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Walt1093
May 19th, 2012, 02:34 AM
In the smoky coffeeshop. Supercop Blaze Winchester sat at the shaky, garbagy, piece of garbage they called a table. He stuffed chocolate donuts in his mouth and watched the breathtaking sunrise go down and wiped his mouth with a napkin and looked at the table next to him and put the napkin back down and brushed his perfect hair back and looked back at the donuts again and ate them. Winchester’s six-pack drew constant attention from ladies nearby, he stood up and flexed it fro them so they could watch. Flies flew carelessly above the messy, chocolatly pile of delicious donuts that still sat on the table behind them, Winchester stomped his sexy feet, killing all da flies, and making the ladies gasp in awe. He was the handsomest, smartest, and most nicest man around, and protected the helpless city of New York!!!!!
“Oh Officer Winchester!!!!! Your so handsome and good-looking and nice and wonderful!” One of the ladies said. “May I come close to you?”
“Go ahead, just because I’m so wonderful doesn’t mean that I’m not a person too.” Winchester replied. The coffeeeeehous aplausded.
The lady sat with him at his garbagy table. She told him how sexy and smart he was and he told her that he was thankful to her for saying it and they talked some more about his time on the police force and all the awesome things he had done for the city of New York!!!!!!!!!! Just then, his assistant supercop, Peeta Mellark, busted through the swinging doors with wonderful news.
“Officer Winchester, Edward is on the loose again, and he robbed the bank and took your girlfriend hostage!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Peeta screamed as he jumped up and down and his shodow bounced up and down against the walls as the sunrise went down.

“Don’t worry Peeta, I will find Edward and I will kill him and take my sister back!!!!!!!!!!!” Winchester said.
They headed out the doors, blinded by the falling sunrise. Edward met them in the parking lot, holding a nife to katniss everdeen’s throat.
“I’ve got you now Winchester!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Surrender or I will drink of your Katniss’veins!!!” Edward screamed as he jumped up and down. Winchester could’nt see him because the moon was in his eyes.
“No Edward!!!!!!!!!! You SURRENDER!!!!!!!” Winchester grabbed Edward by the throat, choking him to death.
“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!” Edward screamed as he jumped up and down. Katniss fell into Winchester’s arms, and began to make out with him passionately. Peeta began crying.
“I thought you were MY girlfriend Katniss!!!!!!” He sobbed as he jumped up and down.
“I’m sorry Peeta. But officer Winchester is so handsome and nise!!!!!” Katniss said. They kept making out.
“Guess you have a point there Katniss, he’s so handosme!!!! How could you resist!!!!” Peeta said…………………AS HE JUMPED UP AND DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!




(Author's Note)
For those of you who are wondering, this is my attempt at writing the worst short story to ever hit this forum. I thought you guys could use a good laugh.

xlwoo
May 19th, 2012, 03:48 PM
I do have a good laugh. thanks for giving me the good laugh. but is could'nt a wrong form? It should be couldn't.

Fin
May 19th, 2012, 04:05 PM
Attempt at the worst short story ever posted here, eh? You've got some competetion! Check this thread out: Bad Writing Competition (http://www.writingforums.com/wf-challenges/111039-new-bad-writing-competition-just-laughs.html)

Walt1093
May 19th, 2012, 04:38 PM
I mispelled several words and made grammar mistakes on purpose, it only adds to the funnyness of it.

Walt1093
May 19th, 2012, 04:41 PM
Should I submit this to the New Yorker?

Fin
May 19th, 2012, 08:03 PM
I dunno! Like I said, you've got yourself some competition!

Mutimir
May 20th, 2012, 06:28 AM
The pseudo intellectuals at the New Yorker could not comprehend the brilliance. It transcends the New Yorker.

QDOS
May 20th, 2012, 07:45 PM
Hi, Walt1093

"Ineptitude is a curse for some and relief for others. Gross ineptitude is before any deductions the full monty of defiant disregard for reckless consequence." He said ......AS HE JUMPED UP AND DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

QDOS :cool:

prulhiere36
May 21st, 2012, 05:46 PM
Eagerly awaiting the sequel.......

ClusterChuck
May 21st, 2012, 11:19 PM
Love the peeta and edward homage to two of the best worst series ever.

MatthewJ.Anderson
May 25th, 2012, 02:42 AM
Aww! You got to let it sit for awhile! If it's satire/deliberately bad, you can't tell us until you have to tell us. It's pretty obvious this was a joke-piece. It's so bad, but also cohesive. A bad writer could not have written it... if that make sense. Anyhow, I laughed. But I wished you let people fall for your gag before you let 'em know it's a joke.

MJA

TBK
May 29th, 2012, 08:23 PM
I loved the first line.

It was all downhill from there, which is probably a good thing.

I think the humor should be able to support itself without the grammar and spelling being horrible.

If you make it too bad, it becomes unreadable. There's a fine line between bad-to-be-funny and ACTUALLY bad.

pauldennis133
May 29th, 2012, 08:51 PM
Awesome work! I really loved the excessive use of the exclamation points. Really made me believe that everyone was either yelling or had gone quite insane. Thanks for the laugh, I really needed one today.

Randyjoe
June 1st, 2012, 06:18 PM
I'm probably showing my ignorance, but I was surprised to read " this is my attempt at writing the worst short story to ever hit this forum."

I thought your use of unorthodox use of adjectives such as 'garbagy' to describe the table was really novel. I also like the use of phonetic spelling. I suppose I found it funny, but otherwise I actually liked this piece for its novelty. I hope that isn't an indication of how bad my writing is :(

Ponderosa
June 3rd, 2012, 07:55 AM
I couldn't get past the word 'garbagy' for a good 10 minutes. I just sat staring trying to make sense of why the table was a 'garbagy piece of garbage'. hehehe.
Also, his girlfriend..... is his sister?! Very edgy. hehe

Gerry_VDS
June 3rd, 2012, 10:11 PM
Very Good! Funny! You should definitly post it in the worst story ever competition!!

Firm1
June 15th, 2012, 06:56 PM
wtf?

JDegg
June 15th, 2012, 11:14 PM
Unfortunately this is not the worst short story ever... because you are actually trying to write the worst short story ever.

The worst short stories are the ones where the author is so clearly serious that you feel for their sanity.

El Chacal
June 17th, 2012, 10:42 PM
In the smoky coffeeshop. Supercop Blaze Winchester sat at the shaky, garbagy, piece of garbage they called a table. He stuffed chocolate donuts in his mouth and watched the breathtaking sunrise go down and wiped his mouth with a napkin and looked at the table next to him and put the napkin back down and brushed his perfect hair back and looked back at the donuts again and ate them.

Best. Opening lines. Ever.

Odon
June 20th, 2012, 01:53 AM
entertaining

Kat Molina
June 20th, 2012, 07:38 AM
LMAO....falling sunrise. i love it. :::wipes away tear from laughing so hard::: oh, ok...i'm better now. god i needed that. thanks.

Seckroth24
September 28th, 2012, 09:59 PM
This was hilarious. It is nice to get a break from the overly serious and read something like this. I'm glad I clicked :)

Jo Tampoco
October 12th, 2012, 02:26 PM
I like "aplausded".