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View Full Version : Vagrant Story (contains adult language)



CroZ
May 12th, 2012, 03:08 AM
deleted

Neath Lankly
May 12th, 2012, 11:35 AM
Oh, and someone please tell me how to double space on this thing to make it look better on the forum over all.

Yeah I know what you mean, I have to manually space my paragraphs on the forums, i'm sure there is someone who knows how to do it.

Long and short of it: if you want to be a dick, go somewhere else. I gave up on internet critics when I saw people accidentally trying to critique Orwell and Wells as if they knew better.

This makes me wary about critiquing your work. Straight away, before I even start reading i'm feeling hostility. Your statement makes me wonder why bother critiquing your work when you have 'given up on internet critics' and my points would be simply brushed aside. Anyway,

I enjoyed reading it, and even though it had dirty language (i personally find it impossible to swear in my own pieces of work) and it had a dirty environment, people rooting in bins etc. etc.


Sierra, now confident in the serenity of the station floor, sauntered gracefully toward Alex. “I see Alex is as lively as ever. Speaking of noise, where’s Rum?” there is nothing wrong with the sentence, but in the context of things I would use language like this in an environment with beauty- which i'm sure you will agree, your scene does definitely not sound beautiful :) I often try to keep my language accordingly, instead of sauntered gracefully, how about just sauntered.

the rest seemed fine, the harsh language is not my cup of tea, but everyone to their own. I know of famous novels that the language would me me cringe. To be honest I would encourage any type of reading and writing regardless of the content. In the wise words of Tryion Lannister 'a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone". :)

CroZ
May 12th, 2012, 01:11 PM
Oh, and someone please tell me how to double space on this thing to make it look better on the forum over all.

Yeah I know what you mean, I have to manually space my paragraphs on the forums, i'm sure there is someone who knows how to do it.

Long and short of it: if you want to be a dick, go somewhere else. I gave up on internet critics when I saw people accidentally trying to critique Orwell and Wells as if they knew better.

This makes me wary about critiquing your work. Straight away, before I even start reading i'm feeling hostility. Your statement makes me wonder why bother critiquing your work when you have 'given up on internet critics' and my points would be simply brushed aside. Anyway,

I enjoyed reading it, and even though it had dirty language (i personally find it impossible to swear in my own pieces of work) and it had a dirty environment, people rooting in bins etc. etc.


Sierra, now confident in the serenity of the station floor, sauntered gracefully toward Alex. “I see Alex is as lively as ever. Speaking of noise, where’s Rum?” there is nothing wrong with the sentence, but in the context of things I would use language like this in an environment with beauty- which i'm sure you will agree, your scene does definitely not sound beautiful :) I often try to keep my language accordingly, instead of sauntered gracefully, how about just sauntered.

the rest seemed fine, the harsh language is not my cup of tea, but everyone to their own. I know of famous novels that the language would me me cringe. To be honest I would encourage any type of reading and writing regardless of the content. In the wise words of Tryion Lannister 'a mind needs books like a sword needs a whetstone". :)

Thanks for your help.
I didn't mean it to sound like I was being defensive or hostile. I was mainly pointing it at anyone who has the idea of coming in and saying something overtly negative without giving any reason as to why - which has happened to me before. Like passing through and saying "it's shit ... see ya!" There are guys out there who aren't simply trolling and do it believing that sort of critique is somehow useful. Anyway, wasn't trying to offend anyone. I took that part out if it's distracting.

TBK
May 13th, 2012, 10:42 PM
Your post is a Wall of Text.

You should hit enter twice at the end of each paragraph, when writing in forums. It increases readability.

CroZ
May 14th, 2012, 01:21 AM
I cleaned it up. I thought there might be some way of doing it automatically.