View Full Version : (C.5) The Obsolete and Primitive Body – Part 1

December 16th, 2012, 01:14 PM
“You said that I don’t know the half of it. I want to know it all. So, please, tell me, Vilminha. What else happened to your mum? You mentioned labyrinthitis and arrhythmia, was there anything else?”

“Of course there was. She is an old lady, and old people always have something wrong with their bodies, but I don’t want to talk about it right now. I will explain later about the other things she had. Now I’d like to tell you about the things I myself had.”

“You? You had health problems too?”

“Well, nothing so serious… hmm, actually some were. Let me tell you about them, Sam, and you can make your own conclusions.”

“Sure, Vilminha. But now I am worried about your health.”

“Oh, Sam, you don’t need to worry, everything is fine with me now. Everything is gone, but I must admit I went through tough times.”
“The first thing that happened to me was in 2007, around the same time my mum was going in and out of the hospital because of her heart problems. So I can’t really blame her for having to close my institute. If it wasn’t her, it was me in the hospital.”

“What happened to you?”

“I suppose the most painful thing a human being can go through: kidney stones. The first one I had was located in a specific place, and was rather large and poorly shaped, so that they couldn’t remove it with any procedure other than the invasive lithotripsy. In this procedure they placed an endoscope in my urethra that reached the stone, grabbed it and pulled it out. Of course that procedure was performed in a surgery room, with me under anesthetics, but I remember seeing the whole thing, because I am really resistant to those kind of drugs.”
“Anyway, supposedly the thing should have worked pretty well, but my ureter got swollen after the procedure, and I wasn’t able to pass urine properly, just few drops at a time. So they had to perform another procedure, I went to the surgery room again, and they inserted a double J, it is a tube with the shape of a ‘J’ that keeps your ureter large, in order for you to be able to pass urine normally.”

“How long did that last?”

“I think it remained with me for 3 months or so, I don’t remember quite well. I only remember that the thing was quite uncomfortable, and I had to go to the bathroom all the time. I even considered moving my desk to the latrine, because it was quite annoying having to go in there all the time.”

“You are kidding, right?”

“Yes, Sam, I am. I have this bad sense of humor. Anyway, when they removed that thing from me I thought I was okay and I could move on with my life, but I was wrong, you know, we have two kidneys, and of course the other one produced a stone.”

“Oh, my!”

“Yes, Sam, as soon as the cramp started I knew it. The first time I didn’t know. I thought it was menstrual cramps, but second time I already knew the pain, and I went to the hospital already asking for morphine, I suppose they thought I was a drug addict.”
“But the problem this time was that my health insurance plan didn’t want to pay for the surgery. Of course, once again the stone was placed in a specific location, and they had to perform the invasive lithotripsy. The health insurance plan claimed they would only perform the surgery in their own hospital, not in the one I was at, and for that I should be removed by an ambulance.”

“So, what happened?”

“Eventually they let me have the surgery, after I screamed and yelled. It is not possible to enter in an ambulance alone, and I didn’t have anyone to accompany me. So, they wouldn’t allow me to have my surgery in the hospital I was in, and they wouldn’t let me get in an ambulance alone, so I was just lost, in the land of nobody. I called my health insurance plan, and under the soothing effect of the morphine I yelled at them and demanded that they allow me to have my surgery at the hospital I was already in. They kept saying to me that they considered really strange that I was having a second lithotripsy in such a short period of time. I said to them ‘Do you think I enjoy having stones in my kidneys? Oh, and by the way, I have two kidneys, not just one.’ So, eventually I was able to have my surgery at the hospital I was staying in, thanks to the help of one of my clients, who worked for that health insurance company.”

“And that surgery worked nicely?”

“That one, yes, but the third stone I got was pretty bad.”

“You had a third kidney stone?”

“I wouldn’t call that one a kidney stone, because when I noticed it, it was already in my urethra. That one was really painful. It happened in 2010, when Hrday and my ex were here, few days before my mum’s birthday. They were watching TV and I started passing urine few drops at a time, actually it wasn’t urine, it was blood. The pain was so intense that I thought ‘oh, god, it feels like I am reaching climax, but just the opposite of it’, and I told them, ‘Guys I am having problems. You should take me to the hospital’. The movie they were watching was pretty entertaining and they didn’t want to stop watching. It was already late at night and they told to me to wait, that they would take me to the hospital first thing in the morning. But I kept going to the restroom every 30 seconds, passing a few drops of blood every time, it was really painful and I couldn’t do it anymore. Then I said to them, ‘Guys, I am having multiple orgasms here, you must take me to the hospital.’ They laughed and said, ‘okay, I see your point, let’s go, then.’”
“The doctor who received me at the hospital didn’t believe me. She thought I had only a urinary infection and said me to fill a little container with my urine. It took me ages to fill that thing, but I kept at it, one drop at time. Drops of blood, actually, that stone was hurting my urethra pretty badly. As soon as I was able to fill that little container she took it to run the exams, and said to me, ‘Your son is waiting for you outside.’ I said ‘What? My son?! He is not my son, he is my brother!’ And she said ‘Oh, I am sorry, it is just that he is your little brother, I thought he was your son.’ And I said ‘Wrong again, dear, he is older than me.’ The woman kept saying nonsense. She then said that she would bring my husband, but before bringing him, she would recommend us not to have intercourse. I didn’t want to explain to that woman that my husband was living in India for so many years, and was only in Brazil to renew his visa. We hadn’t had intercourse for so long. I let her leave the room and I thought to myself ‘I don’t know what is more painful, this stone or hearing this woman.’”
“When she finally came back with the results of the exams and said that I indeed had a stone, I showed to her another container of urine I had just collected, in which I had just expelled the stone and said ‘I know, dear, I just got rid of it.’”
“Hrday was in heaven, for days he kept saying ‘You see, you look so old, that people think I am your son’. Poor thing, a few weeks later he’d be dead.”

“I am speechless. I don’t know what to say. I’ve heard that kidney stones are terribly painful. Are you sure they are gone now?”

“I must drink lots of fluids, and have an ultrasound regularly to be sure they don’t grow that big. My guru always asks me if I am producing more stones, he used to call me ‘The Gem of Brazil’, you know, in Brazil we have many gemstones. I wish they were gemstones.”
“But my health problems didn’t stop there. Other things happened to me, but I don’t want to tell you about them now. Let’s relax, Sam. I am already stressed out. Just remembering about those stones is a nightmare.”

“Relax, Vilminha, relax. Let’s lay down. My bed or yours?”

“Yours, Sam.”