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Philip Smith
February 2nd, 2012, 07:08 AM
Upstate New York
C‎lear Cut Lumber Camp 17
April 1912

"Come on Gamache, us new guys have never heard the story". a young logger said

Roland Gamache was a fifty two year old French Canadian lumberjack who had worked for the Clear family lumber or mining business for over thirty five years.

"It was close to where we are right now about two miles up there , between the Devil's Mistresses". Gamache said pointing north towards the twin peaks the miners and loggers refered to by that name. Gamache paused more for effect than to refill his tin coffee cup. Sipping he continued.

"Close to two years ago along the Devil's Tongue four loggers, Clear Cut men they were".

" Devil's Tongue why they call it that". a logger interupted.

Gamache pointed to the river running a mere twenty feet away. "See how the river runs between the mountians. He licks between his Mistresses the devil he does. Now you want to hear the story or ask questions". Gamache asked.

"The devil he plays in this area, this is his playground and he played with those men that night". he took a sip of coffee peering over the cup he knew he had there attention now.

He continued "The loggers had been up at camp 20 for about a week, supplies would arrive on the tenth day". he said as he spat into the fire.

bazz cargo
February 2nd, 2012, 10:21 PM
"Come on Gamache, us new guys have never heard the story," a young logger said.

Roland Gamache was a fifty-two year old French-Canadian lumberjack who had worked for the 'Clear family lumber and mining business' for over thirty-five years.

"It was close to where we are right now about two miles up there, between the Devil's Mistresses," said Gamache, pointing north towards the twin peaks the miners and loggers referred to by that name. Gamache paused more for effect than to refill his tin coffee cup. Sipping he continued.

"Close to two years ago along the Devil's Tongue four loggers; Clear Cut men they were".

" Devil's Tongue why they call it that?" a logger interrupted.

Gamache pointed to the river running a mere twenty feet away. "See how the river runs between the mountains. He licks between his Mistresses the devil he does. Now you want to hear the story or ask questions?" Gamache asked.
"The devil he plays in this area, this is his playground and he played with those men that night." He took a sip of coffee, peering over the cup he knew he had there attention now.

He continued, "The loggers had been up at camp 20 for about a week, supplies would arrive on the tenth day," he said as he spat into the fire.

And?
Well what happens next?

jamie's
February 5th, 2012, 03:41 PM
Upstate New York
C‎lear Cut Lumber Camp 17
April 1912

"Come on Gamache, us new guys have never heard the story". a young logger said

Roland Gamache was a fifty two year old French Canadian lumberjack who had worked for the Clear family lumber or mining business for over thirty five years.

"It was close to where we are right now about two miles up there , between the Devil's Mistresses". Gamache said pointing north towards the twin peaks the miners and loggers refered to by that name. Gamache paused more for effect than to refill his tin coffee cup. Sipping he continued.

"Close to two years ago along the Devil's Tongue four loggers, Clear Cut men they were".

" Devil's Tongue why they call it that". a logger interupted.

Gamache pointed to the river running a mere twenty feet away. "See how the river runs between the mountians. He licks between his Mistresses the devil he does. Now you want to hear the story or ask questions". Gamache asked.

"The devil he plays in this area, this is his playground and he played with those men that night". he took a sip of coffee peering over the cup he knew he had there attention now.

He continued "The loggers had been up at camp 20 for about a week, supplies would arrive on the tenth day". he said as he spat into the fire.



A ''nice'', rustic style and content. Like it.

Canis
February 8th, 2012, 10:30 PM
I'd like to know what happens next, nice thus far though. I did notice a few grammatical errors, mostly omitted commas, but others as well.

Roland Gamache was a fifty two year old French Canadian lumberjack who had worked for the Clear family lumber or mining business for over thirty five years. I would change this to: "Clear Family Lumber and Mining." This makes more sense to me as the company in question does both mining and lumber, rather than one or the other.

"It was close to where we are right now, about two miles up there, between the Devil's Mistresses". Gamache said, pointing north towards the twin peaks the miners and loggers refered to by that name. Gamache paused, more for effect than to refill his tin coffee cup. Sipping, he continued. I added the missing commas in and made them bold so they are easier to see. Lastly, delete the extra space after "...up there...."

"Close to two years ago, along the Devil's Tongue, four loggers, Clear Cut men they were...."

"Devil's Tongue?" A young logger interrupted, "Why they call it that?"

Gamache pointed to the river running a mere twenty feet away. "See how the river runs between the mountains? He licks between his Mistresses, the devil he does. Now, you want to hear the story or ask questions?" Gamache asked.

"The devil plays in this area, this is his playground, and he played with those men that night." He took a sip of coffee, peering over the cup; he knew he had there attention now. "The loggers had been up at camp 20 for about a week, supplies would arrive on the tenth day," he said as he spat into the fire.


I just went ahead and showed all my edits in bold. Take a closer look at where I changed whole sentences to help with the flow of the story. Cheers

Philip Smith
February 8th, 2012, 10:36 PM
Thanks a bunch Canis

Shorty Dawkins
February 21st, 2012, 10:53 PM
Interesting start. I like the simplicity of it. Makes me wonder where it is headed.
Yes, there are grammatical errors that could stand correcting, but the idea is there. Let's see what develops.

Shorty Dawkins

Isabelle_Cooper
February 22nd, 2012, 02:22 PM
I like it. I want to know what happened to the loggers.

"It was close to where we are right now about two miles up there , between the Devil's Mistresses". Gamache said pointing north towards the twin peaks the miners and loggers refered to by that name.

Could you cut that sentence short and end with peaks? It doesn't seem like a big jump for the reader to assume that's what they call it, and it kind of takes me out of the world to have it explained...but that could just be me. Just something to consider.

writingismylife<3
February 23rd, 2012, 01:43 AM
Simple I'm not sure what to say about your writing style because of the length of the piece you posted, but I did enjoy your writing. I rather you post more before I critique it.

Philip Smith
February 23rd, 2012, 02:42 AM
Soon there will be more. Thanks for your input.

Philip Smith
February 23rd, 2012, 02:43 AM
What you said made sense. It would be better to cut it off. Thanks