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BlueApple813
December 10th, 2012, 10:14 AM
Disclaimer: There may be some strong/offensive language and violence. Also, this is a revised chapter so the first few comments made by people may no longer apply.



Prologue:

”Good evening, young lady.”

I smiled at the older Russian gentleman. He typically worked evenings at the convenient store down the street from my apartment. He had to be over fifty, with a head full of gray hair, thick glasses, a rounded belly and slightly bulbous nose. His accent was thick but he was friendly and always said hello. He never did ask for my name, and I don’t think it mattered, because he always called me ‘young lady.’

“Good evening, Mr. Val.” I replied, setting my usual slurpee and 20oz coffee on the counter. His real name was Vladimir, but insisted he be called Val for short. I think he wanted to Americanize his name a bit more.

Picking up his hand scanner, he rang up the slurpee, “Grading papers again, young lady?”

I sighed and nodded, grabbing the dollar bills from my coat pocket to hand over once he rang up the coffee, “Yeah. Sometimes I think I’m crazy for being a high school History teacher. I assign entirely too many projects and homework.”

He chuckled, hitting the total button on his computer screen, “$1.25 please.” I looked at the screen, confused. It should’ve been closer to $3 with the coffee and slurpee. I opened my mouth to ask and he shook his head. “You grade papers and make sure those kids get a good education. I do not charge you for coffee. $1.25 please.”

I knew better than to argue with him. Smiling, I handed him the exact amount, grabbing both items as I prepared to leave, “Night, Mr. Val. Don’t work too hard!”

“Same goes for you, young lady! Be safe walking home,” he yelled to me as I left the store.

I hummed to myself, glancing up towards the darkened sky, the winds picking up slightly. I wanted to hurry home so I could finish grading papers. A coffee to keep me caffeinated and a slurpee just because I craved them when stressed, it was my own slice of heaven. Not too much farther until home, I thought to myself. I glanced down at the sidewalk and when I looked back up, I stopped in my tracks. A man stood in front of me, blocking my way. He seemed oddly familiar but I had little time to think, let alone react, when he raised his arm, holding a gun in his right hand. All I remember is his eyes, completely white, as he squeezed the trigger, releasing several shots into my abdomen.

I imagine it all happened very quickly but it felt like it took several long minutes. I was able to focus on his eyes, think to myself ‘Why is this happening,’ and dropped my coffee and slurpee all over the sidewalk. What a waste of deliciousness. That was the thought flashing through my mind as my life slipped out of my body, the pain dulling until I no longer noticed it. I think I heard some people shouting and coming close to me, but their voices were faint as I faded away, bleeding to death on that sidewalk. I was dead in a matter of minutes. I felt so much agony and pain, and then, I felt nothing.



Chapter 1:

And after these things I saw another angel come down from heaven, having great power; and the earth was lightened with his glory. (Revelations, 18:1)

I never really believed in God. I was never very religious either. I tried to be, at least when I was younger. My family was not a group of church-goers. In fact, I only went to church a few times with the occasional friend. I don't know why, but I never believed the stories or sermons. It seemed hard to believe that some spirit named God lived above the clouds, answering some 6 billion prayers.

Now, I know why I never believed any of it. I learned God doesn't answer those billions of prayers. Nope, He doesn't even answer one. Not one, single solitary prayer. From anyone. He does not care anymore. God has given up on mankind completely. Nearly two-thousand years of humans killing each other, and Earth, all in the name of God, has made God turn His back on humans. Simply put, God no longer wants the responsibility of humankind. Enter the Apocalypse. Sort of.

I used to think I was just a human. A normal, twenty-four year old woman trying to build a career and a life for herself. I never quite fit in with anyone. I never played the part of ignorance. My life seemed normal until I was walking home from a convenient store one night. Looking back, it happened so fast I'm amazed I remember anything, but at the time it all seemed to be slow motion. The guy came out of nowhere, stopping abruptly in front of me, blocking my path. I can’t tell you what I had expected to happen once I died. My idea of what would happen is different now. Well, now that I know who, and what, I really am.

Next thing I remember is waking up on a pile of feather pillows. My clothes had changed to look like a medieval, light blue dress. Simple, but fitting at the same time. I assumed this must be Heaven, or at least something close. I suddenly felt regret for never having believed in God. I mean, here I was, clearly somewhere in the Afterlife, and I never really believed. Everything seemed fuzzy around me, as though I was in a daze and not seeing clearly. I laid there for a few moments, staring up at a ceiling. That’s weird, I thought. Since when did the sky get a ceiling? Finally, I decided to get up and find out exactly where I was, if I was really anywhere at all. I looked around and noticed a lack of furniture, just a lot of piles of pillows and some empty gold trays strewn about the place.

I walked towards these huge iron gates, feeling like I was daydreaming. It didn’t seem exactly real but at the same time, it felt familiar, like I’d been here before. I could hear a swooshing noise on the other side of the gates. As I began to reach up towards the gates, in an effort to push them open, they began to creak, instead opening on their own. I hesitated, unsure and confused, but the swooshing noise intrigued me more than the gates. Stepping through the open way, I practically glided towards the sound. I don't know what I was expecting but a woman shooting arrows certainly wasn't it. She wasn't very tall, but her hair was long and a rich brown, twisted and braided in various patterns. She wore a simple white dress, embroidered in gold, fitting tightly in all the right places. As she pulled back on her bow string, the notched arrow made a loud swoosh as she released. That explained the sound.

She bent down slightly to retrieve another arrow. This was when she spoke to me, voice rich and powerful in sound, almost making me feel intoxicated. “Welcome home, Ceri. You have returned much sooner than I originally planned.” She notched another arrow, releasing it as it soared through the air. Bullseye. “Then again, when it comes to God, things hardly go as planned.” She spoke the entire time without once looking at me. Just shooting arrow after arrow. Swoosh! Bullseye.

After several moments of silence, I spoke to her, “Are you God? And this..” I motioned around me, “.. is some sort of Heaven?”

She stopped abruptly, lowering her bow as she turned to fully face me. Her light brown eyes looked amused for a moment. Then, she burst into laughter, “Oh, by all the Heavens, no, Ceri! I am most certainly not God. At least, not the monotheistic God. However, I am certainly a God. Or Goddess, if you will. Some have called me Athena, others referred to me as Adraste, and many other different names. Depending on whichever following you believed. You may call me whatever you'd like, my child.”

I stared at her for what felt like hours. Maybe I hadn't ever really died and this was just a very bad coma-state dream. After several, long and silent moments, I finally spoke, “Then, why am I here? I never believed in anything when I was alive, let alone a Greek Goddess. Why am I standing in front of you, and not God?”

Athena scoffed, dropping her bow as she approached me. “I should have known all those years on Earth would've had an impact on your better judgment. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised that you'd think God is more important than your own Mother.”

My eyes went wide with shock, “Mother? You are certainly not my mother!”

Athena laughed again as she raised her arms to embrace me in a hug, “Of course I am. I created you, Ceridwen. You are my Angel, my creation. Thus, one of many children.”

If I had been breathing to begin with, I would've been holding my breath. Instead, I was flooded with wave after wave of confusion. “I am not an Angel! First, I do not have any wings! Second, I was a normal, human woman until some crazed lunatic gunned me down for no reason!”

She frowned slightly, “I am sorry for the incident with the male.” She held out her hand and smoothed strands of my hair, “It was necessary. You were put on Earth to think and act human. The reason you never believed in God, but never proclaimed to be atheist, is because you subconsciously knew there was more. As I said, I had to call you home much sooner than I intended, hence the shooting.”

I was now even more confused. Before I could even open my mouth to speak, Athena's hand was moving towards my forehead. She spoke softly, “In a moment, you will remember everything.”

With that, her palm pressed against my forehead, feeling cool and light, as though her palm didn’t fully exist. I didn’t have time to dwell on it because in seconds, everything came rushing back to me in a flurry of memories. I could suddenly remember my time spent in the Heavens with my Mother and the other Angels. I remembered having met God, a deity that never did have any one physical form. I remembered the day Athena sent me to Earth, to be reborn as a mortal until she needed me. I never understood why she sent me to that hell, when my brother got to stay with her.

My brother. The same white-eyed man who gunned me down. My own brother ending my mortal life without hesitation. I don't know why, but this bothered me greatly. I suppose part of my mind was stuck in human mode still. Can't really blame me, I guess.

“Why?” I asked softly, “Why call me home so soon?”

Athena sighed and began walking towards a stone structure, motioning for me to follow. I recognized this as her Seeing Well. It looked like an enormously wide wishing well, but with a steady, rising mist of steam coming from the opening. I obediently followed behind, curiosity getting the better of me. Stopping in front of the Seeing Well, Athena waved her hand through the mist. Slowly, an image began to appear.

At first, it was hard to establish anything familiar. Gradually, I began to make out what I was seeing in front of me. It was rows and rows of lesser angels, standing in formation. Not ArchAngels, like myself, or even my brother. Just the lesser angels: the messengers, guardians, etc. I didn't understand what was going on, and then the scene changed. Suddenly, I saw God, who had taken on the physical form of a dark red-haired woman with green cat eyes. Standing on either side of Him, with stern expressions, were two of His ArchAngels.

I shook my head, “I do not understand, Mother. Why is God lining up so many of the angels?”

She waved her hand through the mist again, the image disappearing, “Because God no longer cares for humankind. He is allowing the Apocalypse to happen. He shall be sending the angels down to Earth to destroy mankind, with Michael and Gabriel as their Commanders. For the last two-thousand years, Man has become more intelligent and more populated, thus becoming more violent and killing not only more of each other, but of the Earth they live on. God has decided that they are no longer worthy. We, however, do not wish to see such a race just wiped off this plane of existence.”

There is something you should understand. All the deities you have ever heard of, or ever learned about in History class, they exist. Most of them represent various deities, such as Athena for example. They all take turns, being worshiped for various amounts of time by the humans. No one ever expected God to rise and be worshiped all on His own. No single deity has ever been capable of such a feat. The other deities were upset, to say the least, but they let Him have His fun. Now, however, God was using His power to destroy the very race He was supposed to care for. The deities did not want to just give up on being worshiped. I suppose, you couldn't blame them completely. They are Gods and Goddesses, being worshiped is why they exist for the most part.

Most deities have their own small group of ArchAngels. ArchAngels are their 'children' whom they created for the sole purpose of fulfilling their Mother, or Father's, every wish and command. I belong to Athena, along with my brother Eirik. The lesser angels are shared among the Gods, the ruling deity having direct control over them. Hence, the rows and rows of lessers standing at the ready of God’s command.

I took a step back from the well, looking to Athena, “So that is why you have called me back? To save me from the Apocalypse of the humans?”

Athena never turned to face me as she responded, “I called you back because I need you, my Warrior. The others do not want to see the destruction of the human race. You have been called because I need you and the other Angels to go back to Earth and fight against God's warriors. You must find the prophets and bring them together, to save the race of man.”

It wasn't usually in my nature to question orders, but I simply needed some answers from my Mother. “Why? Why save the human race? Let them die, and then start over again.”

She turned to me, abruptly, a fierce look etched upon her lovely face, “Because to start over again means we have to work harder! There are already legends about me and the others! To start a new race of man, would mean to start over with everything! This simply must not happen. The reign of God MUST come to an end and YOU will help to defeat His army!”

Her voice was loud and booming, full of power that forced me to bend to her will. I could no longer object for I was her Angel. Clenching my teeth together, I asked one other question, “Why did you send me to Earth as a mortal to begin with? Why did you not let me stay here with you?”

Athena's expression changed to a more solemn one, “To protect you, Ceridwen. We've known this was coming for some time thus many of us sent our most prized Children to Earth for protection. Until the time you needed to be called home. I was hoping that it would be many more human years before the call would be sent.”

I looked down towards my feet that seemed to be hidden under the ever existing mist, “And my brother? Why send him to do the bidding?”

Athena raised a perfectly arched eyebrow as she studied me for several moments, “Ceridwen, what does it matter? You are home, he brought you here. Do not tell me you're thinking like a human. He is only your brother by creation. Nothing more.”

I nodded slowly, keeping my gaze downward, “And now what? Do I prepare with the others? How are we to defeat His army?”

“You will be sent back down to Earth. Appearing normal, wings shall be hidden. Your mission is to find the other Angels and gather the prophets. Together, they shall write out the future, assuring the safety of mankind.” She turned her back to me walking back towards the gates where I entered.

I followed without thinking, “Back to Earth? What good will that do for me, Athena?”

She pushed her way through the gate, and I quickened my pace to keep up with her long strides, “That is where the other Angels still are. Only I called you back because you shall lead them. The only one who knows is Thor, for now, but there shall be a few others I’m sure.” I raised my own eyebrow at this. Thor, also known to many as Zeus or Jupiter, was a self-centered God and a pompous ass. Then again, he was worshiped much like God is today. Suppose you can't blame the guy for wanting his thunder back. No pun intended.

“Thor? Where are his Angels? Still on Earth as well?” I looked around, curious to know where my brother was at the moment.

She nodded, stopping abruptly before a rather large wooden door that stretched upwards for ten feet. “Yes. His Angels are scattered across the North East, with two near the West Coast. There are a total of five you need to find. It will not be easy. By the time you wake up on Earth, the Apocalypse will be starting. You need to be cautious and armed. You may, or may not, come across humans willing to help. It's best to ignore them.” She pushed open the door, and behind it was nothing but blackness. She stepped aside, resting her gaze upon me.

I looked at her, confused, “Ignore them? If they need my help, why would I ignore them? Especially since you want the race to survive?”

She chuckled, motioning towards the blackness, “If they are meant to live, they will survive. We don't expect all the humans to live. Just at least half. Your brother will be joining you shortly. Now, through the door you go. Do not disappoint me, Ceridwen. You are one of the best.”

I walked through the door, towards the blackness, glancing wearily at Athena. She smiled faintly, lifting her hand in a wave as the door swung shut and I was plunged into a world of nothingness, feeling unconsciousness taking over. I wondered if I'd wake up back at home, or somewhere else entirely.

Olly Buckle
December 10th, 2012, 11:14 AM
The general level of writing is good,I spotted a couple of American colloquialisms, but then I guess you are American :) no gross grammar errors or anything of that sort though.

I expect you have heard the old adage about showing not telling, I think that is what makes this all seem a bit rushed, for example,

"With that, her palm pressed against my forehead. In seconds, everything came rushing back in a flurry of memories."

As opposed to,

"She reached her hand out toward me and for a second I saw the familiar shape of a palm and fingers that had the familiarity of childhood memory before the palm connected with my forehead. I say connected as it really felt as though something had clicked into place and made a physical connection between us, through which came rushing a flurry of memories."

Of course that's my version, but if you simply tell me 'she put her hand on me and the memories came back" I really don't know what your version is.

BlueApple813
December 10th, 2012, 07:41 PM
Yes, I am American :) They say to write what you know or something like that, right?

I can see what you mean regarding it being rushed in the beginning and it is, for a reason. I want it to be rushed because everything is rushed for the main character at first, not that it really slows down much for her throughout, but I'm sure you get my point. I appreciate your advice and I'll revisit the passage again and play around to see what I feel fits best- the original version or something slightly edited. Thanks again :)

Michael Tea
December 10th, 2012, 07:50 PM
A very interesting concept for a story. :) The writing quality is on a good level and I cannot wait to read more. I do have some advice for you:

I suggest you make a very thorough research on the subject you're writing about. It may be daunting, but if you're writing a story based on the world's many religions, I think you're supposed to do your research anyway. ;) And if you do it right, it gets you bonus points with the part of the geek community that's into mythology... which is by default a part of your target audience. ^_^

And of course you get to cover up some mistakes that can make the readers cringe. Zeus and Thor for instance only have the element of thunder in common. And you'd have to explain how the various religions all suddenly find a common mythical creature in Christian 'angels'. How do the Egyptian gods deal with angels flying about the place while they're forced to keep their sphinxes in cages? With these things out of the way and a nice background, you have a book that writes itself.

This story has immense potential if you work it right.

PS: I suggest making Athena a central character to the story. Have her fall in love with one of the Hindu Gods! Very taboo. And Mjollnir could break in a battle between Thor and Gabriel and Thor has to turn to Hephaestus for help because Brokk and Eitri are missing... and just as God is about to destroy humanity once and for all and start anew, Loki pulls off a coup, overthrows God, takes Jesus captive and becomes supreme overlord of heaven, and Ragnarok happens at the same time as the Apocalypse!

Oh man... I love this story already. Can't wait for part two! :)

BlueApple813
December 10th, 2012, 08:07 PM
Some of the shared Deity identities have some shared elements, but they won't always be 100% alike due to the different religions, and not all Deities have their own ArchAngels, which is talked about later on. Whenever I introduce a Deity, I research them first, especially the persona they prefer to display, in order to describe them correctly. Of course, they don't necessarily act the way we think they should- which is also talked about later on in the story. I mean, they're Gods, they don't act human- they do what they want, when they want, for whatever reason they want, even if we might think it's 'out of character' for them and what not.

Obviously there are soooo many religions and Deities, both future and present, that it'd be near impossible to mention ALL of them, so to keep from straying too far from other characters and story lines, only certain ones are introduced :)

Thanks for your feedback though, I really do appreciate it and I'll post another excerpt soon :) Thanks again!

Jon M
December 10th, 2012, 08:45 PM
For starters, I used to think I was just a human. A normal, twenty-four year old woman trying to build a career and a life for herself. I never quite fit in with anyone. I never played the part of ignorance. My life seemed normal until I was walking home from a convenient store one night. It happened so fast, I'm amazed I remember anything. The guy came out of nowhere, stopping abruptly in front of me, blocking my path.Suggest beginning the story here. The preceding paragraphs never engaged me, and when the prose started to address me (you) I sort of cringed. Because, for example, I didn't have 'plenty of questions.'

Stylistically, I just want to mention something about the preceding quote. You say the event 'happened so fast', and I think the writing would be improved if the prose mirrored that. Because this


He seemed oddly familiar but I had little time to think, let alone react, when he raised his arm, holding a gun in his right hand. All I remember is his eyes, completely white, as he squeezed the trigger, releasing several shots into my abdomen. I was dead in a matter of minutes. Almost nothing crossed my mind as I fell into darkness. I felt so much agony and pain, and then, I felt nothing.is not fast. With every sentence, the action gets slower, and more emphasis is placed on the act.

Better, I think, is something like this:

The guy came around the corner, hurriedly going the other way, and we stopped abruptly when we saw each other. Next I remember I was on the ground, shot three times in the chest.

Or something to that effect. The rest of those details about how familiar he seemed can be weaved in later, as the character reminisces. But if the event itself is supposed to be abrupt, it makes no sense, stylistically, for the event to be delayed by a paragraph of description.

The guy came around the corner and shot me three times in the chest. Even more abrupt. Obviously these examples are spur of the moment and should be tweaked to read better, but hopefully you get the point.

Save.Face.
December 11th, 2012, 02:09 AM
How long is the story supposed to be? Instant questions that come to mind:
what type of warriors are we talking about?
When she remembers everything, does that mean she knew how to fight, or do anything superhuman?
Does she have the powers of her mother, to some lesser extent?
If all gods take turns, what name will you have God be called by, since he'll have to be referred to directly?

The 'stop God' aspect sounds like a great hook, especially since he's now portrayed as one of countless entities who all take turns in power.
Though THAT is a great idea, the angels=children of gods just smacks of the Percy and the Olympians books. I'm inclined to say that the premise of the story feels rushed, unless of course it's a short story. The ideas are broad enough and vague enough that time taken to go into depth would add a great deal of believability to the story. Definitely interested in what other gods are focused on after reading the 'Thor is zeus' line.

BlueApple813
December 11th, 2012, 03:14 AM
It's a novel. The very beginning is rushed for a reason, but it doesn't rush throughout the whole book. It's really just the first chapter. As for the Percy and Olympians you mentioned, i've never read those books but I know the characters are children in the traditional sense. The Archangels in my book aren't children in the traditional sense , they are children by way of being engineered and created.

There are several other Deities mentioned :) thank you for taking the time to read my post and comment on it ! It's appreciated.

BlueApple813
December 11th, 2012, 11:17 PM
I revised a large portion of the first chapter, even adding a prologue. If you wish to read what I've revised and comment again, I would appreciate it but, of course, it's not mandatory (obviously). Thank you again :)

romeo12
December 14th, 2012, 12:35 PM
Pretty cool!...but um careful because talking about God destroying the world. could offend many christians and they are from different pantheons putting zeus and thor as one....and one other thing I am a christian and.... there are no female angels in the bible they are all male and gabriel is a messenger angel....but all in all its a good plot love to read more

BlueApple813
December 14th, 2012, 07:25 PM
Pretty cool!...but um careful because talking about God destroying the world. could offend many christians and they are from different pantheons putting zeus and thor as one....and one other thing I am a christian and.... there are no female angels in the bible they are all male and gabriel is a messenger angel....but all in all its a good plot love to read more

I know there are not any female Angels in the Bible, but none of the female ArchAngels in this book are listed as children of God, either. I know that the duties carried about by God's ArchAngels may not be the same as in the Bible, but I would think during an Apocalypse, where there is a war coming, God would probably give them different orders. Either way, it's a book of fiction so everyone's personalities and roles are going to be created for the purpose of the book, despite what other text may say about them.

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. I appreciate it!

SirThinkALot
December 18th, 2012, 06:11 AM
I'm not usually a fan of first-person stories unless the narrator has a really compelling or interesting voice. And yours doesn't. In fact the entire story reads as if it should be in third person perspective. Also I wonder why you spend so much time describing and setting up Val as a character only to have him not mentioned in the rest of the chapter. Although obviously if you plan to have him as an important character later, that criticism is irrelevant.

Other than those two little things, I loved it. The concept is endlessly fascinating, a sympathetic portrayal of fallen angels is hard to pull off, but you seem to be doing well at it so far. I also like how you tied in the tradition among some Christians that various pagen gods were actually angels and/or demons who were mistakenly worshiped. And most importantly for any good novel, you kept me wanting to know what happens next

Oh and one minor quibble regarding your mythology: Aside from causing lightning, Zeus/Jupiter and Thor had very little in common with each other. Thor wasnt even the king of Norse gods(that would be Odin) and was a warrior interested in little more than fighting against trolls and various other monsters of the myth. Zeus was the kind of the Olympians and was less interested in fighting and more interested in having sex with anything that would hold still long enough.

EDIT TO ADD: Theres one aspect I'm a little confused about, and thats the gunman. Athena called your protagonist home right? So was the gunman Athena? Or somebody under her orders? Or was she somehow able to manipulate the events so that she ended up outside getting shot by a random gunman? Furthermore, why did Athena need for her to be killed to talk to her? Couldnt she have come to her in a vision or something? Its a rather confusing aspect to the story that I think deserves some clarification

BlueApple813
December 18th, 2012, 08:50 AM
EDIT TO ADD: Theres one aspect I'm a little confused about, and thats the gunman. Athena called your protagonist home right? So was the gunman Athena? Or somebody under her orders? Or was she somehow able to manipulate the events so that she ended up outside getting shot by a random gunman? Furthermore, why did Athena need for her to be killed to talk to her? Couldnt she have come to her in a vision or something? Its a rather confusing aspect to the story that I think deserves some clarification

As for who the gunman was:

My brother. The same white-eyed man who gunned me down. My own brother ending my mortal life without hesitation. I don't know why, but this bothered me greatly. I suppose part of my mind was stuck in human mode still. Can't really blame me, I guess.

Her brother, whose name is revealed in the 2nd Chapter (which is Eirik by the way) was sent to kill Ceri. As the story goes on, it becomes apparent that the only way to make the hidden Angels, no longer human mortals, is to have them killed so they can be sent to the Heavens in order to become who they once were. Through out the story, whenever Athena needs to talk to Ceri, she has to go through certain resources to get to Ceri. It's explained as the story develops :)

SirThinkALot
December 18th, 2012, 03:09 PM
As for who the gunman was: Her brother, whose name is revealed in the 2nd Chapter (which is Eirik by the way) was sent to kill Ceri. As the story goes on, it becomes apparent that the only way to make the hidden Angels, no longer human mortals, is to have them killed so they can be sent to the Heavens in order to become who they once were. Through out the story, whenever Athena needs to talk to Ceri, she has to go through certain resources to get to Ceri. It's explained as the story develops :)

Ok, if its the sort of thing that is explained later on, thats understandable. It was just something that bugged me the more I thought about it. I hope the rest of my comments were helpful.

Ariel
December 20th, 2012, 05:44 PM
The muddling of the pantheons bothers me. Ceridwen is a Celtic name--why is Athena, a Greek goddess naming her angel a Celtic name?

The prologue reads well up until the shooting. The first chapter just slogged on and on. I'm not interested in this character as an angel. Have you looked into the concept of Valkyries? I think a tough modern woman as a Valkyrie would be endlessly more interesting over an "angel" whose powers are convienently restored--the main of which seems to be whining. I have no sympathy for any of these characters but Val.

BlueApple813
December 20th, 2012, 06:55 PM
Sorry if you didn't enjoy it but I don't expect everyone to. And Athena only claims the form of the Greek Goddess we all know of, yet she represents other Deities from other religions, such as Adraste, which is Celtic. Wouldn't making Ceri a valkyrie, such as you suggested, be no different than her being an angel considering Athena would still be 'greek' when valkyries are associated as norse? Also, Ceri doesn't really have powers that are returned- just memories at this point. Thank you for taking the time to read.

Ariel
December 20th, 2012, 07:44 PM
Very true on your point about Valkyries. I was thinking more like human souls chosen to become warriors for deities.

heir_of_isildur0
December 21st, 2012, 11:02 PM
Wow this is VERY blasphemous but its a pretty good read. I'm a fan of the Percy Jackson books and I know a teeny bit about Greek and Norse mythology. Sure, there are some mix ups with some of the gods and what they belong to and whatnot but this is a work of fiction. It doesn't really have to align right with the real world anyway. What I do think would have worked better is if the main character for some reason was not able to completely get her memory back, sort of like a slow process that culminates toward the end of the story. There are tons of ways that could go but I'll leave it to you to write it so I can get the chance to enjoy it some more! :)

BlueApple813
December 27th, 2012, 07:42 AM
Actually, she doesn't get all of her memory back- and that's revealed later on considering she wouldn't actually know there were pieces missing until someone else points it out :) Thank you for reading!

BlueApple813
December 27th, 2012, 11:04 PM
Interestingly enough, I was looking at some mythology background, and for those who think Thor shouldn't be associated with Jupiter or Zeus in the novel, I came across an interesting find: the Romans, who first talk about the Germanic people's belief in Thor, associated the thunder god with Jupiter, which is their version, and Jupiter is also, obviously, similar to Zeus, the Greek version.

SirThinkALot
December 28th, 2012, 05:22 AM
Interestingly enough, I was looking at some mythology background, and for those who think Thor shouldn't be associated with Jupiter or Zeus in the novel, I came across an interesting find: the Romans, who first talk about the Germanic people's belief in Thor, associated the thunder god with Jupiter, which is their version, and Jupiter is also, obviously, similar to Zeus, the Greek version.

I suspect the Romans associated Thor with Jupiter because of the whole 'thunder' aspect, which is pretty much the only thing they had in common, their personalities, and many of the specific stories involving them are completely different. And Zeus and Jupiter are pretty much the same god with different names. The Romans loved to shamelessly steal things from other cultures, especially the Greeks.

Its not that big a deal seeing as this is a work of fiction, and it could easily be explained away, perhaps by saying that people 'misunderstood' the angels via their cultures or something like that.

Olly Buckle
December 28th, 2012, 05:48 AM
This sort of thing happened a lot with pantheistic religions. Alexander could relate the Gods of eastern religions to his own for example. It is only with the rise of monotheistic religions that arguments developed, when people started saying there is only one God and all others are false. When you have a whole bunch of Gods it is easier both to see the relationships that might exist and to accept that there may be others you didn't know about before.