View Full Version : Ascension (Synopsis; Character Info)

May 10th, 2012, 03:54 PM
Last time, it was a farmboy that succeeded. Stories are still told about it, each more fantastical than the next. He walked barefoot to each god and begged for help in his quest. And on the last hour of the Divine Years, he stood before the god of justice and sunk a holy blade in his throat, ending the corrupt reign of Pylos for good, and beginning the reign of Rikard.

The Divine Years have come again, and this time, it will not be a farmboy that stands before a corrupt god with a holy sword. It will be me.


Bran Cashel: A Knight of Rikard turned drifter, Bran left the Hall of Justice after Rikard slaughtered a group of Sweet Sisters for the crime of prostitution, despite the fact that they were priestesses of the Goddess of Love, and that was the way they worshiped. He narrowly escaped execution himself when he protested, and left Rikard's island and began to travel. On the island of Kawahu, he met a young girl who he helped and who helped him. It was she who said that he should be the god of justice, and she who put the idea in his head. Eventually, he began traveling the Archipelagos, searching for Living Gods to ask for help. He's already (grudgingly) assisted the Goddess of Thievery and Luck, who sent with Bran His best thief: a boy named Brendan. When the story begins, the two are traveling back to the island of Kawahu to ask the God of the Sea for help.

Bran is an older man, late forties or early fifties, with graying dark brown hair and stubble. He's reasonably attractive, serious, rather dryly humored, with a natural inclination to be fatherly towards young people. Despite seeming quite gruff and angry, he's secretly a big softie. He's a swordsman chiefly, but he's learn a bit of magic in his travels. Practical stuff mainly; starting campfires and such.


Brendan: Brendan was taken in by the Goddess of Thievery and Luck when he was very young and became one of Her best thieves. When Bran came to ask the Goddess for help, She sent Brendan to assist him in freeing several of Her thieves from prison. When they succeeded, She sent Brendan with him as a sign of Her support. They've been traveling together for almost a year, and have a sort of father/son relationship currently.

Thirteen year old Brendan is a handsome kid who's more than capable of turning on the charm. Though irreverent and a bit bitter about how his life has gone thus far, he's got a good heart and (with some reluctance) is just as likely to help someone alongside Bran. He's a very skilled at pickpocketing, and has been granted a singular talent at hiding in the shadows from his patron goddess. Generally, he's good at being quite underhanded and sneaky, but he swears up and down that he'll only use his powers for good.


Kanoa: The high priestess of the God of the Sea, Kanoa met Bran many years ago. He encouraged her to do something with her life and she encouraged him to become a god. Now, Bran's returned to that island, and Kanoa's more than happy to help him in his quest.

At twenty five, Kanoa is taller and stronger than most women. As a priestess of the Sea God, she can control and use water as a weapon, and is an accomplished healer. Like the sea, she's got a mercurial personality and is a bit too eager to pick a fight, but is essentially a good-hearted person who wants to help Bran because she sincerely believes his ascension would make things better.

http://thelegendofkorra.tv/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/korra-the-legend-of-korra-2.jpg (I couldn't find a decent actress, so this is the best I can do)

May 10th, 2012, 04:04 PM
Just wondering why it's the God of Justice in both instances?

Is Justice more corrputable than the other living gods?

Me thinks the young girl sounds sneaky and may have ulterior motives.

I liked your intro hook. Very hook-y.

May 10th, 2012, 04:11 PM
I think Justice is a very finicky power. A person can lose their way if they start thinking "wait, I control what's right and wrong". With the wrong person, or without the right steady support system, a person can very easily go power crazy.

I'm not sure why Pylos went crazy yet, but Rikard was just a young kid who got way more power than he could handle and subsequently went power crazy.

Young girl = Kanoa?

May 10th, 2012, 04:49 PM
Or maybe it's just the power hungry and corruptable that are drawn to Justice.....even if they don't think they are that way (the road to hell is paved with good intentions and all that).

I also like your first sentence for Bran. makes me think that HE may think he's a good candidate for Justice, but past actions would deny that fact.....and adds into my thought about the girl having ulterior motives.

May 10th, 2012, 05:03 PM
I also like your first sentence for Bran. makes me think that HE may think he's a good candidate for Justice, but past actions would deny that fact.....and adds into my thought about the girl having ulterior motives.

This confuses me and makes me think I didn't write that sentence right. XD *paranoid* What do you mean?

May 12th, 2012, 04:34 AM
So it turns out this story idea isn't nearly as new to my brain as I thought it was. I was digging through old Story Mill files and lo and behold, a file called Deity was there. And guess what was in there?

Go on. Guess.

It was quite a bit different though. The main character was a pretty boy instead of a silver fox, the characters were completely different... But there were some things I decided were awesome enough to incorporate. Thanks, past me!

First of all, the setting is different. In the OP version, the world was an Archipelago. In the old/new version, it's almost Wild West mixed with medieval. Swords and magic and such, but also saloons and whore houses and trains (TRAINS) and some rudimentary guns.

Past!Me picked out eight gods, each with a very pretty angel name. Nathaneal is the god of justice, Bath Kol the goddess of prophecy, Suriel the goddess of healing, Theliel the goddess of sex and love, Yehudiah the god of death, Ariel the god of the sea (lolhe'saboybuthe'snamedafteramermaid), Haniel the goddess of the wood, and Anael the goddess of luck. (An odd number of goddesses. A five to three ratio. Girl power I guess?

Anyway, it seems like originally, the only god-turned-mortal that had made his divine status known was Nathanael. All the others laid low and didn't do anything out of the ordinary, which makes sense. First off, the whole thing is supposed to be about humility, so the gods aren't supposed to live their mortal lives in crazy comfort. I mean, technically they can. No one's stopping them after all. But it's tacky. So the goddess of sex runs a bordello and the goddess of luck and thievery runs the local casino/cartel and it's all very on-the-down-low. Only Bath Kol really goes out of the ordinary, but she's the goddess of prophecy, so she works for a king. Nathaneal is a king. Well, more similar to a very corrupt, Renaissance pope. But with more bordello and saloon burning and less Latin.

Another reason to be on the safe side is because all of them are mortal. Very, very tough to kill, but mortal. So living quietly until time is up is way smarter than proclaiming your divinity. Because crap like this happens and humans are like "I'm not sure I'm completely comfortable with the current establishment".

But some of the best stuff in there... The gifts they give to him when he completes a task.

Bath Kol gives Brendan (or the Brendan equivalent of the early draft) prophetic visions. Sounds cool, but Past!Me makes it clear that when they're dreams, they're nightmares. And when he's awake, they're akin to seizures. Thanks, Bath Kol.

Suriel gives them pendents that speeds up their healing. Not an outrageous amount, but a broken arm won't take more than a week or two to heal with it on.

Theliel gives Bran a little scarf/token thing that tells all the brothels and bordellos that he's cool. So basically, every whorehouse and brothel is a safe haven.

Yehudiah gives them each special, empathetic weapons that can harm things normal weapons can't. Vampires, hellhounds, and gods to name a few.

Haniel... well, it doesn't say what she gives them. Guess I'll have to figure that one out myself. She's the goddess of woods and such.

Anael gives them the loyalty of the thieves guilds across the land and Luck. It may be small luck ("Ooh, I found a twenty") or it may be really big luck (A good hand at the casino or the guard doesn't look too closely at you), but it's luck nevertheless.

And Ariel? The god of the sea?

A freaking haunted marionette.

That looks like Claudia from Interview with a Vampire.

Her name is Bonnie.

Look at my life.

Look at my choices.

This is the best thing I've ever read.

A haunted puppet.

May 20th, 2012, 07:44 PM
I like the idea of having gods that laid low, the stereotypical god is often very in your face, it is a nice twist on the subject of gods

May 24th, 2012, 07:22 AM
First off: love your username. Although I prefer Toph myself.
Moving on to your post... Nice intro. Although I have no idea if I should be reading it in the voice of a male or female, old or young, etc. So I'd add a bit more to that, but otherwise it'll capture a reader's interest. I can't really critique much when you only have character descriptions. But as far as character descriptions go, yours are impressive. Just a bit confusing at the same time, seeing as I have no idea who this god of justice is or what kind of world these people live in except that some have the power to control water and heal (I'm sensing a connection to Katara... But maybe that's just me.). Hope you post a piece of the actual story if you've started it already. If not, work on it and see where it goes. We'll be here to offer feedback when you need it.