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View Full Version : The Deity Warriors- Ch. 3



BlueApple813
December 13th, 2012, 02:30 AM
And a mighty angel took up a stone like a great millstone, and cast it into the sea, saying, Thus with violence shall that great city Babylon be thrown down, and shall be found no more at all. (Revelations, 18:21)

I stared out the window as I watched the city of Baltimore fade away behind us, quiet and deserted. A place where I had lived most of my life, it wasn’t perfect but it was home. I’d miss cracking steamed crabs with family while watching Sunday football, decked out in purple and black of course. I’d miss walking around the Inner Harbor and listening to concerts at Pier Six Pavillion, or seeing both the football and baseball stadiums when driving on the highway. I looked, for one last time, at the giant billboard of Ray Lewis’ game face, his signature expression displayed for all to see, with the words ‘Welcome to Baltimore’ underneath. I’d miss the place I called home from twenty-four years.

I reached over and turned the radio down, “Why weren't there more? Of those creatures? Where did everyone go...” I have no idea how we didn't manage to run into more of those black-eyed creatures. Surely, the streets would be swarming with them, right?

Eirik didn't even spare me a glance as he spoke, “Those creatures, as you call them, are vessels. Human bodies, without a soul, being controlled by the lower angels. The Apocalypse has been going on for at least three weeks, Ceri. You've been unconscious, so to speak, for that long. Mother essentially sped up time. I don't know why she would do that, considering my having to keep your unconscious body protected was much easier said than done. Especially since you lived in an apartment full of weak-willed humans.”

I frowned, the images of Jennifer and Tommy flashing through my memory. “What's that supposed to mean? How is a child weak-willed, Eirik? Tommy was just a child and he was possessed!”

Eirik sighed, weaving in and out of the lanes on the interstate, avoiding the parked and abandoned cars, littering the road. “Because he was a child. Children are only so pure and only so knowledgeable in the matters of strong will and determination. On top of it, he was never raised to believe in God, or anything. You can't defeat something you don't believe in because you don't see a point in resisting.”

I slid down further in the seat, sighing but positioning the rifle comfortably on my lap, “So, does that mean Christians are safe from all of this? That would seem pointless, considering more people believe in God than any of the other deities.”

He smirked, “No, the Christians will be the bigger bitch to fight because they were more than willing to give their bodies as vessels to the angels. They're Christians, Ceri. They think that whatever God tells them is law and would do anything to please Him. Even if that means agreeing to the Apocalypse. There are some, though, that were smart enough to resist. The ones who believe in mankind surviving and becoming stronger.”

I stared out the window again, silent for what seemed like many minutes, but couldn't have been longer than a minute or two. There was so much for me to process. Less than twenty four hours ago, well twenty-four hours worth of consciousness, I thought I was just a normal young woman living her life. I had a job, bills, my own place and friends. Granted, I'd had a pretty much non-existent love life but that was about the extent of my problems. Then, suddenly, I get gunned down by my Angel brother, returned back to the Heavens where my Mother caused all my pre-mortal memories to come flooding back, knocked me out cold again, only to wake up to the Apocalypse. An Apocalypse that had, apparently, had been going on for three weeks while I floated in a vast sea of black nothingness. Not a single clue about what was going on around me, or that Eirik had been sent to this plane to keep me protected and unharmed. All the while, my neighbors, friends and supposed 'family' members were being possessed by the angels and killing everyone they once knew.

I glanced over to Eirik once more, his stern expression set on the road as he headed north on the interstate. “Where are your wings?”

I must have caught him off guard because he gave me a startled look, “My what?”

“Your wings. Where are they?”

His gaze returning to the road, “I lost them when I got sent here,” he responded in a flat tone. “Mother said no point in needing them at the moment. Not until we get closer to the likes of Michael and Gabriel.”

I frowned as he spoke the names of God's most trusted soldiers. “When will that happen? Where are they?”

He shrugged just slightly, continuing to weave between lanes. “I don't know, Ceri. They may be no where. They may be ten minutes down this road waiting for us. As far as I know, God has no idea I am here. Or that other Angels are being called by their Mothers and Fathers. God has turned His back to earth and the humans. He has left everything to His soldiers. However, they aren't paying attention to us or the other Deities. At least... not yet.”

I began to squirm in my seat, a burning itch forming around my shoulder blades. I reached my arm back, trying to scratch and, or, smack the sudden sensation. It was rather annoying and it irritated the living hell out of me. The feeling was gone within minutes and I sighed with relief. Repositioning the rifle more towards the window, I gasped when I saw movement, “Eirik.”

He narrowed his eyes, slamming on the brakes of the SUV, having the movement too. Turning off the engine, he tucked the keys in his pocket, reaching for one of his handguns right away. Popping the door open, he slid out of the seat in one fluid motion, his eyes constantly scanning, looking for the movement once more. Slowly, I followed, opening my door and sliding out of the passenger's side, lifting the rifle, not entirely sure about what I was doing.

Eirik stood perfectly still, arms raised, gun pointed. He wasn't even breathing, instead concentrating on our surroundings. I scanned the area, my heart pounding in my ears. I saw a flash of black out of the corner of my right eye and I began to move immediately. Eirik followed my lead, moving ahead of me, eyes still narrowed. I could hear the faint sound of sobbing, a sound that made me stop in my tracks.

“Eirik,” I said in a concerned tone, “Do you hear crying?”

He stopped, listening intently, “No, now stop talking so loudly,” he hissed in a low voice.

I frowned, straining to hear the sound once more. It was still there, just quieter this time. Whoever, or whatever, it was must have heard us and was now trying to quiet themselves. Sighing, I jogged up towards Eirik, resting a hand on top of his, forcing it to lower along with the gun. “I still hear it. I highly doubt possessed humans cry.”

I could feel his glaring eyes on my back as I confidently walked towards a broken down sedan, the source of where I initially heard the crying. Just to be safe, I raised the rifle and cautiously made my way towards the front bumper. Slowly, I walked around the bumper with the rifle pointed and was instantly glad I hadn't been poised to pull the trigger. Sitting next to the back tire, legs pulled close and hands over her mouth, was a young woman, no older than nineteen at best, pressed against the rim, eyes on the ground. She was nearly shaking, sitting there trying not to cry or scream from the looks of it.

Breathing an internal sigh of relief, I lowered the rifle and approached her. Her eyes widened as she heard me move, and instantly she grabbed a ratty notebook and began to back away from the tire, albeit clumsily, especially since she wasn't looking at where she was going. I shook my head, “No, it's alright. I won't hurt you I promise.”

She froze in place, eyes now wide as though my speaking had been totally unexpected. She kept her eyes on the ground as she spoke, “You... you can speak English? I didn't think any of your kind could speak English..” Her voice was nearly quivering from fear and shock.

“Yes, I can speak English. What do you mean by my kind? Have you been approached by other people?”

She slowly raised her gaze to stare at my neck for a very long moment before responding, “You aren't a person. None of you are people. You're just here to possess me like you did all the others, and force me to kill my friends and family or whatever unfortunate human being I happen to come across. All without thought, or emotion. I won't be controlled!” She began to raise her voice, the fear seeming to seep away, “Just kill me and get it over with or I swear I'll kill myself!”

I raised an eyebrow, wondering why she was acting so hysterically, until I remembered that my eyes gave away the fact I was no longer a mortal. “First, if I wanted to possess you, I would have done so already without standing here and speaking to you. Second, just how do you plan on killing yourself with no weapon in sight?”

She opened her mouth to respond, but closed it again when no words seemed to escape. However, her voice had no problem with screaming since that's exactly what she did when she felt the pressure of a gun barrel pressed to the back of her head, and a soft click. Eirik had walked up behind the young woman, and now pressed the barrel of his handgun into the back of her head, the safety clicked to off.

I took a deep breath, looking at him, “Eirik. Put the safety back on and take the gun from her head. She's already hysterical and you are just making it worse.”

He scowled, but kept his voice flat, eyes on the top of her brunette head, “You heard Mother. No need to try and save any humans. If she's meant to live, she'll survive. Though, with the gun pressed into the back of her head, I'd say her chances are slim to impossible.”

I gritted my teeth together in annoyance, “This is hardly giving her a chance to survive. I don't care what Mother said, this woman is obviously strong enough to resist prior possession, and she is of no danger to us. We're obligated as Angels to help her.”

Eirik scoffed, but lowered his gun from her head anyway. “You were always the stubborn one, Ceri. Wasting our time, and our own possible safety, all over some puny female human.”

He stepped away, holstering the guns before crossing his arms over his chest. He watched me intently as I approached the woman, extending a hand, “Here, let me help you up at least. My name is Ceri, as you heard, and he is my brother, Eirik.”

Timidly, she took my hand, allowing me to help her to her feet. She was short, no taller than 5'4” and had light brown eyes along with reddish brown hair. The whites of her eyes were tinted red, from crying I would guess, and her skin was smudged with multiple layers of dirt. “I'm Madison. I'm originally from Massachusetts, but I came here to visit my cousins. On my way home, all these horrible things began to happen. Before I knew it, nearly anyone I had seen or even knew was either dead or possessed.”

I nodded, dropping her hand from my own before taking a step back, both hands now resting on the rifle once more. “It's the Apocalypse.”

She ran her dirty fingers through her tangled hair, sighing, “I was afraid of that. I just didn't want to believe it. I mean, I know Christians fear the Apocalypse and everything, but I never thought it would actually happen. Least not while I was still living.”

I began to walk back towards the SUV, where Eirik was now waiting, and motioned for Madison to do the same. She followed without hesitation, “Yes, God has officially turned His back on all His followers and the rest of man kind.” I opened the door for Madison to slide into the backseat. Without question, she slid onto the leather seats, obediently buckling up without being asked.

“This is why I never really believed in God or Christianity. To willingly believe in a religion where your God could instantly turn Their back on you, and kill off the entire race of mankind with the snap of a finger? That is absolutely horrifying. Why would you want to do all these things for someone who doesn't care about the general well being, or survival, of your entire species?”

I blinked a few times, as I got into the passenger's side, adjusting my position to rest the rifle on my lap. “So, what religion do you follow if not Christianity?”

She smiled faintly, “I am Pagan. My entire family is actually..” Her smile faltered, “...Well, they were but I think I may be the only one left.”

She looked down at her hands, voice quiet towards the end of her sentence. I frowned, looking up to see Eirik standing next to the driver's side door, arms still crossed. “Is something wrong,” I asked.

He nodded curtly and uncrossed his arms just long enough to point at Madison, “She is what's wrong. I am not going to cart around a human just because you have some sort of mortal bleeding heart that has yet to die out since you remembered who, and what, you really are.”

I took a deep and steadying breath. Reminding myself that Eirik is an Angel, not a human with human emotion, I spoke as sternly as possible, “Just because Mother said to ignore any human that wanted help does not mean we have to do so. If we did, would that make us any better than God or His soldiers? We'd be just as bad as they. If Mother told you to rip off my wings for good, because it's what she wanted, would you do it?”

I could see the fighting emotions flicker over his face. If you could call them emotions, anyway. A struggle between orders and what he thought was appropriate. Of course, he would never wish to permanently rip off my wings, even if Mother commanded it. He knew what the ripping of one's wings meant: permanent mortality. Giving a frustrated sigh, he climbed into the driver's seat, slamming the door shut. Gripping the steering wheel with one hand, he fished out the car keys with the other, jamming them into the ignition.

Clenching his jaw, he glared at me with those white eyes, “This is the first, and last, time we cart around a human.” Starting up the engine, his eyes now on the road, “And, if she gets possessed, you're the one who WILL kill her.” I glanced in the rear view mirror just long enough to see Madison pale at the statement.

I mumbled, “Stop being dramatic, Eirik.”

He stomped on the gas pedal, “Stop being human, Ceri.” With that, he took off north once more, blaring the stereo so no one could respond, ask questions or even think. Just the way he liked things, or so it seemed even to me. I turned around in my seat, facing Madison as I tried to smile reassuringly. Leaning closer to her, so I could talk over the radio, I tried not to talk too loudly.

“So, do you know how to shoot a gun, Madison?”

She almost jumped, startled, at the sound of my voice so close to her, “I, uhm, well... Yes. My dad taught me when I was younger. Something about needing to know how to protect myself against hormonal teenage boys.”

I grinned for a moment, letting my former human self relate to her statement, “My father did the same. I didn't really enjoy shooting the gun, though. It was loud and a waste of time.”

Eirik slammed on the brakes, sending me backward to hit the dash, my body still twisted from my very brief conversation with Madison. I narrowed my eyes, voice annoyed, “Eirik! What the hell is your problem! I may not be mortal, but I can still feel pain!”

His hand shot out to grab at my shirt, bringing his face close to mine. Those frightening white eyes creeping closer as I could nearly smell the anger radiating off his skin. Teeth clenched, he spoke in a low, harsh tone, “You do NOT have a father, Ceridwen. You are NOT a human and you never really were! Ditch the pathetic human mindset and embrace who you truly are! Disappointing Mother is not an option.”

I enclosed my hand over his, nails digging into his skin, my own anger building, “You can not expect me to just completely lose my human mind set after only several weeks, three of which I have been in a comatose state. I spent the last twenty-four years living and believing I was human! Just because you gunned me down to send me home, does not mean I can simply snap my fingers and be exactly as I once was! We, Eirik, are a team and we have a very important mission ahead of us! By your constant mood change, we could be destroyed at any moment.”

I detached my nails from the back of his hand, instead encircling his wrist with my fingers, squeezing just enough until he let go of my shirt. The moment he released me, I released him and straightened my posture. He turned to face the road, moving his foot from the brake to the gas pedal, “Just watch what you say and how you act.”

His tone was flat, void of any emotion or care. I couldn't read his face or his eyes, mainly because there was nothing to read. His eyes were like these white pools of death that you could drown in until death itself embraced you. I noticed Madison was shaking in her seat, refusing to meet my gaze, and she would only briefly glance in Eirik's direction, but very wearily.

I readjusted my position in the seat once more, gesturing towards the weapons next to her, “You might want to arm yourself, just in case. I'll be trying to protect myself, I can't be worrying about you as well. Arm yourself with as many guns, and bullets, as you can. Just, don't overdo it. Nothing like trying to get a gun, and not being able to reach around to the holster.”

Madison just nodded, still looking down as she reached over to focus her attention on the guns. As she slowly studied each weapon, choosing her poison very studiously, I noticed she was still shaking, though her hands steadied themselves every time they rested on a gun or on a strap of bullets. I tucked several strands of my now platinum blonde hair behind my right ear as I watched her, curious and intrigued. I wanted to know why she wouldn't look at either me or Eirik.

I cleared my throat, reaching to turn down the radio, “Madison?”

“Hm?” She asked, still focused on the guns.

“Why won't you look at me? Or Eirik?”

Her hands froze as they rested on the barrel of a rifle, similar to mine. She was still visibly shaking as she took a deep, shaky breath, “Your eyes.”

“My eyes?” I was rather confused by her answer, “What about my eyes?”

She glanced towards me, but still not meeting my own gaze. “Yes. Your eyes. They aren't normal. His look like they could drown me into a coma, and yours look like they would eat me if I let them. It's frightening. I've seen others with similar eyes and I refuse to make eye contact. I'm only human, and I'm vulnerable. If I become lazy, I'll be like the others. Possessed, dead, or both.”

I turned my head towards Eirik who was rather quiet, and speeding like a demon. “Is that true? Could we take her with just our gaze?”

“Yes. Our eyes can hypnotize mortals, especially the weak, if we want. It helps in possessing them or convincing them to do our bidding. Mortals are virtually paralyzed once we have them under our gaze. Only the Angel that hypnotizes can free the human back to their own will,” he explained. “How do you not remember that, Ceri?”

That was a good question. How did I not remember that? “Maybe because I’ve never actually tried it. I don’t know. Parts of my memories are still a bit foggy.” I let out a sigh, looking back at Madison, “I give you my word, Madison, that I would never intentionally hypnotize or possess you for any reason.”

Madison shook her head, gaze resting on the guns once more. Her safety spot I guessed. “No. I haven't lived this long in the chaos by just throwing all caution to the wind. Sorry but I just can't, not right now.”

I frowned, “If we wanted to possess or control you, one of us can hold you down while the other forces you to make eye contact. Besides, why would you accept a ride from two of us if you won't even look in our eyes?”

She picked up a shot gun and rested it in her lap, beginning to put shotgun shells inside of it. “It's simple. Neither of you have wings. So because you don't have wings, you can still die. Not as easily, but you can. Granted, it's not a permanent death since you didn't willingly carve your wings out of your backs. Still, I can send you back to the Heavens, long enough for me to make some attempt at an escape.” Madison finished loading the shotgun, reaching over for a handgun and searching for a strip of bullets to strap onto her chest.

I watched her intently, every movement as I assessed her words that I knew to be true. Without our wings, Angels were virtually mortal in the sense that you could kill us. It just wasn't permanent but I'm sure it hurt like a bitch none the less. Eirik unloading a round of bullets into my stomach sure as hell hurt, even if I could only feel it for a few moments. Those moments were agonizing and worse than any hell I could imagine. Eirik glanced in the rear view at Madison before flicking his gaze back to the road.

“Are you hungry, human?” He asked her, swerving to get around some abandoned, sideways cars.

I watched as her eyes widened when he addressed her. I'm not sure if it was shock he spoke to her or that he referred to her as human and not Madison. Gripping the shotgun, she responded in a soft voice, “Sort of.. yes. It's been awhile since I've eaten anything decent.”


He nodded curtly, taking the next exit off the highway. I glanced at the roadside signs indicating various gas stations and food places. “Get your guns ready, Ceri. Only the Gods know what we're going to come across the second we stop this vehicle.”

BeardedBlunder
December 13th, 2012, 09:17 PM
This is a very interesting storyline. I am by no means a technical expert, but I wold like to comment on just a couple things.

- The description of the eyes.
"His eyes were like these white pools of death that you could drown in until death itself embraced you." I like that Ceri's inner thoughts are a very elegant description. The "death" is a bit redundant. I could be tweaked a little. "white pools of death that you could sink in until eternity itself embraced you" Just a suggestion.
"His look like they could drown me into a coma, and yours look like they would eat me if I let them." This is too close to Ceri's drowning simile unless you are trying to connect the two characters. If that is the case you may want to be more obvious about it. The second half of that description "and yours look like they would eat me if I let them" feels like a more realistic sentence for a regular human.
- Christians
I think it would be natural for a human to say this, but since this storyline does divert from mainstream religious belief, it may be prudent to have the angels, who see the world from a different perspective, not use the same terminology as humans. I would expect them to just say "Followers" or maybe have them use "sheep" as a derogatory term. Kind of how the TV series "The Walking Dead" never uses the term zombie. They call them walkers in an attempt to create a unique perspective.

Very unique concept, as far as I'm concerned.

romeo12
December 14th, 2012, 01:24 PM
Oh my good story but this is pretty offensive the end of the world in bible terms(I see a lot of revelation qoutes in the chapters) isn't caused by God and the devil 'wants humanity to go to hell with him' the devil is a major play in the apocalypse not involving him as a bad guy then putting GOD as the bad guy....ur basically talking about a different religion so no point in mentioning christians or using verses from revelation...because this story has nothing to do with revelation.cut out the revelation qoutes and tweak the story abit...it could be raganork(norse end of days) and if they are angels? Wat happens to demigods,sphinixs,ice giants?....greeks dnt have angels? Do abit more research on your plot you will get a better understanding of mythology

BlueApple813
December 14th, 2012, 07:21 PM
This is a very interesting storyline. I am by no means a technical expert, but I wold like to comment on just a couple things.

- The description of the eyes.
"His eyes were like these white pools of death that you could drown in until death itself embraced you." I like that Ceri's inner thoughts are a very elegant description. The "death" is a bit redundant. I could be tweaked a little. "white pools of death that you could sink in until eternity itself embraced you" Just a suggestion.
"His look like they could drown me into a coma, and yours look like they would eat me if I let them." This is too close to Ceri's drowning simile unless you are trying to connect the two characters. If that is the case you may want to be more obvious about it. The second half of that description "and yours look like they would eat me if I let them" feels like a more realistic sentence for a regular human.
- Christians
I think it would be natural for a human to say this, but since this storyline does divert from mainstream religious belief, it may be prudent to have the angels, who see the world from a different perspective, not use the same terminology as humans. I would expect them to just say "Followers" or maybe have them use "sheep" as a derogatory term. Kind of how the TV series "The Walking Dead" never uses the term zombie. They call them walkers in an attempt to create a unique perspective.

Very unique concept, as far as I'm concerned.

Thanks for your suggestions! I see what you mean- I didn't catch these minor details myself so thank you for pointing them out. That's why I post what I have, so I can get an outside perspective to catch what I may not be seeing as an author of the story. Thank you again!



Oh my good story but this is pretty offensive the end of the world in bible terms(I see a lot of revelation qoutes in the chapters) isn't caused by God and the devil 'wants humanity to go to hell with him' the devil is a major play in the apocalypse not involving him as a bad guy then putting GOD as the bad guy....ur basically talking about a different religion so no point in mentioning christians or using verses from revelation...because this story has nothing to do with revelation.cut out the revelation qoutes and tweak the story abit...it could be raganork(norse end of days) and if they are angels? Wat happens to demigods,sphinixs,ice giants?....greeks dnt have angels? Do abit more research on your plot you will get a better understanding of mythology

I'm aware that some people may find it "offensive" but it's a work of fiction so it's not meant to be real or a rework of the bible. I've actually had several people who are devoted Christians read my story and I've talked to them about it, and none were offended. They all understood it's a work of fiction, a story, a tale, and they enjoyed it. I know quite a bit about mythology and I know that mythology doesn't have anyone, other than God, use Angels. I put in the Bible Quotes to break up the chapters and Revelations seemed appropriate because my story is about an Apocalypse, obviously. The quotes was actually a suggestion made by a Christian friend. I'm not talking about any specific religion alone in the story- there is actually going to be a large mixture of different religions through out the book and that's sort of the point- humanity has to come together to help prevent the Apocalypse from being a success, despite their religious beliefs.

Thank you for taking the time to read it though. It's appreciated.

BeardedBlunder
December 14th, 2012, 09:41 PM
I am also a Christian and I don't find this story to be offensive because it is not an attempt to discredit any religion or defame a group of people. For the sake of good fiction, we must look at accepted standards from different points of view. Additionally, I think most writer's would agree that there is no place for political correctness in literature. When we write character's, fat people are fat, dumb people are dumb, and bad people are bad. Don't mistake this as me supporting two-dimensional characters, but recognize if you soften the edges in order to please everyone, you will have a work that will entertain no one.