View Full Version : They Be Ascended - Excerpt

Wilson Edward Burroughs
March 28th, 2012, 07:23 AM
I picked this particular piece because it was one of the only appropriate bits and because it's my, well, favorite part. I think it illustrates the characters quite nicely, don't you?

It was night out and the only light illuminating the streets Meredith Miller walked came from the orange glows of the flickering street lamps. The low rumbling of one or two passing cars’ engines would shake her from her introspective daze. They were rare, the cars, leaving the roads empty for the most part. Everyone was at home or out having fun. She knew she should be at home too, studying for next week’s math finals but she didn’t care about them. She could pass easily, it was only math.

Her mother would be working all night at the hospital and wouldn’t notice her daughter wasn’t tucked safely into bed. With that in mind she took the opportunity to go to a house party with a few of her friends, quickly becoming bored and ditching them without a word. She had felt like taking a nice stroll through the quiet town would be a better use of her time than standing around watching a bunch of intoxicated teenagers make fools of themselves while having to listen to hours upon hours of talentless auto-tuned rappers dropping nonsensical rhymes from the stereo. Drinking was fun for her, on occasion. This wasn’t one of those occasions. Tonight, she wanted to be left alone with her thoughts.

Meredith knew about the disappearing people and how a girl from the prep school close to the hospital had gone missing yesterday after a junior varsity football game. The knowledge didn’t stop her, though. She was too set on enjoying her much needed alone time, accompanied only by her mp3 player’s ear buds crammed uncomfortably in her ears.

She looked to her right and to her left twice, when she was sure there was no oncoming traffic she crossed the street in front of the drugstore and made her way into Helmoth Forest.

The forest was silent, completely devoid of animal and even insect noises, as Meredith strolled through it. A pained yowl pierced the serenity like a dagger. Meredith jumped. Startled, she looked around. Whatever animal that made that sound is close, and it’s being hurt, she deduced. Another high-pitched howl of agony carved through the air. And against her better judgment, with curiosity as her guide, Meredith followed the sound.

She pushed her way through the dense foliage, twigs from bushes and trees scratched her naked arms and legs. After a while of trekking through the brush she came upon a clearing full of short light green grass, in the middle of which a junker of a truck lay rusting, with no tires or glass in its windows, snoozing peacefully. An assortment of trash and a cornucopia of rotting canine carcasses, nearly making Meredith vomit, was strewn about the aged, decrepit truck. She could hear the collective buzz of hundreds upon thousands of flies zooming around the corpses’ decaying meat; she could smell death lingering in the air.

There was a girl around her age she had never seen before kneeling over a struggling animal. Her face was hidden in shadows but Meredith could still see her black streaked short blonde hair. The girl wore a dark hoodie and matching sweat pants, holding what looked to be a knife or a straight razor and was making large incisions in the flesh of the struggling animal.

Meredith took a cautious step forward, letting her curiosity continue to lead her. She had gotten a few yards closer to the girl when a twig snapped underneath her red and black canvas boots and the girl looked up. The moon’s light caught and illuminated her face. It was placid and spotted with fresh drops of blood from the struggling animal. Her eyes were frigid and solid, giving the same feel, the same color, as steel. She smiled at Meredith with no humor, sending a trickle of ice down her spine, a shiver racked her now immobile body. The girl was different, odd, and wrong. Meredith liked it. She liked it a lot.

The animal yowled again, trying its hardest to break free from the girl’s grip. The smile never left the girls face as she yanked one of its front limbs out of its socket then pushed and pulled its radius in opposite directions, snapping it as easily as she would snap a pencil.

Meredith winced. Her heart beat was quickened, adrenaline flowed through her body and her breath was thin. She felt fear, hearing the animal's high yelps, knowing there was something wrong with the girl standing only twenty feet away from her and that she was alone with her out in a secluded meadow, not a single witness in the vicinity.

What if this girl is the cause of the disappearances? I could be next. She was soaked in it, abject terror. She also felt alive, more alive than she had in a great while.

“I didn’t think anyone could find me out here. I guess I thought wrong, didn’t I?” the other girl regarded her curiously. “I suppose you’re going to call the police on me. After all, it is the ‘right’ thing to do.”

“Y-you shouldn’t make such deep incisions,” Meredith blurted out after getting closer to the strange girl, seeing her weapon was a straight razor and the girl’s victim that she now saw was a mangy, emaciated dog that she assumed was a stray.

“I’m sorry, what?” the strange girl asked incredulously.

“The cuts you’re making, they’re too deep. It’ll bleed out. If you wanted to kill it you would have by now. You don’t want that, do you? At least, not yet,” Meredith said, surprising the girl, and herself.

“I suppose you’re right. You know how it is, getting carried away. There’s something about the feeling of burying a blade de-"

“Why are you doing this?” Meredith interrupted.

The girl, taken aback, took a second to deliberate. “A whim.” She gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. “I’m bored... was bored.”

Meredith looked down at the pitiful animal, its big brown eyes stared at her, and its once golden fur was matted with blood and dirt. She felt nauseous looking at it, sick, seeing a dog taken off the streets for the sake of brutalizing it. It was horrible. Her eyes threatened to tear up, she hastily blinked them away.

“Are you going to turn me in?” the girl asked, not noticing Meredith’s near lapse into tears. “Animal cruelty is apparently a big no-no nowadays, PETA and all that other jazz.”

“I won’t.” The girls face lit up. “If you promise me two things.” It fell instantly and her eyes narrowed. Meredith could see the girl wasn’t one to play silly games or be blackmailed, but she had no choice in the matter this time. Meredith knew what the girl would say.

“It depends on what those two things are.”


“First, stop hurting dogs. Anything else is fine. Second..., I want you to be my friend.”


Blaire’s eyes snapped open as her nose ran afoul of a rancid odor. She gagged and spluttered, trying but failing to press her hand against her nose to block the stench. She was laying on her back against a cold bumpy surface that stung her skin through her night gown. Her head was aimed upwards, pointing to the sky. Yet, it wasn’t the sky she knew and had studied through her telescope as a child. This sky was dotted with stars she couldn’t hope to recognize, and a massive coppery moon with two perpendicular rings around it dangled much too close for comfort. It was accompanied by two more distant moons, the same reddish color as the larger one.

What’s going on? What's happening? Is this real? She asked herself. No. No, this can’t be real. It can’t be. It can’t be real. It can't. Calm down, Blaire. Catch yourself. You don’t lose your cool this easily, not when Mercedes and her trolls try to make your life hell and not now either. Move your arm. Blaire, move your arm!

After a bit of effort she managed to comply and moved her arm.

Breathe through your mouth. Do not inhale. Good, remember that. Now, look around. Get a sense of perspective and remember to stay calm.

She complied again and immediately wished she hadn’t. Blaire was in a place that wasn’t familiar to her in the least. There weren’t a plethora of colors like what she was usually used to seeing. Everything was an inky dark blue and there was no grass on the ground, no trees, no plants at all, only mountainous rock.

Pink crystalline formations as wide as a full-grown adult, and twice as long jutted out of the inky stone. Gargantuan beasts that could be mistaken for dinosaurs if one didn’t see the tentacles that sprouted from the tops of their heads and by way of divine intervention missed the multiple appendages erupting from places where they didn’t belong.

In the distance there were crumbling cities atop enormous raised ziggurats made of great blocks of dark purple rock crystals. The city consisted of massive castle-like pyramids besieged by thick, powerful cylinders with pointed tops sprouting from each of their eight sides, spherical buildings were placed in large open-roofed can-shaped frames with hollowed out fronts allowing for entry. There were rectangular prism-like dwellings suspended in the air above the grounded city, undeterred by the simple concept of gravity.

The oceans were filled with water so repulsive and filthy that it was black. The putrid stench emanating from the unclean liquid was enough to cause a person to be sick. A being akin to an eel and bigger than an aircraft carrier breeched the surface of the water, immediately disappearing beneath the murky waves it had created.

The world around her was instantaneously sucked into a voluminous shade as a serpentine face appeared before her. Its skin was scaly and gray, flaking off and secreting a thick pale viscous fluid. Its eyes were obscured by the enigmatic gloom. Forward pointing dark yellow horns the color of urine hung far in front of its face. Blaire couldn’t be sure where the horns originated, the black was too pure, too complete. All she could see were its horns and two great crevices that served as its mouths; the top sneering and the bottom giving an eerie smile. It opened its great grinning maw and spat a flood of the sickening murky water at her. Before everything descended into nothing she heard something whisper to her like a faraway wind. She sensed it, not with her ears, but her mind, telling her the "diamonds are no longer in the prisoner's ideal of distortion".

March 28th, 2012, 07:41 AM
Nice piece my friend, very intriguing.
Can't help but wonder what part one has to do with part two? (is this blaire perhaps the dog tortuter?)
I would like to read so more before I decide if I like it but so far it's pretty good.
And tell what the time gap is between part one and two, part one had the feeling of present day and part two had a more post apocalyps future kind of touch?
I suppose Meredith is the kind of smart, arrogant, grade-A student. Utterly bored out of her mind at school for lack of challenge? Kind of cliché but works quite well.

Cheers GHound (don't mind my grammar)

Wilson Edward Burroughs
March 28th, 2012, 01:40 PM
Nice piece my friend, very intriguing.
Can't help but wonder what part one has to do with part two? (is this blaire perhaps the dog tortuter?)
I would like to read so more before I decide if I like it but so far it's pretty good.
And tell what the time gap is between part one and two, part one had the feeling of present day and part two had a more post apocalyps future kind of touch?
I suppose Meredith is the kind of smart, arrogant, grade-A student. Utterly bored out of her mind at school for lack of challenge? Kind of cliché but works quite well.

Cheers GHound (don't mind my grammar)

Er, I change perspective between three characters; Blaire: my main character, Morgan: the blonde girl, and Mina: the, for lack of a better word, antagonist. Occasionally I will have a not as important character take the wheel, so to speak, if it is relevant to the plot. This first piece was told from Meredith's viewpoint due to wanting to show Morgan's personality in the eyes of another person. The second piece is a dream sequence, featuring Blaire, that illustrates a plot device in this particular novel.

And Meredith isn't a straight-A student at all. Her only good subject is math, she's failing everything else. I will show this later. Meredith is one of my favorite creations because she is, in contrast to Morgan, submissive and at the total mercy of any other person-which Morgan, of course, takes advantage of-that comes along. I would never make my characters so one dimensional. There's a lot to Meredith, just like there's a lot to every other main supporting character. :D

March 28th, 2012, 07:30 PM
Well, then I suppose apologies are in order.
But to give me some credit, 'twas a little hard to make all of that out with this little piece of text.
Still intrigued though, keep 'em coming!

Cheers GHound

Wilson Edward Burroughs
March 28th, 2012, 09:16 PM
Thank you, thank you. I actually wanted to post the rest of the chapter but the language is exceptionally strong. I figured this bit would be good to post. =T I didn't want to violate the rules on my first day.