View Full Version : Creation

March 16th, 2012, 05:13 PM
Part ONE: Goddess

In The beginning there were two:

'Haruh' the star god. Lord of power and destruction, creator of energy and fire.
And 'Ashun'. The life keeper, creator of emotion and beauty.
These two were everything and all;
Husband and Lover.
Father and Mother.
Haruh was addicted to the life energy Ashun radiated. His all-consuming desire was to dominate her utterly.
And in turn Ashun was drawn to the vast emotions Haruh exuded: jealousy, rage, hunger and to his core pure unbound power.
In truth these two supreme beings were perfect opposites of each other and as time passed Ashun felt and emotion well up
inside her being that she had never before experienced.
She named that emotion fear, and before long the fear had evolved to such a degree that she was forced to rename it; 'terror'.
She became to fear the star god. His unpredictable nature and his uncontrollable might, able to crush planets into nothingness.
But above all, she feared that soon the time would come when he would absorb all her energy and destroy her.

In her desperation to escape she sought a planet, a world to shape into her own image.
And yet all planets she visited reminded her of Haruh; Humongous volcanoes erupting with uncontainable power, consuming the entire surface of a world in a firestorm of magma and fire.
She saw stars devouring the planets trying to escape it's embrace. And she despaired.
Then suddenly she found the one thing she had been looking for; a barren rock, a dead planet in the middle of the nothingness of space. It's one companion the small star feeding the world it's energy, trying vainly to wake it from it's eternal slumber. And Ashun fell in love.

In its insignificance, the little star would never warrant the attention of such a mighty being as Haruh.
And as the Goddess settled herself on the planet she realised that as long as the little star would provide her with it's energy she would forever be hidden and protected against the star god's galaxy spanning search for her.
She gave her new home a name and called the planet 'Ashuna' The world of Ashun.
In order to grant life to her new home she channeled all her life energy through the bedrock of the planet and to it's very core where she bonded herself to Ashuna. And they became one.
She became the element that could grant life and she named it 'water'.
The water forced itself upwards from the very center of the world and it emerged from the surface in a torrent of life. First in the form of a river but as it kept growing it became a sea and eventually an ocean. It kept growing until it covered fully half the planet.

It was many years before the first life grew on Ashuna. it began as a small blade of grass and from there on it evolved exponentially, covering the the other half of the planet in a puzzle of interlokking plains, jungles, meadows and forests. That first blade of grass to have ever grown on the planet was to become the mother of all life on the planet as it grew into the biggest tree to have ever existed. It's crown covering fully a fifth of the world's surface. its roots were connected to every single plant from the smallest flower to the most vicious of ivy. And as the tree became fully adult after thousands of years, it grew a conscience and called itself Ashuna.
it looked upon her world and was filled with joy; a planet to call her own just as she had envisioned all those long years before.

Haruh became more enraged by each year he searched the universe for his lover. His rage was so great that he blindingly destroyed all in his path.
Entire star systems were consumed by his rage until it dawned on him that he might never find his opposite again.
So great was his anguish that his mighty roar pulverised half the planets in the galaxy to dust. And in the all consuming silence that followed his cry of despair he faintly heared a sound he had never heard before.
Haruh knew instantly what it was, for it was the perfect opposite to the fire that formed the core of his power. Water.
He knew now were to look for his Goddess and he rejoiced. Before long he would reclaim the one thing he sought dominance over more than anything else.
And he whispered into the void; 'Ashun, I am coming.'

March 18th, 2012, 09:34 PM
Hey, Gravehound - I like what you did with this. I assume this is a prologue for a longer piece...?
I especially like the mood this created when I read it. It's simple, but lets my imagination fly.

However, there are a few things you should consider:

- The word "until" is spelt with only one "l".
- There is a difference between "it's" and "its". "It's" means "it is" and "its" indicates possession.
- You should try to think of synonyms for the words "consume" and "grow"; I noticed them a little too often.
- I'm not sure whether you did this on purpose or unintentionally, but I wouldn't call the planet and the tree "Ashuna". This might lead to some confusion later on in the story, provided that the tree plays an important role, of course.

Otherwise, I can only encourage you to check your spelling, capitalization and punctuation before posting. These kinds of mistakes can really break up the flow of a story. If you have trouble with spelling or grammar you could get a beta reader.

Keep up the good work!


March 18th, 2012, 11:25 PM
*Puts on tin foil hat and goes off to delete latest story.*

March 22nd, 2012, 02:59 PM
Nice prologue....Hope to be reading it's continuation soon. There's a possibility you may have something here, if you are able to incorporate Haruh into the world with the same importance to life (or death) that you have with Ashun.

Nice job

March 23rd, 2012, 03:32 PM
Thanks for the friendly reply Avery,
sorry for the spelling mistakes (English isn't my first language) I'll do my best avoid them from now on.
The tree is called Ashuna because at that time the tree IS the planet, they are connected.
Don't worry, it won't get confusing. (I hope...)

What I am actually trying to do with this story is to create my own mythology. This is just the very very beginning (tip of the iceberg)

Also thnx to the others for the friendly comments
hope to see you guys around.