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View Full Version : Reintroduction Chapter 13 (AdultLanguage and Themes)



Duncan
December 21st, 2012, 05:54 PM
Removed

heir_of_isildur0
December 21st, 2012, 09:16 PM
There are a few spelling and grammatical errors, these ones jump out at me:
"dialling tone" should be changed to "dial tone". Also the "and" right after the first buzzing needs to be removed. "We sent Guardians in to contain it but that poor idiot, that lad of Arthur’s, he’ll be our Typhoid Mary for sure." could be switched to "We sent Guardians in to contain it but that poor idiot lad of Arthur's will be our Typhoid Mary for sure."
This is very well written, I enjoyed reading it!

Duncan
December 23rd, 2012, 12:43 PM
Thanks for the feedback. It's really just a skeleton at present. I am writing without my usual focus--because my cat died after twenty one years--but I'm glad that I am getting back into it albeit slowly.

You were right about the bit with Typhoid Mary--I've rephrased it and now it scans better.

Thanks

Duncan