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View Full Version : The World Can't Handle Me (Chaos Scripted)



Crash_Tomas
January 10th, 2013, 07:30 AM
Originally posted this as nonfiction, but due to the eventual content, I think it best to change names and things so now it would technically be Fiction. Here it is:

I forgot about November when I was in it. The importance just seemed to not sink in and slipped past me. I don’t know how I could have let it get by, but now I’m facing the end. A recurring thought keeps me up at night sometimes: “there is no more land”. And there isn’t. Everywhere that I have gone took so long to get to and leaving was equally opposite.

I’ve learned that it isn’t every day that something interesting happens. Usually it’s a battle to just wade through calm water, but when it starts it doesn’t stop until there’s nothing left to conquer. When everything settles though, your life and what it was, adds up to be nothing at all. You’re back to being in the calm water as if nothing has changed, but you know that just below the surface, everything is different.

When I woke up on the first day of September, from a nightmare that made me want to go to sleep again to find out what happened next, I found myself in an odd sort of curiosity. There was a girl and she seemed to know everything there was to know about me: the good and bad, as if she could see into my aging soul. She told me that I needed a haircut and that I was capable of wonderful things and then darkness came over the landscape and I woke up. As hard as I could, I tried to get back to sleep and back into that dream. For a few moments I think I had, but I was too lucid and the dream fell apart. Her face was all I could see: red hair, brown eyes, tanned skin. She was an impossible mixture of absolute beauty. She didn’t even have a name. Somehow I have to find her. She can’t be confined just to my unconscious. Somewhere, she exists and I hope one day she’ll stare into my soul again.

This wasn’t the first dream of her. There have been others like it, but at the same time far different. I don’t even know if the girl is the same in each dream. One, she was trying to get a dragon out of her closet and I was helping her. Then, after we had gotten the dragon out, we had to put it back in for some odd reason. Then we were dirty and had to take a shower, so we did. I woke up feeling happy that she was with me and then suddenly disappointed that I had been dreaming. Everything felt too real, even if the dragon bit was absurd.

Most dreams are simple, just laying down on the grass somewhere, looking up at the sky. There are always mountains of clouds, stars, planets, and everything is just all around and suddenly the clouds catch fire and look like they’re burning and then night comes. I always think of how beautiful it is and if the sky were a poem, it would be my favorite one.
These dreams always make me think about life and what it means. And that in theory it might be so, that the reasons you live are what you’d die for. I know a few things about my life and where I fit in, but there’s a giant gaping hole of knowledge that I don’t have. The sum of it all seems to equal nothing and at the same time everything. Of that girl it is definite. Somewhere there’s a girl, she’s waiting for some knight in shining armor. But some day she’ll pass him over for another knight with dulled out, used and dented armor, because that’s the knight that’s been somewhere. That’s the knight that I want to be.

I was different back then. My head was still filled with wonder and awe at the world. I had hope that life would be amazing and that it was all meant for something. My eyes had this glimmer of innocence and my mind was pure with just living to have fun and go on adventures. Whatever happened to that child? I want it back. Now I have so many things on my mind and there’s stress on me that I can’t see, so there’s no way to get rid of it. Every day I grow a day older and isn’t that the saddest thing? I get further and further away from what I was. There was something in the way I lived that made everything feel inspired. Looking through the pieces of what I have left, I am struggling to be.
Every day though, I gain more than I’ve lost. My English Professor used to say: “We need to find who we are and what we are called to do.” In my case, I suppose I’m still working on the first part. Many people seem to have it together, yet maybe they don’t. My conception of “them” as most individuals describe the rest of the human race is probably no different, yet I wrote about it at some point in September:

If I was any good at staying bitter,
I could be like them.
And if I could be happy with ordinary,
I could be like them.
If I could accept that most people aren’t meant for big lives,
I could be like them.
But I’m not very good at staying bitter,
I will never be happy with ordinary
And I can’t accept that I’m going to have a small life.

October caused quite a stir in my life. After being out of school for the summer it was definitely knew to wake up and not have to attend any classes. I spent a lot of time thinking of and writing my reasons and rules about life. I came to some sort of point where I thought that if there ever was a reason to be and if the fire in my eyes never went out and fueled my passion and burned on until the day I die then maybe I would be all right. Maybe when I find the right reason to be, I’d forget everything else that doesn’t matter, so nobody could follow me. And if they did, I’d get them lost.

To Be Continued.

live. die. be.
January 20th, 2013, 05:47 AM
This was quite interesting. I'm usually not a huge fan of first-person POV, but it really worked for this. Lovely description you use, I adore it. I can see the girl in my head.


Some of your sentences seemed a little short, and (I think) could be connected with others using a semi-colon. Like your first sentence, for example, could be like:


I forgot about November when I was in it; the importance just seemed to not sink in and slipped past me.


This is a very good start to a longer story. I look forward to more of it.

bazz cargo
January 20th, 2013, 06:06 PM
Hi Crash,
This is good stuff. It captured my interest. The first line seems a little odd. 'In it?' In what? in November, oh! Got it.
There are enough questions to keep me going.

Sorry this is so short. If it was rubbish I would have a lot more to help with.
Kudos
Bazz

randomwriting
January 25th, 2013, 09:23 AM
I see what you were trying to do. I just don't agree that most dreams are simple, not many of mine have been simple and most I heard of are quite odd, unless your talking about the characters dreams than that would be different.

Either way I thought I would point it out.

Crash_Tomas
January 26th, 2013, 01:41 AM
I see what you were trying to do. I just don't agree that most dreams are simple, not many of mine have been simple and most I heard of are quite odd, unless your talking about the characters dreams than that would be different.

Either way I thought I would point it out.

ok. thanks, I think. haha. dreams tend to be over analyzed upon waking, I was trying to not dive into meanings and just handle events. which was much simpler. and like most things, speaking in generalities causes lines to be drawn in sand. I apologize if my views on the subject do not coincide with yours. anyway. thanks for the comments, all that did.

my creative process has now been helped.

QBD
January 26th, 2013, 05:56 PM
Sorry, I found it hard to follow and so it lost my interest. I was still pondering how to forget something that is still present (i.e. you were 'in' November) and so couldn't focus on what came next.

Your thoughts seem muddled although I think this is somewhat deliberate. Still, I struggle with lines like " Everywhere that I have gone took so long to get to and leaving was equally opposite."

Complex and inventive ideas still need to be conveyed in a clear and expressive way.

Having said all that, I could never get to grips with Joseph Hellers Catch 22 which enjoyed worldwide success! :smile:

Crash_Tomas
January 28th, 2013, 05:52 AM
Sorry, I found it hard to follow and so it lost my interest. I was still pondering how to forget something that is still present (i.e. you were 'in' November) and so couldn't focus on what came next.

Your thoughts seem muddled although I think this is somewhat deliberate. Still, I struggle with lines like " Everywhere that I have gone took so long to get to and leaving was equally opposite."

Complex and inventive ideas still need to be conveyed in a clear and expressive way.

Having said all that, I could never get to grips with Joseph Hellers Catch 22 which enjoyed worldwide success! :smile:

Appreciate the honesty. It's sad how that happens, some people like it and some don't. but I suppose individuals are individual for a reason. =)

but I will work on trying to convey the vague opening in a clear way in the future.

Jarhead
January 31st, 2013, 03:34 AM
"Of that girl it is definite. Somewhere there’s a girl, she’s waiting for some knight in shining armor. But some day she’ll pass him over for another knight with dulled out, used and dented armor, because that’s the knight that’s been somewhere. That’s the knight that I want to be."

This part really sticks out to me. I'm a bit new to 'criticizing' other's work, but I think at one point in everyone's life this is exactly how they feel. Wishing that we could be somebody who is rough, tough, and experienced; a hero. But all we do is find ourselves wishing. This gave me a good visual of how those dreams would entice you, since that is where the girl is, and that is where you were that knight in dull armor. Hope this is encouraging to you!