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View Full Version : Journey to unknown



iykewifey
March 20th, 2012, 08:51 PM
Thought,critigue,advice are welcome!

(African setting) Am currently working on this now!
 




Chapter one


saturday eight thirty pm


papa came back from one from family meeting, looking furious,angry,i wonder what could be the matter this time,i have known papa as strike,mean man,if not wicked,sometimes i wonder if he actually my biological father,considering the fact that he always find chance to lay a course and abusive word to me and my other sisters,non of them g fulfil their dream, it got short before they could realise it.
papa married my two older sisters off,to business men, against their wish,
they are both good in science,they wanted to study further but father shathered their dreams,
i just hope he will not pick up fight and arguement with mama.
maryann bring my food, father snap,yealing his voice at mother, are you deaf, am starving,
serve my favorite dish at once bitter leaf and pounded cassava,
just the way i use to like it,!yes dav, am almost done,give me few minutes, your food is ready, will be ready in a minute,
where are the useless and good for nothing daughter of your's he scoffed , david stop it i have told you several times not to use abusive words our children,
what nonsense,, where was that your God when your mates where given birth to sons,
all i get is only one son,and four useless and good for nothing daughters,
you should be greatful david, some people are craving just to be blessed with one child. and here you are moarning about the ones you are blessed with.
what am ungreatful attitude, at least i gave you a son.
he snapped,
if not i would have thrown you out of this house! that the reason why i still keep you,
if not i would have married another wife, just like most of my mates did.
please david lower your voice, children might listing to our conversation, specialy easter you know how smart,intelligent and understanding she is! i dont care, if she's listening,
where is she? i need to talk to her about, something very crucial.
she should be in her room studying, final senior secondary school exams, is on monday, she is just wasting her time its worthless training girls in school,like the saying goes women education ends in kitchen.
what use is her education?
little did papa and mama know that i heard everything they said,devastated is simply not enough to explain how bad i feel,i can't really understand why am being treated this way?
its so confusing, father is seriously objecting,opposing and dislike the fact that i love to study, why does papa dislike the fact that i like reading my books?
though am not surprise, he has being like this, he did exactly this way to my two elder sisters, how am going to be exception,
deos it mean that he hate Education?, no it can't be,,because he supported and financed my elder brother,his only son john,to study in one of the prestigious university in the country,
as if given my two elder sisters off to marriage at teenager is not enough,his seriously searching for suitor for my immediate elder sister, noami aswel, for goodness sake she is only 17 years old! she finished her senior secondary 13 months ago.a year older to me,
she wanted to study further but papa refuse to sponsor her any further.
why is papa doing this? why,,
mama always divert the issue when ever i ask her, i can't stop wondering, why he always give special preference to my brother,he always give him whatever he wanted.

I felt continually sick and fed up with mama and papa constant arguement,i think i had developed an almost dismissive air to cover what had become strangling nerves,my mouth and hands dried up at the very mention of suitor and marriage,i can't afford not to fulfil my dream of becoming a gratuate before marriage.
my heart beat harder at the very thought of my dream cutting short just like my two elder sisters,faith and joy.
we must be evil children thats why papa detest our existance,except john, papa favourite son of course.
Esther are you still awake? noami question me,,,, am almost done, will join you soon.

At 10 o'clock pm,i relunctantly turn off the light of my reading table, and head to bed, i have lost my concentration anyway, beside i needed to catch at least 8 hours sleep, for sunday service choir, i feel and sing with lots of energy whenever i had a good sleep, singing and praising God has being a source of joy for me.

bazz cargo
March 24th, 2012, 07:30 PM
Hi Iw,
Interesting domestic scene with a bit of family friction.


I suspect you are esl. and have been studying hard. There is still some work needed on punctuation and grammar, there are lots of on-line resources to help you.

English Grammar 101 - Foreword (http://lessons.englishgrammar101.com/EnglishGrammar101/Foreword.aspx)

for one.

What software are you using to write with?

iykewifey
March 25th, 2012, 01:36 PM
Hi Iw,
Interesting domestic scene with a bit of family friction.


I suspect you are esl. and have been studying hard. There is still some work needed on punctuation and grammar, there are lots of on-line resources to help you.

English Grammar 101 - Foreword (http://lessons.englishgrammar101.com/EnglishGrammar101/Foreword.aspx)

for one.

What software are you using to write with?

Yes I'm esl

ms word

i appreciate the help info.

Olly Buckle
March 25th, 2012, 01:52 PM
You have missed using the shift key all the way through, there are no capital letters. There should be after every full stop question mark and exclamation mark, remember a question mark and an exclamation mark are a full stop with something above it, so you do not need this comma,
just the way i use to like it,!. Also remember people's names and "I" should also be capitalised. I still remember my teacher telling me "You are an important person, you deserve a capital", That goes for girls as well as boys :)

alanmt
March 25th, 2012, 02:42 PM
Here is a bit of it formatted properly:


Papa came back from the family meeting, looking furious. I wonder what could be the matter this time. I know Papa as a mean man, if not wicked. Sometimes I wonder if he is actually my biological father, considering that he takes every opportunity to throw coarse and abusive words at me and my other sisters.

Neither of my two older sisters got to fulfill their ambitions. They are both good in science. They wanted to study further, but father shathered their dreams. He married them off to businessmen, against their wishes.

I just hope that he will not pick a fight and argue with Mama.

"Maryann, bring my food," Father snaps. "Are you deaf? I am starving! Serve my favorite dish at once - bitter leaf and pounded cassava - just the way I used to like it!"

"Yes, Dave, I am almost done. Give me few minutes. Your food will be ready in a minute."

iykewifey
March 25th, 2012, 11:31 PM
You have missed using the shift key all the way through, there are no capital letters. There should be after every full stop question mark and exclamation mark, remember a question mark and an exclamation mark are a full stop with something above it, so you do not need this comma, . Also remember people's names and "I" should also be capitalised. I still remember my teacher telling me "You are an important person, you deserve a capital", That goes for girls as well as boys :)


Thank you so much!:bomb:

iykewifey
March 25th, 2012, 11:33 PM
To say i appreciate it`s understatement

Great job Olly Thank you:angel:

iykewifey
March 26th, 2012, 02:01 PM
Thank you all for you`re constructive critique.

iykewifey
March 26th, 2012, 02:04 PM
You have missed using the shift key all the way through, there are no capital letters. There should be after every full stop question mark and exclamation mark, remember a question mark and an exclamation mark are a full stop with something above it, so you do not need this comma, . Also remember people's names and "I" should also be capitalised. I still remember my teacher telling me "You are an important person, you deserve a capital", That goes for girls as well as boys :)

To say i appreciate it`s understatement

Great job Thank you:angel: