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Loki
May 31st, 2012, 09:01 PM
Epistemology

I know a man who makes statues of clay and breaks them apart after painting them into the people of his life.

The tracks tame our momentum, and silhouettes of trees shrug like lazy conversationalists.

A German chews through a saraband of broken English. He splays three fingers
on his wrist to tell me that he works with “sectionally abused children—always with the cuts here.”

If you’ve ever smoked phencyclidine, you know the reason things are concrete is because we believe them to be. The rinds of chemical smoke bloom in my lungs, and I’m consumed by the thinness of his fingers, the frailty of our frames.

I try to understand, but all I can do is wring my red hands.

When Lazarus woke, were his lungs full of this fire and smoke?

I’m trying not marginalize myself, but I’m having some trouble.

We were Pangea until Atlas dropped the ball.

There is only the sound of the stone ballast disappearing beneath us, the quarrel of bodies in motion with bodies at rest.

In a world without Leonhart Fuchs and his eponym, I might say, The sky can be filed away, categorically, between red and purple. When tiny track marks perforate the night, I’ll remember a joke as if for the first time, which is nothing like remembering at all.

Dendritic branches contract and connect, aberrations in the settling dark.

I want you to understand something here if nowhere else. I lied to you earlier.

It takes light a millions years to leave the sun. By that time, it understands how the world should be.

It tells me, bricks are red and streets are black.

What’s white and shoots across the sky?

It isn’t long before the world forgets how it’s supposed to be.

Nothing divides us from the horizon, and nothing keeps us from the sky.

We break apart, section by section, after he quietly washes each of us with his brushstrokes.

The coming of the Lord.

Loki
June 1st, 2012, 07:21 PM
I'm thinking of submitting this to a flash fiction contest. Any feedback would be much appreciated.

TBK
June 1st, 2012, 08:15 PM
When I find stories I really enjoy on this site, I pass them to a friend of mine to read, then we rave over our favorite parts.

I did that with this story.

We both agreed that we couldn't understand some of the more obscure references.

We both enjoyed, 'We were Pangea until Atlas dropped the ball', 'I want you to understand something here if nowhere else. I lied to you earlier,' and the introduction of the German.

You do have some comma usage issues.

The prose is beautiful and informative. I don't see a real plot, here, but I don't mind, because I enjoyed reading it the way I enjoy reading poetry.

Loki
June 4th, 2012, 07:41 PM
Hey, thanks for reading TBK. Much appreciated.

I think I edited out the comma splice (which might have been the issue). I made a few other edits and additions to try to smooth the narrative flow.

Let me know if it works any better.