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Neath Lankly
May 19th, 2012, 04:15 PM
I sometimes find that I really enjoy using alliterations (not a lot- maybe once every two chapters) but sometimes I worry are they are too over the top. (Also mods maybe this belongs in general discussion)

In the following paragraph (start of a chapter) i use alliterations in two sentences one after the other and i do not know whether it makes easy reading.

__________

The sweeping winds wafted the whizzing of gunfire over the parapets, between the forest pines, and into the outlaw camp to the west. The sound of spiraling bullets terrified Selene Yona- reminding her of when Gemhut Run had been attacked over a month ago. Her mother had grabbed her from her bed, pushing her and Eva out of the house and into the town hall. She had rarely seen her mummy frightened before and it scared her more than the sounds of bullets or the screams of men.

__________

What do you guys think of alliterations? and how easy is the above for you to read?

Walt1093
May 20th, 2012, 10:42 PM
Two in a row are fine, anything over that just makes it flow wrong. "Sound of Spiraling" worked really well, but I would replace "whizzing" with "shooting" to make the sentence flow better. Its a very smooth piece, the last sentence should go or be changed, it has that Hemingway run-on feel to it. Nice job though.

Fin
May 20th, 2012, 11:07 PM
I pretty much agree with Walt. Messes with the flow a bit. Maybe it's good for a Dr. Suess book or something, but that's it. Personal opinion, of course. I just don't think it should be done when there are so many word choices available.

xlwoo
May 21st, 2012, 01:24 PM
In my opinion, the use of alliterations is okay. but it must be better not to use two words with alliterations side by side, better with some other words put in between,like winds wafted. If I say winds that wafted ... sounds better to me.