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vcnavega
December 16th, 2012, 02:30 AM
“I suppose you still don’t get it, Sam. Do you think you have got it?”

“I don’t know, Vilminha. What do you mean by ‘got it’? I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“She doesn’t like me, Sam. Mum doesn’t like people like me. I was pretty young when she realized who I was, even though I myself didn’t know at that time.”

“Well, Vilminha, perhaps you are right. I don’t get it.”

“So, let me explain it to you. When I was 9 years old there was a contest at my school, a writing contest, and I won. I suppose even at that age I was already good at writing. You see, I was supposed to be playing with dolls, but instead I was already an intellectual, I was writing. Anyway, all the kids who had won the contest at their schools throughout Săo Paulo got to appear on a TV show, and the producer of that show came to me and said that I was photogenic, I looked good on TV, and he wanted me to take part in that show for good.”

“Take part in that show? To do what?”

“There was a panel of kids who judged clowns, and this producer invited me to take part on that panel. Of course he asked my parents’ permission, and of course my daddy was really proud, and he allowed me to do it. But I don’t remember my mother being proud of me. Perhaps the only way she had to show her pride was to sew me new clothes every week, I couldn’t repeat clothes for different shows.”

“How long did you remain on that TV show?”

“Well, I started it when I was 9, and I stayed on TV until I was 11, but I wasn’t on that TV show the whole time. I don’t remember the exact date, but that TV show was over, and the producer went to another TV show on another channel, and took me with him. There was also a soap-opera that I took part in, and some commercials, oh, and theater plays. I appeared in bunch of things, actually, until it started to interfere with my studies. I couldn’t allow it, I used to be a good student, with good grades. But I didn’t want to disappoint my daddy, I thought he was happy with it, and he thought the same about me. He thought I was happy with show business, and he didn’t want to ask me to leave it. But eventually both of us were worried about my grades. Besides, I was having problems with my social life, no-one in my school would approach me.”

“Why?”

“Kids are strange. I suppose they thought I was a big star or something, I was humble, though, I didn’t act as if I was a big star, but I suppose they felt jealous of me. Also when I was 10, my teacher was my cousin, and it was kind of complicated. So I asked my father to move me out of that school, and it was then that I started attending classes in that other school I mentioned before, that all-girl school with the catholic nuns, and that’s when I became a fervent catholic.”

“And you left the TV show?”

“I left the TV show at the exact time when I changed schools. It was something that my brothers didn’t like. They didn’t want me to leave TV. They enjoyed being at the backstage with me. We met many TV stars, and they treated us nicely. We were also able to visit the sets of many shows, and we loved it. It was really fun. My brothers are older than me, they already knew they’d be pursuing the artistic life, and being backstage there was like a dream. For me it was hard, though.”

“Why?”

“I had to know by heart the lines I had to speak on that show, and which clown I had to vote for. I wasn’t the one to choose, it was staged. Sometimes I helped the other kids, my coworkers I suppose, learn their lines, and once I learned one of them so well, that instead of saying my line, I said his. He was mad at me, because when his turn came to speak, he didn’t know what to say. The show was broadcast live, and it was bad for him.”

“Are you sure your mother was never proud of you for being in that show?”

“Once, on mother’s day, she had to attend the show. All mothers of the kids had to do it, so she went, and of course they had to train her to do her scene, and I gave her a gift live, but it was all staged. I don’t think she enjoyed it that much. Perhaps. I don’t know. There was a singer that she liked, and he was there, singing really nice songs. I really don’t know, Sam, I was just a kid.”

“She sewed new clothes for you every week.”

“She had to, this is her way of showing her love, she cooks, she does things. I don’t doubt she loves me, but I don’t think she likes me.”

“What is the difference?”

“When we watch a movie together and I empathize with a character, even if I don’t mention it, she always says, ‘that woman is a bitch’. I know she is talking about me. She doesn’t like people like me. Don’t get me wrong, Sam, I don’t have any problem with myself. I am happy with myself, I like who I am. And I love her and I like her too. I like people like her. I just wish that she could like me, but she can’t and that is a shame. She wished that I could have been a housewife, and that is a shame. I can’t be a housewife.”

“Are you sure your mother doesn’t like you?”

“Some parts of me she may like, but not me completely. Most of me, though, she doesn’t.”

“I love you and I like you completely.”

“I love you, Sam, and I like you so very much. This love seems to be bigger than my heart. It makes me feel that my heart is about to explode. I love you Sam. ‘Like’ is such an understatement. 108 dandavats to you!”

“No, Vilminha, now is my time to pay dandavats to you. As I said, I don’t understand how this dandavats thing works, but I must admit, you are stronger than me. You know, you survived that long without losing it, in that situation, and that’s something I cannot fathom.”

“Survived? What do you mean?”

“You said yourself, you’ve been taking care of your mum for so long.”

“Oh, Sam, you still don’t know the half of it. But please, don’t pay dandavats to me.”

“Oh, now you see my point?”

“Yes, Sam. Let’s just embrace, then.”