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vcnavega
January 8th, 2013, 01:25 PM
“I don’t want you to avoid telling me things. You shouldn’t think you would be bothering me.”

“I don’t want to be like those people who are always complaining about how bad their health is, Sam.”

“So, in fact there is something else you didn’t tell me.”

“I… I suppose I remember something else, something I went through, that sometimes comes back again. I also remembered something that happened to Hrday, just a couple of weeks before he died.”

“So, please tell me all those things. As I said, you shouldn’t keep anything from me. I am here to listen to your story, remember that, and never forget that I am your pillow, I am your chest. I will always be here if you need to rest.”

“Oh, my beautiful Sam, it is so kind of you to offer me your chest. I will accept your offering any time I need. I am in love, don’t you know that?”

“I do, and I am in the same situation, don’t you know that?”

“I suppose so.”
“Okay, here I go. Most of the diseases come from the mind. Actually everything has its psychological origin. It is not possible to go through tough times without developing physical reactions that can be seen in the body. At some point in my life, around 2011, if I recall, I woke up one day and I couldn’t see anything. I thought I was going blind, and I went to an ophthalmological emergency room. They couldn’t do much for me there, but they ran some tests, and sent me to a neurologist. Tests were made, and again I was sent to another specialist, this time an endocrinologist. I had already had a PET scan of my brain, but this endocrinologist wanted me to have an MRI of a specific part of the brain, the sella turcica. They actually found something there, a small dot on the image. The endocrinologist wanted to continue her research, but I was already too stressed out, I didn’t allow her to do anything else. She had already found many things.”

“I don’t understand what you mean. Many things? You didn’t mention any besides the dot on the sella turcica.”

“Oh, I am sorry, you are right. I didn’t explain the whole thing. The first part of my body the endocrinologist examined was my throat, with an ultrasound they were able to find a cyst, and of course they had to remove it, and in the meantime I was inexplicably blind. But it didn’t end there. She then checked a hormone, cortisone, produced by the adrenal gland, and of course, the result of the test came out showing I had a big problem with it, I was suffering from Addison’s Disease.”

“Addison’s Disease? I think I’ve heard of it. Maybe from that TV show, House.”

“Yes, I have seen that show too. I felt as if I was one of those characters, and they were just trying to find the cure for my blindness. And now that woman was trying to blame my brain. The next step would have been brain surgery, and I wouldn’t allow that to happen. The doctor herself was in shock, when the blood test that accused Addison’s Disease came back, she couldn’t believe it herself. She asked me to repeat the test, but I didn’t, I never returned to her office, never did the other tests she asked me to do, and one day I woke up and my eyesight was back.”

“Vilminha, this is not a miracle. Maybe you have something on your brain, and the thing is still there. You should continue checking it.”

“I am sorry, Sam, but I won’t. I’ve had enough of it. I am not an old car that you can take to the garage so the mechanic can find all the broken pieces. I’ve already had enough of it.”

“Do as you like, dear, but I am so worried about you. Has it ever come back? The blindness?”

“When I am stressed out I kind of feel it. My eyes don’t work as they should, my sight blurs. Eventually, I can’t see; everything becomes dark, and I get extremely photosensitive. Thank God I have the third eye, the ajna chakra, the eye of the mind, with it I can see everything.”

“You are kidding, right? You said yourself, you are not a psychic, you cannot see things with your third eye.”

“I don’t know, Sam, I am working on it.”

“Oh, Vilminha, you are so crazy, you know, and you drive me crazy as well. I wish I could take care of you, but it seems impossible, you are so stubborn.”

“I suppose so.”

“You said something happened to your brother a couple of weeks before he died. What was that?”

“When he came to Brazil he told me he wasn’t feeling well, he already had some heart problems in Italy, and he’d like to have his heart checked. I said to him the public hospitals in Brazil were horrible and if he wanted to get a private hospital to admit him without any cost he’d have to make a scene. My ex was here and accompanied him. I was too busy, working on some texts for my guru. Both of them went to a hospital near my house. Hrday knew how to make a scene. But he was feeling well, they could tell, so the doctors didn’t run all the tests.”
“Hrday called me from the hospital while he was being monitored, and I didn’t want to be distracted, I was so focused on my writing, actually I was talking to my guru at the moment he called. I put Hrday on the speakers, and Gurudeva could hear us speaking, Hrday didn’t know it, though. It was funny at the time. I was saying ‘Leave me alone, drama queen, you don’t have anything in your heart, you can cheat the doctors in that hospital, but not me. I am working here, don’t distract me, I have things to do. Purushottama is with you, he should be doing his service to Gurudeva, but he is serving you, annoying thing. Come back home!’ ”
“Gurudeva was laughing on the other line, and saying to me ‘Why do you treat your brother like this? He is such a nice person, he always took such a good care of you.’ I said, ‘I am working, Gurudeva. With Hrday here I don’t have a break, he is like my shadow. Now that he is at the hospital I could have some peace. But no. He is calling me just to be sure he has my attention, it is unbearable. I can’t take anymore of this.’”
“I didn’t know my brother really did have a heart condition, I didn’t know it was that serious. I thought he was just needy.”

“Things like that we never know.”

“I know, I know. Even at that hospital nobody knew the thing was that serious, they let him go back home. Now Hrday is gone. Couple of weeks after that he died in my arms.”

“And you were able to say nice things to him.”

“I said everything I wanted and I needed, many times, actually. Since his body fell on the floor, I started chanting mantras on his ear, at the hospital where they took his body, in the morgue, while carrying his ashes across the world, in India, during the ceremonies, everywhere, all the time, I said my farewell to him. We are okay, Hrday and me, we love each other so very much.”

“As you said, your brother lives in you.”

“And now, Sam, I will be eternally in your heart. Keep me there, sweety, and you will never feel alone.”