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View Full Version : "Decipher" - Synopsis - Brandon



BrandonTheWriter
April 14th, 2012, 03:25 AM
"James Hillway discovers a new secret underneath his house. With a dull and ordinary life, James becomes obsessed with what he has discovered. As he experiments more and more, changes start to appear in his life."

That's the synopsis I have come up with, I'm going to start working on the Script now. I'll post some of it when I get a little in to it. Feedback please and the synopsis isn't supposed to reveal anything but if you can work it out, awesome! This is one of the reasons I have called it 'Decipher'

Teaspoon
April 15th, 2012, 10:49 PM
It almost seems a little bit as if it will be a "Coraline" kind of story? I know you don't want to give anything away but I really do suggest you add a little bit more information as I have no idea if I would want to read this script, act this script or watch it etc. because I have very little concept. I'm sure you can add a little bit more but still keep the mystery.

Also, there are many things about ordinary people, who discover things and it changes their lives ect. I do like these stories but keep in mind, like everything, there may be something very similar to it somewhere so make sure there is something that sets it apart a little bit.

I am looking forward to seeing the start of the script though and I would also like to know what inspired you, if thats ok?

Also, what genre would this be? I guessing mystery?

BrandonTheWriter
April 15th, 2012, 10:59 PM
Hey Teaspoon, thanks for commenting.

I guess you could class it as a kind of Coraline story yes, however there is going to be a mix of elements in this. I have a concept and I'm expanding that in to more things as I get various more ideas. As there isn't much information, I'll reveal that he changes his life himself and he has the ability to change around certain events in his life. I hope that gives you a bit more to think about.

Yeah, I'm going to try and make it so it so something stands out and makes it different from the others. Also, It's going to open Fast Paced and will dive right in to the story so you can get in to it. I'm also going to really Develop the character of James and show you inbetween certain events that shape his life and certain problems.

A lot of things inspired me really, I think I sorta' inspired myself as I've always wanted to go back and change things etc and change how someone feels, you get the idea.

Yeah, Genre: Mixture of Horror/Mystery.

Hope that has cleared up some things!

Teaspoon
April 15th, 2012, 11:21 PM
It does sound interesting and I'm glad it's fast paced, I hate when stories take for ever to set up. Do remember to introduce the character of James a little first though, as from what you tell me, I think the readers / audience need to see what James' life is like before he is able to change it, so that they can compare and share it with him I guess? But it does seem like you are getting a good idea of his character and building on him.

I think some of the best things written or things inspired from your own life as that can mean there is more meaning in it and the character of James (that I'm guessing would be almost based on yourself) would be really fleshed out.

How is your script coming along? Have you started it?

Do you seem this as a film or play script?

Are there any current actors you have in mind that you would like to have in it?

I hope you keep updating us on this, as I would really like to see it progress. :)

BrandonTheWriter
April 16th, 2012, 03:36 PM
Hey again, thanks for the nice comments.

I intend this to be a film script and yes I've started to begin it, but I'm just waiting until I have enough time to sit down, relax and do more. I have an opening and I'm just trying to work on that at the moment.

If I was to choose the Lead Actor, I'd love to have either Denzel Washington or Ryan Reynolds, two of my favourite actors.

I'll try and update you as much as I can.

Teaspoon
April 16th, 2012, 08:11 PM
Hey again, thanks for the nice comments.

I intend this to be a film script and yes I've started to begin it, but I'm just waiting until I have enough time to sit down, relax and do more. I have an opening and I'm just trying to work on that at the moment.

If I was to choose the Lead Actor, I'd love to have either Denzel Washington or Ryan Reynolds, two of my favourite actors.

I'll try and update you as much as I can.

See, I assumed that this script was about a young boy, as most stories like this seem to be but now you have spoken about the actors I can see it's about a grown man (correct me if I'm wrong), this sets it apart a little from Coraline etc. already. :)

Also, the two actors you mentioned are very good actors and if this was ever to be a real film it would be cool to see the different things they would do with James. :)

I'm looking forward to seeing the script, if you post some. :)

BrandonTheWriter
April 16th, 2012, 08:39 PM
Thanks for being interested, really appreciated. I will definitely post some!

BrandonTheWriter
April 26th, 2012, 12:02 AM
Update:

I'm still working on the Script and I will try and post some of it very soon! Just to let you know I haven't forgot!

Max22
July 15th, 2012, 12:30 PM
I like the synopsis - it suggests how the character will change. I'm just guessing, but is the secret under his house a body? Also I've been told to keep synopsis to 25 words or under so perhaps you could have a go at shorten it.

BrandonTheWriter
July 16th, 2012, 12:22 PM
I like the synopsis - it suggests how the character will change. I'm just guessing, but is the secret under his house a body? Also I've been told to keep synopsis to 25 words or under so perhaps you could have a go at shorten it.

Hey, Its something like that but I don't want to give it away. I've been busy, but starting from today I'm going to work on it more. It should be up soon and I'll have some you can read and give me feedback on. Thanks for being interested.

That's an update to the rest of you by the way, I'm working on it starting from now. Everything has been a bit hectic so just getting around to the rest of it now!

BrandonTheWriter
July 16th, 2012, 12:55 PM
Here it is, like promised. The first part of Decipher, please read and comment your thoughts. Thanks.

Decipher (2012)

As the camera fades in. We see the freshly shaven face of James Hillway, a 32 Year old office worker. A title appears over him, showing his name and age. The camera focuses on the desk where James is sat, suddenly a hand touches his shoulder.

INT - OFFICE - DAY

WORKER: Hey James, did you know Steve is looking for you?
JAMES: Well he knows where my desk is doesn't he? Nothing is stopping him.
WORKER: I think he wants to see you in the office.
JAMES: Just leave me alone, okay? I'm not in the mood for that guy, or you either.

The worker walks away. But we hear the name "James" echoed by a piercing, high voice. We see from the tag on the man's suit, that it is Steve.

STEVE: James.

James doesn't respond.

STEVE (Con't): James I am talking to you. What's going on with you, huh? You're not like this, I thought we were friends.
JAMES: Steve, when were you ever my friend? You bullied me for five years at School and what you just expect me to forget about all of that like it never happened? Just leave me alone.
STEVE: You know what James, you have got a real attitude problem. I've let Tom know about this you know. If we can't get along, you're sacked.
JAMES: Is that so?

Suddenly James punches Steve, as this occurs the Boss (Tom) can be seen watching from his Office, he comes out and calls James to his office.

TOM: JAMES! My office now!

INT - TOM'S OFFICE - DAY

The office is a usual office room. Several paper work lieing around and a desk with a computer. James can be seen sitting opposite Tom.

TOM: James sit down. What was that all about?
JAMES: Nothing Sir.
TOM: Nothing? It didn't look like to to me, what's the problem James, is there something wrong at home?
JAMES: No, Its just I'm going through a rough patch right now. I really can't be dealing with people like him.
TOM: But I thought you were friends.
JAMES: No, far from it. I was never friends with that scumbag.
TOM: Hey watch it, that's my employee you're talking about.
JAMES: Sorry Sir, my head is just a mess at the moment, I can't concentrate. Everything around me just seems gloomy and dull.
TOM: You haven't taken your two week Vacation yet, why don't you do so. Get away for a bit, have a rest from work. I don't mind. I want you to be in the best frame of mind, you're not like this James. Go and take some time off.
JAMES: Thanks Sir, I will, thanks for all the help.
TOM: Not a problem, shut the door on the way out please. I'll let everyone know in the meeting later on that you're taking time off.

James shuts the door and progresses out of the Office. Steve can be seen looking at James holding his nose, whilst James leaves the building.

FADES OUT.

INT - JAMES' HOUSE - DAY

It is a typical home. Although, it is rather messy and looks like it hasn't been cleaned for several days. James opens the door to a bunch of letters piled up at the door, he walks over them. Not even glancing at one. James throws his work gear on to the floor and collapses on the chair in the Main room. We see him hold a picture of a young women, quite beautiful. He seems to hold this picture close, like it means something to him.

Suddenly James starts to tear up, but he he starts to hear a rumble noise. At first he thinks it is nothing, until it gets louder. He goes to check where it is coming from. Only to discover it is coming from the basement. James hasn't been in there for years. He opens the door to a loud creak. He looks in to the dark abyss of the Basement only to switch on the old light. Nothing can be seen.

He progresses down the squeaky staircase and notices something in the back of the basement, a chest of sorts. He goes to investigate..

To be continued..

BrandonTheWriter
July 16th, 2012, 12:56 PM
Had to touch up on a few parts, but I think I like it. By the way if it sounds cheesy in parts, Its meant to be like that, Its got a mix of Serious and Fantasy type mix. With a bit of Mystery/Horror.

Max22
July 16th, 2012, 05:12 PM
Hi, I think this sentence was a bit long:

JAMES: Steve, when were you ever my friend? You bullied me for five years at School and what you just expect me to forget about all of that like it never happened? Just leave me alone.

I kind of feel like he's saying too much at once, unless he's really angry and he's venting. I understand it must be a bit of back story - that the two know each other. Maybe you could just lose "Steve, when were you ever my friend?" and keep the rest.

I also think the bit where the boss tells James to take time off could end with "Thanks Sir, I will" and then fade to the next scene.

Also with the bit saying James hasn't be in the basement for years - a script is all about the visual so from watching the scene we wouldn't know that James hasn't been down there for years. You write what you can convey on screen. You could say something about lots of cobwebs which could indicate he hasn't been down there for a long time.

BrandonTheWriter
July 16th, 2012, 05:34 PM
Thanks I will, what did you think overall?

Max22
July 16th, 2012, 05:42 PM
I like it, seems interesting.

alister
September 10th, 2012, 06:58 PM
My first reaction to the first post: Is it about a writer who keeps rewriting his first draft? Does he keep going back to the cellar where all the memories are stored to pick a better element?

alister
September 10th, 2012, 07:24 PM
STEVE (Con't): James I am talking to you. What's going on with you, huh? You're not like this, I thought we were friends.
JAMES: Steve, when were you ever my friend? You bullied me for five years at School and what you just expect me to forget about all of that like it never happened? Just leave me alone.
STEVE: You know what James, you have got a real attitude problem. I've let Tom know about this you know. If we can't get along, you're sacked.
JAMES: Is that so?


This is a classic example of Telling vs. Showing. In film, you should always lean toward Showing, it's a visual medium. You are trying to express that James and Steve have a bad history. Steve has bullied James for 5 years. In order to express it to your audience, you put the words in James' mouth so everyone will know. But, people don't talk that way, so the dialogue comes out feeling unnatural.

James already knows Steve knows what he has done for five years. Think about it, when family members hold grudges toward each other, they don't bring up why they are mad. Instead, they just show subtlety in emotion and behavior toward each other that bad history. If they haven't seen each other for a long time, say for example at a family reunion, they may blow up (but not always) and bring it up to try to embarrass the other. In day to day life, we don't keep bringing up the past, we wear it under our skin and it comes out in subtext. These guys work together. They won't talk like they haven't seen each other in eons and bring up that old, old grudge.

Furthermore, if the relationship is strained so bad, then Steve would be acting like he thought they were friends unless you are trying to demonstrate he's dingy, which will have to stay consistent in his personality. Dingy once, will not do.

To help with how to Show it vs. Tell it, think back on how you have behaved around someone that had done wrong to you and you had to be around them. Even better, think of someone who fits the personality of James and think how someone like James would react specifically vs. someone like you.