PDA

View Full Version : The Crib 1st scene of a one act play



apple
April 1st, 2012, 09:12 PM
THE SCENE:

Richard’s and Janice’s brand new baby nursery. It is the picture of fresh anticipation for the new arrival. White fluffy curtains, comforters, the crib and furniture, all white. Stuffed animals, large and small, ruffles and lace. Pristine. Almost glowing, like a Thomas Kinkade painting, in its perfection.

AT CURTAIN:


The room is dark. Suddenly the bedroom door crashes open, and we hear fumbling, bumping, incoherent mumbles. The light is switched on and we see Richard staggering about the nursery. He is obviously quite drunk and juggles a bottle of Jack Daniels, while trying to take off his pants over his shoes. He lunges toward the baby’s dressing table, his pants around his ankles, and clears neatly stacked diapers, various powders, pins, and oils, with one sweep of his arm. He places the booze on the table and continues to take off his pants. Still wearing his shoes and socks, he then stumbles to the baby crib and climbs in. When he lies down, (a squeaky toy squeaks)

RICHARD

(Braces himself against the imaginary reeling of the crib)

Ooooh, God.

He climbs out of the crib and clumsily raises the rail. He climbs back in and lies down (The squeaky toy squeaks) He lies there a few moments, sits up, then climbs out again, retrieves his bottle of Jack Daniels, then crawls back in the crib. (The squeaky toy squeaks) He lays there, again, for a moment, climbs out, staggers around until he locates the baby’s new potty chair. He drags it to the crib, poises it just so. He crawls back into the crib. (The squeaky toy squeaks) He lies there for a moment, and then quickly climbs out. He gets down on his hands and knees and throws up in the potty. He wipes his mouth on a stuffed toy lamb. He crawls back into the crib. (The squeaky toy squeaks)

RICHARD
Umm…shhh…eee…damn mouse.

(Pulling the comforter over him, he snuggles down, clutching his bottle of booze lovingly. He passes out, snoring loudly.)

ENTER JANICE

JANICE
(Peeks into the room)

Richard?

(She enters into the room wearing a long nightgown. She looks to be at least nine months pregnant by the way her belly overwhelms the nightgown. Her hair is disheveled, and she wears fuzzy mules on her feet.)

RICHARD! Oh, Jesus! Oh, what are you doing in there? Get out! GET OUT! Richard? Richard, get out of there. Oh my God! Look what you’ve done! Dirty shoes!

(She trots about the room picking up and straightening the mess)

Oh my beautiful white…OH, THE PAMPERS …Oh, you…What are you doing?

RICHARD
(Sits up, smiles stupidly)
Huh? What…oh…Hi, Janice

JANICE
(She picks the lamb up off the floor)

Eeew!

(She holds the lamb by the ear.)
The lamb.

RICHARD
(Holding on to the crib rail for dear life.)

Huh?

JANICE

I don’t believe you!

(She sniffs the air)

Oh, my God. What’s that smell?
(She sniffs about the room until she discovers the source. The potty chair. She looks in.)

Oh my God! You even desecrated the potty chair!

RICHARD
(Taking offense)

I did not defecate! I puked.

JANICE
(Beside herself)

You what? Oooh, you…GET OUT OF THERE!

RICHARD
No.

JANICE
What?

Richard
No.

JANICE
(Holds lower back, stretches it.)

You’re drunk.

RICHARD
Yep.

JANICE
You don’t care?

RICHARD
Uh uhh.

JANICE
You’re ridiculous!

RICHARD
Good. A fine way to be.

(He lies back down. The squeaky toy squeaks)

Holy Shit, Janice,when are you going to call an exterminator! Why don’t you take care of business!

JANICE
(Stalks over and pulls the squeaky toy from under him, and bounces it off his head.)

Idiot! Get out of that crib!

RICHARD
No! That tears it, Janice. That really tears it! You’re not gonna hit me!

JANICE
Oh, brother! Richard, please. It’s four in the morning.

RICHARD
(sulking)

You owe me an apology.

JANICE
I what? No way.

RICHARD
Then I’m not coming out.

JANICE
Fine!

RICHARD
Fine.

JANICE
Stupid!

RICHARD
Humph! Now, I’m not for sure…….hit me, and call me names!

JANICE
Oh, Good Grief…Rot in there, I don’t care. ROT! To hell that it’s our wedding day!

(She stalks out of the room)

RICHARD
Humph!

(Yells)
Don’t say goodnight!

(To himself)
Mean woman.

(He arranges the comforter over himself.)

JANICE pokes her head back in room.

JANICE
You’d better be stone sober by noon today…because your marching down that isle with all your faculties intact, Buster!

RICHARD
Don’t count on it.

JANICE
What do you mean?

RICHARD
(He unscrews the Jack Daniels and takes a swig)

I might just stay snockered…all day!

JANICE
What’s the matter with you, anyway? You never act like this.

RICHARD
Nothing. Can’t a man get drunk and just sleep anywhere in the hell he wants without being warted to death by some wart hog?

JANICE
OH! I’m a hog. A big, FAT, hog, huh. FINE!

RICHARD
Fine.

JANICE
(Screaming)
FINE!

RICHARD
Ditto.

JANICE
(Flounces out the door.)

RICHARD
(Snuggles back down into the crib.)
ENTER JANICE

JANICE
(Faking contriteness)

Okay, I apologize. I apologize for hitting you with the tiny, little, rubber duck. I apologize for calling you an idiot. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Now, will you get out of the baby’s crib and come to bed?

RICHARD
It’s too late now.

JANICE
What!

RICHARD
You’re a day late and a dollar short, Toots.

JANICE
I apologized, Richard! Oooh, you’re really getting on my nerves.

RICHARD
Sometimes one apology isn’t enough for a man. There are lots of things!

JANICE
(Sarcastically)

Okay. I’m sorry for everything I’ve ever done to you from day one. Okay?

RICHARD
Sincerity counts, you know.

JANICE
(So mad she could spit nickels)

Get out of that crib this instant! We are about to get married in a few hours! Guest will be arriving! Mother’s coming!

RICHARD
Good. I want her apology.

JANICE
For what?

RICHARD
None of your business…and you’d better work on your attitude and a little more serious approach to this, because I ain’t goin’ nowhere, ‘til I get an apology from…EVERYONE…everybody. Humph!

JANICE
Oooh, you’re so damn drunk! I hate you like this. How can you do this to me? Give me the bottle Richard.

(She tries to wrangle the bottle from him. He holds on tight. A tug of war ensues and it drags RICHARD and the crib around the room.)

Let go!

RICHARD
No! Mine.

JANICE
(Whining, threatening)

All right. Okay. I’m calling Doug. He’ll, make you….He’d better! It’s all his fault…You’re upsetting me, Richard!

RICHARD
You’re upsetting me.

JANICE
Tsch. I don’t believe you’re doing this. On our wedding day!

RICHARD
(Sings “Twilight Zone” music)

Do do do do. Do do do do. Strange thing are happening. Whooo.

JANICE
Big stupid baby. I’m calling Doug.

RICHARD
Go ahead. He’s not home.

JANICE
Well, where in the hell is he?


RICHARD
In the garage.

JANICE
(Confused)

Doug?

RICHARD
In the garage. He’s sleeping in the garage. WILL YOU LET ME SLEEP. He gets to sleep. Jesus.

JANICE
He’s sleeping in our garage?

RICHARD
Couldn’t drive…too drunk.

JANICE
Oh, my God.

RICHARD
Oh, MY, God, Janice! Mellow out!

JANICE
Fine!
(under her breath)
Stupid -ass drunk.

(JANICE barrels out of the room.)
BLACKOUT[/CENTER]

BabaYaga
April 3rd, 2012, 03:18 PM
Hi Apple,

Some funny dialogue here, but I'm not sure there's enough of a plot or character arc in this scene? Is there more? Janice seems very unrealistic all things considering- unless she's meant to be a ditzy doormat?

apple
April 3rd, 2012, 08:47 PM
Thank you for reading, BabaYaga, There is more, but I wasn't sure how much I should post in one thread. My idea in this scene was to portray a scene that would set up the idea that Richard decides that he wants apologies from "everybody" before he gets out of the crib to get married. It evolves from a silly drunken statement into a crenscendo of apologies from all sorts of people. Some that are totally surprising to him. Of course it is a comedy (hopefully) I certainly wasn't meaning for Janice to come across as a doormat. I was hoping it would show the exasperation in dealling with a big, drunk,unreasonable baby, was next to impossible. I am very open to suggestion, however maybe when I post more it may show a clearer picture of the story line or plot.