View Full Version : Lizabeck Demouve

Kyle R
May 4th, 2012, 07:32 PM

May 7th, 2012, 07:41 PM
Hey, saw the story and liked it. Some good points, your wordplay and description definitely drew me into your story...it's obvious you have the ability to write well without boring your readers. I wasn't too crazy about the repetition of her daintiness...though I feel you were attempting to be humorous. For the first few times, it WAS humorous, but it got to be too much after a while. Also, I think whenever you said a phrase such as this: "as daintily was how she always dressed" you meant to have the word 'was' actually be 'as'...right? And if not, I'm kind of confused about the phrase.

All in all, I still liked it. I liked the interaction between Lizabeck and Felidore. I'm not too crazy on the name 'Lizabeck' to be honest, but I also firmly believe in an authors artistic license to name a character whatever they like. I did like her last name though, very smooth. I'll look forward to the next chapter, part, etc...to see where this is going. Seems like aliens in an old-school fantasy world, based on how the two main characters speak as well as the weapons of axe and sword, but as I said, we'll see.

May 9th, 2012, 07:39 PM
I got dizzy. I see what you were trying for and it almost worked. I need more clarity about what's going on.