by a hair width as she sidestepped him and spun her blades around on him.(He missed by a hair width as she sidestepped and spun her blades around on him).

She used them to hurl his body back towards her. (She used them to haul his body back to her).

Ready to perform the execution sentence.(Ready to perform the execution).


It is tough to write a fight scene without it becoming overly long and boring. You did well and kept my interest.

Salute
Bazz

Silen
January 12th, 2013, 10:09 PM
Thank you! :D :D :D
I had so much fun writing this scene. I'm so glad that someone else finds enjoyment in what i have written.

marrow
January 13th, 2013, 02:59 AM
i like this story it does a good job helping me visualize what is going on.