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Meliha
March 18th, 2012, 08:05 AM
This is intended as back cover of my book. Please, be brutally honest… Please!

Revised 'take II': :)

Only the extraordinary long for an ordinary life.

May was born with a photographic memory, open mind and introvert heart. Rest of her character is chiselled by war, loss of her mother, great friends and regretting the desire to know who her father is.

When she meets Harris, a former army officer and witness to various tragedies, who is brave with emotions, May finds ‘Aphrodite’ generous – his strength helps her overcome her greatest weakness.

May’s unique (right or wrong) perspective of the world may have accomplished a change if only it was heard outside café River. But, May chose a far more humble path in life.

Future events lead May out of the civilisation and into the mountains. While the mountains granted a great refuge from people, they could not save her from fate; and fate followed to please and torment.

After a life already lived, May finds her subtotal generally positive, but no more extraordinary than anyone else’s.


Revised:

May writes about the time of her life when she returned from London to her war-torn homeland. She was naïve to think everything is as she left it; devastation of a war erased her from that geographical location, the only place where she could live, so she had to build a new life.

Starting with her Aunt and one friend, May meets new people, some of whom will remain her treasured friends, and one will be the love of her life. Harris, a former army officer and witness to various tragedies, is certain about his emotions and they don’t frighten him. When it came to May, he wastes no time showing her how he feels.

In their small town framed by green hills and mountains, there’s a café on a bank of the river that flows through the valley. May started her lonely journey in the café River, but her loneliness was to be short lived since Harris knew the barman. Benjamin invites May to join him at the bar any time. Their conversations were often related to some social issue or element; whether gender related, economics, religion, science and so on.

By the time May puts pen to paper, times have changed, people view the era of her youth negatively. During her youth, she didn’t think her ideas deserved to be heard outside café River and her circle of friends. Hence, when her life became burdened by the injustice of Harris being wrongly imprisoned and having to watch her daughter grow up without knowing her father (which May had endured herself) May thought nothing about how she stopped talking about the world and left it to live in mountains.
Was May selfish to abandon civilisation or did civilisation abandon her first? Was there anything she could have done differently?

After all the struggles and pain, May’s fate had numerous surprises, some to please her, some to torment her; but, that’s just life.

The world endures a great catastrophe that alters perceptions and May learns that her conversations with Benjamin may not have been a waste.

“Don’t wait to leave your footprint.” – May would say about her book ‘Just Another Life’.


Old version:


“Don’t wait for the future to leave your unique and positive footprint on the world.” – this is what May would say about her book Just Another Life if she believed her ideas were at least as good as her professors claimed. But she never, not for one moment thought her ideas deserve to be heard outside café River and her circle of friends, which often numbered ‘one’ – Benjamin, the barman.

By the time May puts pen to paper, times have changed and people view the era of her youth far more negatively than she ever thought possible. Not that she gave much thought to how the future will see her era; being too busy with life: working, helping others, settling back home after the war and her life in London, making new friends, coping with cultural differences, falling in love, getting married, and then the injustice of her husband being wrongly imprisoned and watching her daughter grow without knowing her father, which was May’s own fate and greatest void she had to endure, May stops even thinking about the problems of the world, stops talking about them and moves away to the mountains where her husband always looked for refuge.

Was May selfish to abandon civilisation or did civilisation abandon her first? Was there anything she could have done differently?

And, after all the struggles and pain, May’s fate had numerous surprises, some to please her, some to destroy her – a person can get away from people, but never from fate.

Just Another Life; because life is precious.

Olly Buckle
March 18th, 2012, 08:50 AM
Mostly I would take out the tautology and superlatives,

1. This is intended as back cover of my book. Please, be brutally honest… Please!


“Don’t wait to leave your footprint.” – May would say about her book ‘Just Another Life’ , or would if she believed her ideas were as good as her professors claimed. But she didn’t think her ideas deserved to be heard outside café River and her circle of friends, which often numbered ‘one’ – Benjamin, the barman.

By the time May puts pen to paper, times have changed, people view the era of her youth negatively. Not that she considered this; being too busy with life: working, helping others, settling back home after the war, living her life in London, making new friends, coping with cultural differences, falling in love, getting married, and then the injustice of her husband being wrongly imprisoned and watching her daughter grow without knowing her father, which May had endured herself. May stops even thinking about the problems of the world, stops talking about them and moves away to the mountains, where her husband looked for refuge.

Was May selfish to abandon civilisation or did civilisation abandon her? What could she have done differently?

After all the struggles and pain, May’s fate had numerous surprises, some to please her, some to destroy her – a person can get away from people, but never from fate.

Just Another Life; because life is precious.


Don't forget details like the ibsn and the price :)

Meliha
March 18th, 2012, 08:58 AM
Thank you so much... Yes, ISBN and price pretty important, but I'm much better with numbers, so I'm not worried about that. :)

May lives in superlative culture, so I can see why all the superlatives; thanks again. I agree, it would be better to tone it down.

What did you think over all about the info.? How would you judge this book?

Limburglar
March 19th, 2012, 05:59 AM
May's life seems very complex, and I admire her optimism.

As a reader, I expect and insist upon a good ending to this story.

Meliha
March 19th, 2012, 08:05 AM
I believe the ending will not disappoint :) Should leave every reader feeling great about life... I'll tell you this much, last word May leaves us is 'happy' :) - I'm not going to tell you how or why or anything more.

Thanks for your comment.

Oh, and May's life is no more complex than most people who've been affected by a war; which in this day and age is a large number. The story starts after the war, so it's about putting a life back together. Yes, there are surprises, one that should shock, others that will (hopefully) make the reader either laugh or cry, but between it all are some conversations about the state of the society and what May thinks of it - she comes from a 'coffee' culture - not in terms of production, only in terms of consumption, so she had time to talk about her views

riverdog
March 19th, 2012, 04:41 PM
Brutally honest?

I'd put it back on the shelf. The first thing I want to know when I pick up a book and skim the back cover is, what is this story about. I read it twice (something I wouldn't do at the store) and still don't know. I don't even know what genre it is. Sci-Fi maybe?

"By the time May puts pen to paper, times have changed and people view the era of her youth far more negatively than she ever thought possible. Not that she gave much thought to how the future will see her era; being too busy with life: working, helping others, settling back home after the war and her life in London, making new friends, coping with cultural differences, falling in love, getting married, and then the injustice of her husband being wrongly imprisoned and watching her daughter grow without knowing her father, which was May’s own fate and greatest void she had to endure, May stops even thinking about the problems of the world, stops talking about them and moves away to the mountains where her husband always looked for refuge."

This sentence has 130 words!! If the book is anything like that I'd go mad with fatigue.

Tell me this, in short, easy to understand sentences:

What is the story about.

Who is the main chararacter and a brief (very brief) summary of her character arch.

Who's the bad guy.

Thats it.

Meliha
March 19th, 2012, 05:48 PM
riverdog, I can not thank you enough. That's really what I wanted, and needed. Right, better to take it from a different perspective. Will do a revised version.

Again, thank you so much for your honesty, I hope you'll check back again when a revise the work, and again give me your honest opinion :)

Oh, and the book is nothing like that. Very easy to read.

Meliha
March 20th, 2012, 08:50 AM
I'll leave a copy of the revised version here as well.

May writes about the time of her life when she returned from London to her war-torn homeland. She was naïve to think everything is as she left it; devastation of a war erased her from that geographical location, the only place where she could live, so she had to build a new life.

Starting with her Aunt and one friend, May meets new people, some of whom will remain her treasured friends, and one will be the love of her life. Harris, a former army officer and witness to various tragedies, is certain about his emotions and they don’t frighten him. When it came to May, he wastes no time showing her how he feels.

In their small town framed by green hills and mountains, there’s a café on a bank of the river that flows through the valley. May started her lonely journey in the café River, but her loneliness was to be short lived since Harris knew the barman. Benjamin invites May to join him at the bar any time. Their conversations were often related to some social issue or element; whether gender related, economics, religion, science and so on.

By the time May puts pen to paper, times have changed, people view the era of her youth negatively. During her youth, she didn’t think her ideas deserved to be heard outside café River and her circle of friends. Hence, when her life became burdened by the injustice of Harris being wrongly imprisoned and having to watch her daughter grow up without knowing her father (which May had endured herself) May thought nothing about how she stopped talking about the world and left it to live in mountains.
Was May selfish to abandon civilisation or did civilisation abandon her first? Was there anything she could have done differently?

After all the struggles and pain, May’s fate had numerous surprises, some to please her, some to torment her; but, that’s just life.

The world endures a great catastrophe that alters perceptions and May learns that her conversations with Benjamin may not have been a waste.

“Don’t wait to leave your footprint.” – May would say about her book ‘Just Another Life’.

Is this better? Worse? Too long? What should I cut out? Please help... Thank you!

Olly Buckle
March 20th, 2012, 09:59 AM
She was naïve to think everything is as she left it; devastation of a war erased her from that geographical location, the only place where she could live, so she had to build a new life.
This is muddled, present and past tenses mixed up, it is the place, not her, that's erased, and if it was the only place where she could live, how could she go and live how could she build a new life?

Meliha
March 20th, 2012, 10:17 AM
Right... How about:

She was naive to imagine she could return to her former life; the war destoryed that. Geographical coordinates were all that remaind for a person who had no other place to go. May had no choice but to build a new life.

Is that better?

Once again, thank you so much for your help. Please feel free to say anything that's on your mind.

riverdog
March 20th, 2012, 01:39 PM
Still way to long. Too much detail. Strip it down to the bare essentials. Try to do the whole thing in five sentences, all 20 words or less.

By my rough count you have about 400 words there. You'll need two covers and no artwork to fit it all in.

iykewifey
March 20th, 2012, 02:34 PM
This apear like a very interesting story,,

my concern is that your back infor can turn people off.

modified it in more brief/eye catching line.

patskywriter
March 20th, 2012, 03:00 PM
Imagine that you're at a meeting filled with writers and book lovers. Each writer is given one minute to describe his or her book to entice the book lovers, who have their money at the ready.

JK Rowling would probably stand and say that her book is about a young boy with magical powers that he wasn't aware of, and his exciting adventures with his two best friends at a mystical school for wizards.

After hearing that, would you follow with, "She was naive to imagine she could return to her former life; the war destroyed that. Geographical coordinates were all that remained for a person who had no other place to go. May had no choice but to build a new life."?

Probably not. Rework it so that readers will be drawn in to the story.

Meliha
March 22nd, 2012, 07:53 AM
1. Thank you all so much - you're my lighthouse on this huge sea. I can not express how much it helps to have some guide posts with this; I know this book so well, I have no idea what to put on the back and what to leave behind. My friends are also no help at all, especially one who said I should put "Must read this book!" :) - crazy people!

2. I couldn't write this in 20 words, I really tried and will continue to try. Right now it's exactly 160 words.

What are your thoughts, please.

Thank you all once again. I'll leave the revised verion on here as well:

Only the extraordinary long for an ordinary life.

May was born with a photographic memory, open mind and introvert heart. Rest of her character is chiselled by war, loss of her mother, great friends and regretting the desire to know who her father is.

When she meets Harris, a former army officer and witness to various tragedies, who is brave with emotions, May finds ‘Aphrodite’ generous – his strength helps her overcome her greatest weakness.

May’s unique (right or wrong) perspective of the world may have accomplished a change if only it was heard outside café River. But, May chose a far more humble path in life.

Future events lead May out of the civilisation and into the mountains. While the mountains granted a great refuge from people, they could not save her from fate; and fate followed to please and torment.

After a life already lived, May finds her subtotal generally positive, but no more extraordinary than anyone else’s.

Meliha
March 30th, 2012, 09:24 AM
In addition to your views about the back cover, could I also as for your views regarding the front cover which is my avatar? Any and all thoughts most welcome.